


Kittens Wrapped in Cement

by find_nowhere



Category: Hellcats
Genre: Cheerleaders, F/F, Plot, lesbian cheerleaders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-29
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-01-06 13:48:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 54
Words: 104,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1107589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/find_nowhere/pseuds/find_nowhere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written from Marti's POV as she tries to deal with unexpected feelings and a lot of bad decisions, then makes more bad decisions, and drinks a lot of whiskey.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a reposting from fanfiction.net for any fine folks that may not frequent that website these days. I figured there might be a few people here interested in this awful, rightfully-cancelled show. The story has the same title on ff.net and I'm the same author, I swear. But I'll be doing some edits and hopefully catching more typos for you grown-ups on AO3.
> 
> For a long time the story progresses alongside the show and I'll note episodes that are applicable. I got fed up with the show and then everything went AU after a while, which I'll also note. Then the show was cancelled and somehow this fanfiction has gone on and on and may never end.
> 
> Rated for language, excessive alcohol consumption, sexytimes, and mild violence.
> 
> The first few chapters fall a little while after episode 12 and getting into episode 13, so after Sectionals, but before Alice and Marti break into Marsh's office.

 

 

> _You can't stain their pretty shoes,_  
>  _And pompoms and cherry blondes,_  
>  _And the kittens still wrapped in cement._
> 
> "Butterfly" by Tori Amos

 

 

> _You have stuck her kittens outside your window  
>  In a sort of cement well._
> 
> "Lesbos" by Sylvia Plath

* * *

 

Bolting upright in bed, I blinked in the darkness. My eyes adjusted and I glanced to my left. Savannah still slept soundly - thank God. I didn't want to deal with her trying to pry the details of my nightmares out of me...not nightmares so much, just dreams. Weird. Fucking. Dreams. Fucking dreams, literally. I couldn't tell her what they were about. I'm such a liar...well, more of a with-holder, less a liar, I guess. I let out a sigh of relief and wiped a bead of sweat from my forehead. I wouldn't be sleeping any more tonight, so I crept quietly from the room, through the common area and into the kitchen to start a pot of coffee.

3:46am. Jesus. I'd drink a cup or two of coffee and go workout. I'd be out of Cheertown before anyone else woke up. I had a packed day ahead with class and visiting prison. I hit the light switch and began executing my plan quietly.

I rapped my fingers on the countertop. The dreams started out about Lewis and Dan. Dan and all of his fucking feelings, and Lewis and all of his morals. After we got back from sectionals, the dreams got...weirder. Lewis and Dan and…Savannah? I mean, Savannah was always sort of there because of Dan, but everything just kept coming back to her. It would circle right back and end with her. With us.

Lewis was just my base, but at least he was speaking to me. Dan Patch, on the other hand, still hadn't returned any of my calls - this shit was just like in high school. We did something stupid and he disappeared, and there went my best friend. Again. The second time. Boyfriends come and go and so do friends, apparently. It wasn't so bad the second time around. I figured he'd come back and we'd pretend it didn't happen and go back to being friends again. He'd realize he was being an emotional woman about it and get over it. Savannah was the only person to completely forgive me. Playing Uno with her on the bus ride back to Memphis took a huge weight off my shoulders. We'd even worked back up to hugging.

I slammed my palm into my forehead - I had skipped lawyering for  _her_. I had never put my career second to any boy, not Dan, not anyone. Now Dan was gone again and this time because I picked her over him with his stupid ultimatum. Now I had no one to talk to about  _her_  because  _he_ was gone. I couldn't talk to Lewis...couldn't talk to Alice...not any of the bobbleheads...definitely couldn't talk to Wanda. Not Morgan either, and there was no one else in my life. Fuck. It was a mess.

The coffee finished percolating and I poured myself a cup.

Savannah actually  _wanted_  me to talk to her. She cared and she bugged the shit out of me when I woke her up in the middle of the night. Then she stayed up with me, which really didn't help any of the weird boiling feelings I kept having. I couldn't talk to her. No way in hell. I word-vomited everywhere and told her about Dan and I – that turned into a shitshow with me being miserable. I could've kept that to myself, but I felt so terrible, so fucking guilty. I don't know why everyone was so mad at me. It's not my fault that her boyfriend decided he was in love with me out of the blue. I told everyone, including him, that I didn't like him as more than a friend, not anymore. I liked him when I was sixteen because I had hormones and everyone is a dumbass in high school. The only thing I was guilty of was getting drunk in my car with him and proceeding to be a skank because he was a boy and he was there, and...

"What are you doing up?"

Epic rambling thoughts: interrupted. Thankfully. I looked over my shoulder at Alice, "Can't sleep. What're you doing?"

"Jake's being unappreciative again, so I left. I have no plans to reward his negative behavior. Did you not hear me come in?"

I shook my head.

She shrugged, "Hm. Whatever."

Then she disappeared down the hall into the darkness. I was glad Alice didn't ask a lot of questions.


	2. Chapter 2

Nothing like working out until you think your limbs are going to fall off to clear your mind! After a frigid shower, I collected my books and myself and headed for the law building on my bike. I wasn't going to be late today, not for a single class. That was the only upside to these dreams I was having. They got my day started nice and early, and I was off to campus in a timely manner.

"So..." My three-strikes project partner, the lovely Morgan Pepper, said and leaned in closer to me at the end of Julian's class.

I looked at him out of the corner of my eye, "What, Morgan?"

Before he could say anything awkward, Mr. Parrish stepped up with his hands in his pockets, "Want to arrange a meeting this week? Talk about what you've found? Compile our notes and the like?"

"Sounds good to me," I responded.

"Thursday evening work for you two? 6pm. Library. I'll bring coffee."

"Superb," Morgan responded with some repulsive exhuberance.

I nodded, "Excellent."

"Travis told me your mother brought him cookies," my teacher said next, catching me off guard.

"She did what?" I glared at no one in particular, imagining Wanda standing somewhere behind Julian. Then I looked at Morgan, knowing he was somehow behind this, "Why did my mother visit Travis?"

He sat up straight. I saw Julian smirking, amused by the exchange. Morgan raised his eyebrows and said seriously, "I had a date, and I couldn't make it."

"You did not." I didn't believe him, not even for a second.

"I did. I had your lovely mother take your guitar to prison, since Travis was expecting it and all."

"You asked my mother?"

"No, she offered. I merely asked her to hold onto your guitar."

"You weren't going to tell me this? Wait...you were just going to bail on Travis?"

"You didn't ask. Are you jealous that I had a date?"

"Thusday. 6pm." Julian apparently lost interest and walked back to his desk.

"No. I don't even think you  _had_  a date. You're unbelievable," I told him and nodded to Professor Parrish, acknowledging him.

Morgan picked up his books and his computer bag, "This sexual tension is going to ruin our academic relationship if we don't address it soon."

I didn't even know what to say, and I let him walk from the classroom. I looked at Julian and back at the door the eased shut behind Morgan. I pointed, "Did you-"

"Yes, Miss Perkins. I just witnessed that entire thing," he said from behind his desk, "You didn't get the last word."

"Because he left so quickly!" I protested.

"No, because you sat there with your mouth hanging open," he tapped his pen on his desk. "Have your mother bring me some cookies. I hear they're quite good."

"I...just...no."

"You don't seem yourself today. You aren't quite as sharp as usual. Are you tired? Have you finally eliminated sleeping because you've stretched yourself so thin? I know you haven't cut out showering." He chuckled just slightly, proud of his own clever remarks.

I left without another word. I'd let them both win, but only this once.

...

I snuck back into Cheertown to grab my guitar. It was quiet. It looked like everyone was either in class, off working out, or doing something other than lurking around the dorm. Regardless, I didn't want to see anyone. I still snuck down the hallway and opened the door to my room slowly and cautiously. When I made sure the coast was clear, I threw my bag onto my bed and snatched my guitar from the corner. I poked my head out and didn't hear any new sounds, so I crept back to the front door.

When I reached for the knob the door swung open and my heart sank. People.

Darwin, Frankie, and Alice stood on the other side of the threshold in front of me.

We all stood and looked at one another for several seconds. I guess I was the one making it awkward. To recover I slapped on a smile and said, "Going to prison, be back for practice."

Fucking practice.

I moved between Darwin and Frankie as fast as I could and realized that they didn't care nor have a need to know where I was going. It wasn't like we were friends. It didn't matter. I really  _was_  the one making everything awkward. If I was even making it awkward. Everything was just awkward for me. I was fucking awkward. This whole day was shit. Every day after I woke up from those ridiculous dreams turned out to be shit. For one, I was fucking exhausted. I had to drink coffee every hour or I'd crash, and then I had to pee constantly, which is always plain inconvenient.

They're just stupid fucking dreams - I kept trying to tell myself that at least. I also told myself that I kept having them because I was thinking about them constantly like an idiot.

I don't know why I was trying so hard to avoid all of the Hellcats when it was only my roommate that was really bothering me. "Bothering" wasn't really the correct word though. I just didn't want anyone to ask what was wrong. I didn't have the energy to lie, and I couldn't tell anyone because that would be a disaster. I don't know what made me think anyone would even notice anything was wrong. Who was I kidding? The whole bunch of bobbleheads were more concerned with themselves - too concerned to notice that I was freaking out about nothing.

...

"Why don't you bring your mom along with you?" Travis asked. "I prefer her to your sidekick from Julian's class."

"Wanda? No." I crossed my arms subbornly and shot him a glare.

"I don't see why not."

"Play the guitar, Travis."

He smiled and picked it up from the case, "You have a lot in common with her."

"Don't ever say that."

He shrugged and attached the capo to the third fret. He strummed a few times then stopped and said, "Something bothering you?"

I made a face, shook my head, and responded with, "Nope, just tired."

He strummed again, "Not sleeping or not sleeping well?"

"Both."

"You work too hard, kid."

"Says the man in prison," I retorted.

"Hey. Keep that up and I'd rather your mom come instead of you." He shook his pointer finger at me as a joking reprimand.

"Play the guitar."

He smiled again. I had to admit that he did seem a bit more chipper...as chipper as a man could be who was in prison for a crime he didn't commit. I could only imagine what Wanda did while she was here. I wanted to kill Morgan. I wanted to kill Morgan almost all the time, but now I particularly wanted to strangle him.

Tracvs stopped playing abruptly and eyed me across the table, "Are you having boy problems?"

I raised an eyebrow, "No."

That was a lie. Dan Fucking Patch. Lewis Fucking Flynn. They both caused problems and they were both boys.

Satisfied, Travis went back to the guitar.


	3. Chapter 3

Vanessa paced on the lawn, hands on her hips. "Come on, ladies! You can keep up with the boys!" She fiddled with her whistle, "One more lap!"

I had already run three miles on a treadmill this morning, so two miles at practice was nothing, although it was a little cold. It went from being pleasant autumn to cold autumn so quickly, but it didn't bother me. The good thing about running too was that no one would talk to me. I stayed toward the front, but behind the boys and Alice. I could have outrun the boys had I really wanted to. We were coming around for the last lap when I heard someone's footsteps gaining on me. I kept my eyes ahead, and thought only about my breathing and the weather.

"Hey!" Savannah said from just behind me, "Hey, Marti!"

I didn't respond and just kept moving around the track.

"Hey, I haven't seen you all day." She sounded abnormally chipper. Well...abnormally chipper for normal people, perfectly normal for Savannah.

We rounded the final bend and she began running beside me. I pretended not to hear her.

"Marti!"

I slowed down to a brisk walk for a few feet and could ignore her no more, "Oh, hey."

"I haven't seen you all day. You were gone when I woke up."

"Yeah, I know." I stopped and made my way toward Vanessa, having no desire to engage in this conversation with her.

Savannah followed, "Did you have, you know..." she lowered her voice, "One of those dreams again?"

"No. I just had a lot to do today," I lied, but it was only a little lie.

Before more words could be exchanged and lies told, Vanessa shouted, "Alright Hellcats, inside! We're going to work on that new routine for Nationals!"

I wiped sweat from my forehead with my arm and started to pull off my sweatshirt as we made our way inside and to the mats. Savannah still followed me. She didn't say anything, but I felt like she was watching me. Did she know I lied? Was she waiting for me to confess? Or could I chalk everything up to my own paranoia?

Then it came.

She ran up in front of me and blocked my path, forcing me to stop, "Marti, are you mad?"

"Why would I be mad?" I asked and tossed my sweatshirt onto the bleachers, along with some others. I tried to make a face at her like she was being completely ridiculous then I passed around her and started to stretch.

"I don't know. You just seem mad. Did I do something wrong?"

I laughed a little, "No, you didn't do anything wrong. I'm not mad."

"Savannah, Marti, over here. Save the chit-chat for later. It's not like you don't live together," our coach reprimanded.

She sighed, slapped on a huge smile, and pranced over to the rest of the team. I followed with less enthusiasm.

Practice was uneventful. We worked on the first half of our new routine, and Savannah kept yelling at me because "my head wasn't in it," like she does. She's the best at being passive-aggressive, but she was right this time. My head wasn't in it today at all. Waking up in the middle of the night and running on only a few hours of sleep will do that to you. All I could think about was crashing into my bed as soon as I got back to Cheertown, and hoping that I would have a dreamless sleep. Then she made me run a lap around the gym before Vanessa told us all to call it quits for the day and forced some extra burpees on me. My mind went straight back to my intense urge to sleep as soon as we were free to go.

I grabbed my sweatshirt and went for the water fountain without saying anything to anyone, but before I could get away Vanessa grabbed me.

She spoke softly and kindly. She was like Tyra Banks Lite and I felt like I was on a show called _Lancer's Next Top Hellcat_ instead of _America's Next Top Model_. "Marti," she began, "I thought you and Savannah had worked out whatever happened between you two..."

"We did, it's fine. My head just wasn't in it today. She was right to single me out. I'm feeling sort of burnt out is all." My words came out so smoothly and honestly it was as if I'd rehearsed them for this very moment.

She inhaled deeply and pursed her lips, looking me over for a moment. I think she had resigned herself that none of us were ever really going to talk to her, but she tried every now and again due to some lingering hope, and out of obligation as our coach. "Alright."

I wanted to get out of there as fast as I could. I wanted to shower and curl up under my damn coverlet. Unfortunately, when I rounded the corner there was Savannah, waiting for me. She latched onto my arm, linking us at the elbow, "I'm sorry about that in there. It was nothing personal."

"I know," I said flatly.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm just exhausted. I've had a long day."

"I didn't hear your alarm go off...are you sure you didn't have one of your dreams?"

"I'm sure. You were just dead asleep when I got up."

"Maybe you should talk to someone about those dreams. You might just need to talk through it. Not with me, of course because of Dan and all, but I'm just saying. It might help."

"No, it isn't that," I lied again. "It's just school and cheering and school. Mostly school. I need to keep up with my work."

She frowned, but then lit back up again, "Do you wanna go out for a drink after we shower? Let off some steam."

"No, I'm really tired. I just want to sleep, Savannah. Raincheck?"

Her expression turned again into a frown, "Ok..." Pulling away from me and scampering ahead she said, "I'll go see if anyone else wants to. I bet Alice will. We haven't properly celebrated making it to Nationals yet."

"It's Tuesday," I reminded her as if it mattered.

She shrugged and turned away from me.

What was that? Was she trying to make me jealous with Alice? That thought crossing my mind at all made me realize how tired I actually was. I also didn't feel like dealing with my mom after the long ass day I'd had. I knew she wanted to go to The Rat because it was right across the street. We always went there, and Wanda gave us sweet deals, but I just didn't feel like it. I really had no desire to go get drinks for once.

After I showered, I watched quietly from my locker as she joined everyone else and they left me lagging behind. It further cemented in my mind that I wasn't actually part of the team. As I looked at Savannah it was like she didn't have a care in the world. She didn't worry about school at all. She didn't even had a fucking back-up plan for if her delusional professional cheerleading career didn't work out. Shit, I didn't have a back-up plan either if law school fell through. I was just going to make damn sure that it didn't.

Savannah glanced over her shoulder and smiled at me on her way out. It was like an "it's cool if you change your mind and want to come out" smile. I thought briefly about the last time we went out for drinks - she got sloppy and flirty with strangers...I groaned. If I wasn't sleeping, I should probably be doing school work, but I'd fucking go out. I'd go out with everyone else and it would like some pathetic attempt to fit in, but that wasn't what it would be at all.


	4. Chapter 4

The Rat was pretty packed, thanks to the Tuesday night drink specials. I found a spot at the bar and ordered a beer, rather than immediately joining the rest of the Hellcats. Wanda gravitated to me within seconds.

"What're all the Hellcats doin' out on a Tuesday night?" Her southern drawl grated on my nerves. It had been a deliberate effort throughout my childhood to make my accent as neutral as possible. I don't know if I was rebelling against my mother or against the whole of southern culture anymore. I guess it didn't really matter.

I answered, "Apparently celebrating making it to Nationals. I thought we'd all go out Fri-"

"You made it to Nationals! Why didn't you tell me?" She interrupted.

"Why didn't you tell me you visited Travis?" I asked her smartly.

"Well now, that's not important." Her attention shifted and she announced to the other bartender, "One round of drinks on the house for the Hellcats!"

A bunch of the team let out a victorious shout. They all loved my mom. Soon enough Wanda went around carrying a tray of hurricanes for the girls and pints of beer for the boys. I watched as everyone began double-fisting their free drinks with the drinks they already had. She brought my drink to me last. I would have preferred another beer or a glass of whiskey, but I took the girly drink and nodded politely.

My mom went back behind the bar and I watched everyone else from a distance. They played pool and laughed, and I just sat at the bar with my two drinks. I sat my beer down and sipped my hurricane, which was at least pretty strong, and I thought would help me to forget about those dreams. Maybe it would help me pass the fuck out as soon as I made it back to my bed.

"Why aren't you over there havin' fun with everyone, Marti?" Wanda asked, approaching me again to my dismay.

"I'm tired. I'm probably actually going to head back soon. I just didn't want to seem completely unsocial."

She eyed me suspiciously then asked, "You heard from Dan?"

I shook my head.

"That Dan Patch. He's scared of every damn thing. What exactly happened anyway?"

I took a big gulp of the red drink, "I don't really know."

"Savannah seems to be doin' ok…first boyfriend and all, I'm surprised she's takin' it so well."

"Yeah, she's surprisingly resilient."

"What about you? You ok?"

"I'm fine, Mom," I insisted and I was. Mostly. Just being plagued by an awkward subconscious.

"Sometimes I think you overextend yourself. You work too hard."

"Now you sound like Travis…" My voice trailed off, "Speaking of which-"

"Now don't give me a hard time, Marti. Morgan was just going to abandon him and I figured he was lookin' forward to playin' guitar all week, so I took him your guitar. That's all."

"And some cookies," I added.

"Yes. I figured a man in prison could use some cookies. They don't have cookies in prison, you know. Not good ones."

"Whatever, Mom."

"You're not gonna thank me?"

"Thanks, Mom," I said, annoyed.

"Get on over there and play with your friends," she said and motioned to shoo me away.

I just stared at her, trying to be mad, but mostly being tired. "After I finish this drink," I raised the hurricane. "I don't want to carry two drinks around. Don't you have work to do anyway?"

"I'm servin' people drinks, aren't I?" She scoffed and walked to the other end of the bar.

Grumbling to myself, I tried to finish the hurricane as quick as I could manage. The sickly sweetness made my mouth feel gross. I planned only to move to a table away from the bar and away from Wanda where I could still see everyone. I didn't want them to leave without me or for Savannah's dumb ass to get shitfaced and taken advantage of. She clearly couldn't handle her booze, and no one else on the squad seemed to actually give a shit. Why did I give a shit? I should just let her learn her lesson. No, no…that's fucked up. I rubbed my temples, and kept drinking. I was being a total creeper and I wanted to kick myself.

I toyed with the idea of leaving, but of course I didn't. I sat and watched everyone else have a good time. No one even spoke to me. Everyone was still a little pissed about the whole me hooking up with Dan while he was dating Savannah thing, even if she had forgiven me. She was abnormally forgiving – probably the most forgiving person I'd ever met. Jesus, she was weird.

I watched her dancing with Lewis, laughing, holding both of her drinks. She looked in my direction and I looked down quickly, so not to draw attention to the fact that I was staring at her.

"Marti!" Before I knew it, she was standing next to me, "You didn't have to come out…you do look really exhausted."

I smiled and took the hurricane from her, "You should let me drink this."

She tried to grab it back, but I pulled it just out of her reach, "I'm not going to go out to a random dude's truck, now give me back my drink."

"Savannah…"

Her brow furrowed, but she wasn't convincingly argry as she said, "You don't have to take care of me."

"I'm not. Here." I handed it back and shrugged.

"You have a pathological need to take care of people, Marti."

I looked at her for a minute before saying, "What?"

"You do."

"No, I don't."

"Ok. You can keep telling yourself that, but I think you should come over and hang out with the rest of us."

"How drunk are you? You've only been here for, like, thirty minutes."

"I'm not. Now come with me." She grabbed my hand and I chugged the rest of my hurricane and then sat the glass on the bar top with just enough time to grab my beer bottle before she jerked me off of my bar stool.

"Savannah, your drink." I nodded back to where she left it.

"Oh, yeah!" She let me go and grabbed the half full glass, which she drank in the same fashion that I drank my hurricane. I think it was a screwdriver, but hell if I know - she drank it so quickly.

"Savannah…"

"Don't be condescending."

"I'm not!" I put up my hands in surrender. I was being condescending and I was being really damn patronizing.

"I'll buy you a drink," she spun around in a blur and went straight for Wanda. "Miss Perkins!" She flailed an arm, "Marti needs another drink! Put it on my tab!"

I stood on my tiptoes to see over the other people and I shook my head fervently at my mother. I already had a drink that was not finished and was rapidly getting warm.

"You got it, honey! I'll surprise her with somethin' tasty!"

"Jesus Christ!" I groaned and gave up. They were both impossible.

Savannah shot me an appalled look at my outburst, but she smiled it away and latched onto me yet again. She dragged me over to everyone else. She said, "Look who came out after all!"

No one really cared. Reluctantly taking a seat at the table with Alice, I attempted to drink my beer – the only drink I actually wanted this entire evening. Alice twirled her hair around her finger and grinned mischievously.

"What?" I questioned.

She smiled, "So how does it feel to have two boys and then have none?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Marti!" Savannah called, "Come dance with me!"

I didn't move.

Alice chuckled, "Are you being no fun on principle? Punishing yourself for being a huge skank, or are you just no fun in general?"

"I'm not-"

"Don't be ashamed of it. Embrace it. And remember, naked pictures of you haven't circulated the school yet, so I will always be skankier than you."

"Thanks, Alice?" It was a backhanded compliment, but a compliment was a compliment, especially coming from Alice.

"Marti!" Savannah pleaded.

"After I finish this," I held up my beer, having zero intention of actually getting up.

"Here you go, Marti." Wanda sat what looked like a raspberry mojito down on the table in front of me.

I started to protest, "I really don't-"

"Oh hush, you didn't even pay for it." She walked away before I could put up any sort of reasonable argument.

"Got another boy buying you drinks?" Alice asked, curiously.

"No, just Savannah."

She laughed loudly, "That's even better."

"What? Why?"

She shrugged, "You stole her boyfriend and she's buying you a drink."

"I didn't steal Dan. It's not my fault he decided he liked me out of nowhere."

"It's never our fault that boys like us, is it?"

"Here, you want it?" I pushed the muddled reddish drink toward her.

"No, no. It would hurt Miss Bible Camp's feelings if you didn't drink it."

"I don't want all of these drinks. I'd rather not have a hangover for class tomorrow."

"Class," she scoffed. "Alright, you've convinced me. I don't want this to go to waste. It's impolite to turn down a free drink." She latched onto it and took a sip, "Damn, this is strong. You mom and Savannah are teaming up to get you drunk. I wonder what they're planning."

I sighed. People thought my mom was a cool mom, but Wanda was not a cool mom. She drove me absolutely insane. I told myself sometimes that she had good intentions, but that made her the head of construction on the road to Hell. Savannah had graduated on to another drink, and I wondered how long she'd end up staying. I finished off my beer and checked the time. It was only eight. I felt lame and ordered another beer but then went ahead and paid my tab. I just wanted to bide my time until Savannah left then I'd walk with her back to make sure she wasn't picked up from the street corner.

Savannah approached me again, "Are you done with your beer yet?" She whined, "Come dance with me."

"Nope, not done. I'm taking it slow."

She pouted and didn't even realize that it was actually my second one. I saw Alice smirking as Savannah gave up and walked away.

"Why did you even bother coming out?" She asked. "You're being a downer."

"I don't know." I felt like that was almost an honest answer. "Why are  _you_  sitting here and not having any fun?"

"I'm having plenty of fun and waiting on Jake and then I'm out of here."

"Aren't you mad at him?"

"No, not anymore. That was last night."

I nodded. I guess that was acceptable.

Jake came and he and Alice left, then I sat alone at the little table. Savannah ordered another drink while I still nursed my beer. Darwin left with some scrawny boy and Lewis looked distressed knowing he would have to sleep on the couch tonight. That, in turn, distressed me because I would have to be extra quiet sneaking out of Cheertown if I woke up before dawn again.

Wanda snuck up behind me, "You want another drink?"

"No."

"C'mon look at how much fun everyone is having except you."

"Don't peer pressure me, Mom. You're not even my peer."

She put her hands on her hips and muttered, "I don't know how you turned out to be such a party pooper."

"Thanks, Mom. Thanks a lot." I got up and left the empty bottle on the table and weaved through the people until I found Savannah.

"Hey, roomie!" She exclaimed upon noticing me and she put her arm around my shoulders.

"I'm heading back. I'm really tired." I told her, "I seriously can't make it any longer."

She looked overwhelmingly disappointed, but didn't try to convince me to stick around.

On my way out, I grabbed Lewis, "Keep an eye on Savannah and make sure she makes it back alright, ok?"

"Yeah. No worries. She hasn't even been talking to any strangers tonight." He paused, "You leaving already?"

"Yeah, I'm super tired."

"Oh…" He seemed disappointed too. I didn't know why.

I felt minimally guilty leaving. I suppose I trusted Lewis to not let Savannah be raped or murdered, or any combination thereof. I couldn't stop thinking of it the whole walk back. When I got to Cheertown it was mostly quiet. I heard the TV from Darwin and Lewis' room and a few lights were on. I pulled out my phone and thought about calling stupid Dan Patch one more time, but instead I just sat it on the nightstand, and I left a small lamp on for Savannah, so that she wouldn't die trying to get into her bed.

My eyes hurt I was so fucking tired. I thought I'd fall asleep immediately, but instead I just lay there, rolling over every few minutes, trying to clear my mind and hopefully pass out. I felt like I was back in high school when I had that stupid crush on Dan…idiotic fixation, hormonal feelings and shit. I almost wanted to get up and write a shitty poem, but I resisted the urge and kept my eyes tightly shut. I didn't make any sense.


	5. Chapter 5

I'm not sure what time it was, but at some point I stirred because I heard the door latch click out of place. I'm not sure if I'd actually been asleep. If I had it wasn't a very deep sleep at all. I opened my eyes just a sliver and saw the crack of light from the door widen. Savannah shuffled in and then the crack disappeared, so that it was dark again, except the dim lamp I had turned on. She didn't bother undressing and just collapsed onto her bed. She didn't even bother turning down the coverlet and sheets, nor did she get into her bed correctly. She flopped down perpendicular on the mattress.

I pretended to be asleep, but I soon heard a faint whisper, "Marti, are you awake?"

Not responding, I held still.

Again a little louder, "Marti, are you awake?"

"I am now," I said and opened my eyes, giving in.

"I'm sorry about Dan."

"Huh?"

"I'm sorry he isn't talking to you."

She didn't have anything to be sorry about, so I said, "I'm sorry he broke up with you."

She smiled, "It's ok. I'd rather have you than some smelly boyfriend anyway."

"Goodnight, Savannah," I said quickly and rolled over.

She rustled around for a few seconds. I assumed she was actually getting into her bed properly. I assumed quite wrong...

The next thing I knew she had taken a seat next to me. "Marti?"

"Yeah?" I answered with no enthusiasm, still facing away.

"Do you think you might actually like Dan?"

"No, I don't like Dan," I snapped.

"Are you just denying it because of me or whatever?"

"No."

"Do you still like Lewis?"

"Lewis was fun, but no."

She paused, "So what do you think your dreams are about? I mean, if you keep having them over and over, it must be something, right? I didn't pay much attention in my psychology class..."

I never should have mentioned them to her. I regretted it now very much. "I don't know. Dreams are nothing most of the time."

"Well...they have to be something that's at least sort of on your mind, right?"

"I don't know. Why are we playing twenty questions? Don't you have class in the morning?"

"Not until 11."

I buried my face in my pillow, "I have class at 8, so can we please go to sleep?"

"Fine." She sounded angry and got up.

Immediately flooded with regret I rolled back over to look in her direction, "Savannah, I'm sorry. I'm just tired. We'll talk tomorrow, ok? Assuming when you're sober you still want to talk about this ridiculous crap."

"Ok!" She didn't seem mad anymore - that quickly. She floundered around on her bed before making it to the other side and going into her closet. I laughed a little at her not simply walking around, but then she started to get undressed.

"Can you turn out the lamp when you're done, please? I left it on so you wouldn't trip over anything." I closed my eyes tightly.

"You're so thoughtful sometimes," she said softly.

Yeah, yeah. All at once the only thing I could think about was touching her, so I rolled back over yet again. The weirdest thing about it was that my compulsions were somehow innocent. I just wanted simple physical contact with her. A hug would have satisfied the inexplicable urge, I think. 

I listened to her closet close and heard her get into her bed. The light clicked off, and then she said, "Marti?"

"What?" My tone sounded a bit more annoyed than I'd intended.

"I'm sorry I was mad at you."

"It's over, Savannah. It doesn't matter. Can we please just go to sleep?"

Silence. Finally. She must've fallen asleep, or so I thought.

"Marti? Are you still awake?"

Wrong again. I responded, "Yep."

"If Dan came back and wanted to be my boyfriend again, is it stupid that I would say yes?"

What the fuck was I supposed to say to that? There was no correct answer. "Whatever makes you happy, Sav."

"What if-?"

"Are you even going to remember this conversation tomorrow?" I asked. "Because I don't think you are, and if you do, you're going to be embarrassed."

"I don't know."

"How drunk are you in a scale of one to ten?"

She thought for a moment, "Maybe a seven?"

"Go get a glass of water, drink it, and go to sleep. Please."

"I really like you, you know..." She said as she started out of the room.

I sighed slightly, "I like you too, Savannah."

She left the room and came back a moment later, closing the door behind her once again. To my dismay, she came and sat on my bed again. "Are you asleep yet?"

"Nope." I rolled over onto my back and looked at her. She had put on a t-shirt and pair of cheer shorts, and she held her glass of water in both hands. She didn't look at me and instead appeared to be gazing into the water in the cup. "What is it now?" I asked her.

"I'm sorry for keeping you awake. It's just that I keep thinking..." Her voice trailed off and I could tell she wanted me to ask. She didn't want to just be out with it and tell me what was bothering her.

"Keep thinking what?" I propped myself up on my elbows. She had something on her mind and unlike me, she really wanted to talk about. I couldn't find it in me to deny her this stupid fucking feeling sharing bullshit.

She ran one of her fingers around the rim of the glass, "Am I hot?"

"Excuse me?"

"Am I hot?"

"Yeah." I answered without hesitation. Everyone would agree.

"Boys don't seem to like me...except Noah, and then Dan, who I don't even think really liked me that much, and the sleazy MC guy who definitely didn't actually like me..."

I gave her a playful jab in the shoulder, "Boys are just intimidated by how hot you are."

"Or they think I'm slutty..."

"No."

"But boys don't like virgins...especially twenty-one year old virgins. I'm so-"

"You're being ridiculous." I sucked at consoling people.

She looked at me in all seriousness, "I heard Lewis talking about it. After I have sex, I'll get all attached and super-clingy and be crazy."

"That's not necessarily true..." But it sort of was from my experience. I didn't want to tell her that though. "You're drunk and being silly."

"Really?"

"Really," I nodded, trying my damnedest to be reassuring.

She still looked at me skeptically, "Tell me honestly...if you were a boy, would you date me?"

I blinked, and then responded as if it were common sense, "Of course. You're a pretty good catch, I think."

She shoved me jokingly, "You're just saying that."

"I'm really not!" I protested, and the horrifying thing was that I was telling the truth. I thought I'd date her now, everything as is...if she were into that. Would I though? I wasn't sure if I had the balls if it really came down to it.

"I'm tired," she mumbled, but she seemed to feel better about her little crisis.

"Finally!" I exclaimed triumphantly and fell backwards onto my pillow, "Sleep!"

"Goodnight."

"Finish that glass of water first," I told her as she went back to her own bed.

After that, I lay there in the dark and continued to look at the ceiling for who knows how long.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point I diverge slightly from events of the show, but only slightly.

As I was leaving the library on Thursday, following the little meeting with Morgan and Mr. Parrish, Morgan grabbed me by the elbow. I turned around and some bizarre words tumbled from his lips, "Marti, do you wanna go out for a drink?"

I stared at him blankly, "Really, Morgan? Did you really just ask me that?"

"Yeah. I mean, we're making progress, so why don't we celebrate?"

"We're not making any progress, Morgan. Besides, what happened to that girl you went on a date with the day you ditched Travis and my mom took my guitar?"

"Did you think I just asked you out on a date? Because I didn't. It was meant to be academic recreation where we discuss scholarly things over a drink or two. Did you want it to be a date?"

"No, Morgan." I jerked my arm away and headed for the bike rack where I'd left my bike. My eyes wandered down the metal rail and then back. I stopped in my tracks. I looked, I blinked, and looked again. There was one bike on the rack and it wasn't my bike, "Where's my bike?" I meant it rhetorically.

"It looks like it's gone." Morgan observed.

"No fucking kidding!" I turned and yelled.

"Did you have a lock on it? A lot of the cheap locks people use can be easily-"

"No, I didn't have a fucking lock on it! Fuck!"

"Why wouldn't you lock it? It's not like Memphis is known for being crime-free or anything."

"Shut up! Just shut up!" I wanted to pull my hair out and punch him in the face and burn down the library, among other less than savory things. "Everything in my life is bad!"

"That's a little melodramatic. Are you sure you didn't park it somewhere else?"

I think he was trying to help, but really? Really? "No, I didn't fucking  _park_  it anywhere else!"

"Can't you just buy a new one?"

"With what money? I don't have money for a bike! Why the fuck do you think I ride a bike in the first place?" God, did he ever fucking stop talking? Did he think he think he had a solution for everything that was incredibly simple?

"Environmentally conscious?"

I paused and my anger subsided, but only marginally, "That too."

"What're you two still doing here?" Julian came down the steps behind us.

"Someone stole my fucking bike!"

My professor raised his eyebrow.

"Bike. My bike. Someone stole  _my_ bike. Pardon my French."

He smirked a bit, clearly finding my state of distress amusing, "How about I give you two rides home. I parked over here. Faculty gets the premium spaces, you know."

"I can just walk," Morgan declined, "I live just across the street."

"Are you sure, Mr. Pepper? I can drive you. It's a bit chilly."

"I'll be fine. I'm going just across the street since Ms. Perkins didn't want to go out for a drink with me."

Julian looked at me, puzzled this time.

"An academic recreation whatever," I corrected, then I redirected the dialogue. "I, on the other hand, would really appreciate a ride."

"Alright. I'll see you tomorrow, Mr. Pepper. This way, Ms. Perkins."

"Thank you, Julian."

He smiled, "It's no problem. I know Cheertown is quite a trek from the library." He pressed his key fob and I heard the distinct sound of car doors unlocking. "My car isn't too impressive, please don't judge me."

I just wanted to get back to Cheertown. I didn't feel like chatting or even judging. I'd figure out my bike shit later. My first thought was to find all of the booze in the place and drink myself into a stupor, but then I thought of my mom. I didn't want to be like my mom, but shit if it didn't seem like a good idea right now. I sort of understood her for a moment, but then I shook that thought away immediately. Julian's car was a simple, black, VW Passat - nothing special. For some reason I imagined him driving a Mustang, and I told him that. I suddenly found myself capable of both judging and of chatting. "Ha. I thought you'd drive a Mustang or something."

"Me? In a Mustang? No." Like a gentleman, he opened the door for me. "I'm a practical man."

"So practical you tied yourself to a courthouse."

He laughed, "Ms. Perkins, that was not about practicalities. It was about morals. Cars have nothing to do with morals, they have to do with practicalities."

I got in, seat-belted, and immediately began flipping through the CDs in his center console. This car wasn't even that new. He had a normal, boring CD player, and not even any satellite or digital radio. The car, in fact, was not super digitalized at all. Early 2000's model maybe? I knew about cars because of Dan. I still hadn't heard from that selfish jackass, but whatever.

Julian listened to classic rock. That was at least what I had predicted. I was right about something.

"Maybe I'll get a Mustang when I hit my mid-life crisis," he said as he shut his door. Then he noticed my nosiness, "What're you doing? Judging me based on my music too?"

"Your music is fine, and your car is fine."

"Good." He pulled out of the parking lot and headed across campus toward Cheertown.

I sighed, very frustrated and very audible, thinking about my now-missing bike.

"Sorry about your bicycle, Marti. Give campus police a call as soon as you're back, ok?" He reached over and patted me on the knee, but then he left his hand there.

I looked down, a bit unnerved at his big warm palm. He noticed and quickly pulled away then cleared his throat. I decided to shrug it off and I looked out the window. I couldn't deal with my fucking professor coming on to me right now. The most important fucking professor I have at the moment at that. The shit I was working on with him was a sure ticket into law school. If he wanted to touch my leg, he could fucking touch my leg, but not right now - not after my bike was just stolen because I'm a dumbass and never locked it up. It was bound to happen. I was always late and always in a hurry. The fucking lock was in my backpack which now sat on the floor at my feet.

We made it to Cheertown with no more awkward advances. Maybe it was an accident? Whatever. I wouldn't mention it.

"Thanks, Julian. I'll see you in class tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be on time," I said with a smile as I got out of my car.

"You better be, Ms. Perkins. Bike or no bike."

I couldn't read his facial expression, but he was a lawyer, so I wasn't surprised. I waved and headed up the steps to be greeted by Alice as soon as I walked in the door.

"Who was that sexy man in that drab car?" She made some stupid eyes at me and followed me into the kitchen.

"Don't we have a bottle of gin in here somewhere?" I asked, "I'll go buy a replacement for it tomorrow."

"Cabinet on the left," Alice answered "Who was that?"

"It was one of my professors."

"Oh, is he single?"

I latched onto the bottle of cheap gin which was only missing a few shots from it, "Jesus fucking Christ! I don't know, Alice!"

"Are you going to drink that whole thing?" She wasn't phased by me raising my voice.

"Probably."

For some reason this intrigued her, "Ooh. What's going on?"

"Someone stole my bike."

"That sucks."

"Yeah, well..." I nabbed a half-full two liter of Sprite from the fridge and then grabbed a glass from the dishwasher. I filled it with ice, stuck the soda under my arm, then took the gin and myself to my room. She didn't follow or press me for more.


	7. Chapter 7

I walked past Savannah. She was sitting on her bed on her laptop. I saw her head follow me and saw her dumbfounded expression out of the corner of my eye. I dropped my bag onto the floor and kicked it bitterly then sat my coping supplies on the nightstand. I kicked off my shoes and sat cross-legged on my bed as well.

"Marti?"

I raised my hand to silence her, "Don't ask."

I filled my glass halfway with the gin and then topped it off with the Sprite. I didn't have my computer, so what the fuck was I supposed to do while I sat here and drank? I took a big sip and then reached down into my bag to pull out my econ book. I would read and I would make it into a drinking game. If anyone could make an economics book into a drinking game, it was Marti fucking Perkins. My mom taught me that everything was more fun with a drink. Dammit, Wanda. God, maybe I was more like her than I realized? The thought made me shutter and I took another drink.

"Marti?" She tried again.

"Drink to goods and services!" I did a toast with no one and swallowed another huge gulp with a cringe. Should've mixed it a little better…

"You shouldn't drink alone."

"I'm not. You're in the room. Plus, this book in my friend." Another drink.

She put her pencil down and put her hands on her hips, "I'm going to get a glass and I'll join you."

Before I could protest, she was out the door. Shit, she was fast. Another drink. Whatever. I skimmed a few pages, drank to some capitalism, drank to more goods.

Savannah came back in a poured a similar mixture to mine in her glass. "Gin tastes like bathroom cleaner."

"What?"

"Bathroom cleaner. Gin." She sat down.

"It does not."

"I didn't say it was bad. It just tastes…clean."

I laughed and took another sip. I closed my book and shoved it onto the floor then sat on the edge of my bed and faced her, "So my bike got stolen."

"Oh…that's why you're mad."

"And my professor totally touched my leg in the car when he gave me a ride home."

"Oh, dear…"

"And Morgan keeps awkwardly hitting on me and asked me out and then denied it and was generally being annoying. Mostly, my fucking bike is stolen, so I'm going to have to leave even earlier to make it to class on time."

"I see…"

"And…" My voice trailed off. I had started to mention those dreams of mine and all of the little, creeping thoughts that popped into my head in the shower and in the middle of the day.

"And?"

"Dan still won't talk to me."

"I gave up on him."

"That's good. I think I'm about to." Another big sip. I reached over and grabbed the gin, pouring a bit extra into my glass. "I just miss my fucking friend."

Savannah watched me quietly then drank a substantial amount of her drink and did the same as I did, topping off her glass.

"What're you doing?" I asked.

"I'm empathizing?"

"You know you're going to end up more drunk than me if you keep drinking the same amount as me, right? You clearly didn't drink much before you transferred to this awful secular school..."

She shrugged, showing that she didn't care.

"What were you working on?" I then asked her to get the conversation going again.

"Homework."

"Homework?!" I exclaimed, "You never do homework!"

"Yeah, but I have to now. I have to write a paper."

"On what?"

"On some book."

"Fun…"

A little later I finished off the drink and ventured out into the common area to get an ice refill. I tried to be quiet and move slowly so no one would notice me. I guess they saw my reflection in the TV.

Alice turned and asked, "What are you two doing in there?"

"Nothing."

"There's suspicious laughter and you're looking a little wasted-faced."

"I'm not."

"Therapeutic alcohol consumption." Lewis put in his two cents.

"Whatever, you guys." I got my ice and returned, filled my glass three-fourths with gin and then added the now room temperature Sprite.

When I came back in, Savannah decided it was time for her to talk about herself, "My family makes me feel like crap."

"Your family makes me feel like crap too," I raised my glass and we did a bit of a half-hearted cheer.

"My mom is crazy, my dad just lets my mom push him around…" She sighed and slouched a little, moping. "I never noticed how crazy she was before."

Nothing she was saying was really registering. I nodded appropriately, drank my drink, and just kept thinking about how much I wanted to kiss her at that moment. I think it was the whole conservative Christian thing. I don't even know why. The idea of corruption? Was it something to do with power? Was this some fucked up thing in my head that had to do with Dan? Was I actually in love with Dan and this was my twisted way of expressing it? Shit. Savannah was pretty much the only female friend I'd ever had and also the only girl I'd ever had any earnest desire to see naked. Was I misinterpreting the whole female friendship thing? Fuck…

"Hey, Savannah…" I jiggled the ice around in my glass and looked into it instead of at her, "Can I ask you a question? It's totally random."

"Go for it. You can ask me anything."

"How many boys have you kissed?"

"Just two…and you?"

"I don't even know, but that's not important. I just want to know about you."

"Oh."

"So…" I jiggled my ice some more and then imagined how annoying it must be, so I stopped, "You've never kissed a girl, have you?"

"Ew! No!" She looked aghast, and responded like a first-grader who thought boys were yucky and had cooties.

I laughed. I couldn't help it.

"Why is that funny?"

"You haven't even had a few drinks too many and kissed Alice?"

"No!"

I laughed again before becoming incredibly self-aware and shutting up abruptly.

"Have you? I heard about the whole college  _experimentation_  thing, but I thought it was a myth."

I stifled a snicker, "Yeah."

Savannah's eye widened, "What was it like?"

I could hold my laughter in no longer and I flopped back onto my bed, being careful to keep my drink upright, "You're ridiculous!"

"What? Why?"

"It's just like kissing a boy, Savannah," I told her and looked up.

"Really? Why would you ever kiss a girl then?" Her naivety blew my mind, and just made me want to touch her more.

"Shit happens." I shrugged and propped myself up to take another drink. At that moment, I wished Dan were talking to me, so I could ask him if she was actually any good at making out, or if she were as awkward as I imagined. I was willing to bet that she was either really shy or really, really pushy. She couldn't be anything in between.

"I don't get it…"

"Don't get what?"

"Why people just kiss people."

I raised an eyebrow, confused.

"I mean, like, isn't it supposed to be intimate?"

"It's fucking adorable how you think everything is supposed to be special and meaningful." She looked sad, but I had meant it as a compliment, I really had. I frowned. "Hey, you…it's a good thing."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'm just bitter and cynical like most everyone else our age. I dive right into shit and make dumbass decisions…like with Dan."

"I'm in love with him," she blurted out.

I sat up completely, "You…do what now?"


	8. Chapter 8

Savannah spoke slowly and deliberately, "I think I'm in love with Dan."

I stared at her blankly, "Say that for me one more time."

"Marti, I'm in love with Dan," she said more quickly.

"Well...I didn't see that coming..." I really did though, didn't I? Everyone else went through the whole "being in love" bullshit crap when they were in high school – usually with that good ol' first boyfriend, first kiss, blah blah blah…with me it was that accidental first sexual encounter in the car thing – but thanks to Savannah's parents sheltering her, she was doing it at twenty-one. Wonderful. I finished off my drink and went for the bottle of gin because this sure as fuck called for some more drinking.

Savannah snatched it up from the table before I reached it, "No more for you until you answer something for me honestly."

"Fine."

"Are you sure you don't like Dan? Not even, like, residual feelings from years ago or anything?"

"He was my best friend. I miss him. I don't want to date him."

"What about kiss him, do you want to kiss him?"

I looked at her and extended my hand for the bottle.

"Do you want to have sex with him? He's pretty sexy, so...I mean..."

I motioned for her to hand me the gin, "What I want right now is to make another drink." I also wanted to kiss her, but that was out of the question. Her blabbering about being in love with Dan had made a big, nasty knot form in my gut. I don't know why, it wasn't as if I ever actually had a chance with her. I then added, "Seriously, all I'm thinking about right now is having another drink."

"Would you tell me if you liked him?"

"Yes, I would tell you. Just give me that now, please."

She held it out toward me and then snatched it away when my fingers got close, "I think you like him. Why else would you be acting like this?"

A little taken aback I asked, "Acting like what exactly?"

"You're getting mad because I'm asking you these questions."

"I'm getting mad because I feel like we've been over this a million times now, Savannah. I'm tired of you, my mom, and Dan all trying to tell me how I feel. It's getting really old."

"You're getting defensive."

"I'm not. Give me that bottle." I got up and tried to grab it, but she was too fast and kept it out of my reach. I didn't have the energy to fight her over it.

"You're upset. Look at you, you're upset."

I sat back down on the edge of my bed. "I'm upset because you won't give me that."

"No, you got upset when I said I was in love with Dan. I saw your face. I was looking right at you."

"Savannah, come on."

She held the bottle behind her back. I heard the little bit of gin left in it sloshing around. "Marti, if you like him I don't know why you're so willing to just give him up."

"Right now neither of us have him, so it doesn't matter. Now give me the damn gin or I'll go to the kitchen and get something else." Savannah didn't respond and didn't hand over the bottle either. "Fine," I said and got up, starting to leave. She was being unbearable and in that moment she put an end to all of the silly feelings I felt toward her.

As soon as I emerged from the hallway, the three heads in the common area turned to look in my direction. I kept moving and dumped my mostly melted ice into the sink and then stuck my glass in the dishwasher. I opened the fridge and took a look around.

"Whose beer is this?" I asked.

"Mine," Darwin said back.

"Can I have one? I'll buy some more," I said with urgency.

"Go for it."

I grabbed a bottle and the magnetized opened from the front of the refrigerator and popped the top off then headed back to my lair.

"So what's going on in there?" Alice asked me before I made it very far, "Is it a party that no one else is invited to?"

"No party. We're just talking."

"Talking about feelings?" Asked Darwin.

I shrugged. "Savannah is having feelings all over the place, yes."

"So what's the deal with the love triangle?" He asked then.

"There isn't one."

Alice laughed, "Quadrilateral."

"Leave me out of this," Lewis insisted.

"You hush and rub my feet," Alice tossed her legs over Lewis, and then seemed to attempt to stare me down for some answers, but I wasn't sure to what questions exactly. I wanted to retreat back to my room before I blabbed out information no one else should know.

"Marti, you suck!" Savannah screamed and then slammed the door without warning.

"What'd you do?" Lewis asked, hearing it as well as I had.

"Yeah, I've never known Savannah to be an angry drunk." Alice grinned the whole time she spoke.

I slumped my shoulders, "She thinks I like Dan."

"Don't you though?" Alice questioned.

"He's pretty hot," Darwin added.

"No. Jesus Christ. No. No. And it doesn't even matter if I did like Dan because he isn't talking to me or her or anyone, and he's gone." I groaned, "I...just...this sucks." I sulked back down the hallway. When I got to my room, I turned the knob to find it unlocked, luckily. I didn't want to sit against the wall in the hall drinking my beer.

Savannah was sitting in the center of her bed pouring the rest of the gin into her own glass.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what you want me to say." I closed the door behind me and went back to my own bed.

"Just tell me the truth," she mumbled into her glass, and sat the now empty gin bottle on the table.

"I am!" I exclaimed.

"I can tell you're not. You have on your lying face."

"I don't have a lying face!" I started to chug my beer, while I waited for her to say something else ridiculous, but she didn't say anything. Instead, she sat and sipped her overly strong drink. "Savannah," I started, "Even if Dan hadn't left town, and even if I did like him...I'd let you have him. You deserve to be happy and if he makes you happy then good. Your friendship is more important to me..."

"He's your best friend though..."

"Well, so are you."

She forced a smile, "So you're not lying?"

"No." Not about Dan at least. I took a long draught of the beer.

"Sorry..." She looked away, realizing she'd been wrong, I think.

"It's ok. I'm sorry too." God, what a lame fucking conversation. I finished off the beer in record time and tossed the bottle into the trashcan by my desk.

"You drank that fast."

"Yeah. I was thirsty. Now I'm tired."

"Ok." She sounded disappointed that I was going to bed.

"I have to get up extra early to make it to class since I don't have a bike anymore," I told her.

"No...it's fine. I understand." 

I changed quickly into some pajama bottoms and otherwise got into bed as I was. I made sure my alarm was set and crawled under the blankets. Savannah was still sitting in the middle of her bed holding, and not drinking, her last drink. I watched her for a bit and then said, "Goodnight, Savannah."

"Night..." She frowned, "Do you promise you don't like Dan anymore?"

I buried my face into my pillow and yelled, "I promise I don't like Dan!"

"You're absolutely sure?"

Rolling my head back over I said, "I'm absolutely positively sure. In fact, I'm pretty sure that I like someone else."

Her face lit up, "Who? Lewis?"

"No." I immediately regretted saying that. I thought it would shut her up, but clearly that was an erroneous thought.

"Morgan?"

"Hell no."

"Oh my gosh, is it someone I don't know?"

"No. Just...no. Let me go to sleep."

"You're grumpy."

"You're drunk."

"No, you are."

I laughed, "Savannah, seriously."

"Give me a hint and I'll leave you alone. I'll let you go to sleep, I promise."

"It's someone who doesn't like me, so it doesn't matter."

"Oooh..." She said knowingly, "Is it Darwin? That would be funny. Oh...is it Jake?"

"Wrong and...wrong. You'll never figure it out."

"But it is someone I know, right?"

"Yeah, I suppose." I laughed a bit again and said, "You think about it while I go to sleep, but don't think too hard, you might rupture something in your brain."

"Will you proofread my paper when I'm done?"

"Yep," I rolled over and pulled the blanket over my head, feeling some weird feeling between somewhat amused and completely shitty.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place immediately after episode 16 "Fancy Dan" AKA the wedding. Assume that episodes 13, 14, and 15 happened between this chapter and the last one - except Marti has no bike.

I felt like throwing up or possibly punching someone in the face when I stumbled off of the stage, maybe even both. I didn't do either. One of the idiots that performed with me with his stupid hair and outfit tried to talk to me, but I didn't hear a word he said. I saw his mouth moving and knew he was talking to me, but as far as words went, I didn't hear shit. I didn't even bother responding. I just turned and walked away.

I wandered around aimlessly until I found Jimmy and a glass of champagne. I mumbled some bullshit congratulations and downed the glass of champagne.

"You were awesome," he said, referring to the performance.

I recited the obligatory, "Thanks." Then I asked quickly, "Have you seen my dear mother?"

"Last I spotted her she was handling something with her servers."

"Excellent," and with that I wandered away again. Absently, I traded out my empty glass for a full glass. What I planned to say to Wanda, I didn't know. I didn't even know exactly why all of my anger was suddenly directed at her. I wanted to blame someone for this…whatever this was. I didn't want to come here. I didn't want to be in this place with any of these people. I fucking missed Dan. He was who I told everything to. I told him my deep, dark secrets. But this…this shit…

It didn't matter that he was back. It didn't matter that he apologized. It didn't matter.

"Marti? You feelin' ok?" My mom asked, finding me before I found her, although she was right in front of me. I had been staring at the floor and holding onto the stem of the champagne flute for dear life. "You look sorta pale. Also, your boobs are poppin' out all over the place."

I looked down at my chest. I didn't care. I wasn't even mad anymore. Somehow, by some strange magic, all of my anger had turned into a gross sadness. Maybe it had been sadness all along.

"I think I should take that champagne from you. How much've you had?" She took the glass from my hand and I couldn't be bothered to hold on tighter or protest. My fingers just released it.

"Mom…" I started, but no other words followed.

"Do you wanna take my keys and go home? Can you even drive? What in the world happened?"

"Yeah, I wanna leave." No, I couldn't drive. I also wouldn't tell her what happened. Nothing happened. I was losing my shit over nothing.

She nodded and looked at me concerned, "How about I get Travis to come get you?"

"Yeah. Thanks."

"Alright. Now, why don't you go sit down in the back and wait for him, ok?"

She put her hand on my shoulder and pushed me gently in the correct direction. I found a chair by the wall and sat down, away from everyone. I weakly watched the servers, except Savannah, scurrying back and forth with new trays of champagne and refreshments. Savannah had been released from Wanda's control a bit earlier since she was failing miserably at performing her job and was creating a fair amount of awkwardness and some minor chaos. Everything was fine and good now. The girl with the shore bird fetish was eliminated and she had Dan back. Our friendship was intact. Every friendship was intact, but I felt nauseous.

I cringed as Dan stepped in. He looked around. I hoped he was looking for Wanda and not for me, but I had no such luck. I held still and looked down, hoping that he could only see movement or only see me if I could see him.

The next thing I knew, he was sitting next to me.

"Hey, you."

I looked up, "I'm not feeling well, so I'm going as soon as Travis comes to get me." I forced a smile, "I guess we need to catch up since you're sticking around…"

"Yeah, we do." He folded his hands in his lap, "I just wanted to tell you how awesome you were, and also awesome with what you did for Travis."

Again, with the obligatory "Thanks."

"Alright…well…I guess I'll go track down Savannah." He got up, sensing that I didn't want him there.

"Tell her I'm going to crash at Wanda's tonight."

"Will do. Feel better, Marti." He waved and ambled away from me to my great relief.

I felt a disgusting gnawing in my stomach as Travis approached. I got to my feet and said, "Shit, I need to grab my guitar."

"I'll tell your mom to get it. Don't worry about it. Let's get you outta here."

"Can you take me to Wanda's?"

"You bet."

I followed him through the throngs of people, and I was careful not to make eye contact with anyone – that way they were less likely to feel the need to speak to me. I made it safely to the car.

Travis looked at me for a minute before starting the engine.

I crossed my arms across my stomach, hoping to make the nasty feelings stop. I felt pathetic. I hadn't felt this fucking pathetic since high school.

"Your mom told me about you and Dan," Travis said. "Does this have something to do with him?"

"No," I lied.

He didn't believe me, but he said, "I just thought it might."

"Why? What'd my mom say?"

He shrugged a bit, "Nothing much…but I saw him with your girl Savannah when I came in…"

I turned and looked out of the window. I leaned on the door and pinched the bridge of my nose in some valiant and shitty attempt to stop the tears I felt coming.

"Hey, kid…" He had noticed, "If it makes you feel any better, his hair is awful. It makes him look like a douche."

I wanted to laugh. I really did. But it ended up coming out as one of those half-cry and half-laugh gurgling noises. I cleared my throat and wiped my eyes quickly. God, he was going to think I was crying over Dan. Could this get any fucking worse?

"This isn't what you think," I blurted out, attempting damage control.

"I don't think anything. It's not my business."

Composing myself and sucking in any remnants of feelings that were leaking out, I said, "Don't tell my mom."

"Alright." We pulled up to the house and then he asked, "Want some hot chocolate or a beer or anything, or do you just wanna hit the sack?"

"A beer would be fantastic," I told him, despite the gnawing feeling in my stomach.

I'd be back to normal tomorrow – hard ass, emotionless Marti Perkins. Everyone would just think I'd come down with something, and no one would suspect a thing. No one except Travis at least, and oddly enough, I did trust the convict not to mention a word to Wanda. I was feeling better already, especially once I had the new drink in my hand and had sunk into the sofa.


	10. Chapter 10

The showers in the gym seemed darker than usual, and I looked up to see if there was a light out or something. No. Maybe my eyes just weren't adjusting properly from being outside running for so long. Five miles, I think it was. I was covered in sweat, despite the chilly weather. Where was everyone? The showers were deserted, which was odd for a weekday afternoon. Something didn't feel right. I felt sort of like I was in a horror movie, like something really fucking ominous was happening.

I tiptoed over to grab a towel from one of the racks, so not to disturb the uncharacteristic quiet, and then I could hear at least one of the showers running. The noise put my nerves at ease just slightly. I hung up my towel outside and went in. They must've been taking the hottest shower ever because I almost passed out from the steam as I collided with it. I made my way to my own shower stall and drew the curtain before turning on a blast of cold water to counteract the insane heat.

I heard something that sounded a bit like giggling. It started off barely audible and I wasn't sure if I had heard it at all, but then it echoed on the tiles of the cavernous showers.

"Oh, God!" The girl's voice cried out, and then followed with an adamant, "Yes! That's good!"

I heard some masculine grunts and splashing. It sounded somehow fake or rehearsed, not quite real, but real enough for me to hear it. I cringed. Someone was having sex in the showers. I doubted that they noticed my arrival, or would even notice if more people came in. Maybe if the entire volleyball team barged through the door, they would be aware. Maybe.

The voice was familiar, but the resonance in the showers made it hard to identify. My curiosity overcame me. I left the shower running and poked my head out. Spotting the other shower that was on with steam emanating from the stall, I padded across the tiles, dripping wet and not bothering with a towel. I just wanted to give the horny bastards a good scare.

I bent down and peaked beneath the curtain - one pair of hair man-legs, but still the same feminine cries of passion.

I'd give them a good scare alright, I thought with a smirk. Who would have the audacity to have sex in the gym showers? I mean, really? Sneaking a boy into the girls' showers on a weekday afternoon? The nerve! I jerked the curtain open with a loud, "Hey!"

"Ah, shit!" The guy exclaimed with a very familiar southern drawl, putting the small brunette girl back down on the slippery tiles, having been holding her against the wall.

My heart sank as Savannah gained her footing, and then quickly attempted to cover herself with her arms as the hot water came splashing down around her and Dan. She cowered behind him...

"Fuck!" I jolted upright in bed, and quickly covered my mouth with my hand. I wasn't sure if I had shouted that aloud in real life or not. Fucking dreams...

Slowly, I peaked down to my left. Dan was sleeping soundly on the floor, shirtless, and snoring just slightly. He shifted a bit and scratched at his armpit with one hand.

I uncovered my mouth. My heart was racing. What a stupid fucking dream. It would never happen in real life for countless reasons, but fuck if I wasn't angry about it, and disgusted, and mildly upset. As my eyes adjusted, I saw Savannah sleeping soundly, and then I quietly got out of bed, got dressed, and collected my things for class.

It was three in the fucking morning, but I didn't care. In a few minutes, I was out in the kitchen, brewing a pot of coffee. I felt dirty, and wanted to shower, but the thought of showering, even in Cheertown, made me feel a little bit more disgusting. I attempted to push the ridiculous image from my mind. Savannah made Dan sleep on the floor for God's sake. I shuttered at the thought of them having sex again and opened the refrigerator. I nabbed a stray apple from the shelf, checked it for bruises, and then took a bite as I leaned on the counter and thought about how ridiculous my life was.

"What're you doing up?"

I jumped, not expecting anyone else to be awake, and I saw Alice standing in her pajamas with her arms crossed at the end of the hall.

"I'm leaving for class early since I don't have a bike and all that," I lied.

"You're leaving for class...now?" She clearly didn't believe me, and looked at me suspiciously.

"Yeah. I'm going to read in the library. Why are you up?"

She shrugged and stood across the island from me, "Sleep when you're dead, ya know?" She didn't take her eyes off of me. It was like she was trying to read my mind or something. It was unnerving. She went on, "I also heard you scream 'fuck' super loud from your room. I'm surprised you didn't wake up the little lovebirds...or..." She paused and tried to read my facial expression, which I was sure to keep as apathetic as possible. "Is that why you're out here? Are they getting frisky yet?"

I laughed deliberately and said, "No, Dan is asleep on the floor."

"I wonder how long he's going to wait...he doesn't seem like the type to fuck virgins either..." She mused and then watched for my reaction. "He'll regret that shit."

I shrugged and took a bite of the apple.

"So what's the deal, Marti?"

"The deal with what?" I poured some of the nasty coffee into my mug. Coffee and an apple: breakfast of champions.

"The love triangle, silly." She still leaned there over the island, and then she pointed, "Pour me a cup. I'm awake now."

"Sorry about that," I mumbled and pulled another mug from the cabinet.

While I poured, she talked. I couldn't tell if she was sincere or not, but I sort of wanted to believe her. "So the love triangle...do you think no one has noticed? A few people have. Most everyone is pretty unobservant. At first, I thought it was your whole law school thing, and maybe Travis' case...Jake..." She rolled her eyes. "Maybe a combination of all of that, plus your man Dan Patch...maybe a bit of your mom..." She took the cup of coffee and took a sip, "This shit is awful, grab me some creamer from the door of the fridge, would you?"

I did so, but I withheld it, "What're you getting at Alice?"

"I'm merely intrigued. I can't quite figure out what's going on in your head. At first I was pretty pissed that you stole my spot and all, but...I have to admit, you're pretty ballsy. You don't take shit from people and you're unapologetic - I can identify with that."

"You're not quite as much of a bitch as I thought. You did save my ass when I busted into the furniture fuck's office, and rummaging through Marsh's office too." I handed over the creamer.

"I got Jake to confess."

"You did that to save the Hellcats and yourself," I handed her a spoon, "But you don't even need the Hellcats."

She stirred her coffee, but didn't take her eyes off of me. She took a sip and still grimaced a bit. "Marti, honey, everyone is selfish to a point. Pretending otherwise is completely naive."

"Agreed."

"Something is off with you though..." She smiled. She always seemed slightly devious, even when she was being mostly nice. She was one of those people, who I felt, once she was on your side, she was a valuable and unwavering ally, and she was also someone I would never really want to cross, like, really piss off.

Was this bitch on to me? There was no way. I had not muttered a word about my feelings toward Savannah to a single soul in existence. "What do you mean?"

"I haven't quite figured it out yet. If I keep talking, I'm probably going to offend you, and I'm really not trying to do that. I'm just...interested. We can have this chat later when I've thought some more about it." Alice smiled again, winked, grabbed her coffee, and then turned on her heel and went back to her room.

I watched her go, and wondered if she had somehow figured me out. I wasn't sure if I trusted her or not. I thought maybe she was just nosy. I wasn't sure what she was talking about at all, but one thing I did know was that she was a manipulator, and a fine one. She was much smarter than she let on, and again - not someone I wanted as an enemy.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter begins immediately after the end of Episode 14.

Sitting on my bed with the suitcase of shit from my mom's was making me think. At first it was about my dad, then about my mom, about Dan, then Savannah, then I circled back to Wanda. I wore my dad's hat and picked at my guitar, looking at his music. I finally had this connection with one of my parents. I had nothing with Wanda, but I had something with this man she spoke so poorly of when she spoke about him at all. At first I was mad, then sad, then mad, and my feelings wouldn't figure out which way they wanted to go. I thought about skulking out into the kitchen and getting a beer, but then I thought about how I didn't want to turn into my mom and how I was, in fact, turning into my mom.

It occurred to me that I left her apartment looking like a mess. It also occurred to me that I was being incredibly selfish, and I thought about what Alice had said to me the other morning. I cringed. Shit, was I just taking things out on Wanda that had nothing to do with her? No, this was her fault. Or something...

I looked up when I heard the door open. I expected it to be Savannah or Dan, or both.

"Take off that ugly fucking hat," Alice said as she entered without permission. I made no effort to do so, and then she said, "I want to know why you stormed in here with a ratty suitcase looking like you were going to cry, and I want to know why you're wearing that hat, it's terrible."

"It isn't your business," I retorted. Thinking about her apparently conjured her into existence because she was some sort of witch.

She shut the door, "I don't care."

"Get out of my room."

"Would a drink loosen you up? I know you like to booze when you're all upset."

"No."

"What's your deal, Marti Perkins?" She said and sat down on Savannah's bed, facing me.

I took off the hat and stuffed it back into the suitcase along with some of the other items I'd pulled out. I latched it. I asked her, "Are you just bored, or what?"

"I want to know why you always want to play the martyr, but then bottle up all of your apparently noble suffering. What's your motivation? You're inconsistent."

"I'm not inconsistent." That bit pissed me off probably more than it should have and I slammed my fist on the suitcase.

"I'll lay it out for you: you whine and whine about taking care of your mom, but then you still do it. You're a complete cunt and piss off your hot law professor by going beyond the scope of your little special project to get Travis out of prison, consequently endangering your chances of getting into Law School, which is why you joined the Hellcats, although you despised cheerleaders. You needed the scholarship, but then you turn around and decide to almost destroy the Hellcats by going after Marsh…again, endangering your whole life-goal Law School plan. But wait…really those two things that seemed to endanger your ultimate career...were they really that risky for you? You, a mere undergrad student, getting a convict out of prison – doesn't that just scream that you deserve a scholarship to finish up here and doesn't it also scream that you should get into Law School? I think it was all pretty much win-win for you when it boils down to it. And then…" She paused and her mouth twisted into a smile, "Then…the most interesting thing of all…Dan and Savannah. You just let her have him, but you completely sabotaged everything with Lewis for him. Lewis is a catch, you know that right? I mean, he has a lot of morals and whatever, but he's a gentleman."

"You're fucking ridiculous."

She laughed, "Marti, I watch you. I watch everyone. You do all of this shit and you act all secretive and mysterious like you're just dying for someone to ask you what the fuck you're thinking, and I'm the only person with the balls to do it."

"No, I don't."

"Tell me about the box of shit and the hideous hat. Those hats don't look good on anyone unless you want to look like an asshole."

"It's not your business."

"What makes you tick? Sometimes you seem so unrealistically selfless and the other times I think you have what I like to call…Only Child Syndrome…" Alice smirked again and she bounced on Savannah's bed, very entertained by this entire exchange. "I think that at the root of everything, you're extremely selfish…more so than I am. I sacrificed by boyfriend for this team when I don't really need the scholarship. Who's more of a martyr, Marti?"

"Get the fuck out!" I shouted and put down my guitar. I had an overwhelming urge to just clock her in the side of the head with it, but then I'd need to buy a new one.

She got up, but proceded to say, "I'm not quite done." She stared at me and chewed her bottom lip for a moment before continuing, "The thing that's throwing me off is the love triangle. Do you just want to be miserable? Dan would pick you over Savannah any day. He'd be happier with you, so it's not like you're doing him a favor. Does being miserable and alone make you feel better for being so selfish otherwise, or what? I don't get it."

"Get out of my room, Alice!" I pointed toward the door.

She put up her hands in surrender, "I knew I'd offend you." She started for the door moving backwards slowly, as if scared that I might pounce her if she turned her back, "What I'm trying to say is that you can talk to me. I won't judge you and I won't tell anyone...at least not yet." Just before she slinked out of the door, she said, "I'm just curious, and maybe I am a little bored. You're the new girl, and I don't know what makes you work yet."

Before I could properly process what just happened the door opened again. I prepared to scream out a string of profanity, but I saw that it was Savannah, followed promptly by Dan, and I closed my mouth.

"What was Alice doing in here?" she asked.

"Bothering me." I hopped out of my bed and put my guitar away and moved the suitcase aside.

"Is that some of your dad's stuff?" Dan asked.

"Your dad?" Savannah questioned.

"I really don't wanna talk about it."

"If it makes you feel any better, my ex-boyfriend is who knocked up my sister," she said, almost nonchalantly.

I stifled a laugh, "Noah?"

"Yep."

"Wow…" I muttered.

"That's what I said," Dan commented.

...

I tidied up the kitchen and began putting dishes in the dishwasher after dinner a few nights later. Dan had cooked for us, which everyone in Cheertown appreciated. His cooking was marginally better than takeout or instant dinners.

"Why can't you stay?" Savannah whined and followed him as he put leftovers in the refrigerator.

"Because I've got a man-date," he reminded her.

I snickered. He wasn't the type of guy to hang out with his girlfriend all day everyday, but Savannah was definitely one of those girls that needed that.

"I'm going to the scrap yard, welding shit, and doing man things for my trailer for the film school, making props," he said.

"Why can't I come?" She latched onto his arm and pouted.

I rolled my eyes.

"You wouldn't have fun and you'd get all dirty." He wiped his hands on a dishtowel and pried her off, "Hang out with Marti tonight, and I'll see you tomorrow for lunch, ok?"

"I'll miss you!"

"I'll miss you more," he said and headed out before she could slow him down further. "Bye, Marti!" They both ignored my exaggerated vomiting sounds.

"Is it so bad to hang out with me?" I asked her as she sulked around behind me.

"No..." She sighed, "I just miss him already…"

"Careful or you're going to smother that poor boy!" Darwin called from the living room. He was reclining with his feet up, looking at some magazine and digesting his food.

"Oh no, am I smothering him? Has he said anything to you?" she asked me, while I tried to wipe down the counter tops.

"No, you're fine," I grabbed the last bit of wine from dinner and poured it into a clean glass. "Drink that and relax. Go sit down, watch TV." I quietly added under my breath, "Stop being ridiculous and annoying."

She didn't go quietly. She snatched the glass up and sighed loudly the entire way to the couch.

"Marti, why don't you play guitar for us?" Lewis asked. "There's not a damn thing on TV tonight and we need some entertainment."

"Sure, as soon as I finish up in here."

"Marti, why don't you get me another beer?" Darwin asked a moment later.

"I'm not the beer wench."

"Please?"

"Alright, alright. Anything for anyone else while I'm up? Once I sit down, this shit is over, and I'm not getting up again."

Lewis raised his hand, "A preparatory beer would be nice for this lovely Saturday evening."

I grabbed three beers from the fridge and made my rounds. I sat mine on the table and then went to my room for my guitar. It looked like it would just be the four of us for a while. Everyone else had trickled out after dinner, but I didn't feel up for it, nor did I have the money since I was saving for a new bike - walking just didn't cut it.

"Requests?" I asked the three of them as I sat down on the arm of the couch next to Savannah, who was still pouting about the absence of her boyfriend. She was making a cute face, but I had a vague urge to punch her. Who am I kidding? It wasn't vague. She was annoying the shit out of me, but what it boiled down to was me being jealous and stupid myself.

Several hours and several beers later, we finished our moderately intoxicated music festival. I put my guitar down and was sure my fingers would actually be sore if it weren't for the beer. I wedged myself between Savannah and Lewis on the couch to rest and finished up my drink. I looked around and everyone looked pretty exhausted from all of the singing we did at the top of our lungs. Savannah had actually shut the fuck up about Dan and had fun without him like she used to. God, everyone normal went through this shit when they were in high school. It was so annoying...or maybe annoying because I'm some jealous bitch. I don't know.

"I'm beat and we have early practice tomorrow. Peace out." Darwin retreated to his room after dropping his empty bottles into the recycling.

"Yeah, I'm with him," Lewis yawned and stretched before getting up. "Goodnight, ladies."

"I'm not tired..." said Savannah, although she certainly looked it.

"Wanna watch a movie?" I turned on the TV and started channel surfing. Lewis was right – not a damn thing on.

She shrugged, "I can't sleep without Dan anymore."

"He doesn't even sleep with you. You make him sleep on the floor," I snapped at her.

"But I know he's there."

"Sometimes you're really just...I don't know..." I didn't finish my thought and I focused back on the TV.

"Are you mad?"

"Don't worry about it." I wondered if I was this annoying with my first boyfriend. I didn't think I was. In fact, I was pretty sure I never went through this stupid phase. Granted, I did write some crazy shit in my journal, but it never manifested in reality.

As if sensing what I was thinking, on top of my irritation, Savannah leaned her head over onto my shoulder and said, "I'm sorry. I feel like I'm bothering everyone…I don't mean to, it's just…I really, really like him, Marti."

"You love him, I know." I groaned and adjusted to make myself slightly more comfortable without disturbing her.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place immediately before Episode 18 or thereabouts.

I woke up in an odd, cramped position, lying on my back with a terrible kink in my neck from my head being propped on the arm of the couch without a pillow and at an awful angle. My left arm was asleep. Savannah was half on top of me, lying on her side, using my arm as a pillow, which I imagined was only marginally more comfortable than the arm of the sofa. She didn't seem bothered at all and looked perfectly content.

The TV was the only light and infomercials flickered. Someone had turned off the lights, picked up all of my beer bottles from the table, and also thrown a light blanket over the two of us. They couldn't give me a pillow?

I rubbed my head with my right hand, which still had feeling. What time was it? Still dark. How many beers did I have? I know we ended up watching some God-awful Steven Seagal movie and made it into a drinking game. I must've only been asleep for a few hours, and I had one of those "if I had slept longer, I would have slept through this headache" headaches. I wanted a glass of water. The kind soul who cleaned up and left the blanket could have left a glass of water. Shit, I was being awfully judgmental of the kind soul.

Now what the fuck was I supposed to do? Do I wake Savannah up and send her to bed? Do I suffer through my discomfort to quasi-spoon her in her sleep? Do I get up and get water and come back? Assuming I don't want her up in the process?

My mind wondered to whomever turned off the light and deposited the blanket as I shifted down just slightly, careful not to disturb her. I got my neck out of the terrible position and I looked up at the changing light on the ceiling radiating from the television. Fuck it…

I rolled slowly onto my side and draped my arm lightly over her. She didn't stir in the slightest. I touched her arm gently with my fingertips and still got no response. I pulled her a little closer, pressing my body to hers, nestling my face just slightly in the back of her neck. Her hair was soft and smelled wonderful. I pretended for a moment that she was aware of this, and then I realized that it was a little rape-y. Then that thought made me feel bad. I felt shitty for thinking it, for comparing my relatively innocent cuddling to a sexual assault. Shit. Girls cuddle all the time. It doesn't mean anything, but who knows what it means in her home-schooled nut head.

I'm sure I only did this for about a minute before I felt some feeling that was sort of like anger. I don't know at whom. I let go of her and nudged her, "Savannah, wake up."

She groaned a little.

"Savannah, wake up and go to your bed. You're on my arm."

"Five more minutes."

I grabbed her shoulder and shook her, "Get up."

"What time is it?" She blinked and rolled over to look at me.

"Not sure. There are infomercials on. We fell asleep on the couch."

She didn't seem to notice how close we were or particularly care. She may have still been asleep, "No wonder I was dreaming about not being able to complete simple household tasks…"

"Get off my arm."

She blinked again and sat up, "Sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep on you."

"It's ok." I poked at my numb arm, dreading the needle feeling as the blood flow returned.

"I still feel drunk. How much did I drink?"

I shrugged, "What a terrible movie."

"I know…" She rubbed her eyes and then squinted at me, "Did we cuddle?"

"Eh, you were mostly laying on me."

She laughed unexpectedly, "Awkward."

"Yeah," I agreed confusedly, still poking at my arm.

"I'm going to bed now," she got up and headed down the dark hallway, "Goodnight, Marti. I had fun tonight."

"Did you really?" I asked. "Without Dan?"

"Yes, without Dan." She stopped and turned, "I'm sorry for being annoying, I really am. I just…I thought that was what I was supposed to do…"

"You are supposed to do that in middle school. You're just several years behind the rest of us."

Savannah made a face that I couldn't really see, "I wasn't allowed to date in middle school."

I stifled a laugh, "Just be yourself. I'll be in, in a minute. I just need to drink some water, so I can function at practice."

"Ok." She disappeared into the shadows.

As I got up I shook my arm in an attempt to get it to work correctly again. I was starting to feel my fingers again. I grabbed a glass and filled it up in the sink. I sighed and turned to lean my back on the counter and drink it. When I turned, I saw someone in the darkness on the other side of the kitchen. I jumped and gasped, but managed to keep quiet.

"Jesus Christ, Alice…" I mumbled as she stepped forward.

She crossed her arms, "Marti Perkins, what're you doing up?"

"I was asleep on the couch and I'm getting some water before I relocate. You?" I sneered.

"I'm not your enemy, I'm really not. Who do you think picked up after your drunk ass and gave you two a blanket?"

"Let me guess…you?" I drank some of my water.

"You two were passed the fuck out when I came in."

"Thanks. What're you getting at?"

"Kelsey has been encouraging my investigative skills."

I raised an eyebrow, "The reporter?"

"Yeah."

"God, you found someone that positively reinforces your fucking being nosy and prying into peoples' lives."

"I'm good at it. We're going to work on a expose on athletes cheating at Lancer."

I drank more of my water, "Do you want to talk to me about this or what? I don't understand what you're doing right now."

"Investigating."

"Investigating me?" I rolled my eyes.

"We're not going to write an article on you or anything unless you turn out to be super interesting. I'm just curious…nosy, if you will. You're a personal project."

I finished my water, put my glass in the sink, and walked past her, tiring of the conversation. As I walked away, I said, "I don't care what you call it, it doesn't change the fact that you're fucking nosy and need to leave me alone."

"The more secretive and bitchy you are to me, the more interesting you are, Marti. Keep that in mind."


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place after Episode 18.

"I feel like we never talk anymore." Savannah burst through the door to our room sans Dan. She slammed the door behind her. Both the door slamming and being without Dan were abnormal.

I looked up from the scribbled pages of guitar tabs I had spread out on my bed, "Huh?"

"You've been keeping to yourself a lot lately." She crossed her arms and had a condescending, but ultimately non-threatening look on her face.

"I have a lot on my mind…dad stuff…Wanda stuff…law school stuff. Nothing personal." Then I said again with a shrug, "Stuff."

"Why don't you want to talk about it? Dan said you've barely talked about it with him and when you did-"

"You've been talking about me with Dan?" I interrupted.

"Yeah…well…we…oh no, are you mad?" She fumbled her words and came to sit down on the edge of my bed. Her accusatory tone vanished and she just looked guilty.

I was mad, but I didn't know why exactly. The rational part of my brain thought the emotional part of my brain was being a dumb piece of shit. I had thought it was stupid when she was mad that Dan and I talked about her and here I was being pissed about the exact same thing. "No, I'm not mad. Whatever."

"You're mad. I can tell you're mad. I didn't mean it like we've been saying bad things or anything like that. We're both just wondering what exactly is going on."

"Nothing," I snapped.

"You've been acting different. You're all distant…from everyone."

"You're with Dan all the time, so what does it matter? I'm surprised either of you noticed." Then out came the passive-aggression.

She paused for a second before asking, "Is this about Dan? Do you still like him?"

"What the fuck, Savannah? No." I got up and gathered the music and then put my dad's guitar in its case. I slung my backpack over my shoulder and then stormed out. Alice was standing outside of the door, obviously listening, but I didn't acknowledge her. I didn't have time for one of her bullshit circular conversations.

Savannah followed me all the way downstairs, "Where are you going? Why won't you talk to me?"

"I'm going to stay at Wanda's," I said before slamming the front door and leaving Cheertown.

I walked the few blocks to The Rat and headed straight for my mother. She was wiping down a table in the back that had just vacated. She looked up, "What is it, honey? You got that look on your face like you're gonna explode."

"Can I borrow your keys and go to your place?" I said as calmly as I could.

"You wanna stay the night again? I figured you'd have had enough of me after a few days. Did somethin' happen?"

"Just give me the keys. I'll come pick you up at close. Everyone in Cheertown is annoying me."

She eyed me and didn't hand them over, "You've been real mad lately and I think you're directin' it at all the wrong people…honestly thought you'd be madder at me."

My phone started ringing. I glanced at it and hit ignore when I saw it was Savannah. I glared at my mom as she tried to look and see who it was. "Do you not want me to spend the night? Do you have plans with Travis?"

"Marti…" She sighed and pulled her keys from her apron, "I know you've never really talked to me about anything…but we-"

"We?" I interrupted her and reached for the keys.

Snatching them away, she said, "Yes. You've shut yourself off from Dan too-"

"Is everyone talking about me behind my back? Jesus."

"He was just worried. You've been disappearing a lot and closing yourself in your room. You don't go out anymore…"

"I'm busy and I'm tired of the bobbleheads. Get off my nuts, Mom."

"That was incredibly vulgar, hun." She handed over the keys, "If you want to talk-"

"Thanks," I said before she could finish and I walked right back out the way I came in. I rounded the corner and crashed into Dan, of all people.

"Marti, hey!" he exclaimed. His face lit up and it made me want to punch him.

"I don't want to talk about it!" I yelled and kept going.

Everyone wanted to fucking talk. I put my stuff in the backseat of Wanda's car and then sat in the front, taking several deep breaths. Instead of driving to Wanda's apartment, I made my way to the guitar store to channel my possibly-not-dead, heroine-addict father, Rex. For some reason, I found it more appealing to focus my thoughts on my dad, who chose drugs over his kid, than anything else at the moment. It made me more depressed than enraged. I was attempting to bottle both feelings, regardless.

Savannah tried calling again and I put my phone on silent then threw it into the passenger seat. Deidre was behind the counter again when I walked into the little hole in the wall place. I clutched Rex's guitar and stood in the doorway as she looked at me awkwardly.

"Do you mind if I sit in here?" I asked her.

"Um…with your guitar?" she asked.

"Yes, obviously. I won't get in the way. I just want to sit. In here. With this guitar. It isn't really mine. It was my dad's."

"I guess it's fine. People don't often ask to sit in here. Actually they never ask if they can just loiter. Loitering is frowned on in most places." The blonde girl didn't move from behind the register, but she watched me carefully as I crossed in front of her and went to the wall where I had pulled off the set list of the elusive Rex Perkins.

"Do you have a chair or a stool or something?" I asked. "Helps for the sitting part."

"Sure…" She disappeared somewhere and then came back with a stool. "How long are you going to sit here?"

I shrugged.

The girl seemed confused by my general existence, or perhaps I was just attributing my own feelings to her because I was confused by my general existence at the moment. I probably did seem like a weirdo though. I did come in, ask a bunch of questions, and then take something off of the wall and leave abruptly the last time I was in the palce.

"Sorry about borrowing that set list," I said.

She looked me up and down, mistrustfully, "So, for real, how long are you going to sit here?"

"Dunno." I pulled out my dad's guitar, hopped on the stool, and then held it on my lap.

"Well, I'll be over here," she pointed back to the counter and register before walking in that direction.

"Ok…" And then I sat there like a weirdo in the guitar shop. A few people trickled in and out, but no one paid me any mind.

After a while Deidre came back over to me with her hands in her pockets, "So…did you figure out anything about your dad?"

"No," I lied. Impulsively. Like I do.

"Oh, ok." She paced toward one of the guitar walls like she had been heading in that direction to start with and only spoke to me in passing.

I looked back down at my dad's guitar and felt the strings. They were shit. They were over a decade old. If I tried to strum the thing, they would surely break and pop me in the eye, blinding me forever. I called after the single employee, "Hey, I'll buy some acoustic strings. I should at least buy something to make up for loitering."

"Ok," she said, not particularly amused nor unamused. She pointed, "Over there. Second aisle."

I got off the stool and put the guitar away again. Going over to the rack, I picked out some strings and then proceeded to the register. I paid and then bade farewell to Deidre. As I put the guitar back into the back of the car, I glanced over my shoulder and saw her standing at the door, watching me. Maybe she wasn't watching me, maybe she was looking outside, but it definitely felt like she was watching me. It was likely that I was being paranoid, since everyone was out to get me today. I definitely felt oddly persecuted.

When I checked my phone, I saw that Savannah called three more times, followed by Dan. Then, to my surprise, Alice called. If one more Hellcat called, I would have to assume that Cheertown had caught fire or that something else equally ridiculous had happened relating to the squad. Unless one of them left a legit message though, I had no plans to return anyone's calls.

Travis had the day off and was sitting on the couch eating potato chips and drinking a beer when I walked in.

"Staying here again tonight?" he asked, not looking away from the screen.

"Yep." I dropped my things on the floor inside the door.

"Couch or bed?"

"Doesn't matter. I just don't want to sleep at Cheertown."

"Cheerleaders picking on you?"

"What? No." I responded and pulled a beer from the fridge.

"What is it then? I'm surprised you keep coming here. I thought you'd be more mad at your mom."

"She said the same thing…" I mumbled and sat down next to him.

"Sorry about everything with your dad. It must suck."

"Yeah, a little."

"People suck."

"True."

He held up his beer for a toast, "To people sucking."

"To people sucking," I agreed and we clinked the bottles together lightly.

"I was in prison over some dumb shit. Your dad was shit." He paused, "How's school? Is it shit too?"

"It's a lot of work. It always has been."

"How's the cheerleading? What's your aversion to Cheertown these days?"

I took a huge gulp of the beer and wondered why I was talking to Travis when I hadn't talked to anyone. I talked to Dan briefly before having an explosion of feelings all over him and turning into an incoherent, idiotic, crying mess. Shit, I hoped that didn't happen with Travis. "Everyone's just annoying me. I can't get anything done there and I can't think."

He accepted my half-lie willingly, "You've seemed a little ruffled lately. Is it all of the dad shit?"

"I guess."

"You guess? Is it also some other shit?"

I took too long to respond, which was basically saying, "Yes, there is other shit."

"You don't have to tell me," he said.

I couldn't snap at Travis like I did everyone else. He had been in prison, and he hadn't really done anything. He was just trying to be nice. I guess everyone else was too, but I just couldn't take it.

He didn't ask again and instead said, "You picking up your mom or should I stop drinking and go get her?"

"If you don't mind…" I looked at him and pouted.

"You're insufferable."

"The keys are on the counter." I grinned. I felt minimally better. I don't know why. It wasn't like I told him anything at all. "Travis?"

"Yep?"

There was something about how he talked to me. There was no bullshit, no obligation, nothing to piss me off. "You remember how we sort of talked after the wedding?"

"Yeah."

I almost blabbed it right then that I had a stupid crush on my roommate, who was also my best friend's girlfriend. Half a beer had made my tongue a bit loose, "Nevermind."

"Alright. Chip?" He offered me the bag.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This picks up right after episode 19 and is also the point that I deviate from the show entirely.

Everyone had paired off, so the obvious course of action was for me to go make out with my professor. He sent me home even though I could have sworn he was coming on to me on several occasions before. He had gotten handsy with my legs the time he gave me a ride home after my bike was stolen for sure. This was awful for my self-esteem. I stood outside on the sidewalk for a while, trying to figure out my Plan C for not spending the night alone.

Julian came out and exclaimed, not expecting me to still be lurking, "Whoa! Miss Perkins, you're still here?"

"Yeah, I…yeah." I shrugged. He probably thought I was some sort of stalker, which was great. I was sure on a winning streak. "Can you give me a ride somewhere?"

He cleared his throat, "I'm not sure that's such a good idea…"

"No, I'm sorry…" I stammered, "I need a ride to a guitar store. It's too far for me to walk at this hour and I still haven't gotten a new bike, and I-"

"Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine." It was overly humid out and I wiped the sweat that had started to bead on my forehead. I wasn't fine. I was losing my mind.

"Come on. Tell me how to get there." He gave in and started walking for his car, which was parked a few feet up the block.

"Thanks," I trailed after him at a safe distance.

He said nothing and didn't look back at me until we reached his car and he opened the passenger side door for me. "Are you sure you're feeling alright?"

"I'm fine, Julian." I insisted and slid into the seat, placing my bag on my lap.

"Professor Parrish, please." He said firmly and closed the door.

I rolled my eyes. Seriously? He was going to come onto me, I was going to do something about it, and then he was going to shut me down? Jesus. Men are idiots and need to make up their minds. I was an idiot and needed to make up my mind, but I ignored that fact.

"Just go straight up here and turn right at the second light, Professor Parrish." I spoke with all of the bitterness I could muster.

He started the car and didn't respond. Now I couldn't even get a reaction out of him. I watched him closely. He kept both of his hands tightly on the steering wheel and I'm sure his palms were sweating.

He made the turn and I said, "Alright, just take the next left and it's about a mile up on the left." I looked at him for a second before adding a delayed and spiteful, "Professor Parrish."

Again, no response – not even so much as a tiny cringe. He was a lawyer though. He knew how to keep his facial expressions under control.

"You can let me out here, I'll just cross the street." I looked over to make sure the open sign still flashed in the window. This would have been a pointless and uneventful little drive if not.

"I'll see you in class next week, Miss Perkins," he said quietly, doing as I suggested. He wouldn't even look at me.

I couldn't bring myself to respond because I was so fucking enraged by his rejection. I reached for the door handle, but he locked it as I pulled. I turned around and sneered, "Unlock the door, Professor Parrish."

"I think we should talk."

"What is there to talk about? Nothing."

"Have you been drinking?" he asked me out of the blue.

"Actually, no. Not yet. I do intend to though very shortly." I pulled on the door again, "Did you put on the fucking child safety latch, or what?"

"Miss Perkins…" he sighed and finally turned to actually look at me as he spoke, "I find you very attractive. You are a bit more impulsive and inclined to making rash decisions than I am comfortable with…not to mention that you're an undergraduate student taking a class with me. It would put my credibility in jeopardy. Can you just imagine what Morgan would say?"

"So…are you breaking up with me? I don't get it. We're not together. We just kissed for two seconds. It was nothing. Let me out of the car."

"I am just saying that we shouldn't pursue it while you're in my class, Miss Perkins. Keep your mouth shut and I'm still going to grade you based on your merits and not on your breasts."

"Thanks, Julian. You're such a gentleman. Can I get out now?"

"You know I'm right, Miss Perkins." He pressed the button and I heard my door unlock.

I did know he was right, but that didn't matter. At least it didn't matter right now. What mattered is that everyone just kept rejecting me all at once. Dan chose Savannah and was keeping secrets from me now. Lewis was probably going to get back with Alice. Savannah clearly had zero interest in my lack of a dick. I darted across the street as soon as there was a break in the traffic, and I didn't even turn around and look at Julian pulled away. I didn't really care, not really.

Pushing open the door to the shop, I heard the little jingle and I looked toward the counter. Deirdre sat behind it with her feet propped up on the top, reading a magazine.

"Hey," I said, approaching her and then tossing my messenger bag next to her feet with a thump, "What time do you get off?"

She glanced at her bare wrist and said, "Nine." Before going back to her magazine. "Why?"

"I was wonder if you wanted to go get a drink with me. Unless you're, like, twelve."

"I'm not twelve," she raised an eyebrow at me. "You don't even know me."

"So let me get to know you. It's Friday night and I don't have shit to do."

"Do you not have your own friends?" She asked with a smirk and took her feet down.

"My best friend is dating my roommate and I just made out with my law professor."

"Excellent." She dropped her magazine behind the counter and stretched, "I know a place about a five minute walk from here. You ok with walking?"

"I'll walk. I used to bike everywhere, but my bike was stolen."

"Bummer. What time is it?"

"I think it's around eight." I went rummaging through my jacket and pants pockets looking for my phone.

"Help me sweep and lock up."

"I thought you said you got off at nine?"

"Eight. Nine. Whatever. It's my dad's store. No one had been in since just after six until you." She said nonchalantly. "Why are you dressed like you went to a funeral? Did someone die?"

"No…I represented my roommate for a student council trial thing. I just didn't change."

Deidre raised an eyebrow at me and motioned for me to follow her. She went to a storage closet and then handed me a broom. "You sweep. I'll restock and we'll be done in fifteen minutes. Hit the switch by the front door to kill the open sign and flip the other sign on the door."

"Alright."

We got all of the tedious shit done, and surprisingly, sweeping the floor helped me clear my head. I felt a lot better. God, I turned into an irrational twat sometimes. I was just frustrated. Sexually frustrated? Frustrated about my junkie dad? Both. Everyone I knew was rubbing me all sorts of wrong. Everyone was lying to me, keeping secrets from me. Fuck them all. I had a new friend. She was not a cheerleader or a fucking film school hack, that hadn't even gotten into film school. She was someone into the same things as me.

"Marti Perkins, let's go get our drink on!" Deidre announced and snagged her own bag from behind the register.

I met her at the door and she hit the light switch, killing the overheard fluorescents. She locked the door behind her and then dropped the key ring into her bag.

"You go to school?" I asked.

"Nah. Just working. You can't get a job with a degree these days anyway."

I wanted to protest, but I didn't. I only scoffed, which elicited a glare. I followed her up the block, "What's your dad like?"

"He's ok."

"Are our conversations going to be like this all night?"

She laughed, "Yeah, if you keep trying to make pointless chitchat with me."

"I'm trying to get to know you. How else do you do that?"

She grabbed my elbow, stopping in her tracks. She turned me toward a small wooden door. Opening it, she pointed me toward a set of stairs, "We go up here, sit at the bar, and cut the bullshit. You didn't seem like someone who would be so full of bullshit."

"I like you. You're not full of bullshit." I said and went up the narrow stairway. At the top was a dimly lit bar. It had old wooden floors and was full of character. Assorted shit and weird old paintings hung on the walls. It was mainly inhabited by old men with beards, seating around the bar and at little tables on the floor. I spotted some pool tables farther in the back.

"Alright. This way." We weaved between a few tables and took a seat at a corner booth.

A waitress came up shortly. I ordered a shot of bottom-shelf whisky and a cheap beer. Deidre watched me, smiled and then also ordered a shot of whisky, and a slightly more expensive beer.

"My mom is the bar manager of The Rat," I told her.

"That seedy place by Lancer?"

I nodded.

"Why didn't we go there?"

Laughing, I said, "I don't really feel like seeing my mom. Most of the Hellcats are probably there anyway. It's their normal haunt."

"Hellcats? Aren't they the fucking cheerleaders? Wait…you're a cheerleader, right?" She seemed amused, and maybe a little appalled.

"I needed the scholarship."

"Right, right." She nodded a thanks to the waitress, who dropped off our drinks. She picked up her shot glass, looking at the amber liquid inside and held it up, "Toast?"

"To what?"

"I dunno. You making out with your professor?"

"I'd rather not toast to that."

"You at least have to tell me about it. It seems like the most interesting thing about you."

"Oh, come on." I could tell she was joking. She was just picking on me. "Toast to new friends."

"Fine. Boring, but fine."

We clanked out little glasses together and then downed the shots.


	15. Chapter 15

Before I even realized what had happened I was five shots, two mixed drinks, and a beer in to this adventure. Deirdre played guitar too. Of course, she did when she worked at that stupid guitar store. She said her dad taught her to play, which is what caused me to have those last two shots. It occurred to me momentarily that I was turning into my mom, but I just couldn't bring myself to stop. The booze made me forget. It made the subject change, we would laugh, and then everything would be good again two seconds later.

"Hey, Marti...how are you getting home?" She looked at me through the bottom of her glass as she downed another gin and tonic.

"Shit...I don't know..." I shrugged. "I'll walk...sleep on a bench in the park...hell if I know." It wasn't relevant. I hadn't thought about it and I had no interest in doing so. I didn't even want to go home.

"Crash at my place and I'll give you a ride back tomorrow...to Cheerworld? Retarded Gymnast Land? What was it?"

"Cheertown."

"Yeah. That."

"Why do you hate all of the cheerleaders? I mean...besides the obvious reasons." She flagged down our waitress, whose name I had forgotten three times now. She pointed to her empty glass and I saw the girl nod without even reaching our table. Deirdre obviously came here a lot. They knew her. They knew what she wanted. I liked that. It was like  _Cheers_  - if only people still watched that show. My mom did, but probably because it was about a bar.

"I don't hate anyone," I said.

"What's going on then?"

I slouched in the booth, shifted around, and hoped she'd forget her question.

"Why are you avoiding everyone and seeking me out? You don't even know me."

Shrugging yet again, I said, "At the risk of seeming weird…I feel kind of drawn to you. You're new and…I dunno. I thought we'd have shit in common."

"You needed a change?"

"I guess so, and well…I was dating this guy on the team, Lewis...but then I made out with my best friend, Dan, who is dating my roommate, Savannah..."

"Right...right..." She nodded to me just as the waitress dropped another drink in front of her. She patted her on the arm to thank her, and I felt suddenly out of place. I was not a regular and this was a haunt of people who were regulars…a secret hole in the wall place that I had been thrust into.

"Do you need another?" The girl asked me. "I wasn't sure before. You looked sort of intense."

"Yes, please." I downed the remainder of my warm beer and hoped my answer would satisfy my drinking companion. I don't know what I expected from her exactly. I didn't expect her to pry shit out of me about the Hellcats that's for sure. I thought we'd talk about music and coming from a single-parent home. Did I even want to talk to her? She was sort of an indifferent third party. I couldn't tell if she cared at all. Maybe she was just humoring me.

"Please be more vague..." Deirdre rolled her eyes at me.

"Lewis broke up with me and Dan is back with Savannah."

"And so you made out with your professor?"

"Yes."

"I see. That is an obvious sort of response."

I pushed my empty glass to the edge of the table, "And then there's this girl Alice who is just...I dunno. Nosy?"

"Nosy?"

"Yes. Like in my business."

"I know what it means, Marti."

"Fuck..." I muttered and stared at the drink the nameless waitress sat in front of me. I watched as Deirdre gave her some sort of hand signal I didn't quite catch and then the girl laughed before walking away. "What was that?"

"Doesn't matter. Tell me about the Hellkittens." She tossed her elbows onto the table and rested her chin in her hands. I couldn't tell if she was genuinely interested or just making an ass out of me, getting some sort of amusement herself.

"Alice is a cunt," I told her.

"Alpha female when you're trying to be alpha female?"

Who was this girl? What the fuck was I doing here? "I think I want to make out with my roommate."

"Savannah?" She responded promptly, not with a bit of judgment, but her voice just asked for confirmation as to the name.

"Yes," I answered.

She sat back and crossed her arms, "So...I guess she's hot then."

"I don't know. I really like her as a human."

"So you have a crush on your best friend's girlfriend, who is also your roommate, and then there is this other guy who doesn't even matter really and a girl who is nosy?" She didn't give me a chance to say anything before she said with disdain, "Your life is hard."

"My mom is also an alcoholic, who thinks I'm in love with Dan and my dad probably died of a heroine overdose."

"Don't say that."

"What? My mom  _is_  totally a drunk."

She blinked and waited for me to understand.

"Oh, my dad. Yeah, that."

"Shit, Marti. You have so many feelings."

With that I gave her a nod and raised my glass and began chugging my beer. I would drink until I didn't feel feelings anymore.

The next thing I remember was stumbling up a bunch of stairs, making a bunch of noise, being incredibly uncomfortable in my fucking power suit, realizing I left my debit card at the bar, and then the blonde girl I followed home put her hand over my mouth.

"Be quiet and don't wake up my dad, ok?" she whispered. "He's a light sleeper."

I nodded and pushed her off of me. I didn't care about waking up some old man. What the hell was this girl doing living at home? Oh, and she worked for her dad. I'd never work for my mom. What was this girl doing with her life? She wasn't going to be anyone. I would be.

She hustled me into her bedroom, which was a disaster area if there ever was one. I couldn't even see the floor and her bed had no frame – it was just a mattress on top of a box spring on the floor. Her walls were plastered in concert posters and some of them were signed, which momentarily caught my interest. I stepped just inside and she closed the door quietly behind us. I didn't know where to step without stepping on something.

"Want the bed?" she asked. "I'll sleep on the floor."

"What floor?" I found myself asking before I could stop myself.

"Fuck you." She snatched a pillow off of her bed and threw it at me. "You sleep on the floor."

"I don't know why I ever bothered with you," I snapped and threw the pillow down. I started to stumble back toward the door.

"I don't know either. You're pretty much a selfish bitch." She still spoke in hushed tones, although I was talking rather loudly.

Rather than making a retreat, I did the opposite. I approached her and shoved her down onto her bed, forcing her into a sitting position. She tried to push me back, but I persisted. I was taller than her and straddled her lap…or maybe fell on her because I lost my balance…I'm not sure which. I grabbed her wrists and held them down at her sides before shoving my face toward hers.

She squirmed, but still tried to keep quiet, not wanting to wake up her dad. She kept turning her face away from me and eventually got an arm free and elbowed me in the ribs, knocking me back. I didn't feel it, but it did jar me.

"What the fuck?" she hissed.

"I thought you…" I let my voice trail off and promptly felt like a complete idiot, in addition to feeling the pain in my chest from her elbow.

Deirdre backed into the corner and stared at me, "Seriously…what the fuck, Marti?"

I pushed my hair out of my face and then just sat on the edge of her bed, farthest from her. "I'm sorry."

"I'm pretty fucking open-minded, but…really?"

"I'm sorry."

"Shh!" She hushed me suddenly and listened. I was apparently not whispering at all.

I listened too and didn't hear anything. I said, "I'm sorry. I'll go home."

"Just…shit, Marti. I'll kiss girls, but not you."

Her comment cut a little deep considering Lewis, Dan, Julian, and Savannah had denied me already. I stood up and started for the door, "Thanks a lot."

"God dammit, Marti…you don't understand."

"I'll get a fucking cab," I said and turned the knob. I wasn't sure if I could find my way out of the messy apartment. "Sorry."

A man stood in the doorway. He had been reaching for the door when I opened it. He looked a bit worse for wear. He wore a white t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. His hair was ruffled and he had a face full of salt and pepper stubble. He blinked sleep from his eyes and froze when he saw me. He looked like he was about to yell, but his mouth hung open and naught came out.

Deirdre came up and stood behind me, "Dad, go back to bed."

He grunted, but didn't go anywhere. He just stood there in the light from her room. He looked me over and asked, "You related to Wanda Perkins, girl?"

"She's my mom…" I muttered unsurely. I wasn't sure what the correct answer was.

"Well…" He cleared his throat, "Son of a bitch."

"I'm sorry. I'm going to go." I averted my eyes from his and started to move around him, but he grabbed my arm as I passed.

He kept staring at me, looking me up and down, but not saying anything. I wanted to pull away from him, but I didn't. I looked back at Deirdre, and she just stood, leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed.

"Sorry, dad," she said, "I was going to take her home in the morning."

"This is her," he said gruffly. A statement. A slightly bemused, very tired statement.

"Yeah."

"What's going on?" I tried to pull away from him weakly, but he grasped my arm tighter.

"You didn't tell the girl?" He spoke to Deirdre and not to me, but he still didn't let me go.

She shook her head, "Didn't get a chance."

He grunted again and then pushed me back in her direction, "My wallet's on the kitchen table. Get her a cab and send her home."

With that, the man disappeared into the shadows.

"C'mon, Marti…" She sighed and passed by me, "Let's get you back to Cheerville."

I just stood there. I didn't know what just happened. "I'm sorry," I said to her again, "I'm really sorry."

"It's fine," she said with a slight smile. She emerged again with a couple bills in her hand and she shoved them into mine. "If it helps repair your ego a bit, I have a far better reason for not making out with you than anyone else."

"What's better than being my professor and fucking up an academic relationship?"

She put her hand on the small of my back and led me back out of the apartment. Once we were on the mostly deserted sidewalk, she said with a laugh, "That man back there…my dad…he's your dad."

"Oh, Jesus…" I slapped myself in the forehead and then I thought I was going to pass out. Maybe I did pass out.


	16. Chapter 16

I stumbled out of the cab and then up the steps into Cheertown. I'd need to go back to that fucking bar for my debit card, but that didn't matter at the second. I was mostly focused on getting inside to curl up and die.

To my utter dismay, Alice was sitting alone in the common room, aimlessly watching infomercials in the dark. Without looking at me, she said, "You were out late."

"Do you ever fucking sleep?" I asked and tried to walk by her, but my heels were causing all sorts of issues and I stumbled, catching myself on the couch. I tried to support my weight, but it wasn't working so well and my feet slipped out from under me, leaving me on my ass on the floor behind the couch. I struggled to pull off the black pumps I had put on to look more like a God damned TV lawyer. The threw them across the room as hard as I could. They clattered against the wall.

Alice looked at me then. "Shit, Marti!" she exclaimed and I swear she was smiling, enjoying that I was a disaster. "You look like hell."

"Fuck you, Alice," I said, finally saying what I was thinking, but after I said it, I just couldn't stop talking. "I tried to make out with my sister."

"What? That blows up my whole only child theory about you if you have a sister. Since when have you had a sister?"

It occurred to me that she was trying to make a joke, but I did not find it remotely funny. "Fuck you," I said again. "I just met my dad."

She turned around to face me more firmly. She looked down over the back of the couch at me on the floor and her smile had vanished, if it were ever really there, "Huh?"

"My dad. My heroine addict dad…I tried to make out with my half-sister…my fucking debit card is somewhere downtown. I took a cab here and I don't even know how I paid…wait…my dad paid…what a nice heroine addict dad…at least he isn't dead..."

"Hey…" She said quietly, "Hey, sit down." She jumped over the back of the couch and helped me get to my feet. Even without my heels I was having all sorts of problems. She got me up, and I let her help me around to the front of the couch and more or less prop me in the corner because I was too exhausted to do otherwise. My feet hurt and my ribs hurt.

"Oh, and I made out with Julian," I added.

"Your hot law professor?"

I nodded.

"Stay," she said firmly and pushed my shoulders back into the cushions. I guess I was trying to get up. "I'll get you some water or something."

I stared at the fucking TV and watched a commercial for some weight loss bullshit…some P90X rip-off.

Alice shoved a glass into my hands and pulled up the coffee table then took a seat on it right in front of me before I could do anything. She looked at me for a minute as I took some small sips of the cold liquid. I was incredibly thirsty and didn't realize it.

"Marti…" She snapped her fingers to get my attention, "Are you going to throw up? Should I take you to the bathroom?"

"Maybe…" I said softly.

"Ok, kid. Do you wanna get out of this fucking stupid outfit you're wearing?" She had grabbed my wrists and for a moment I felt some sort of camaraderie with this girl that I most often made a point to hate. We had joined forces before, but fuck if it didn't just suit our own needs each time.

Did she actually give a shit? Was this just to satisfy her fucking curiosity about me? Did she plan to use this against me? Probably the latter.

"My shoes," I said, suddenly caring about them.

"Leave your shoes, Marti. I'll get them. I want you to hang out in the bathroom and drink that water while I get you something less stupid to wear, ok?"

"Why can't I go to my room?" I stammered and realized my voice was barely audible. At least it sounded barely audible in my own ears. Maybe I was still yelling.

"You don't wanna go in there right now, ok? You're going to bed in my room tonight."

"No…" I tried to protest.

"Well, that's too bad." She pushed the glass toward my face and reminded me, "Drink this water. The whole glass, and then you'll probably need another and I'll get you a fucking B12 too…trying to save you from dying at practice tomorrow."

"Why? What practice?"

She looked at me like she didn't understand what I'd asked, but then she said, "Because when you look like an ass, we all look like asses. You're the fucking black sheep of the Hellcats already. We have practice at seven."

I wanted to argue, but I knew it was true, and I had forgotten about practice completely. Every motherfucking thing that Alice said was true. That bitch was like a paragon of facts that I wanted to ignore. She helped me up and put her arm around me until she got me to the nearest bathroom where she deposited me on the linoleum floor with my glass of water. I didn't feel terribly nauseous except when I thought about Deirdre and about my dad, and about how I'm an idiot. Almost making out with a sibling would make anyone hurl. I leaned back against the cold toilet basin and sipped the water until Alice came back. What else was there for me to do?

"Can I go to my room now?" I asked her.

"Nah. Put on these clothes and you can have the extra bed in my room tonight." She tossed the pants and t-shirt down in front of me. "Chop chop, Marti. I don't have all night. I need to get at least three hours of sleep to function."

I pushed the items away, "Just leave me alone."

"You want to sleep in the bathroom? Do you want someone to find you in here in the morning and then have to explain that you made out with your professor and your sister?"

"No…"

The next thing I remember in the strange series of events was Alice sitting next to me on one of the tiny twin beds in her room. She ended up with a room to herself. I assumed because she was such a bitch and no one wanted to share a room with her, but I felt vaguely bad for thinking that now as she was sitting with me as I sobbed pointlessly into her arm and couldn't remember why.

"Fuck, Marti…I've seen you change in the locker room before. Relax," she said and laughed slightly. Her arm was around my shoulders and she held my glass of water in her other hand.

I tried to compose myself, feeling increasingly like a moron. I wiped my eyes with the heels of my hands and I apologized, "Sorry…"

"For what? Being drunk? Being a cunt all the time? Or what?"

"Everything…"

"Are you having some kind of meltdown?" She was trying so hard to make me laugh.

"I tried to make out with my sister," I reminded her.

She handed me the water and then said, "I haven't quite made sense of all the jibberish that has come out of your mouth, but…you seem to have made out with your hot law professor and then he gave you a ride to hook up with your sister…at which point you met your dad…and then most everything else made no sense whatsoever."

I leaned my head onto her shoulder and slouched down. Alice slouched with me and brushed my hair out of my face.

"Yes, I'm having a meltdown." I said after realizing that I was cuddling with Alice Verduta in the extra bed in her room, which she had furnished so not to have a tacky room, I was sure.

"I knew it was a matter of time."

"You're a bitch," I snapped, defensively.

"Yeah, I know," she said apathetically and squeezed my shoulders tighter for a moment, comfortingly.

"You don't even care…"

"That's the difference between us: you care and try to pretend you're not a bitch. I don't even pretend. That's why you're having a meltdown and I'm not."

"I think I'm in love with Savannah…" was the next bit of word-vomit that came tumbling from my mouth, not even prompted. I couldn't stop it.

"I knew that."

"You did?" I looked at her and saw that she was grinning widely, amused by my humiliation. I knew it.

"Yeah." She answered matter-of-factly, "I've just been waiting for you to admit it. How long did it take you to figure it out?"

"I know it's fucking pointless to say this, but…don't tell anyone…" I slouched down even further under the comforter and she took the sweating glass of water from my hand before I spilled it. "Please…please…" I felt like I was going to cry again.

"I haven't told anyone yet, have I? I won't until it'll benefit me."

I couldn't tell if she was joking or not, but I couldn't argue anymore – I was too fucking tired. I closed my eyes tightly. When they were open, the room just kept spinning. I fell asleep with Alice playing gently with my hair.

…

I woke up with a pounding headache in Alice's arms of all places. It took me a moment to remember how I got there and even then, there were large bits missing, but there I was, resting my head on her chest and with my arms wrapped around her tightly. One of her arms rested under me and the other was draped over me, almost protectively. I was just thankful we weren't naked because that would have been an epic ending to the worst night in the world.

As I stirred and assessed my surroundings, so did Alice.

"Hey, you…" she greeted me softly. "You ok?"

"No…" I sat up and cleared my throat. I felt parched and the little bit of morning sunlight looked ominous.

"You didn't finish your water," she said and indicated toward the half full glass on the nightstand.

"Christ…" I rubbed my head. "It wouldn't have made a difference."

"Do you remember how you got in here?"

I thought so, but it was all mostly a blur. I remembered being on the couch, then in the bathroom, then in this bed. "Whatever. Don't tell anyone."

She slid out of the bed and stretched, "Do you think I want anyone to know that I spent the night babying your wasted ass? No."

"Fine. Our secret."

"You remember what you told me?"

I felt dizzy. The room was spinning still, but I vaguely remembered and it made my head hurt even more, "Fuck…"

"That's a yes." She handed me a bottle of Aspirin she had sitting on the end table for this exact moment, I was sure. She also handed me the water, "What time is it?" I didn't know and I didn't know where my phone was. She fumbled for hers and then mumbled, "Fuck...forgot to set my alarm. It's quarter to six. Get ready for practice. Don't think I'm not going to give you shit today because you molested your sister."

"Half-sister," I corrected. "I didn't molest either."

She smiled, "Doesn't matter. You're still a creeper."

"What all did I tell you?" I asked.

She paused and looked at me, "I guess you don't remember then…" She began rummaging through her dresser for a sports bra and some shorts for practice. "You better get out of my room before everyone else wakes up. I totally forgot to set my alarm because of your psychotic break last night. Luckily, you woke up."

"Yeah…whatever, Alice." I forced myself out of the bed and shuffled across the floor and out of the room. I carried the bottle of pills and the water into the kitchen where I took three and then put the rest back in the cabinet. I downed the water, feeling exceptionally dehydrated. I refilled it and was drinking it down again when Lewis poked around the corner.

"When did you get in?" he asked. "Where were you all night?"

"Just now," I lied. "I went out with some people."

"And you changed into your pajamas instead of your clothes for practice? Did you forget we have practice?" He looked at me accusingly, but I didn't know what the fuck he could be accusing me of.

Alice pranced around the corner and brushed up against Lewis seductively, "You forgot about practice didn't you, Perkins?"

"Shut up, Alice. I'm going to go change now. You're both dicks."

"What's the matter with her?" I heard Lewis asked Alice as I went back down the hall toward my own room.

"She always has something or another up her ass," was her response and for that I was momentarily thankful.

When I opened the door to my room, I came upon a sight that I was not prepared for and only then did it hit my why Alice hadn't let me go to my own fucking room the night before. I had remembered very much wanting to sleep in my own bed. I had expected to find Dan on the floor between our beds snoring, and to find Savannah getting ready, if not already ready and stretching. Needless to say, that is not what I found...

Instead, there were Savannah and Dan, in the same bed - in that tiny fucking twin bed. I'd shared my bed with Lewis, and now I'd shared a bed with Alice. Dan was shirtless. I saw his bare chest that I was quite familiar with. Savannah was still covered by the sheets and coverlet. She lay partially on top of him almost exactly as I had found myself flopped over Alice this morning.

I ignored it and went to my closet. My head was pounding and I finally felt legitimately nauseous. Incredibly nauseous. I wasn't sure if I'd thrown up the night before, but I was pretty sure I'd throw up if I didn't get the hell out of that room as fast as I could. I glanced over my shoulder and changed into some shorts, put on a sports bra, and pulled a t-shirt over. I grabbed my gym bag from next to my bed.

"Wake the fuck up. We have practice." I said loudly and slammed the door on the way out. I stomped through the rest of the house and out of the front door to head to the gym before everyone else.

I heard the door open behind me and close again, but I didn't look back. I didn't care who it was. I wanted to run until I threw up. Or died - that was an option too, and it was the option I currently preferred.

"I thought she'd be up by now…she always is…" Alice caught up to me, but walked slightly behind me, so not to seem like she was walking with me.

"What's your point?"

"Marti…come on, cut your act with me while no one's looking."

"What act?" I didn't look back and kept walking.


	17. Chapter 17

I ran a pretty slow two miles around the track before going in the gym to join the rest of the Hellcats for practice. Alice left me alone. She stayed inside to use the equipment, I figured.

Vanessa clapped as I walked in and clutched the stitch in my side, "Way to go, Marti! Showing some extra initiative to make sure you're in peak shape before Nationals!"

I forced a bit of a smile and caught Alice eyeing me. I thought she'd make some comment about how she came early too, but she didn't. Instead she clapped a few times and maintained her expressionless face. I heard a few unenthusiastic shouts of approval from a few other people. No one was particularly awake yet. I think everyone had an exciting Friday. Saturday morning practices always kind of sucked.

Savannah tried to fight a yawn, but couldn't and then she put on her best peppy face and shouted, "Alright, Hellcats! Let's run a mile to get warmed up and then we'll stretch and practice our new routines!"

I jogged out of the gym toward the water fountain where I filled up a little cup and drank it slowly. I finished off three and then went back outside to the track to start running again.

"You doing ok?" Lewis asked, running up next to me.

"I'm good. Shouldn't have stayed out all night, but I'm fine." I told him and kept running. I hated talking and running. He knew this.

"It's good that you're powering through today," he said, "The past few weeks, you haven't seemed to have your heart in this."

"I never had my heart in this, I'm just doing it for the scholarship."

He shook his head and laughed a bit before he increased his stride to run ahead of me.

I stopped thinking and just focused on running. I concentrated on my breathing and counted each time my feet hit the ground and then I went through the stretches and stupid routines like an automaton before fleeing to the showers. I hadn't puked and awarded myself ten points. I had a plan. I was going to go to Wanda's and sleep on the couch and not tell her anything that had happened, just say I was tired from practice. Then I would go to the library.

That plan went out the window when I was heading back to my locker and Savannah grabbed my wrist. I turned and looked at her.

She let out a forced and awkward laugh and playfully punched me in the arm, "Hey, I got that whole virginity thing out of the way finally."

"Goody," I said to her flatly.

Her fake smile disappeared, "You were like my best friend a few months ago…what happened? Is it Dan? Because that's messed up. You told me over and over that you didn't like him."

I needed to stop being so transparent. I had to stop letting people know something was wrong. I had to make it stop being so obvious that everything around me was going to shit. I plastered on a smile of my own, "Savannah, I'm sorry. I'm just so busy with everything and all of this family stuff. We can have a girls' night or something if you can cut yourself loose from Dan for an evening and we'll catch up, ok? I promise."

She bought it and her face lit up. I doubted she would be able to let Dan have an evening without her. She could barely function when he went to work on props for his film school trailer for one night. She jumped a little, excitedly, "Ok, I'll let you know when night!"

"See you later."

She waved and then scampered into the showers.

I grabbed my bag from my locker and began executing my plan. I got back to Cheertown, which was still and deserted. When I opened the door to my room, I felt another wave of nausea seeing Dan sitting on the edge of Savannah's bed, putting on his shoes and socks.

Reminding myself that I needed to put up a better act I gave him a firm clap on the back, "I heard you finally popped that cherry!"

He looked up at me and half-smiled.

"That bad, huh? Did she just lay there like a dead fish?"

Shrugging he said, "Nah. I just hope she loosens up a little now."

"You know what happens when you fuck virgins, Danny-boy," I laughed and started collecting the books I needed.

"I know, I know…but it's not like she's a one-night stand who is going to end up stalking me. She's my girlfriend," he sounded slightly offended.

"Yeah, I know." I didn't look at him until I'd finished gathering my things. He had stood up and taken a few steps toward me. "What?" I asked. He looked at me oddly, in a way that made me a bit uncomfortable. I knew he was about to say something stupid. He was thinking and trying to grow the balls to say this stupid thing. I shook my head, "No, Dan. Don't be an idiot."

"Marti, I…" He started, but he hesitated.

I took the opportunity to walk around him and toward the door.

"Marti, wait."

Like an idiot, I turned and said, "What is it?"

In the back of my mind, I damn well knew exactly what it was, but I was hoping it wasn't it. He shifted put his hands in his pockets and slumped his shoulders a bit before he said, "Savannah's just…she's not you."

"Nope. Not doing this." I turned on my heel and left my room, closing the door behind me, leaving him standing in the middle of the room alone.

Before I had a chance to make it out of the front door, he ran out after me. He grabbed my shoulder and spun me around before latching onto my arms and looking down at me. "Last night was a mistake, but it made me realize-"

"No, Dan!" I shouted.

"I don't get you, Marti. You're a fucking mess and your life is a mess and I know that, but I still want you. You're bad for me and everyone agrees…except Wanda because she's…well…Wanda." He spoke to me rushed and hurried. He knew as well as I was that everyone else would be coming back in minutes. "You always want me when you can't have me."

"No, I don't. You've got everything all wrong." I tried to speak to him calmly and rationally.

He shook me a little, "Marti, I realized last night that I don't want to settle for second best. Savannah is wonderful. She deserves someone better than me."

I squinted at him, "But I do deserve you and all of your mediocrity?"

Letting me go only to throw his hands in the air in exasperation, he said, "You know what I mean!"

"No, actually I don't. Are you breaking up with Savannah for me?"

"Yes!" He looked excited as if I finally understood.

"No, you're not." I reached behind me for the door, thinking I could slip out before this became increasingly stupid. I couldn't handle this right now.

"Why not?" He looked sad again with his big, dopey eyes.

"Dammit, Dan. I can't deal with this. I can't. Not now. Not ever." I grabbed the door and made it out onto the steps, but then I turned and threatened, "If you break up with Savannah the day after you took her virginity, I will kill you. I swear to God, you will be dead. All sorts of dismembered, castrated and strung up all over town."

"But Marti…" He attempted to protest, "I love her, but I'm not  _in_  love with her."

I turned and looked at him again, appalled now, "You've watched too many shitty movies, sir."

Dan came down the steps after me. He really had watched too many movies. He clearly thought this was some dramatic romantic gesture sure to stop me from leaving. He dashed up in front of me and because I felt stupidly exhausted I wasn't fast enough to duck and dodge. Before I could even step to the side, he had put his hands on either side of my face and kissed me.

I shoved him and screamed, "Dan! You fucking idiot!" I punched him as hard as I could in one of his pecs. "You're an asshole! You are a huge asshole!"

He didn't respond. He stood there like a deer in headlights, frozen. I thought I had finally gotten my message through his thick skull, but then I realized he was looking behind me. I took a deep breath and Murphy's Law echoed in my mind – anything that can go wrong will go wrong…anything bad that can happen will happen. I had two options, turn around and see the squad with their mouths agape because I had just kissed Savannah's boyfriend again and in broad daylight in front of Cheertown…and of course, I bet no one could hear what I was yelling at him. Or…I could walk around him and pretend I had no idea they were there and I could go to Wanda's, pretending the entire thing never happened.

"Savannah, hey…" The huge buffoon choked out.

Everything was silent. I didn't hear any birds or any cars. Nothing. I looked down. I stared at my shoes. They were dirty. I could still go. I could run. God, that would be ridiculous…if I fled the scene of the crime like that. There was grass poking through the crack in the sidewalk. I wanted to run away from everyone. Of course this would happen today. Of course it would. There was no other day that this could happen. I couldn't move. I was stuck there, staring at the grass and my fucking shoes.

"You never learn, do you, Marti?" Lewis' voice rand out in the silence, filled with condescension and bitterness, and then all hell broke loose.


	18. Chapter 18

I turned around to face my accusers and immediately tried to diffuse what they were all surely thinking, but it was a completely vain attempt, "That wasn't what it looked like!"

"It looked like you making out with Dan and then playfully punching him and flirting," Darwin stated, confirming all of my fears. There was yelling and pointing. I should have just run away.

"No-" I started to say.

"Savannah," Dan cut me off, "We need to talk."

She was standing back in the midst of over half of the squad, and I already saw that she was on the verge of tears. Her fists were clinched and I couldn't look at her anymore. I looked at everyone else instead. Their faces…their fucking disapproving faces. The same faces that I had seen before, but worse. The faces that meant they all hated me even more. I got Savannah out of the shit she was in with the plagiarism and then I kissed her boyfriend…again. It was like I betrayed them all though. I was some shifty bitch. Alice stood in the back and maintained the same expressionless gaze from the beginning of practice. She knew. She knew it wasn't what it looked like and she could defend me, but that would mean sharing my secret, and right now…this moment it would not benefit her at all to tell anyone, so I knew she wouldn't. Part of me wished she would just let lit slip. Another part of me wanted to beat Dan to the verge of death.

"You can't even use the excuse that you were drunk this time, Marti," Lewis was mad. I didn't understand why he was so mad. It wasn't like I was dating him anymore or anything like that at all.

Dan stepped up and went toward Savannah. The squad closed in around her protectively.

"What could you possibly have to say, Dan Patch?" She asked, her voice abnormally clear for someone I'm sure was crying.

"Or are you still drunk from last night?" Lewis continued berating me.

I just stood there.

Dan was flustered, "Savannah, please. We need to talk."

"You have sex with me and then you make out with Marti?" She screamed and now I could tell that she was crying. Her voice cracked at inopportune times and it made me want to die.

I heard what sounded like a collective gasp, followed by more yelling - yelling at me and yelling at Dan, attempting to comfort Savannah. Alice remained standing in the back and her lips curled into the most villainous smirk I had ever seen. Maybe it wasn't villainous…maybe I just wanted it to be. Regardless of the exact level of nefariousness of her smile, she was amused at the very least. Savannah hadn't told them all about the night before. This made me even worse.

I couldn't bring myself to say anything else. I knew it wouldn't do any good. I clutched the strap of my messenger bag, adjusted it across my chest, turned, and began walking toward Wanda's. I wanted to run, but I couldn't. My legs felt like jell-o, my chest hurt, and there was a huge knot in my stomach that felt like it was made of glue.

Lewis yelled after me, "You have the nerve to just walk away?"

I threw my hand up in the air and gave him the finger. I refused to do this. This bullshit on top of everything else was too much. I couldn't deal with this right now. I had a dad who wasn't dead and I had managed to molest my half-sister and make out with my law professor. The only person I cared about was Savannah and I'd just done something to make her hate me forever - or she thought I did.

Glancing at my watch I realized it was only a little after 10:30 and Wanda was probably just waking up…if she was even awake. I kept walking and I didn't look back. It was a reasonable journey, but I didn't mind. I focused on my breathing and counted my steps, just as I had done when I was running. I wanted to be completely fucking exhausted when I got there. I wanted to pass out on the couch and sleep for hours. I was already pretty fucking exhausted, but I wanted to be almost too tired to make it up the damn front steps.

I rolled up to the apartment building at 11:08 and forced myself up the steps and then up another flight and to the door. I pulled out my keys and opened the door. All was quiet. My mom wasn't up yet, nor was Travis stirring in my old bedroom. I closed the door quietly and locked it back and headed for the couch. I moved a mostly empty popcorn bowl to the coffee table from one of the cushions and rummaged the TV remote from the crack by the arm. I flipped on the TV and turned the volume down low.

"Holy shit!"

I jumped and turned around.

"Oh, it's you, Marti…" My mom let out a huge sigh, and clutched at her chest being melodramatic. "What're you doin' here so early?"

"It's after 11. I'm taking a nap before I go to the library to study."

She rubbed her eyes. Her hair wasn't done and she had on no make-up. She had literally just woken up. "Why don't you sleep in Cheertown anymore?"

The act, I still needed to maintain although everything having to do with the Hellcats just went to shit. "Honestly? Savannah and Dan are annoying me. Also, I slept there last night if you didn't notice."

Her eyes grew wide, "Oh my God…are they sleepin' together with you in the room? I know how that is, especially when you're in bed alone!"

Wanda had such a way with words…

And then she just kept talking, making all sorts of assumptions from my simple sentence. "I can't believe Savannah finally put out! And Dan…he has taken on such responsibility. I always thought he'd end up with you, but I guess you two are still young."

I flopped over onto my side and put the throw pillow over my head.

She didn't stop, "Oh, honey. I'm so sorry. I bet you're tired. I'll leave you alone now, so you can rest." But she didn't. She went on, "I'm gonna give that Dan Patch a talkin' to when I see him."

I thought she was done, so I put my head on the pillow instead and curled up.

The moment I felt myself starting to drift off, she started up again with, "Oh, Marti…since you're here…would you mind cleanin' the kitchen before you go? Travis and I just don't have time. We've been workin' so much lately. It's so busy this time of year. You know, at least one of the Hellcats comes in every night. Alice has been havin' meetings at The Rat with that reporter friend of hers. I think they might be lesbians."

I pretended to be asleep, thinking she'd stop talking.

"Alice is such a pretty girl and so nice. I'm not sure why she's not the captain. She seems to have a better head on her shoulders than Savannah. Nothing against Savannah, she's a sweet girl, but she's just so sheltered. I can't believe Dan picked her…well…I can because she's hot. It's in an obvious sort of way though. You, you have a much better personality. You're so much more interesting and adventurous. You have so much character. Even Alice. She has a nice ethnic look to her."

"Mom, shut up!" I finally snapped.

"Oh, goodness…I forgot you were tryin' to sleep!"

I listened and heard her footsteps heading for the bathroom. I was thankful. The things that came out of her mouth never ceased to amaze me. Again, when I started to drift off, I was awakened - this time by my phone vibrating in my bag. I rummaged quickly and pulled it out. It was Dan. I hit ignore and then turned the whole damn thing off and went to sleep. I would avoid the entire situation for as long as I possibly fucking could, which I knew wouldn't be too long because we had practice again the next day.

...

"Marti. Marti Perkins." Wanda's voice rang out in the silence. I ignored it and kept my eyes shut. I groaned and rolled over so that my face was buried in the back of the sofa. I clutched the throw pillow to my chest.

She poked me in the shoulder and when I didn't respond, she grabbed me and shook me.

"What is it?" I flopped onto my back and swatted her away.

Wanda stood up and put her hands on her hips, "I'm about to go to work."

"Alright…" I mumbled. That meant it was almost 4. I'd been asleep for a while. "Have fun. I'll clean the kitchen."

"Wait one minute, Marti Perkins." She looked down at me like I'd done something wrong, but I'd been asleep, so it wasn't possible. For once, I was sure I hadn't done anything. "I just got off the phone with Dan Patch and we had the strangest conversation…"

"Oh, God…" I grabbed the pillow and flopped it onto my face.

"He said he broke up with Savannah and the Hellcats beat him up."

I laughed a little and peaked out from under the pillow to see her looking at me confusedly. I halted my laughter and covered my face again.

"He told me he's been tryin' to get ahold of you. Is your phone off?"

"Yeah, I was tired." I said into the pillow.

"He's your best friend and he wants to talk to you. He got beaten up by cheerleaders. I'm sure it's hurt his ego. He's a very sensitive boy."

"What else did he tell you?"

"Nothing. He's just very upset and wanted to know if you were here."

I sat up, "What did you tell him?"

"Well…I said yes and that you were takin' a nap. He said he was comin' right over to talk to you."

"Dammit, Wanda," I huffed and felt suddenly completely awake. I grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder. "I'm sorry about the kitchen. I'm going."

"Marti, wait!"

But I didn't. I hauled ass out of there and away. I pretty much sprinted back to campus, and I took the strangest route, through alleys and behind businesses, cutting through apartment complexes. I didn't want to risk running into that huge idiot that I considered my best friend. Forty minutes later I made it to the law library and there was Morgan trotting in happily ahead of me. I slowed my pace and hung back so he wouldn't see me.

I lingered outside, even after he had passed through the doors. Feeling he had enough time to move past the circulation desk, I went in.

Morgan had not moved past the circulation desk and he appeared to be chatting up the middle-aged woman who worked there. I quickly ducked to the right and B-lined for the bathroom.

"Hey, Perkins!"

I winced and stopped. I couldn't pretend I didn't hear him. He was so loud.

"Doing some Saturday evening studying, I see!"

"Yep, sure am." I said, turning around.

"Where are you going?"

"Bathroom."

"Why are you so sweaty?"

"Ran here."

That statement baffled him. "Oh."

"So I'm going to get going now, Morgan."

"Oh…uh…" He shifted around awkwardly, "I'm actually meeting with Julian to go over a few things. I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you joined."

"No. Thank you though. I'm going now…to the bathroom." I pointed.

He looked around and back at the door, "Julian should be here any minute. Oh…there he is."

By that time, I had already made it to the bathroom door. I slinked inside and waited. Morgan was calling Julian by his first name? Had he done that before? Why did I even notice? It didn't matter. I didn't care if Morgan were blowing him on the side. I looked like a mess. I shouldn't have even bothered showering after practice. How was I supposed to know I'd end up running to the library from my mom's?

A few girls came and went in the bathroom. They paid me no mind as I occupied the space in front of one of the sinks. I splashed some cold water on my face and then decided it was time to venture out and into the bookstacks, where I hoped I'd be safe.

I trudged out and then to the elevator, sticking close to the wall. It felt like forever before the elevator made it back down to the first floor, and then closed my eyes and picked a random floor. I rode it alone up to eight, got off, and ventured to a cubicle in a back corner. It was deserted. I sat down and planted my face on the cool wood of the desk. I didn't care who had been there before and I didn't care if they rubbed their ass on it. It felt good.

I reached into my bag and pulled out my phone. I weighed the options of turning it on or leaving it off. I pressed the button to make it come back to life, waited for a minute, and then the flood of texts came, one by one. Deirdre. Alice. Savannah. Dan. Lewis. Wanda. They kept coming and coming, vibrating my phone wildly. I was glad it was in my hand and not on the desk because it would make a ton of noise…maybe even vibrate through the cheap wood. I also had six voicemails, which I wouldn't bother with at all.

The first few texts were from Alice, demanding I return to Cheertown promptly. There were a couple from Savannah, and they were all angry – telling me I was the worst friend in the world, ever. Then the texts from her stopped and Lewis sent me an apology. Fuck, I hoped Alice hadn't spilled my secret. I hoped Dan fessed up to being a dickbag and told everyone I was not reciprocating his advances. He texted me several times, telling me we needed to talk about what happened. There were some more from Alice, but they were just the same; her asking me where I was and telling me I needed to come back. In the midst of all of the Hellcats' messages, there was one from my dear half-sister, which read:

_Hope u made it home ok. Sorry about last night. If u never talk 2 me again I understand._

She should be the one never talking to me again. I opted to text her back and no one else. I should have been the one apologizing. I felt I needed to apologize to her for the rest of my life to make up for the stunt I pulled. I guess she apologizing for the fact that her dad is my dad and she knew the entire time. I apologized to her and told her it was ok – a nice generic text. I couldn't decide if I was mad about the whole Rex being alive thing and her not telling me or not. I wasn't really mad about anything at the second. I felt sort of weird, but maybe it was just the remainder of my hangover and the fact that I had run so much in one day. Or my body was shutting down because I was completely overwhelmed. Whatever.

I got out one of my books and flipped it open, remembering that I needed to get my debit card from that accursed bar. Just as I had the realization, my phone vibrated. Deirdre again.

_What r u doing tonite? I got ur card. I can bring it by._

I pondered a response and ultimately told her I wouldn't be going back to Cheertown and to drop my card off at The Rat. Then she wanted to know if I would like to have a drink, just one this time. She emphasized that point. I agreed and we settled on a rendezvous at 10pm at The Rat. It seemed like a terrible idea. So many things could go wrong. So much horrible shit could happen if I went there. I would have to slink off into a dark corner and hope it was busy enough that Wanda wouldn't notice me.

Shit. I wanted to change the location, but damn if Deirdre didn't want to go to The Rat. I think she just wanted to see what my mom looked like. I couldn't tell her no because I had tried to make out with her in my drunken stupor. Was I being self-destructive? I was certainly setting myself up for disaster, that much was for sure.


	19. Chapter 19

I slinked into The Rat. I had stealthily gone to the gym and grabbed a dark sweatshirt from my locker. I pulled up the hood to cover my mess of hair and I hoped I could hide in the shadows. I grabbed a table as far from the bar as I could. It was also far from where most people congregated. There was a terrible view of the TVs and it was nowhere near the pool tables. I shot Deirdre a quick text telling her where to find me, and then I sat and looked at my phone.

"Hey there, what can I get you today…Marti?"

"Dammit, Travis…" I looked up. I hadn't even seen him coming. This was just my luck.

"Are you incognito?" he asked.

"Yeah. Don't tell Wanda I'm here and can you just bring me some water?"

"You got it." He didn't even bother writing it down on his note pad and he left me alone. I wondered if my mom had told him anything. Probably. Wanda loved gossip, especially if it was about me…and Dan.

A few minutes later, Deirdre sat down across from me, "What're you sitting way back here for?"

"I'm avoiding my mom." I answered honestly.

"Why?"

I smirked a little, "If you knew her you'd understand."

"Introduce me."

"You didn't introduce me to your dad… _my_  dad."

"Good point." She dug around in her bag, pulled out my card, and then slid it across the table for me.

"I'm really sorry about last night."

"It's all good," she was amused now, "It's sort of funny actually. You'll totally laugh about it one day."

"Yeah…"

Travis came up and sat my glass of water on the table, "Whose your friend, Marti?"

"Deirdre," I nodded toward her.

"And what can I get you, young lady?" He smiled kindly. If I didn't know him, I might think he was a creeper.

"Scotch on the rocks with a splash of water."

"Ooh…" He scribbled it down, making a noise as if he were impressed. "You're not a Hellcat. Where did Marti pick you up?"

She laughed, "At an old music store up the road."

"Gotcha. Has anyone told you two that you almost look like sisters?"

She laughed even louder, boisterously. I wanted her to shut the fuck up before people noticed me. "Go get my drink, Travis."

He nodded and departed our company.

"So who is this Travis character?" She asked me.

"The guy I got out of jail who lives with my mom."

"Are they dating?"

"I don't know. Probably."

"He seems nice."

I answered, "He is."

"So where's your mom?"

"Behind the bar. Why are you so interested in my mom?"

She shrugged, "Curious, I guess."

"Fair enough." It was exactly what I thought.

Travis came back shortly and deposited her little glass in front of her. He stood in front of me, obviously blocking me from someone's view. He asked quietly, "Are you hiding from the Hellcats too?"

"Yeah."

"Well…don't move. Alice just came in."

"Fuck me…" I buried my face in my hands and mumbled, "I just can't get a break."

"Deirdre, make some chit-chat with me or something so I don't look weird just standing here silently at this table," he told her.

"What were you in prison for?" she asked him, bluntly. She was potentially the most tactless person ever. Well, second to Wanda.

"Christ, Marti." He glared at me and then told her, "Robbing a pharmacy, but it was my third strike."

"I see," she nodded knowingly, but I was sure she knew nothing about the Three Strikes Law. "Are you dating Marti's mom?"

"This is really awkward. Are you already drunk, girl?" He quickly glanced over his shoulder. I assume to check Alice's location. "Yes. Alice is sitting at the bar, talking to Wanda. I think she's staying there."

I kept my face in my hands and asked, "Seriously?"

"About me and your mom or about Alice at the bar? Both were serious." He patted me on the back. "Want a drink?"

"No…" I groaned.

"Alright. I'll come block for you again if Alice moves."

Deirdre found all of this hilarious and realized I was hiding from assorted people, so she attempted to keep her laughter to a minimum. She waved her hands in front of her face, fanning herself, exhausted from laughing so much at my expense. She took a huge gulp of her drink, which almost made me gag just at the thought.

"Ok…so…why are you hiding from everyone?"

"I don't want to go into it really."

"Are you trying to be mysterious or some shit?"

This girl was a bitch. She was as bad as Alice. Maybe worse. Yet I couldn't bring myself to be mad at her. "No."

"Whatever you say."

I rolled my eyes, "Why didn't you tell me your dad was my dad? You obviously knew from the beginning."

"What was I supposed to do? Your ass randomly walked in looking for your dead dad's shit, and then I realized your dad wasn't dead and that he was my dad. What was I supposed to say exactly?" She sucked the last of her drink down, leaving barely melted ice.

With a sigh, I said, "Good point."

"I'm sorry." For a moment, she showed some humanity.

"You told him about me though…"

"Yeah."

"So you knew about me before."

"No."

I eyed her suspiciously.

Travis ambled up again and pointed to her empty glass. She nodded and he took it away. She looked back at me as if trying to read me as well, and she said, "Look. I was pissed at first because I was like, "Who is this bitch who thinks my dad is her dad and that he's dead?" Ok? So I asked my dad if he had another kid, and then he told me, and then I was sort of curious. I didn't know how to fucking tell you. I could just be all, "Hey Marti, your dad's not dead. He was just here five minutes before you walked in." you know?"

"Yeah…yeah…" She was right. How the fuck does someone tell someone that? It's not like she lied. She just didn't tell me. She wasn't like Wanda. I was like Wanda though, more than I cared to admit. I wondered if she were more like Rex…my dad. "What happened to your mom?"

"Well…" she cleared her throat, as Travis approached.

He got her another drink and asked me again, "You sure you don't want anything?"

"God, just bring me a beer. Whatever the special is."

Smiling, he said, "Be right back."

Deirdre began her story, "My dad…our dad – shit, that's weird to say.  _Our_  dad was doing tons of heroin and blow. When he went on his binges, he apparently slept with a lot of women."

"So there might be more little Rex babies running around?" I shivered. I didn't know if I was repulsed or what. I didn't really feel much of anything.

She nodded, "Yeah…crazy. Your mom took you and left him, and then my mom, who was more of a useless deadbeat than him, dumped me on him, and that was when he decided he needed to get his shit together, since he'd been saddled with a kid."

My dad wouldn't clean up for me, but he did for her. Fuck my life.

Travis handed me the beer and then hovered. "Alice is on the move," he said. "I think just to the ladies' room. She's been talking to Wanda about whatever shit went down this morning. I've only heard pieces, but shit."

"What happened this morning?" Deirdre asked.

"Nothing. Don't worry about it." I said between my teeth.

He looked around and then focused on the girl sitting with me, "So where are you from?"

"Here."

"Oh, that's cool…" His words and mannerisms were all deliberate, and I knew Alice was close.

I tried to make myself as small in the chair as I could. I hunched forward, slouched over my beer and adjusted my hood. I tried to make sure my face was covered as well as I could, masked in shadow. I went for the bag with my heel to push it further under the table. Alice would recognize my bag. She would probably also recognize my shorts. I knew I shouldn't have come here.

"Hey, Travis," she said.

He spun around, but still stood in front of me. He moved around, trying to be sure I was covered behind him. I glanced up at Deirdre, who was trying her hardest not to laugh. Her lips were closed tightly together and her eyes were starting to water. Travis responded, "Hey…Alice!"

I looked at the floor and my eyes wandered until I found her feet. They walked on, back toward the bar. She was just saying hi to him. I let out a huge and very audible sigh of relief and realized I'd been choking the life out of my beer.

"Alice is the nosy girl you don't like, right?" Deirdre asked.

"Yeah."

"She's back at her spot at the bar," Travis said and he moved on to one of his other tables.

"So what the hell happened this morning, Marti? Or, again, are you just trying to be mysterious to make yourself more interesting?"

I got started on my beer and decided to tell her. What the hell did I have to lose?


	20. Chapter 20

Deirdre looked at me quizzically, and there was a brief period of silence before she said, "That sounds so fucking ridiculous that it has to be true." 

"I wish it wasn't," I whined. I really did wish it wasn't.

"You must have the worst karma. What'd you do?"

I smiled half-heartedly, "Nothing…that I know of. At least not in this life."

"Well...what're you going to do now?"

"I have no idea. Hang myself?" I shrugged and sipped at my beer, sadly.

She pursed her lips, "I'll pay for your beer if that makes you feel better."

"Not necessary."

"I'll pay for your beer since I didn't tell you I was your sister and then you tried to make out with me."

"I should pay for your drinks for the rest of eternity if that's the case."

"No. I feel like it was my fault for not telling you. If you knew we were related, you wouldn't have tried to have a lesbian one night stand with me…right?"

"Right." I resisted laughing. I wanted to continue being broody and sad.

"But it's not like I could get pregnant from it and have deformed babies, so it doesn't really matter."

I blinked and let out the smallest chuckle, "That's not how inbreeding actually works, and…that was pretty pervy of you to think about."

She shrugged, "I was just saying…" She ate a piece of ice from her now empty glass, "Let me pay for that drink."

"Fine." I gave in just to appease her.

Travis came back and said to her, "You are twenty-one, right?"

She nodded.

He said, "Good. I assumed Marti wouldn't let you order booze if you weren't." Then he looked at me, "I trust you, generally. Mostly because you got me out of prison."

"Thanks, Travis."

"You ladies need anything else while I'm here?" he asked with a smile.

"Put her beer on my tab, and I'll have a glass of water and the check," she told him, much more pleasantly than she'd been.

He nodded and then spoke to me, "You're nursing that beer tonight, aren't you Marti?"

"I got shitty last night and made some poor decisions."

He tilted his head curiously, "Rumors of that have not yet reached me."

"Good."

"Speaking of the rumor mill…" He lowered his voice, "Alice was asking Wanda a bunch of questions about you the last time I passed by."

"Like what?"

"Just if she saw you today, what happened, where you went. She hasn't seen you here."

"We need to keep it that way."

"I'll do what I can." He put his pen behind his ear and walked away.

"Alice is pretty hot. Why don't you try going after her?" Deirdre asked and I could tell that it was in all seriousness.

"Hell no."

"Why not? You didn't mention that she was hot."

I glared at her, "You can have her if you think she's so hot."

"I don't want her. She isn't my type. I'm not into girls. I was just trying to help you out since you're desperate for a gay college fling."

"What's your type?"

"Men," she snickered.

I laughed and finished my beer, "I think she's with someone anyway."

"That's a shame."

"Christ. How is me messing around with Alice going to fix anything?" I didn't understand her logic at all. There was no logic. She was just being a twat.

She shrugged, "I don't know. You don't seem to have any better ideas."

I saw Travis moving across the floor faster than normal. He carried Deirdre's water, a straw, and her receipt. His new oddities stopped our conversation. Deirdre followed my gaze and watched as well as he scurried over to out table, his eyes wide.

"There's been a breech," he said, "Wanda spotted you. I spilled a bunch of straws though to cause a distraction."

"Shit, get out of here, Marti," Deirdre said. "I'm paying for your beer anyway. Get out while you still can." Her voice seethed with sarcasm. She was definitely getting a kick out of my misery, much like Alice. Deirdre's deviousness was for some reason acceptable though.

I reached down and snatched up my bag. I didn't care if she was joking. I was going to do exactly what she said. I muttered, "Thanks. I'll see you later."

As I headed for the perimeter of room to sneak out, I heard Deirdre ask Travis, "Is she always weird like this?"

I tried to stay as far away from the bar as possible and to hide behind other people. I'm sure I looked extremely awkward, but I didn't care. I hoped my sweatshirt concealed my identity from anyone there who would recognize me. I was moving quickly without running and not making eye contact with anyone. I kept my eyes on the door, my destination. Once I was there, I could run. I'd be home free. I didn't know where I'd run to yet. I hadn't thought that out. Hellcats practice the next morning loomed over me and was a constant lingering demon in the back of my mind. Lewis had apologized, so perhaps I wasn't completely vilified, but I still didn't want to go. I'd go back to Cheertown, but my avoiding Alice would be all for naught, and I didn't want to face Savannah for more reasons than I cared to think about.

I was nearly to the door when a figure appeared from nowhere and blocked my path.

"Where are you going?" Alice asked me, grinning that sly grin of hers. She was like some sort of stealthy predatory cat. Fuck.

I said nothing and held still on the off chance that she wouldn't be able to see me if I did so.

"Yoo hoo, Marti," she snapped her fingers in front of my face.

It didn't work and I let out a dejected, "Hi."

"Did you think you could sneak out? I knew you were hiding in that back corner the whole time. Kelsey was two tables away, spying for me."

"Are you serious?"

"You bet. How did you miss her?"

I looked back over my shoulder and saw Kelsey, sitting there with her laptop, typing away. I hadn't noticed her because I had been so busy trying to hide and not attract attention to myself. Alice was insane.

"Why were you ignoring my texts all day?" she questioned me.

I looked at her then, "Because I didn't want to talk to you. Or anyone."

"Ok, Marti. I'm not mad at you. I never was. There was no reason to ignore me, and there's no reason to give me bullshit, nonsense excuses right now. I saved your ass today. I stopped the fucking squad from forming an angry mob with pitchforks and the whole deal. They planned to find you and set you on fire. I'm the closest thing you have to a friend on the team right now."

"Oh, God…did you tell them?" A wave of panic flooded me.

"Fuck no. How many times do I have to tell you this: I'm only going to play that card when it benefits me. Today would not have done a damn thing in my favor. I cornered Dan's stupid ass and got him to tell the truth. I knew something weird had happened."

"Thanks…" I muttered quietly. I didn't want to thank her for anything. I didn't want to acknowledge that she had done anything to help me out, ever.

"Thank me by sitting the fuck back down and talking to me. Your little friend can join. I assume that's your half-sister."

"No-"

"Where are you going to go? Not to your mom's. She's trying to get you and Dan together, and I know you won't go back to Cheertown because you're scared shitless of Savannah."

She was right. She was always right and I hated it.

"I'll close my tab and meet you back at your table in the back, ok?" She displayed another moment of kindness, or something that looked like sincerity at the very least. "That was a nice ploy that Travis pulled on your behalf, by the way."

I did as she said, sulking back to where I had been. Deirdre looked up at me and laughed. I sat back down, "Alice is coming to sit with us."

"I figured you wouldn't make it far. I've been watching that girl over there since I got here," she made a subtle gesture toward Kelsey. "She looked up at us every so often and then would send a text message. I knew something was up, and then as soon as you got up, so did Alice. It was hilarious to watch."

"That's Kelsey. She's a friend of Alice's." I told her.

"I see…" She was intrigued. "Alice seems pretty clever."

"Clever…evil genius…something."

"Well…shit. I'd love to stay and chat with the hot girl, but I said I'd be home around now."

"Seriously? Now I'm stuck with Alice alone?"

She laughed and got up, "You shared a bed with her last night."

"Fuck you."

"Have a good night, Marti," she smiled widely and did not take offense, and I wondered if this is what it was like to have a sister…or a really cunty friend.

I saw Travis give me a severely concerned look when Alice came to sit down. I nodded, trying to indicate to him that it was ok. Kelsey stayed where she was and I was glad. She was actually doing work. I didn't much care for Kelsey. She was a manipulative bitch like Alice, which is probably why they got along so well. I didn't much care for Alice either, but I was stuck with her.

She began immediately relaying to me the events that I missed due to my sprinting off down the street like a maniac this morning. Everyone was mad at me, assuming I had seduced Dan because everyone thinks I am a slut and everyone knows Dan has a weakness for me, apparently. Dan did not argue either of these facts and began apologizing to Savannah - not at all breaking up with her. Alice became filled with rage on my behalf, knowing that I had no interest in Dan and suspecting something really weird had indeed happened. She became enraged because she enjoyed the thought of me pining after my roommate and didn't want me to quit the squad because Dan is a dickhead, or anything like that. Interestingly.

She calmed the riot, expressing that she was aware that I was interested in someone else, but didn't reveal who, and she then cornered Dan. Dan, terrified of Alice, as most people would be, promptly told Savannah what really happened and continued his apologetic rampage - still, not breaking up with her. Savannah, being a good Christian girl, immediately felt bad for so harshly accusing me, her "best friend," of a heinous act, that  _she_  broke up with Dan, rather than the other way around as my mom had said. Then everyone turned their rage on him, and no longer wanted to destroy me. Lewis apparently punched him in the face. He was not "beaten up" as my mom had said either.

"Dan texted me and called me after he escaped Cheertown…and called Wanda," I informed her.

"I knew about the latter. God, he's an idiot. What did you ever see in him?" She asked.

"Shit, I don't know…"

"Good news. At least he got Savannah's virginity out of the way," she laughed maniacally.

"You're such a bitch."

"I know, but listen. I kept texting you because Savannah was a mess of feelings and I can't deal with that shit. She kept asking for you, like she does, when she's crying and all a mess like that. I don't know why. You don't seem so good with emotions. She's probably still locked in her room crying right now. She felt like crap because of Dan and how everyone reacted to you and the whole deal."

And then I felt like an ass.

...

"Not now, Wanda!" I yelled at my mother as she tried to talk to me as Alice and I headed out of The Rat. I blew past her and Alice quickly apologized and then followed me out.

"Your mom is hellbent on you ending up with Dan," Alice observed. "She, like, really is. I just spent an hour talking to her about it. She thinks you're fucking soulmates. It's really revolting."

"Yeah. I know." I was more annoyed with my mom and less annoyed with Alice at the moment. I knew exactly what Wanda wanted to talk to me about – Dan. Always Dan. He'd probably been bugging her all day once he was run out of Cheertown. Savannah broke up with him and he was looking to date me. Unfortunately, he was many years and a lot of brain development too late. I looked over at Alice as we headed back to that God forsaken place and I asked, "Why are you doing  _this_?"

"Doing what?"

"You're being…nice."

"If you weren't so busy being a bitch all the time and trying to pretend you're not, you probably would have noticed that I'm actually not a horrible person. I just know how to get what I want."

I shrugged.

"I work hard, like you do. I know what I want to do and I know how to get it, like you do...most of the time. We have more in common than you think." She shrugged as well.

 

"Maybe you're right. Maybe."

"Aw…look at you being honest. Now how about I tell you a little secret?" She seemed impressed and then she stuck her hands into the pockets of her jeans, "If you care to know about my personal life, I have a date with Kelsey tonight. A late date. She needed to finish an article and then she's coming to pick me up."

My jaw dropped and I stopped in my tracks.

She turned and looked at me, sneering. I think she thought I was offended, but I was just surprised. "What?"

"I didn't expect that..." I confessed and walked next to her again.

"Did you think we had something special since we cuddled last night?" She laughed and elbowed me, playfully.

I hated thinking she was a human or that she was anything like me, much less actually nice and sort of witty…witty in a bitchy way. "Shut up. What would you do if I told the Hellcats you were dating Kelsey?"

"I'd invite her over for dinner and then we'd get drunk and make out in front of the boys."

"Really?"

"Why not?"

"Why doesn't she come over now?"

She snickered, "Why would she want to come sleep in a shitty house on campus when she has a sweet apartment?"

"Good point."

She continued, "And unlike you, I don't give a shit what people think about me, even though I don't try to be some rebellious hipster all the time."

"I'm not a hipster."

"Ha!" she retorted. "Look, Kelsey is fun and she has yet to turn into a huge disappointment like everyone else. It's nothing serious."

"How was Lewis disappointing?" I questioned.

"He has too many stupid morals and he has no idea why he has them. You know that."

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess…"

"At least Savannah knows why she has her morals – she'll go to Hell." She laughed at her own joke and then said, "Lewis also has too many feelings. I was definitely the man in the relationship. I'm pretty sure all of his feelings stem from his meaningless morals."

I couldn't help myself from laughing, "He does have a lot of feelings. Not as many as Dan."

"Dan is just a fucking moron."

At the moment, I agreed about Dan, but I wanted to clarify something to her. "I'm not afraid of what everyone will think...I'm just afraid of what  _Savannah_  will think, by the way."

We reached the front steps of Cheertown and I stopped. I lingered a bit and Alice looked at me, wondering what I was doing dilly-dallying outside. I don't even know what I was doing - thinking of things to say to Savannah, to everyone? I finally pulled down the hood of my sweatshirt and I asked, "Do you think Savannah would…" I couldn't seem to finish my sentence. I couldn't say this shit out loud, "Do you think she'd ever…"

"Honestly, no." She said bluntly, "But she just lost her virginity and her boyfriend in less than twenty-four hours, so go cheer her up and don't be a selfish bitch. If you care about her, you'll do that at the very least. If she makes out with you in her weakened state, it's an added bonus."

Alice opened the door and nudged me inside, where we found Lewis and a couple people sitting in the common room, watching TV. They all turned and looked at me and I looked away. No one said anything as I passed, but they all watched me. I saw their fucking heads turning, following me. Alice ended up collapsing onto the couch as we passed, and everyone was silent.

I made it to my room and then stood there like I had done outside.

"Hey, Savannah left a few minutes ago…" Lewis said, sheepishly. "Took a big bag…I think she went home..."

"God dammit!" I screamed and punched the door before I could even think about what I was doing.

In the next moment, I was balled up on the floor in the hallway, clutching my hand and being in pain. I don't even remember how I ended up on the floor.

Alice and everyone stood over me. Alice spoke flatly as I writhed and tried to fight back tears, "Marti, if you broke your fucking hand, you're going to ruin our chances at Nationals and I will kick your ass."

 


	21. Chapter 21

"Marti, do you want to go to the ER?" someone asked. Frankie maybe. Everyone sounded the fucking same. They all looked the same too - blurred figures, hazily swirling around me

"No," I said between my teeth, my voice coming out as a harsh gasp. I was a cheerleader to pay for school, how was I supposed to afford a trip to the emergency room? Join the football team? The pain radiated up my arm and seemed to settle mostly in my elbow and it kept exploding there. 

"Urgent care?" someone else asked and I heard some snickering.

"Everyone get away from me." I flailed and threw my elbows around weakly. They were flocking like vultures to see me in this awful state.

"Back off," Lewis said. "You see how hard she hit that door?"

"Fuck…" I groaned and managed to get to my feet. I felt light-headed and I glanced down at my right hand. I didn't see blood, but then again I couldn't really see. I looked away quickly and shook it, as if it would shake the pain away. It only resulted in a grimace and tears welling in my eyes. I grabbed the doorknob with my left hand and shouldered the door open, falling into the room. I fumbled for the light and slammed the door behind me, not caring if anyone was in the way.

"Do you want some ice?" Alice asked through the door.

"Go away!"

I heard them mumble and shuffle away back down the hall as I flopped onto my bed and I started to be able to see straight again. I didn't lock the door. I scrambled back up and avoided looking at my hand. It would hurt worse if I looked at it again. As I reached for the door, it swung open.

"Ice your hand, dumb ass," Alice said, slinking inside. She shut the door and locked it. "Let me look at it."

"Go away, Alice."

"I will...in about an hour when Kelsey gets here. But right now, let me see your damn hand. I don't know why you're acting so stupid. You're not even drunk. If you want a drink, I'll go get you one. Then you'll have an excuse to punch doors and then be an ass to the person who brings you ice."

"My hand is fine," I said and clutched it behind my back. "I don't want a drink. I just want everyone to leave me alone."

"Christ, Marti. This ice pack is cold, take it." She extended the paper towel-wrapped pack to me. "Take it and I'll go."

I snatched it away and laid it over my knuckles that I still refused to look at. I muttered, "Fine."

I waited for her to leave, but she kept standing there in front of me. She didn't budge and I didn't budge. I watched her and she watched me.

"I lied. I want to see your hand and then I'll go. I can tell you if you broke anything. If you did, I'm just going to kill you because you'll have ruined my life."

"My hand is fine. Don't worry about it and get out."

"You're being unreasonable. You were being a civilized human just a few minutes ago."

"So were you." I snapped nonsensically, just wanting to say something back.

"Honey, I'm still being civilized. You're the one who punched a door and now you're lashing out at me because you hurt yourself."

I knew that it was true. Begrudgingly, I removed the ice pack and stuck out my hand toward her, looking away from it. I felt her poking at my fingers. I closed my eyes tightly and groaned as the pain radiated up my arm again. I resisted the urge to shout every piece of profanity I knew and then punch her in the face with my other hand. My eyes started to water and I pinched at the bridge of my nose trying to stop the tears.

"You're lucky it's not broken. I think you put a dent in the door. Keep icing that shit and take some pain pills before practice. It'll probably swell and I bet you'll have one hell of a bruise. It looks like you jammed your middle knuckle. Again, ice. You can still cheer with pain pills. At least you better." She began massaging my palm.

I opened one eye and looked cautiously at my hand. Right now it was just reddish across my knuckles. The swelling was only just starting.

"Move your fingers," Alice instructed. "Make a fist. Do it slowly."

I did, with a wince, but they all of my fingers did move like they were supposed to.

"Yeah, you're good. You can cheer. You'll regret this when you're doing your floor routine." She sounded like she knew what she was talking about. "Now make a fist again."

I did as she said and looked at my hand. The swelling was more apparent.

"Keep that ice on it before it swells up the size of a watermelon. There's another pack in the freezer if you need it...unless...you're going after her..." She returned my hand to me and looked at me curiously. She was so fucking nosy.

I reapplied the ice, peaking at my hand under it. I didn't say anything for a minute, and she didn't leave. She wanted to know what I was going to do, but I didn't know what I was going to do. My knee-jerk reaction was to punch the door. I hadn't thought any further than that. The pain became more dull and my hand became mostly cold, rather rapidly. I went and sat on the edge of my bed and shrugged.

"Marti fucking Perkins," Alice crossed her arms.

"What am I supposed to do?"

"What would a friend do?"

"Not punch doors." I tried to smile, but I'm pretty sure it didn't happen. I felt stupid and my hand hurt. I wasn't even drunk, she was right. I was losing it.

"Well...you already fucked that up then." She sat on Savannah's bed and patted me on the knee across the gap.

I moved my hand and winced then press the ice on it a little more firmly. "Should I actually take your medical advice?"

"Yes. If you want us to go to Nationals you will. If you want everyone to hate you and lose your scholarship then you won't."

Lifting the ice pack, I looked at my hand more closely, "Should I wrap it or something?"

"Probably. Vanessa's going to ask you about it either way. I'd tell her you slammed it in a car door and that you're fine. Don't act like it hurts, even when it does. I have some stronger pills if you-"

"I don't want any of your prescription pills that you shouldn't even have." It was nice of her to offer, I guess. Illegal, but it was a nice gesture.

"It was just a suggestion." She didn't seem offended.

"What about everyone who-"

"They won't say anything and you won't die. I can guarantee you won't die from banging up your hand."

"What if I have permanent damage or something?"

She laughed. She had no problem laughing at the moment like I did, "Have someone at the health center look at if you're really worried and it hasn't gotten better after a week or so. I've had my fair share of jammed fingers and nasty bruises. I still have full use of both of my hands."

"Shit, I wish Derrick were still around to look at it," I muttered.

"I wish Derrick were still around to look at." She chuckled again.

"God, you're a slut."

"Takes one to know one."

"Thanks," I laid back on my bed. "I'm an idiot."

"I won't argue with that."

"What should I do?" I asked and looked up at the ceiling.

"Stop thinking with your vagina and think with your head. What would you do if this happened to some other friend?"

I thought, "Well…it would help if I had other friends besides Dan and Savannah."

She laughed…again. At me. She tried to stifle this one, but she still laughed. She cleared her throat and said, "You must have more friends than that shithead and Miss Bible-beater."

"Lewis? You?"

"Whoa…whoa…slow down. I wouldn't take it that far. With me, that is. I'm just around for purely selfish reasons. After Nationals and once everything with you and Savannah blows up, I will no longer be interested in you." Her phone vibrated and I sat back up. She looked at it and said, "Kelsey's done early. If I were your friend, I'd tell her we'd have to postpone and I'd stay here with your pathetic ass." She stood, "But I'm not going to do that because we're definitely  _not_  friends."

"I didn't want you to stay."

"Excellent. Have a good night, Marti," she said before unlocking my door and disappearing quickly.

I rummaged in my bag with my good hand and grabbed my phone. It had been on silent and I had another handful of new texts and two more missed calls. All were from Dan and I ignored them. After a few minutes of punching shit into my phone and deleting it and then doing the process over again, I produced a text for Savannah that I could bring myself to send:

_Are you ok? I'm really sorry. I'm back at Cheertown._

I knew her parents' house was about twenty-five minutes away, driving, so she wasn't there yet. I didn't expect an immediate response. Part of me didn't even expect a response. I had ignored her all day.

I could drive there, but it would involve borrowing Wanda's car and I wanted to avoid Wanda, so...I could take a cab, but shit if that wouldn't be expensive. If she left, it probably meant she wanted to be alone, right? Or did she want someone to follow her? I didn't understand girls who acted like girls. Why didn't they just say what they meant and tell people what they wanted? I paused and realized I was just like the rest of them.


	22. Chapter 22

Alice's head poked back through the door and she tossed a small ace bandage to me, "To wrap your hand."

I didn't catch it and it rolled under Savannah's bed. She smirked and closed the door again.

I heard her heels clacking through the house and then heard her say, "See you later, boys and Frankie."

The front door closed. I sat the ice pack aside and got down on my knees to find the bandage that had rolled away from me. I grabbed it and sat it on the nightstand between the beds. It hit me then that I was in Cheertown without any sort of ally. Everyone in the common room may not have been mad at me anymore, their rage aimed now at Dan, but they weren't on my side. No one felt bad for me. No one was mad at Dan for my sake. They were all mad because of what he did to Savannah. I was the crappy third party.

I sat there on the floor, feeling selfish and childish, wondering what the fuck Alice's angle was and when she'd turn the tides against me. Then my phone vibrated on my bed, muffled. I wasn't sure I'd heard it, but I saw the screen light up.

I stayed there on the floor and grabbed it. Once I looked at it, I muttered, "Fuck you, Dan."

I was going to just throw my phone back onto my bed and continue sitting there on the floor, but then I decided to read this last stupid text. I immediately regretted it.

_Im outside ur window. Plz talk to me._

What a creeper. What could be possibly have to say? He owed me an apology, but I doubted I'd get that. I had no intention of talking to him. No one was going to let him into Cheertown, so I wasn't worried about that. I heard a tap on the window and saw a shadow through the curtains then I got another text.

_I c the light on. I no Savannah left. Plz Marti._

Hell no. Did he not understand the concept of giving someone at least a day or two after doing something incredibly stupid? I had no interest in seeing him, speaking to him, or even texting him. I was in the right mind to go tell everyone else that he was outside bothering me, have the cheerleaders swarm him. I was a little disappointed to find out that just Lewis punched him and he hadn't been beaten up like my mom said. Wanda liked to emboss, so I should have known better.

Another text.

_I just want 2 talk_

I laughed, loudly and deliberately so that he would hear, and then I texted him back:

_Fuck no._

I chuckled, pleased with myself. No more texts ensued and I got up off of the floor and started to wrap my hand. I still saw his shadow outside. He was probably crying. I laughed at the thought. He thought he had two women and now he had zero women. I couldn't do anything other than laugh. I wrapped my hand and sat alone and just laughed. I laughed at myself for losing my shit and punching the door. I didn't have anything else to do.

Everyone in the living room probably thought I'd lost it. I didn't care. Dan was hellbent on ruining out friendship, and I didn't care about that either. My life had taken a turn for the ridiculous. Could it get any worse? Yes, probably - was the answer.

Dan tapped on the window again and shouted this time, "Please, Marti!"

I marched over and pulled the curtains aside. I held my bandaged and busted up hand to the window and flicked him off. It hurt. I didn't care. I powered through and then I pulled the curtains shut again.

My phone lit up with another text. Assuming it to be Dan, I ignored it and decided to venture out into the kitchen where there was certainly some alcohol. I wasn't going anywhere. I wasn't chasing after Savannah. What would her parents think if I rolled up to her house? She probably told her mom what happened and that would make me the little skank ho that her boyfriend cheated on her with. Shitshow. That would be something to make my life more ridiculous, and I just wanted everything to fucking stop. Absurdity: cease and desist!

I plunged into the liquor cabinet, and grabbed someone's whiskey. "Whose is this?" I asked and held it up, "I'm drinking it. Probably all of it."

"Alice's," Louis answered.

"She won't mind." I grabbed a glass, got some ice, and took myself and the entire bottle back to the bedroom.

Before I made it into the door, Frankie said, "You know you can come out here and drink with us if you want, Marti."

She was so nice. What the hell? I trotted back out and sat in the open spot on the end of the couch. I poured a glass of the whiskey and said, "Sorry I'm a slut, guys."

Everyone looked confused.

"It's ok," Lewis responded.

I should have known no one would say, "You're not a slut."

"Dan is the one at fault here," said Darwin.

"Speaking of which..." I took a sip, winced and continued, "He's outside of my window, harassing the shit out of me."

"That son of a bitch!" Lewis stood up, "What part of stay away from Cheertown does he not understand?"

"Probably the stay away part..." I muttered and laughed. Everything was so fucking funny to me and I wasn't even drunk. Yet.

Louis and the other muscular manly cheerleaders paraded out of the house. I felt a pang of guilt for sicking them on Dan. He was my best friend. Not at the moment though. At moment he was just an idiot dude who was harassing me. Frankie went to watch.

"I got enough of the drama," Darwin said.

"Me too," I said and I drank my whiskey, staring blankly at the basketball game on TV. I couldn't even tell you what teams were playing. I was thinking about every possible scenario with me and Savannah. If I were a different person, if she was...if I had the guts to just tell her, if it would do any good to get it off her chest and just have her hate me for being an abomination.

Everyone paraded back in, I don't know after how long. I asked, "You didn't beat him up too badly, did you?"

"No, I just had a talk with him about respecting women," Lewis sat back down. "I think he got the point now."

"With your fists?" I laughed.

"No, not with my fists. God, Marti. Not everyone punches things when they're pissed off."

Everyone else sort of laughed, which made me feel validated. I smirked, "You punched him this morning."

"That's true. Once was enough."

"Apparently not if he came back," I pointed out.

"She has presented a good argument," Frankie sided with me and lifted her drink in my direction, signifying her favor.

Lewis huffed, "How's your hand anyway?"

"Better now that I got something to drink." Problem Solving 101 with Marti was the same thing as Problem Solving 101 with Wanda, and I didn't even care. I did not give a single fuck. Not tonight. In fact, I fucking laughed. No one knew what I was laughing at.

Three drinks later, I sat my cup of almost completely melted ice on the table and said, "I should go get my phone to see if Dan sent me anymore high-quality pathetic texts."

No one responded. I could sense their animosity. They didn't hate me, but they didn't like me either. If anything, they felt sorry for my stupid drunk ass. I re-entered my room. The light was still on. I left it on. I grabbed my phone and saw that I had not one, not two, but six new text messages.

"Jesus, Dan..." I mumbled, and then I yelled as loud as I could, "God fucking dammit!"

"Marti's pissed again," someone said and laughter followed.

"I hope she doesn't punch anything," someone else commented and more laughter.

"Marti, we need your hands for Nationals!" Lewis yelled at me. "We can't replace you this late!"

Five messages were from Savannah and the last one was from my mom, informing me that I'm a terrible human being and she raised me better than this. Actually, no, no she didn't, but I didn't feel like blaming her at the moment. With my luck, she was probably talking about me ignoring Dan anyway.

I ran through the house with my phone to my ear, trying to call Savannah. The last text from her was only twenty minutes before. I hoped she was still at The Rat and I hoped Dan hadn't sulked his stupid ass in that direction after Lewis lectured him. I didn't answer anyone's questions about where I was going as I barged out of the front door in a dramatic rush. Had I known she'd ended up at The Rat, I may have been able to get over my mom being there and gone back. That was a lie, but after three glasses of whiskey it became true. Fuck, on the subject of my mom, who knows what Wanda said to her.

Savannah didn't pick up. It rang and rang and then went to her voicemail. I ran the few blocks up the street, playing some new scenarios over and over in my head. The first went something like this: I rushed down the stairs and burst through the door. The crowds of people milling around parted as I made my entrance - no one noticed me, no one noticed my bandaged hand, no questions would be asked. I spotted Savannah at the bar, with a drink, venting to Wanda, but my imagination always stopped there. What the hell did I intend to do once I was at The Rat?

It didn't really matter. The only thing that turned out to be true in real life was that I scrambled down the stairs and burst through the door. The door ended up slamming into Travis, who luckily, only carried folios and not drinks. I gasped and put my hands over my mouth, "Oh my God, Travis...I'm so fucking sorry! Are you ok?"

He rubbed his shoulder. At first he glared, but then his expression softened and he looked at me curiously, "What happened to your hand?"

I fumbled, "Closed it...in a door."

"Oh, ok. Girl, what are you in such a hurry for? You left here in a hurry just a little while ago..."

Questions. Too many fucking questions. My eyes darted around, trying to find Savannah. I didn't see her, but it was a fucking Friday night and it was packed.

"Hey, you..." He snapped his fingers in front of my face.

"I...uh...have you seen Savannah?"

"She was here, but-"

"Fuck!" I yelled, interrupting him.

"Calm down, Marti. I just haven't seen her in a while...been busy...need to run these cards in fact," he held up the folios and rubbed his arm some more. "She was at the bar, last I saw her."

I nodded and headed off in that direction. He shook his head, exasperated. I was glad I'd hit him with the door, rather than a stranger. I squeezed between two people at the bar, waiting on their drinks, and I yelled, "Wanda!"

Her back was to me, but she immediately perked up and whirled around. I supposed it was her epic mother senses. She carried two tall beers and handed them to the guys on either side of me, who had so kindly let me wiggle between them. She looked at me with her hands on her hips and then scooped some ice into a glass. She poured in a bit of gin and then squirted in some tonic. She threw in a straw and a lime. I thought she was going to hand it to me, but instead, she took a sip herself. Drinking at work...typical.

"Did Sav-"

"Savannah?" she asked, pushing the drink toward me and putting her hands back on her hips. "She's been camped out at the end of the bar," she motioned to her left, but she wasn't there anymore. "She was goin' to go home, but then realized it woulda been a whole "I told ya so" thing with her momma."

I gripped the perspiring drink, but didn't take a sip. Although I saw her make it, I felt she still may have put something crazy into it. Sleight of hand, tricky Wanda. I didn't notice her car parked outside, but then again, I hadn't looked for it because I was too busy playing my entrance in my head that didn't turn out. I had a strange stare-off with my mother, waiting for her to go on. I knew there was more. There was always more with her.

"She's not goin' anywhere tonight unless her momma comes and picks her up. She's already had three hurricanes, and ordered another before she went to the bathroom. I imagine she broke the seal."

Slowly, I took a sip of the drink. Savannah hadn't left, she was just in the bathroom. I looked over at her seat. There were some napkins with moisture rings on them and an empty glass.

Wanda's eyes narrowed, "I ought to ring your neck, but I'm at work and I've got drinks to make." I wasn't sure what exactly she wanted to ring my neck for, and I didn't ask. She sighed and then said, "If you need anything, let me know, honey." She turned to go back to her job, but then she did a double-take and leaned over the bar, "What the hell did you do to your hand? It wasn't like that when you hauled ass out of here with Alice earlier."

"It's fine. I closed it in a door," I told her, seamlessly. I'd already perfect my cover story that quickly. Then I grabbed my drink and headed around to where Savannah was sitting. I couldn't tell if she bought it or not. I hopped up onto a barstool, and tried to quickly conceive what would happen next. After my sloppy entrance, I didn't put much credence to my imaginary scenarios.

I poked at the lime with the little black straw and kept looking toward the bathroom. What was my plan? I didn't have a plan. What exactly was I doing here? I didn't know...being a friend, I guess. I stabbed the lime until little citrus bits were floating around with the ice. Some part of me wanted to kiss Savannah and whisk her away, but that definitely wouldn't happen.

"Marti!" A shrill voice cried out.

Turning, I saw Savannah, parading toward me with her arms in the air and a huge grin. My mother was right, she was not driving anywhere this evening. She was such a lightweight, and had apparently managed to drink her sad away. I was envious of her ability to do that. I drank until my sad turned to dull sad, but it never quite left.


	23. Chapter 23

For the next half-hour Savannah told me a slurred, less coherent version of the story I already knew. She believed adamantly that she had obtained all perspectives, including my own by this point. It ended with a deluge of apologies - apologies for some things I couldn't even make sense of. I sat and nodded my head the entire time while she babbled and flailed. She stopped only to go at her drink.

"I'm sorry for going missing today," I managed to insert before she picked up again where she'd left off. "I just thought everyone was going to kill me."

"That's ok. I think everyone was going to kill you. I'm sorry for assuming you were trying to steal my boyfriend...ex...ex...ex-boyfriend. Stupid Dan Patch. He broke up with me before I even had a chance to break up with him. I'm such a loser."

"You're not a loser. I-"

She interrupted me with a string of riotous laughter and she punched me in the shoulder, "At least I got my virginity out of the way, am I right? Right!"

"Right..." I rubbed my arm. She'd hit me harder than I think she intended.

"What happened to your hand?" She looked concerned suddenly, her brow furrowed. Her eyes couldn't quite focus though.

"I slammed it in a door. It's fine. I'll make it to Nationals, I promise," I said before putting it back on my lap under the bar.

"Nationals? Oh...I was more worried about your hand."

I smiled at her silliness, "Hey...I doubt this makes anything any better, but I have no fucking idea why Dan is so in to me. I'm pretty shitty, really. "

"I know why!" She exclaimed excitedly and then she whispered, "Because you're hot."

Laughing a little I said, "But you're hot too. I think he's just an idiot."

"On a more positively thinking note...now that I don't have to worry about my virginity being special and meaningful and shit I can just sleep with whoever!"

"No, no, no," I said in protest. "God no, Savannah."

"Why not? Isn't that what you do?"

I raised an eyebrow, but I couldn't bring myself to take offense. I smirked at the things coming out of her mouth. The compulsion to kiss her was really pervading a lot of my thoughts.

Feeding off of my silence and taking it for my feelings being hurt, she went on to say, "That was rude. I'm sorry. Oh no, I'm really sorry. Are you mad?" Her words all ran together in frantic drunken jibberish. "I didn't mean to say that like that. You're my best friend. It's ok to have slutty friends...oh, no. Oh. I didn't mean that either."

"It's ok, Sav," I sighed, "Everyone thinks I'm a slut and I've pretty much accepted it."

"I really don't. I just think you're confused."

"Confused, huh?" Words of wisdom from drunk Savannah were sure to follow and I downed the rest of my drink then turned to the nearest bartender, "Can I get another gin and tonic?" It was fast approaching last call.

"Me too. Hurricane," said Savannah.

"How many have you had? Don't you remember the last time you drank a ton of hurricanes?" I asked her, attempting to be vaguely responsible.

"Yeah. Whatever. I don't even care. I don't care anymore. I want to be badass like you."

"I'm not badass, I promise. Plus, you just said I was confused. Elaborate, dear."

"I don't know..." She paused, "I guess with Lewis and with Dan and with school and...you have so much going on. We never talk anymore." She made a sad face, "You promised we'd catch up."

"I haven't been doing much of anything interesting," I lied, but only a little. I didn't want to ramble about my ridiculous couple of days and minimize that Dan pretty much shit on her. I was cognizant of my normal selfishness for once.

"Look, I've cut myself loose from Dan...or well...he cut me loose before I had the chance to do any cutting. I'm a free girl. I am free and...and drunk..." She picked up her hurricane as soon as it was placed in front of her. She raised it to toast, "I feel so much better now...liberated by sex and booze. This must be how you feel all the time."

I raised my little tumbler glass as well, but I could only manage to speak halfheartedly, "To sex and booze and liberation, I guess."

Wanda slinked over as soon as she had a free minute, "Marti, are you gonna take care of Savannah tonight?"

"I suppose so."

"You walkin' her back to Cheertown?"

I nodded, "I don't have another option, do I?"

"Nope. Do you want another drink before last call?" She looked at Savannah, "You're cut off, honey."

She pouted and then chewed on the straw sticking out of her final drink. She didn't care if we talked about her like she wasn't there.

I nodded again and gave in, "Sure. Why the hell not?"

"I know you can hold your liquor...unlike that one..." She looked Savannah up and down in amusement.

Gin and tonics went down easily, like Christmas and refreshing sparkles. There I was sitting with this girl talking to her about her stupid ex-boyfriend and my stupid ex-best friend. She gnawed on her straw, occasionally slurping her drink through it, while she leaned slovenly on the bar and looked ready to fall over backwards at any moment. I was thankful that she had the bar to her right, the back of her bar chair to her left, and a wall behind her. Support on three sides in case she went toppling over. I laughed a little at her and at myself. All I could think about was pinning her against that wall, but I had some painful sense of morality. She was shit-faced and her boyfriend took her virginity and then broke up with her the next day...for me. Jesus. The only sensible thing to do was to keep drinking and keep my hands to myself.

Savannah looked at me vacantly with her straw hanging out of the corner of her mouth, "Marti..."

"What's up?" I asked polishing off one drink and trading the cup of ice for another.

"I'm a little sad now."

"Uh oh. You should've stopped with that last drink, you're now in sad-drunk land," I stirred my own drink a little. "I'm a professional drinker. I know these things."

She laughed, but it died down to a frown pretty quickly, "Why would Dan ever want someone like me when he can have you?"

"Hey now, he can't have me," I told her. "I'm not interested in him. He's a moron and after what he did to you I don't even think I want to be friends with him." I ended it with a staunch, "So there."

Finishing off her hurricane, she asked, "Are there things to drink back at Cheertown? I want to drink until I don't feel feelings anymore."

"Good plan. Me too. I'm sure there are," I rattled off.

She hopped down from her seat and snagged her purse, accidentally hitting me in the knee with it. She didn't even notice and she slowly and deliberately brought it up to her shoulder, "I'm ready to go."

"Whoa, Sav. Let me finish this and pay," I held up my drink.

Wanda swung by us and said, "Just pay me tomorrow, Marti. You two get out of here. Go now before you crash into the rest of the bar folks that stay until close."

"Thanks," I said and Savannah latched onto my arm with both of hers. With my freehand I chugged the remainder of my drank and then got down myself.

She clung to my arm up the entire block and kept rattling off stupid reasons why Dan didn't like her. When we reached the steps she said, "Maybe Dan doesn't like me because I'm a bad drunk..."

"Shut the hell up about why Dan doesn't like you," I finally snapped. "I know why he doesn't like you and it's not because of you. It's because he's a God damn idiot."

"Shhh..." She put her hand over my mouth, "Your language. God can hear you."

I laughed and shoved her hand away and then helped her up the steps and inside into the dark house.

We found Cheertown dark and silent. We did have practice at the ass crack of dawn in the morning, so I wasn't surprised. The only person likely to be up at this hour was Alice and she was still at Kelsey's or lurking in the shadows...one or the other.

Savannah threw her purse onto the couch and shuffled into the kitchen after me.

"You have to be quiet. Everyone's asleep," I said and I opened the refrigerator to gank some beer.

She peeked over my shoulder, "Do you know whose that is?"

"No, but it doesn't matter. We'll just tell everyone you were drinking Dan away. It'll be fine."

"Oh, ok."

I stood in the way of the refrigerator door to keep it ajar so I wouldn't have to turn on a light and risk waking anyone up. I then stretched for the cabinet drawer to get out the bottle opener. Savannah stood quietly in the dim light as I opened the two bottles and handed her one.

"Can you make it to the room without spilling that?" I asked.

"Maybe..." she said in a sing-song voice.

"Successful drunks can fall down a flight of stairs and not spill a drop from a cup. It's a skill also useful for coffee when walking on wet bricks across campus in the mornings."

She laughed, "You're funny. That's why Dan likes you more than me."

"No, Dan is an idiot. Stop talking about Dan."

"I want to drink until I forget his name."

"It seems you've drank until you forgot we have practice in the morning already, so I'm sure Dan will come next."

"Practice schmactise..." She groaned as we walked together to our room.

"You don't mean that at all," I said smiling as I flipped on the light and closed the door quietly. She sat her beer on the nightstand by her bed and began changing into her pajamas without hesitation. I walked by, averting my eyes despite myself, and drinking my beer as fast as I could.

"Stupid Dan Patch," Savannah muttered plainly.

When I turned around she was sitting solemnly on the edge of her bed, clutching her beer bottle in both hands. She had on a pair of cheer shorts and a tank-top and that was all.

"What'd I say about Dan?" I reminded her.

She shrugged and slouched, "I can't believe I wasted my virginity on him. You only lose your V-card once."

"Come on, Savannah," I tried to speak as kindly as possible. I hated to see her so sad over someone so not worth it. I plodded over and sat next to her, "He took my virginity too. We should start a club. At least you weren't in the back of a car."

She laughed again and it lifted my spirits. I was good for something.

"No more talking about Dan," she said adamantly, "Tell me what you've been up to."

"Where should I start?" I laughed nervously, "I found my dad. I have a half-sister. I made out with Julian. I almost made out with my half-sister. That's about it."

She stared at me blankly, blinked a few times, and then burst out laughing. I chuckled to myself and drank my beer, waiting for her to regain her senses.

Between her laughter she managed to sputter out, "No, way!"

"Yes, way! I'm not even joking."

"Marti...Marti...your life is, like, so interesting!"

I shook my head, "No, it's really not."

"Good for your...memoir!" she shouted enthusiastically.

"My memoir?"

"Yeah, girl. You're going to be super rich and successful and a lawyer...and when you get old, before you die, you will publish this memoir about all...all of your adventures!"

"Whatever you say, Sav."

"Ok, ok," she took a deep breath and grinned wildly, "I want you to tell me about all of your adventures tomorrow when I'm sober. I'm pretty sure I'm not even going to remember this when I wake up."

"When we wake up, we'll probably both still be drunk. We have practice at six. We may as well not even sleep."

"To hell with sleep!"

I laughed, "Watch your language."

She sighed melodramatically and her demeanor switched back to sulking again. She slumped forward and dangled her beer absently between her knees.

I put my arm around her and gave her a firm squeeze, "Hey, don't get sad again. There's no need for that. Be sad when you wake up in a couple hours still drunk and you have to run and be peppy. Be sad then. I'm going to be sad because I have to do back handsprings on my busted hand."

"It's just...he's just the first guy that I ever really, really liked and-"

"Shut your mouth. He's the first guy I ever really, really liked too and look at the shit he pulled. We could found the Dan Patch Recovery Society or something."

She smiled, but I could see plainly that it was completely forced, "The DPRS. Dippers. Deepers. De-peppers. Dep-errs."

"Precisely, and listen..." I put my hand under her chin and made her look at me, "You are fantastic and you deserve someone who appreciates you, and..." My voice trailed off and I broke our eye-contact, taking my hand away from her face. I suddenly felt like an idiot, rattling off all of the things she expected. It didn't matter if I thought it was true, this was all cliche bullshit and this was like some stupid Lifetime movie or something.

"Marti, you're a good friend," Savannah said.

I patted her back and got up, "Let's go to bed. Do you want a glass of water?"

"I still have half of a beer..." She held up the bottle.

"I'll finish it. You're the Captain. You have to set an example for the awful cheerleaders like myself in the morning. I'll get you a glass of water."

She handed it over without an argument. I drank it on my way back to the kitchen. I felt stupid. Stupid for everything. Stupid for Julian and Deirdre, stupid for the dumb shit coming out of my mouth. I sat the empty bottles in the recycling and grabbed a glass from the dishwasher.

I found Savannah sitting exactly where I left her, staring at the floor. She looked up when I handed the water out to her. "Thanks for taking care of me," she said, "I really do appreciate it."

"It's no problem. You'd do the same for me, right?"

"Of course."

Going over to my closet and peeling off my sweatshirt I realized I hadn't even showered from the last practice and I'd run to the library and I was generally a disgusting mess. Why would anyone want me at all? I poked at myself in the mirror. My make-up had run and I had a swollen bandaged hand, which looked great with my nasty hair. Fuck, I was a mess. I was always a mess. I usually didn't look so much a mess on the outside though.

"Why don't you like Dan?" Savannah asked out of the blue.

"We've been over this," I mumbled. "I felt like we were better as friends, that's it. Being more than that would ruin our friendship, but I guess it doesn't matter anymore because he threw our friendship out the window. Stop talking about Dan."

"Don't you like someone else?"

"I do and it makes it very, very hard to like Dan."

"Is it Julian? He's a sexy older man who makes Dan look-"

"Savannah, hush," I said and I walked back over to her. I grabbed her face with both of my hands and said firmly, "I know you don't believe me, but eventually you'll get over stupid Dan Patch. He's not that great. He's never been that great, and you deserve far better than him." I stood over her and she looked up at me with big sad eyes.

"You deserve better than him too," she said.

"That...is not necessarily true," I responded.

"It is though," she insisted.

"I'm an awful person, but you...you are smart and determined and-"

She cut me off, "So are you, Marti."

"You're the sweetest most unselfish person..." Word vomit just kept coming, "And you're cute and hot and...everything...and I...I..." I lost control of all of my decent sense. I hadn't had that much to drink, had I? I couldn't be sure. I hadn't eaten. Everything was terrible. "Sometimes I..." I kept stammering like a fool, and I got tired of hearing myself talk. I leaned down and kissed her.

When she started to back up, I pulled my hands away. She stared at me with wide eyes like a deer in headlights and then spoke with her voice barely more than a whisper, "Oh, my God..."

"Oops..." I mumbled. I had made her take the Lord's name in vain and this meant I'd made a grievous error.


	24. Chapter 24

The buzzing alarm woke me up. I found myself in the dark and deserted room, feeling disgusting. I felt thirsty and with the beginnings of a headache right behind my eyes. I wished I could've slept through the aftermath of my drinking, but I had practice. My right hand ached. I looked over to see Savannah's bed neatly made before I crushed the alarm button. I turned on the light and rummaged around for some pain pills for my head and my hand then I took of the bandage only to re-wrap it. Doing gymnastics I had my share of injuries, but none from punching any door.

After changing my clothes I shuffled to the bathroom and then down to the kitchen. I squinted at Lewis and went to get myself a glass of water. He seemed to be the only person around and he was just loitering there.

"You look rough," he said.

I grunted.

"Where's Savannah?" Alice asked, poking her head from the hallway. "I need to ask her a question."

"She left for the gym about fifteen minutes ago with everyone else. She was up before I was," Lewis answered. "She hustled everyone out of the door."

She scrunched up her face and then looked at me, "Did she come back last night? Her car's not out front."

"She left it at the Rat," I said.

Nodding, she retreated back down the hall.

Reality sank in slowly and painfully. I rubbed my head and drank my water in tiny sips, my stomach starting to feel a little queasy. I didn't know if it was the alcohol and lack of food or the fact that I'd kissed Savannah, or all three combining to form a nauseating trifecta.

Lewis eyed me and said, "You feel ok? You were abnormally...well...normal...with Alice just now."

"I feel like shit, Lewis," I grumbled and refilled my glass with water. "I'm still drunk, but not pleasantly drunk...I just feel dehydrated and my whole body hurts."

"Gotcha. What'd you get up to last night? You left in a hurry and I went to bed around one."

God, he was being so nosy. "I went to the Rat to make sure Savannah wasn't going to off herself over Dan."

"And then  _you_  got drunk?"

I nodded, "Apparently. So did Sav. We drank two of someone's beer from the fridge too."

"Probably Darwin's."

I shrugged. I didn't really care.

"You gonna be ok with practice on that hand?" He indicated the purple and swollen fingers sticking out of the sleeve of my sweatshirt.

"I'll deal with it. I took some Advil. It's just my knuckles anyway." All of this talking was making me light-headed. I leaned on the counter and drank more water.

"Maybe you should eat something? A piece of bread maybe?"

"No," I grimaced, "No food. If I live through practice I'm going right back to bed and sleeping until class tomorrow."

"Let's go, kids. Before Vanessa runs our asses to death for being late," Alice said, reappearing.

"It was your ass I was waiting on," retorted Lewis.

"I guess my ass is just slow in general," I mumbled, sitting my glass in the sink and then heading for the door. When I stepped outside I was met with a blast of freezing air. Substantially colder than the day before. The weather had been all over the place. Snow and then temperatures in the seventies. The day before I'd easily gotten away with wearing shorts to practice and a hoodie; granted it wasn't in the seventies, but it wasn't freezing. Alice and Lewis were wearing trackpants in addition to their sweatshirts, and Alice even had on gloves. The cheerleaders were known for wearing less than everyone else, even when winter hit, but I think I'd overdone it.

"You know you can change into your shorts once we get to gym, right Marti?" Alice smirked.

I couldn't even manage a snarky comment back. I just groaned.

"Snow next week," said Lewis.

"Just in time for the last week of classes," Alice sighed. "I hate snow."

I mumbled, "It's the last week of classes already?"

"Where've you been, Marti?" Lewis asked with a laugh, "For someone who studies so much, I thought you'd be aware of where we were in the semester."

"Does Vanessa lighten up on practices during exams?" I asked them.

Alice nodded, "Not a lot. Every other day. We'll have a couple practices over break for those of us that are still in town. Not real practices, but just to make sure we don't all get fat or something, I guess. Then we'll pick up full-force a week before next semester. Nationals are..." She counted on her fingers, "Three weeks after the start of next semester, so we'll have a final week of prepping."

"Not to be a downer...or maybe I just haven't been paying attention...are we doing anymore fundraising to even get to Nationals?" I asked.

"Do you ever listen to Vanessa or Savannah when they talk at practice?" Lewis asked, amused.

I shook my head, "Not really, no."

Alice laughed, "Like, two weeks ago, Savannah and Vanessa talked about us throwing a huge party on the last day of classes with an $8 cover or something. All of our parties have a pretty good turn-out. We have to decorate the gym again, but we haven't picked a theme yet since we've already done and 80s party, toga party, and whatever that other party was."

"Oh..."

"Then we're doing something smaller after winter break if we need to," Lewis added.

"Oh..." We were nearly to the gym and I was glad because I was tired of talking.

"Hey, off topic," Alice began, "Do you know what's going on with Savannah's pregnant sister from the Cyclones?"

"No idea."

"You should try to find out from Nasty Kathy," she elbowed Lewis.

He rolled his eyes as we entered the gym. I made a pit-stop at the water fountain in the hall for one last sip, as if it would make the difference in my being miserable or not. I jogged toward Savannah on our practice court, "Hey, Sav-"

Vanessa blew her whistle and the shrill sound almost knocked me off my feet, but I winced and remained upright. Savannah turned away from me without even the smaller acknowledgment. 

"Hellcats, do you want to run on the indoor track today?" Vanessa asked, "It's up to you."

"The indoor track hurts my knees," Alice said immediately. She objected, obviously.

There were some murmurs of agreement and some groans, which all blended together just to make noise that hurt my head. I realized I was the only one in shorts and I knew I didn't have any pants in my gym locker. A few of my fellow Hellcats sent some glances in my direction, but I said nothing.

"Do we have any legitimate opposition to running outside today?" Vanessa questioned, "It's only going to get colder so you'll be inside until Nationals, and personally, I think it's pretty refreshing to run on a nice cold day like this." Silence. "Alright. Alice is the only on with a preference today, so outside it is. Just two miles. Think about party themes while you run. We need one that will get as many people out as possible."

Everyone headed for the doors to the outdoor track and I started for Savannah - an apology was certainly in order. I didn't remember a single thing after I kissed her, so there was a chance she didn't even remember the event itself. "Savannah," I said, "Hey, Sav."

She didn't respond and she picked up her pace to a fast walk and then she ran to the front of the group and tapped Frankie on the shoulder.

"Oh, God dammit." I spoke louder than I'd intended. She definitely remembered.

"Marti Perkins," Vanessa said, reprimanding me, "If you didn't want to run outside, you should have said so."

"Sorry, Vanessa!" I called back without turning and then started through the group, determined to talk to Savannah.

Alice snagged my wrist as I passed her and she leaned over and whispered, "What'd you do, dumb ass?"

"Get going, ladies," Vanessa said, only a little annoyed. "I'm glad you two aren't at each others' throats, but get moving. Run and talk if it's that important. We've got a routine to go over."

I started jogging alongside Alice and said, "I didn't do anything."

"Ha!" She exclaimed, "You did something."

"Not now, Alice," I said between my teeth.

"Later then," she said before picking up her pace and pulling out in front of me.

About halfway through my first mile I got a painful stitch in my side and I lagged toward the back. Lewis slowed down next to pull back next to me. He asked, "What's up with you and Savannah?"

"All of you people are ridiculous. Nothing's up." I gasped out and pressed on my side, trying to breathe properly to make the stabbing stop.

"Something is up, and no one is ridiculous. It's obvious.. Whatever you did, you need to fix it. We have finals to worry about."

"Fuck off, Lewis," I snapped and forced myself to take longer strides, getting away from him.

He took the hint - not that it was hard to pick up on - and he started running at his normal pace, not bothering me anymore. When I finally finished up, I headed for the water fountain, but Vanessa intercepted me.

She asked, "What happened to your hand?"

"Oh, I slammed it in a door. It's fine. No worries." I said all of this as cheerfully as possible.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. I don't do much on the floor, so I should be fine. It'll be as good as new by Nationals, promise." I smiled and hoped it didn't look overly forced.

"I noticed you were creeping around the track today?"

"Yeah. I'm not feeling so well and I wore shorts like an idiot." I responded quickly and seamlessly, never breaking eye-contact, never letting my facade down. She wouldn't trip me up. No one would. I hitched my thumb over my shoulder, "Can I grab some water?"

She nodded, but she still eyed me suspiciously and fiddled with the whistle around her neck. I grabbed a few gulps of water and then saw Savannah slip through the door to the courts. I bolted for the door and grabbed it before it closed.

"Savannah!" I yelled and started to pull off my sweatshirt, "Savannah!"

Finally, she turned around. She didn't smile and she looked at me utterly humorless. "What do you need, Perkins?"

A little taken aback, I smiled hesitantly, "Nothing...I just wanted to apologize for last night. I was stupid drunk and out of li-"

"It's fine." She snapped and then whirled around, walking away from me briskly.

As soon as Savannah was out of earshot, Alice walked by and said, "Nothing, huh?"

"Shut up," I mumbled, and in response she spun around and grinned at me before joining the rest of the Hellcats. I took to the mats to make sure I hadn't completely lied to Vanessa. As a kid I'd done the parallel bars with a sprained wrist, so I figured I could handle a back handspring with some bruised knuckles.

All I could think about was my idiocy. Who knows what stupid shit came out of my mouth after I spontaneously kissed the homeschooled nut. My landing for handspring was a little shaky, as I didn't put quite as much pressure in my hand as I should have. It only hurt a little. I shook out my arm and tried again, this time with a front handspring. I tried to stop thinking about Savannah and the more I thought about her the more I pushed myself. I did roundoffs and cartwheels, followed by a succession of handsprings and I ended all of it with a layout.

When I finally stopped I heard faint clapping and I looked at everyone to see Alice, still grinning, and slowly clapping her hands. Lewis and Frankie had joined in and Vanessa looked amused. I figured it was time I stopped. My hand throbbed and the pain radiated up my arm, but I tried my damnedest not to show it. I kept clenching and unclenching my fist.

"See, I'm good," I said to Vanessa with another fake smile.

"Obviously." She walked out in front of the group and said, "Marti is practicing on an injured hand today and shows more initiative than most of you. You should all make note of the example she continually sets for the team."

I winced. There was no need for her to say that. I was never at any point attempting to show my conviction to this stupid cheerleading squad. Not with extra running, not with causing myself massive pain by doing gymnastics moves on a bruised hand, nothing. It was all just a way for me to channel my stupid lesbian feelings into something different. Vanessa kept talking, up there on her soapbox. I tuned her out and prayed for her to just shut up.

"Show off," someone muttered.

I looked immediately toward Alice, who tossed up her arms, "Wasn't me."

Vanessa soon enough called out the culprit, "Savannah."

She sneered, I said nothing, and Alice muffled a laugh. Alice was the only one who had any idea about anything.

"I don't know what's going on with you two...again," our coach said firmly and put needless emphasis on the fact that this had occurred previously, then she went on, "But you need to work it out. I won't have this senseless animosity on the Hellcats. We have more important things to worry about than petty girl problems, and I'm sure that's what this is - petty girl problems and I bet they revolve around Dan Patch."

Alice covered her mouth, but I could see plainly that she found this hysterical.

"Alice, cut it out," Vanessa then said to her and she promptly composed herself. An eerie silence followed and then Vanessa said, "Party theme ideas?"

"Beach party in winter," suggested Darwin. "With beach balls, bathing suits, the whole shebang. I can get some leis pretty easily to hand out at the door."

A little hum of approval filled the room and everyone forgot about Savannah and me. The chatter continued and I zoned it out. I started at the floor and kept clasping my hand open and shut. I stopped noticing the pain in my hand because my headache got suddenly worse. I quickly lost track of time and before I knew what was happening the music for our routine started and I ran to get into position.

After practice I hurried for the shower and I stayed in the stall under the hot water and in the steam until I heard only silence from the rest of the locker room. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to answer any questions. I didn't want to deal with their curious and accusatory looks. I stood there letting the endless hot water cascade over me for a bit longer before I reached out and grabbed my towel. I peeked around the corner to make sure the coast was clear. Only steam filled the room and moisture sat on the floor.

I stopped by my locker and made my way out of the gym. To my utter dismay, as soon as I was out of the building, I spotted Alice. She sat casually against one of the low walls that cropped up all over campus.

"That was the longest shower ever. Tell me what's up," she said and joined me on the sidewalk. She noticed my obvious displeasure and added, "This is killing me, Marti. Did you think I'd just let you get on with your day and not tell me?"

"I don't actually remember after a certain point," I confessed. She didn't care and demanded I tell her the entire series of events that happened after she left.


	25. Chapter 25

Alice laughed. Her laugh began as a giggle, but then turned into full-scale hysterics for several long seconds before she managed to regain her senses and she said, "I like you, Marti. You're a constant source of entertainment."

"Thanks..." I muttered with no enthusiasm, as we approached Cheertown.

"You're very welcome." She stifled another laugh and cleared her throat.

"So what do I do?"

She looked at me quizzically, "How should I know? I only care because I think it's fucking hilarious."

"You really are heartless, aren't you?"

She shrugged, nonchalantly. "How's your hand?"

"Fine," I responded and pushed passed her to go inside. I didn't say a word to anyone, fully intent on going back to bed. I walked straight to my room.

Savannah sat cross-legged in the center of her bed with a textbook open. She didn't look up or greet me in any way. I walked by and went to my closet to throw my sweaty clothes into my hamper. I didn't bother trying to talk to her and I simply kicked off my tennis shoes then flopped back into my unmade bed. I set an alarm on my phone so I could make an attempt to get up and do the reading I needed to do for Julian's class. I dreaded going to that class, but my dread of seeing him was quickly quashed by my dread of Savannah hating me forever.

I glanced over at her out of the corner of my eye as I put my phone on the nightstand. I tried to do it in such a way that she wouldn't notice. She had actually turned and put her back to me, but she remained there on her bed, reading, or at the very least, staring at her book. I didn't know what to say anymore. I'd apologized. It was all I knew how to do. I didn't know how to fix it. I suppose that was something else I picked up from Wanda. To my dismay I was turning out to be more and more my mother's daughter. An excuse...maybe an excuse would work? I let my head sink into my pillow and stared at the ceiling. Maybe if I explained somehow...

"Savannah," I started, quietly and timidly, "You don't need to talk to me or anything...last night, what I did was stupid. I was drunk...I know that's not a good reason, but...you know I'm a slut. I just...I compulsively try to make out with everyone, and I realize I..." God damn, I needed to stop talking, and this time I actually did, unlike the night before. I mumbled, "Nevermind," before rolling over and looking toward the windows. "Just don't hate me, ok?"

She said nothing and the room remained completely silent. I listened for her to turn a page in her book, but she didn't. I didn't think she was really reading, but what did I know?

I felt absolutely fucking exhausted. My head pounded and my stomach growled and gnawed at itself. I thought vaguely about going to the kitchen and finding something to eat, but I couldn't bring myself to move once I burrowed under my comforter. I also couldn't fall asleep with my mind racing over every possible scenario that could have happened last night. How I could have done things differently, so on and so forth. I coupled that with every possible scenario that could now play out in my stupid life. I could just fuck all this noise and focus on studying and cheering. Forget people.

I stayed there, not moving, for I don't know how long. I'd stretch out my legs and curl up again, only to repeat the process. I rolled over onto my stomach, but I didn't turn my head toward Savannah.

"You're a stupid...a stupid bitch, Marti Perkins," she said out of nowhere, struggling wtih the words.

Not knowing what to say, I just rolled over and looked at her. She was shoving things into her backpack in a huff. She had on her jacket and a scarf.

"I know..." I said, "I'm sorry. I don't know why I-"

"Don't talk to me. I'm going home." She swung one of the straps over her shoulder and stomped for the door. She stormed out and slammed it behind her.

It took me a moment, but I got up and went after her, "Savannah! You're overreacting!"

She was out the front door and slamming it behind her as well by the time I made it to the couch. Alice, Frankie, and Darwin all looked at me, stunned. I went for the door and shouted one more time, "Why don't you come back and talk to me about it instead of acting like a fucking child?"

I didn't have on any shoes and my feet quickly began to hurt from standing on the cold concrete of the front steps. Savannah headed for The Rat for her car and didn't look back. I backed up back inside and slammed the door myself. Everyone in the living room stared at me. Alice wasn't even smiling, which for some reason made me feel even shittier.

I needed her to say something bitchy to me, to make some stupid comment about me not punching any other doors or something. I needed someone to do something because I was just standing there in the foyer.

After some time, Darwin turned back to the TV and said, "Well, then..."

This jarred me into motion. I walked back by them and looked as Alice and Frankie's heads followed all of my deliberate movements back to my bedroom. I walked slowly and then closed the door quietly behind me. I did want to punch something, but I resisted and drew the curtains closed to make the room darker instead. Then I crawled back into bed.

A minute later, I heard a light knock. I rolled over and Alice was poking her head inside. I didn't say anything, but she came in anyway and shut the door.

"She called me a stupid bitch and then she left," I said.

Alice frowned and came further in and sat on the edge of Savannah's bed, "I don't think she's ever uttered that combination of words before in her life. Who knew a casual little kiss would make her flip her tits? That's what you get for coming onto the super-religious girl who had never heard of evolution before, I guess..."

"I can't even imagine the stupid shit that came out of my mouth afterward..." I continued listlessly lying there.

"Who knows. So how many people have you come onto in the past week? Your professor, your sister, your roommate...anyone else?"

"Shut up."

"Listen. If you wake up before tomorrow, do you wanna get out of here? Everyone's talking and I'm sure you don't wanna deal with that shit."

"What'd you tell them?"

"Nothing. They all think it's about Dan. Everyone thinks you want to bone him. No one even suspects you actually want to bone the girl he was boning."

I cringed, "Don't say boning. That sounds awful."

She laughed, "We can go to the library. It's the end of the semester and about time I actually did some work. Your studiousness will either motivate me or make me feel like shit, which will motivate me. So it's win-win...well, no. It's really just win for me. You'll get nothing out of it."

"You're capable of feeling like shit?"

"Not really, no. But just come grab me when you wake up. We'll go get some vomit-worthy dining hall food and then go study. I don't feel like being around these assholes tonight either."

I looked at her suspiciously, "What are you plotting?"

"Plotting? Nothing, but if I were, you could bet your stupid bitch-ass that I wouldn't tell you. It'd defeat the point." She stood up and left as quietly as she came in.

...

I followed Alice sheepishly across campus to the library after we ate in subdued silence in the dining hall. My head stopped pounding once I slept a few more hours and she bought me a coffee once we got to our destination.

"Thanks," I muttered and took the warm cup, then we headed up to the group study lounge and snagged the only empty table.

"You any good at chemistry?" She asked.

I responded with an apathetic, "Eh."

"Perkins, I didn't bring you with me because I enjoy your company," she said meanly.

"You could've fooled me."

She rolled her eyes, "It's just intro. Help me out, I got you out of the damn rumor mill that is the cheer commune."

"Why are you even taking intro to chem?"

"I don't know. I didn't declare my major until, like, a month ago."

"Do you want me to go over the entire class with you or do you have specific questions, Alice? I have reading to do myself, you know. For my own classes."

"I know, I know." I rummaged through her bag and pulled out a stack of papers, "I need to go over everything I got wrong on these stupid tests." She flopped them down in front of me, "Consider it a trade for that coffee I bought your pathetic ass."

I sighed and resigned myself to getting none of my own reading done, but to my surprise Alice wasn't quite as dumb as I'd thought. We stayed in the library until well after eleven, when Alice started getting restless and shifting in her seat a lot and messing with her cell phone.

She leaned back in her chair, stretching and said, "Hot damn. News from the rumor mill."

I eyed her, waiting for the so-called news.

"Your precious roommate is apparently planning to stay at home for the rest of the semester with her preggo sister, rather than remaining in Cheertown with the rest of us miserable fools."

I frowned.

"Do you want to call it a night? If not, I need another cup of coffee."

"I'll stay. You can go if you want," I said.

"Another cup of coffee it is then."

"You don't need to stay," I protested, but she was already up and heading to the coffee shop on the first floor.

I started to feel some distinct pangs of guilt and confusion at why Alice wouldn't just leave me there. I ended up staring off toward the elevator, only being snapped back to consciousness by her sitting another cup of coffee in front of me.

"More updates from the rumor mill," she said, appearing quite bemused. "After this morning, from Sav's hasty departure, and due to your absence the general consensus, of course, is that you've stolen that drab Dan Patch from your roommate and that you are a slut. Again."

"Christ, did you tell them that-"

"Yes. I told Lewis to relay the information that you left with me today and you've been with me ever since...unless you snuck off with Dan when you went to the bathroom or something."

"Do you think anyone will figure it out?"

She shook her head, "Unlikely. You're not quite an obvious candidate for the lesbo club and the whole mess with you and Dan should keep them confused for a while." Changing the subject suddenly, she asked, "What do you think about our fundraising party on Friday?"

"It's whatever. I'd rather study for my finals than interact with a bunch of assholes."

Alice laughed and sipped on her coffee, not making any further attempts to study. "You know, I bet the Monroes would shit bricks if Savannah ended up dating you. One kid got knocked up before marriage and the other one is one of the gays...God, that's fucking priceless."

I raised an eyebrow, "I don't think they need to worry about Savannah."

"Oh, come on. Don't be so fucking negative, Marti. You probably just blew her little evangelical mind. Dan got her to fuck him, you should be able to wear her down too. You're much smarter than he is, and more interesting, if you ask me."

"Can I study?"

"Take a break and drink your coffee."

"Thanks for the coffee again by the way," I gave in because I knew she wouldn't shut up or take no for an answer.

"You're welcome. Now listen, when you first joined the Hellcats, Savannah was totally smitten with you."

"Smitten?" I questioned.

"Yes, that is the best word I can think of to describe it. She thought you were cool as shit - all badass and smart. I just thought you were kind of a hipster and a bitch."

"Yes..." I crossed my arms and let her go on.

"It freaked her out and then she misappropriated her feelings to Dan Patch, while you went into super slut mode."

"Ridiculous."

Alice ignored me, "She got drunk and hit on you on several occasions."

"Drunk girls always hit on other girls."

"Drunk girls also don't freak out when their drunk roommate kisses them unless there's something else going on there."

"The something else is that Dan talked her into having sex with him and then broke up with her for me when I didn't even want to date him."

"There are two sides to every coin, Perkins. You're only looking at the negative side."

"Stop trying to be deep and stop trying to put stupid impossible ideas in my head. You're just telling me these things so I do something stupid, so you can have a nice laugh when it all blows up."

She smirked, "I will neither confirm nor deny that."

"So why should I listen?"

"Because I feel bad for you and how you constantly feel sorry for yourself. You're better than that shit. I liked you more when you were a cocky bitch and not this mopey, sulky thing. You're no competition to me in your current state."

"You're so weird, Alice. What exactly are you suggesting I do?"

"One: quit sulking. Two: quit obsessing over silly Savannah. Three: give the girl some space, stop apologizing, stop saying dumb shit whenever you open your mouth...I guess that ties in with number two, but whatever."

I sneered, "I'm not obsessing."

"My ass you're not." As she said that, I spotted Darwin looking around at each of the emptying tables behind her.

I couldn't tell if he was looking for us or not, but he was coming in our general direction. "Alice, shut up-"

"No. You have fallen head over heels in love with Savannah Monroe-"

"Alice-"

"This is like some cheesy romantic comedy shit, or if it turns out poorly I guess it could be a Lifetime movie. Kristen Stewart could play you. She's good at being sulky."

"Alice," I said between my teeth. Darwin was almost right behind her. "Dammit, Alice. _Shut up._ "

"Why are you getting your panties in a bunch of all a sudden? You're in love with your stupid roommate. Shit happens. I know it, you know it. It is what it is."

"Whoa!" Darwin shouted.

"God damn, Alice," I collapsed onto the table and began tugging at my hair.

"Now Darwin knows it," she slapped her palm to her forehead. "Looks like that big gay cat is out of the rainbow bag."

"Whoa..." Darwin said again, more quietly this time. I didn't lift my head from the table. I couldn't be bothered with exerting myself to perform simple actions.

"I just came to get my study on with you two because Cheertown is a disaster area right now," he said. "I didn't mean to uncover any juicy secrets, but boy am I glad I did."

I groaned and pillowed my head on my arms.

"Why didn't you tell me he was standing behind me?" Alice asked with a laugh.

"I tried," I muttered, hopelessly.

Darwin tossed his bookbag onto the table and then sat down next to Alice, "So did you hook up with her or what? Everything makes so much more sense now."

"Darwin, do not touch your phone. Do not tell a single other person. I will kill you. Do you understand me, Darwin?" Alice stared him down.

He swallowed nervously and nodded, then he said quietly to me, "Holy shit. Did Savannah rebound from Dan with...you?"

"No, we didn't hook up. I hate cheerleaders. I hate everything." I grumbled.

"What's the rebounding threshold?" He asked Alice, "Four weeks?" Then he focused back on me, "There's still time."

"For fuck's sake, I don't want to be her rebound." I finally sat up and I chugged down the remainder of my coffee, wishing there were some liquor in it because that's how I love to problem solve.

"You don't?" He was baffled and then amused, "Oh no, you must really like her then. That's the worst."


	26. Chapter 26

The last week of classes chugged along and it got colder and colder. Darwin didn't say anything to anyone that I could tell. We had practice everyday and I caught him looking at me oddly a few times. It was like he was waiting for me to do something ridiculous and dramatic. I have no idea what he could've been expecting. I left Savannah alone and she always left right after practice. She spoke maybe three words to me and all of them were snide comments. I left everyone alone. I could tell that no one trusted me. No one much cared for me, they just tolerated me - except Alice and Darwin, and I was pretty sure neither actually cared about me. My room felt empty and deserted. I hated being in it, so I had regular afternoon study sessions with Alice just to get out of the place.

Julian made a point to berate me each day in class that week and I couldn't bring myself to care, much less argue. I just wanted to be done with his stupid class. I wanted to be away from him and away from Morgan Pepper. I actually found myself a little thankful when Friday came. I spent the afternoon decorating the gym for our winter beach party with the rest of the Hellcats, taking orders from Alice. The longer we worked though, the more I dreaded the cleaning up that would happen the next day. If we saved the money we spend on the damn decorations for each party, we could've met our goal already, but I held my tongue and continued hanging paper lanterns.

"Looking good!" Vanessa announced at about quarter to six, after surveying the large room.

To me it looked like all of our other parties, but with a truckload of sand we'd have to sweep up. It also seemed like a slip-and-fall accident waiting to happen too.

Traditionally, the Hellcats' end of semester parties fared well, even competing against the fraternities and sororities that threw shindigs on the same night. We sold a number of tickets during the week and expected to rake in more at the door, especially with the promise of all of us ladies in bikinis. I didn't look forward to the sexual harassment I knew would occur, but I was more or less used to it, unfortunately.

"Alright Hellcats, wrap up what you're working on then go grab a bite to eat, or whatever you need to do, before you get into your swimsuits," said Alice.

"Meet back here at 6:30," Savannah added before she dashed out of the doors and down the hall toward the locker room.

I climbed down from the ladder I'd been inhabiting and started to collapse it.

"Let me help," Lewis offered, coming from out of nowhere.

"Thanks," I said and he helped me fold it down and then we grabbed either end.

"You've seemed really down lately," he stated.

Before I could deny it vehemently, Vanessa interrupted, "Marti, after you and Lewis get that into storage can I have a word with you for a minute?"

"Sure," I called back.

"I'm just getting ready for my finals is all," I told him as we approached the storage room.

"No one's really sure what to make of everything with you, Dan, and Savannah."

I shot him a glare and said, "Don't make anything of it and mind your own business maybe?"

"Look, you could cut the tension with a knife is all I'm saying. It's really weird with Savannah not being around too. Everything's weird." He spoke kindly, not angry about my snapping or anything else it seemed.

We propped the ladder on its side against the wall and I said again, "Thanks for your help."

I got the hell out of Dodge before he could say anything else. I hated when he got all sappy and seemed to give a shit. A knot formed in my stomach as I approached Vanessa. I had a feeling she was going to ask me about the same thing.

"What's up, Vanessa?" I tried to sound as nonchalant as possible.

"How's your hand?" she asked first.

I looked down. I still had it bandaged. My knuckles were disgusting and bruised black with tinges of yellow around the edges. "It's fine. Just kinda gross."

"That's good. Is it bothering you much?"

"A little, but I'm powering through," I forced a smile and mimed a right hook.

She shifted around and I waited for the impending question - it would have to do with Savannah. I knew it was coming, it was just a matter of time. She was beating around it, trying to get at it. She nodded, "I've noticed that you've shifted your allegiances on the team lately."

I tilted my head, "What do you mean?"

"You and Savannah were inseparable and now you seem to be gravitating toward Alice."

I didn't answer. I didn't know what she wanted me to say.

She continued when I didn't open my mouth, "I know what happened with Savannah and Dan and I know that Savannah is staying at home instead of Cheertown."

What'd she want out of me? To let her know I was listening I responded as confusedly as possible with, "Yeah."

"I'm worried about Savannah," she finally spat it out. There was not accusing tone in her voice, no indication that she too was wary of me. She only seemed concerned, and I was glad it wasn't about me.

"She hasn't been herself lately at all. I'm not sure what's up. She won't talk to me about it." It came out of my mouth seamlessly.

"It's causing a lot of tension and confusion with the team."

I nodded, "I know. I wish I could help, but I really have no idea what to do."

Vanessa sighed, "Savannah isn't filling her role as captain, and I'm really afraid that it would be best for the team to choose someone else - someone who sets a good example and works to motivate the rest of the Hellcats, not bring them down."

Where was she going with this now?

"I want to see how things are after winter break. We need to go into Nationals really strong, and I was thinking that you are actually the perfect candidate for captain."

"Me? What? No." I stammered. "I...I..."

"Just think about it and now go get ready for the party." She turned and moved toward Alice.

I stood there looking stupid, I'm sure. I felt some combination of stunned and appalled. I didn't have time for that shit. I didn't care about cheering. I was in this for my scholarship. I stared and watched as Vanessa approved of Alice's straightening out of some inflatable palm trees. Why the hell wouldn't she let Alice be captain and leave me alone?

I sulked out of the gym, milling over all of the reasons why I would never want to be Hellcats captain in my head. I needed to grab some food and change into my swimsuit, then I fully intended to have a drink. Any excuse for a drink was a welcome one at that point.

...

People came in at first as a trickle, but by eleven the place was packed and I was five drinks in. I lingered around the bartender we'd hired to handle the campus-approved drinking function. We also hired some dudes to do a coat check since it was fucking freezing outside and we encouraged people to come in their bathing suits. Again, I wondered about this appropriation of funds, but not a word came out of my mouth. Instead I flirted aimlessly with shirtless sweaty boys and attempted to drink responsibly. It wouldn't be appropriate for the potential future Hellcats captain to get hammered at a fundraising party for the team. It occurred to me to do just that and make Vanessa stop being a damn fool.

I decided against it, just to avoid being reprimanded, and made an attempt to pace myself. The bartender seemed to be raking in money from drinks, alcoholic and otherwise. We couldn't use money from selling booze to fund our trip. There's always so much fine print in everything, little legally binding statements. Contract law was boring as shit. I thought about these things as two guys tried to chat me up.

I'd long ago lost track of the other Hellcats. We were wearing special leis that were Lancer colors to distinguish us from everyone else, who got shitty cheap leis in normal colors.

"Your hot professor is here," Alice whispered in my ear in passing.

"Alice!" I shouted after her, but she'd already disappeared into another throng of party goers.

I scanned the crowd quickly, searching for Julian. I hoped I wouldn't find him, but I soon did. He had found me as well. He stood out like a sore thumb, wearing his stupid pant suit in the middle of a bunch of half naked college students.

"Professor Parrish," I greeted him with no enthusiasm.

"Miss Perkins, as of this afternoon you are no longer my student, so you can call me Julian."

"I haven't turned in my final paper, Professor Parrish," I persisted, "And I thought you were going to grade me based on my merits, not my tits."

He looked a little taken aback, but he smirked anyway, thinking I was playing some sort of game, "I believe my exact word was 'breasts.'"

"That it was." I looked down at my rack, which was particularly apparent at the moment since I was in a bathing suit and all.

"I still plan to grade you in that manner. I just thought I would come out and see what this party was about...contribute a few dollars to the Hellcats. Do my part."

"Well, thanks."

"My pleasure." He turned to the bartender with a sideways smile and ordered a drink before he came over and leaned coolly on the table next to me. "What's been going on with you, Miss Perkins? You've been on time to class and you've not been outspoken and argumentative. I daresay you've been a decent student this last week."

"It was the last week, I figured I'd mix things up."

"Honestly, I preferred the other you. I hope your final paper doesn't disappoint me. Morgan already turned his in."

"Good for Morgan." I didn't really care.

"Is this because of what happened with us after Miss Monroe's little trial?"

I cringed. He just had to bring that up, didn't he? "God, no," I said. "Does it have to do with why you've been on my ass all week?"

He shrugged, "I meant what I said." Indicating my empty cup, he asked, "Would you like another? On me."

"Are you even allowed to be here?"

"I don't see why not. I bought a ticket and they let me through the doors. Let me get you a drink and we can have a seat away from all of this noise."

"Fine. Whatever!" I threw my hands up in the air in surrender.

He smiled, smugly.

I picked one of the tables we'd set up around the perimeter. A tropical themed table cloth sat on top of it and there was a pile of cocktail umbrellas in the center that were up for grabs.

Julian sat down across from me and the first words out of his mouth were, "I'm sorry if I wasn't very tactful with how I've reacted to you."

Curious as to the ridiculous things he was about to say, I responded with, "It's alright, and I'm...uh...sorry about that incident. That never should have happened."

He shook his head, "No, no. It's alright. I believe I may have given you the wrong idea previously, which was completely my fault."

Good. He was admitting he was a sleaze. "Go on."

"You see, Marti," he reached across the table to grab my hand, but I smoothly pulled it away and put it in my lap while I clutched my drink with the other. He recovered fluidly from my evasion and kept talking, "I'm not one to break the rules anymore. I used to be very fond of bending them, but now...I suppose my confidence has been taken down a notch. You reminded me of the person I used to be and you caught me in a moment of weakness. You are charismatic and passionate."

Most of what he said was bullshit, but I didn't mind the compliments. He was more well-spoken than all of the boys who'd been gravitating toward me all night. Well-spoken does not equal less sleazy though.

His tirade went on, "Basically, you caught me off guard. I'm used to my classes being filled with students the likes of Morgan Pepper. No one challenges or pushes or takes any risks. But you..."

Alice approached and his eyes wandered toward her as his voice trailed off. "Sorry to interrupt what I'm sure is some scholarly conversation," she began with an apologetic smile toward Julian before looking back at me, "But Dan Patch just sauntered in. Boy's got some balls. I just wanted to let you know before you run into him."

"No one'll touch him at a fundraising function, will they?" I asked her.

"I will, but look, I was just giving you a heads up. He's probably either trying to find you or Savannah, or both. Who knows?" With that, she vanished again.

I looked around and tried to finish off the free drink from Julian. There was no need to waste it. I needed to pull a disappearing act into the ladies' room. When I glanced back at Julian, he was just sitting there watching me, looking overly pleased with himself.

"Thanks for the drink," I said to him as kindly as I could muster. "I need to run to the restroom. I'll be right back." I had no intention of actually coming back anytime soon. If I stayed in there long enough, I might be able to avoid Dan as well.

I got up before he could say anything and weaved between a bunch of people, hoping to lose him if he happened to attempt to follow me. As I made it through a gap in the human wall, I caught a glimpse of Savannah. I paused and watched her. At first she just walked with urgency and then she started moving at a more brisk pace - almost a run, but not because that would be awkward. She didn't want to draw attention to herself, I assumed. She was headed toward the locker room.

My eyes wandered back in the direction she'd come and I spotted Dan. He was poking his head around couples dancing and wearing a blue lei. I ducked into a group of people and found Savannah again. She'd almost reached the door leading to the hall that went to our locker room. I saw her glance quickly back in Dan's direction. She wiped her cheek before slinking through the door.

Was she crying? Should I follow her? Should I leave her alone? The mess of questions ran through my mind and I found myself following her. I moved in the same manner she did. I didn't want anyone to stop me or notice me. There was no time for questions. The worst that would happen when I caught up with her is that she would either ignore me or be a bitch, both of which I'd grown accustomed to over the last week.

I didn't look back to locate Dan and I slipped through the door, unnoticed as far as I could tell. I held it and forced it to close quietly behind me, not that anyone could hear it over the music though. There was no one in the hall, but I saw the door to the locker room just closing. I ran with my flip flops pounding on the tiles and I just poked my head in at first.

"Savannah?" My voice echoed in the deserted space.

She looked like she was pacing between some benches, her hands tangled in her hair. She turned.

"Savannah, are you-" I started to ask as I fully entered the room.

"You." She interrupted.

"Hey, I just...I..." And then I didn't realize what exactly I was doing.

"You," she said again and this time pointed at me accusingly. Her face was flushed and eyes watering. She seemed more angry than anything else, so I prepared myself for her to be a bitch to me.

"I saw you, and...I..." She began coming toward me and I couldn't seem to muster any sort of words or even ask her if she was alright.

"Marti," her tone dropped and she shoved my shoulders back into the set of lockers behind me.

Stunned, I just stood there, arms at my sides as she pressed me against the cold metal. I turned my face a little to the side to brace for a slap I was sure would come next. It's what I deserved, right?

When her lips touched mine, I froze. I had to. I had to stand up straight and hold perfectly still or else I was sure I would collapse into a heap on the floor. My legs felt like they didn't exist and my knees trembled. Savannah trapped me there, sandwiched between her and the lockers. I couldn't have moved away had I wanted to or had my legs allowed it.

After some time, she took a step back. It wasn't any great step, she still stood incredibly close to me, but she finally let go of my shoulders. I didn't move away from my position. I couldn't tell which of us was more confused. She still looked flustered and angry. She reached up and touched her lips briefly as if to make sure they were still there. I held my breath.

"Marti." She said firmly, "I hate you. I hate you. I hate my pregnant sister and stupid Noah. I hate my parents. I hate Dan Patch. I hate Vanessa. I hate Cheertown. I hate school and Nationals. I hate being captain, but I hate that Vanessa wants to hand it over to you if I don't stop sucking. I hate that I'm sucking. I hate being mad." With each word she took a step farther and farther away. Finally, she sat down on the nearest bench with the end of her hatred rant, "Mostly I hate you Marti Perkins. You ruin everything." She pouted and crossed her arms. "Life-ruiner. Now I don't have a best friend and no one to listen to me complain."

I fought back a smile and said quietly, "Well, you're sending some mixed signals."


	27. Chapter 27

When I regained the capacity to move I took a seat next to Savannah on the bench. She sat with her hands dangling between her knees, staring at the floor. I casually bumped her shoulder with mine and said, "Hey, what makes you think you don't have a best friend anymore?"

She didn't answer. Instead she turned and wrapped her arms around me in an abnormally tight hug. "I miss you. I hate that I miss you, but I do miss you. I hate being at home with my parents. They're making me crazy."

I hugged her back and she buried her face into my shoulder.

"These leis are itchy," she said, her voice muffled.

I didn't bother stifling my laughter and asked, "Do you hate them?"

"Yes. I hate them. I hate this party too," she answered humorlessly. "Dan's out there."

"What happened to all of that positive thinking crap?"

Finally with a laugh, she looked up. Her eyes were still puffy and she took a deep breath, "Positive outcomes only. Right."

"You need to get your shit together before Vanessa makes me captain. I don't want to be captain."

"I know!" She exclaimed, "The nerve of that woman. I don't know what she's thinking. You'd be the worst captain."

"Uh...thanks."

"Hush. You know what I mean." She finally released her grip on me and I let her go. She straightened her hair and wiped her eyes one more time then sighed before scooting farther away from me on the bench.

I started to wring my hands together. The obvious question on the tip of my tongue was about the abrupt kiss she planted on me against the lockers, but part of me didn't think it was prudent to bring it up. I kept my mouth shut.

"Do you think anyone realizes we're gone?" she asked.

"Probably not, but I guess we should go back out there. Eventually someone will notice I've abandoned my post by the drinks. Professor Parrish has probably given up by now."

"Professor Parrish is here?"

"Yeah. He's been skeazing on me and I bailed under the pretense of needing to use the bathroom. That was when I saw you and came in here and...uh...here we are."

"Here we are..." She said quietly.

"Yep."

Savannah stood up suddenly, "I'm going back out there. I feel better now that we talked."

I nodded, "I'm glad we...talked."

"I'm sorry about how I've been lately," she said quickly before skittering back out of the locker room.

I stayed. I scratched the back of my head and picked at my fingernails, trying to decipher what exactly just happened. I'm not sure how long I sat there going over and over the series of events in my head. I knew eventually that I'd have to go back to the gym. We had some preliminary cleaning to do at two when the party was officially over - taking down the booths and shit like that. Then it was up bright and early to do the rest of the cleaning before a brief practice. I had to go back out. People expected the Hellcats to be there and I was one of the Hellcats.

The journey out of the locker room and down the hall felt surreal, and I couldn't help but think I'd made up the whole kissing encounter. I could hear the music the moment I stepped into the hall and it got louder and louder as I approached. I hadn't realized how loud it was until I re-entered the gym. There were lights flashing of all colors, people jumping, and the music pounded.

"There you are," I heard Julian's voice. He stood just to the side of the door. He'd been waiting for me.

"Oh...oh, I thought you would've left. There was a crisis in the locker room. Sorry." I didn't even look at him. I squinted into the crowd, my eyes still adjusting to the darkness.

"It's alright. I figured something had happened. You wouldn't stand me up."

"What? Stand you up?" He made me angry. I didn't feel like dealing with this. "You showed up here. This isn't a date. You're my teacher, I'm your student. Go grade Morgan's paper or something."

"I'm sorry I turned you down so harshly before," he said apologetically.

"Whatever," I rolled my eyes and started to move away from him, but he grabbed my wrist, pulling me back.

He pulled me close to him, close enough for me to smell his cologne over the stink of sweaty people in the enclosed space. "I gave it some thought," he said, "I can grade you objectively. The semester is practically over and I'm completely alright with dating you."

"What?!" I yelled and shoved him away. I backed up slowly, shaking my head, "No. What happened was a mistake on my part. You were right. I was wrong, but now...now, you're just completely fucking out of line, Professor Parrish."

I whirled around and became lost in the sea of people, hoping he'd understood me that time. Returning to the bartender, I grabbed another drink. I didn't stick around though; Julian probably knew he could find me there.

"Another drink? At this rate, you're going to single-handedly fund all of the Hellcats' events next year," the bartender said with a laugh.

"Go Hellcats!" I shouted with a fist pumped and got away from there. I spotted Lewis and did a double-take realizing he was grinding on Nasty Cathy. Trying to erase the image from my mind, I kept moving. Alice. Where was Alice? When exactly Alice turned into my confidante I couldn't quite say. It was so weird that she was the first person I thought to turn to.

I didn't see hide nor hair of Alice, but I found Savannah again, along with Dan. They stood to the side and were clearly arguing. I lingered and crept a little closer. Turning away from them and leaning against the wall, I tried to listen and sipped on my drink, still keeping an eye out for Julian or Alice.

"No, Dan!" Savannah shouted. I imagined her behind me, stomping her foot.

"Please just hear me out," the boy responded. I could barely hear him. He wasn't being nearly as loud as she was.

"There's nothing to hear. You broke up with me for Marti. Marti turned you down, and now you've come crawling back to me. I'm not taking you back. Do you think I'm stupid?"

Dan Patch was certainly stupid if he thought he could pull off such a feat.

"Sav, please," he begged, "I made a mistake, a huge mistake. I thought Marti felt differently for me, and it got to my head. It's just...she...I don't know. I've known her for so long and it just...it was a mistake. I love you."

"Are you serious? You basically just said that you're choosing me as runner up because you were mistaken about Marti! You have no idea how mistaken you were about her, so go find a new girl and get away from me." Then she slapped him. She slapped him so hard I heard it over all of the other noise. Some other people turned and looked - they obviously heard it too. I glanced over my shoulder and saw her storming away, leaving Dan standing there rubbing his cheek. Some people laughed and I laughed.

I should've moved along, but I didn't, and soon my ex-best friend said, "Marti? Is that you?"

Ignoring him, I attempted to make a getaway.

"Marti? Marti. Wait." He caught me.

"What could you possibly want? Savannah wouldn't take you back, so now you're here to try for me again?" I asked him sharply.

"No, I...dammit. I'll never understand women."

"Stop treating us like shit for a start."

"I'm sorry that I completely fucked our friendship...again. I keep doing it."

Putting my free hand on my hip, I said, "You're a presumptuous bastard, Dan Patch. Go back to being a player, you were better at that than you are at these attempts to have meaningful relationships."

"I was only a player because I was trying to forget you..." He sulked.

I glowered, "Try it again and maybe this time it'll work."

He started to say something, but didn't. His mouth just hung there open and then he ruffled his messy hair and slouched, surrendering. I missed my best friend, Dan - not this idiot. I wanted to slap him, but I figured once was enough for the night, so I just walked away.


	28. Chapter 28

Everyone looked thoroughly exhausted at the end of the night after the party wrapped up. We stood around together in the trashed gym, many of us dragging garbage bags full of cups and half-eaten snacks to be taken to the dumpster on the way back to Cheertown. Vanessa gave us all a round of applause, "Great job, Hellcats! I think this was the most successful event we've had yet and I'm sure we raked in enough to get us to Nationals, plus we brought in a good chunk for next year's events!"

We all started to disperse when Savannah spoke up, "Listen, team. I owe all of you an apology. I know I haven't been the best captain lately. I haven't been there for you guys and I've been bringing down the team more than bringing it up."

"Tell me about it," Frankie muttered under her breath, eliciting a snicker from Alice and a couple of the boys.

Savannah didn't seem to notice or care, "After this much needed break, I promise to do better. I'm going to put my personal issues aside and we're going to win Nationals."

"Are you coming back to Cheertown?" Darwin asked. "No one else does the dishes."

For a second, I thought she looked toward me before answering him, "Yes. I'm coming back to Cheertown. In fact, I'm coming back tonight. Who's down with an after-party? Classes are over and we just threw a fundraiser to remember and I think this is a good reason to celebrate!"

An excited shout rang out, either for Savannah getting her act together or for the after party or whatever. Something. Everyone around me who had just been dragging their feet and moaning about how tired they were had suddenly become rejuvenated and enthusiastic again. Had our awkward chat in the locker room that easily caused Savannah to have this transformation? Was I giving myself too much credit? It didn't matter. She was coming back, wasn't being a twat to me, and I was no longer in danger of having captain thrust upon me when I didn't want it.

Then it sunk in that Savannah was coming back to Cheertown. What did that mean? Did it mean anything aside from that she was coming back? Implication after implication began to bum-rush me. Scenarios started playing, from disastrous ones to incredibly ridiculous ones with bad lesbian sex and awkward cuddles. In a moment of utter confusion and a strong desire to procrastinate getting back to Cheertown, I volunteered to take care of all of the trash we'd collected. There was sure to be more recovered tomorrow, but I'd take the five or so loads to the dumpsters and then head back to Cheertown, so that everyone else could go ahead and get the after-party started. Alice eyed me curiously, but said nothing and the rest of the team frolicked off jovially, leaving me with Vanessa and a bunch of garbage.

"I'll help you, Marti," our coach said and grabbed two of the bags. "And Red, but he ran to the restroom."

"Red's here? I didn't even see him." I was glad she wasn't saying weird shit about Savannah or talking about cheerleading in any way.

"He is. He's been around all night picking up cups that people couldn't manage to get into the trashcans we put everywhere." We ventured out into the brisk cold.

I'd pulled normal clothes on over my bathing suit, but it was still frigid and felt like it was definitely going to snow. I said, "Gotcha."

"I understand the position you're in," she said.

"What position?" I really wasn't sure. It was legit question.

"I've been there."

I paused and looked at her confusedly before chucking my bags into the dumpster, "What're you talking about exactly?"

"With your professor."

"Huh? Whoa." She was getting a little too personal. "There's nothing going on with me and Professor Parrish."

"I listen to the rumors, Marti," she told me and threw in her trash. "It's the only way I can find anything out about any of you since none of you will talk to me. I'm tell you that you can talk to me now."

I felt like she was patronizing me. "That's all it is - a rumor. Thanks anyway for your concern, Vanessa."

"I'm just here if you need someone to talk to, Marti."

"I'm good, thanks." I shook my head in disbelief and went back inside to grab more bags. Red was there collecting several. It looked like he had them all. Vanessa followed me at a distance, realizing she'd offended me, I think. I knew she meant well, but for God's sake, if it wasn't one thing it was another.

"Hi, Marti," he greeted me.

"Hey..."

"I've got these if you want to go."

"Thanks," I said and got out of there before Vanessa could continue her attempts at counseling.

I was booking it back to Cheertown with my freezing hands tucked into my armpits when a car pulled up next to me. I looked over at it out of the corner of my eye and groaned, "For fuck's sake, Professor Parrish."

"Need a ride?" He called through the rolled down passenger side window.

"No. I'm fine. Thanks." I slapped on a sarcastic smile and kept moving, only a little faster now. Holy fuck, this dude was insane. Maybe I should have talked to Vanessa about it.

"It's freezing out!" He tried to convince me.

"I'm good. It isn't far."

"Can I come in when we get there?" He still followed me.

"No."

"We need to talk."

"We don't."

He persisted endlessly, "I think we've had a series of unfortunate misunderstandings."

"I agree. There. We talked."

"We need to have a real talk, so we can be on the same page."

"You need to be on my page, and my page is that you are my teacher and I am your student."

"Alright. There's a start. Can we finish this conversation inside where it's warm and where I'm not in danger of hitting the curb in my car?"

"No." I hustled up the steps to Cheertown and then locked the door behind me and sighed, relieved to be inside and warm and away from Julian. I was going to be sure to drop my final paper off at his office when he wasn't there.

"That was quick," Lewis pointed out and he had Nasty Cathy hanging from his arm.

"What the fuck is she doing here?" I said, not caring that I was being rude.

"Yeah, I told him she's probably a spy," Alice commented, but shrugged. "He insisted and you know he's hard-headed."

"Have a drink and loosen up," Lewis said with a cheesy grin.

"The night is young and you love drinks," said Darwin. "Plus your girl's back." He winked.

"I'm really exhausted," I confessed.

Those paying attention to me looked stunned that I would turn down drinks.

"Hey, you," Savannah said, joining us and coming from the kitchen. She handed me a glass, clearly not privy to the conversation. "I got a drink ready for you."

"Fine," I said between my teeth, "Just this one."

Darwin laughed into his glass with an audible snort and some of his drink may have come out of his nose. Alice shot him a glare. Savannah looked confused.

"I'm glad you two made up," Alice said to us.

"Me too," Darwin was still chortling.

I ignored them both and went into the kitchen. I really was tired. Tired and confused. I leaned against the counter and Savannah followed me. I pretended to be aloof and unaware of her presence the best I could until she cleared her throat.

I looked at her and she said, "About what happened in the locker room..."

Panicking, I looked around to ensure no one was listening.

Observing my reaction, Savannah said, "We can talk about it another time if you want."

"No," I responded promptly. Perhaps too promptly.

"I don't want to do anything that would jeopardize the team."

"Oh." I wasn't sure what she meant and I took a huge gulp of my drink to attempt to maintain my detached facade. I had to play it cool.

"I realized I was jeopardizing the team."

I nodded a tiny bit, but then shrugged.

"So many things happened at once. I lost my focus. It was like a complete stimulus overload."

I understood that.

She went on, "I need to focus on the Hellcats and I need you to be my friend. I need someone to talk to about...about Dan and my sister and everything." She was talking faster and faster and I realized not talking about the incident in the locker room that I thought she was going to talk about. "I took everything out on you and I shouldn't have. You were an easy target. I need you to forgive me and I need you to help me stay positive, ok? I don't really hate you. I was just so frustrated with everything."

"I already forgave you..." I said quietly and then finished my drink. I put the glass in the dishwasher and then started for the bedroom, just as confused as ever. When I passed over the threshold I realized she'd followed me again. She closed the door behind her and I said, "Go hang out with everyone, they missed you. I'm beat and have to be up at the ass-crack of dawn and then I have a paper to write for Julian."

"Oh...I..." She started to say something, but not much came out.

I rummaged through my dresser for something clean to put on to sleep in. I was trying my damnedest to avoid mentioning the one thing I wanted to mention. In the back of my mind I was afraid it would cause a shitstorm.

When I turned around she was standing right behind me like she pulled some ninja shit to get there. Startled, I dropped my shorts and before I could do anything else, she had grabbed onto the front of my sweatshirt and pulled me close to her.

Perplexity and paralyzation set in again as she locked her lips with mine without warning for the second time. Her hands moved from their grip on my sweatshirt to being tangled in my hair. I kissed her back, being overly aware of everything I was doing - my hands on her hips, then the small of her back.

In the next few seconds, she inched us toward my bed. She sat on the edge, pulling me down with her. A moment later, I found myself on top of her. She held me close and gently nibbled her ear and kissed her neck. I heard her breathing and felt her heart pounding against me. Her hands wandered delicately under my clothes, but stayed in the safety of my midsection.

My mouth went back to hers and then my hands began to wander. I tugged the hem of her shirt and felt her toned thighs. They were covered by her track pants, but I felt them no less.

In the next second, she pulled away and gasped, "No."

I lept off of her and stumbled backwards, away from the bed all the way back to my dresser. My feet got tangled in my shorts that I'd dropped and I caught myself just before falling with my busted hand. "Sorry...I'm sorry. Sorry..." I stammered, "Please don't be mad."

She sat up and diverted her eyes away from me, "I have no idea what I'm doing."

"I don't either." Then I apologized again, "I'm sorry."

"It's fine, Marti. I'm going to go now. You should get some sleep." Just as she'd done in the locker room, she made sure her hair was in place than abruptly stood up. She left the room without looking back.

"Well, I fucked that up again, I'm sure," I said to myself and slid down to the base of my dresser to sit on the floor. My hand was throbbing. At least the pain was distracting.

...

I sat up with a jerk, believing I was late for the party clean up before I realized it was Savannah's alarm going off, not mine. She stretched and let out a yawn before turning it off and looking at me oddly.

"Good morning, sunshine," she said, "Why do you look horrified?"

Brushing my hair out of my face I answered, "Oh...I just..." Savannah was there in her bed where she was supposed to be. I hadn't spooked her so much that she went back to her parents' house or slept on the couch. "I freaked out and thought I was late."

"I hate that," she said with a smile. "You're not late. I set my alarm early so I could get a shower before everyone else."

I grabbed my phone and checked the time, "I suppose I could sleep for twenty more minutes then. I'm just showering after practice. No need to waste water."

"You know what else would save water?"

My eyes narrowed at her. Was she about to say something ridiculous about showering together? That would be my response. Curiously, I asked, "No. What?"

"Running the dishwasher less."

"Oh. Yes. That." I scratched my head and wondered if she was really going to pretend nothing happened. That was a pretty Savannah thing to do, but seriously? After being a bitch for a week and then two awkward make-out sessions, she was going to go back to acting completely normal.

We cleaned up the gym and practice came and went. Savannah wasn't quite her old, overly enthusiastic self, but she was closer than she had been. My hand bothered me through most of the routines, but I didn't let it show. After I showered, I found Alice waiting for me in the locker room.

"Library today?" I asked, "I have to finish my final paper for Professor Creep-ian Parrish."

"You bet, but mostly I want all of the dirty about whatever went down last night."

I smirked, "With Professor Creepo?"

"Of course that, but mostly what happened with our beloved Hellcats captain. After you two disappeared into your room for a while, she came back out and was acting super weird. Weirder than usual. She's always been weird because she's a homeschooled nut and all, but weirder, and today...she was almost the super-annoying Savannah I wanted to punch in the mouth."

I grabbed my bag from my locker and slung it over my shoulder, "I'll tell you, but you have to be quiet about it."

She got up from the bench and grabbed her own bag, "My lips are sealed until the moment when exposing you will benefit me most."

"I'm starting to not believe you about that."

Laughing, she said, "Don't trust me, Marti Perkins. This is your last warning."

"Whatever, Alice."

"God, you're fucking chipper. Well...not really chipper, but you're not being an emo bitch like usual," she said and held the door for me. "I guess you're being a normal person, which makes me all the more curious about last night."

"I'll tell you if you look over my paper when I'm done."

"Fine. I don't understand a bit of that legal jargon, but I can look for typos."

We walked down the sidewalk together and I shivered thinking of Julian following me in his car. I hoped he wouldn't be a complete dickbag and fail me. I didn't think he would, but what did I know? I didn't want to think about him anymore, at least for a moment. I commented to Alice, "So are Lewis and Nasty Cathy officially a thing or what?"

"God. I don't know. I hope he knocked her up though. Then Memphis Christian will be down their two major girls and it'll both be due to babies, which is so ironic for a Christian school and all."

"You're such a twat," I responded with a laugh.

I dropped off my gym bag and exchanged it for my computer bag. Savannah sat with a book on her lap in the middle of her bed, much as she had the weekend before, but she actually acknowledged me this time.

"Where are you going?" She asked.

"To the library to write this paper for Julian."

"Oh..." She chewed on her lip again and then said, "Can I talk to you about something?"

"Sure," I answered a little apprehensively, thinking it would be about the encounters. I thought for sure she was about to go ballistic on me.

"Ok, so...I have this paper to write," she began and I felt a little relieved, yet not at the same time. "I'm crap at writing papers. I'm finishing the reading now and making an outline, but can you help me when you're done with yours?"

"Sure," I responded, "Work on what you can and I'll be back as soon as I'm done."

"You seem disappointed. You don't have to."

I was unaware that I seemed anything in particular, "No, Sav. I don't mind. I just thought you were going to say something else."

"Like what?" She looked completely and genuinely puzzled.

I shrugged, "I don't know. It just seemed more serious."

"Oh, well, ok. I'll see you when you get back then."

All I wanted to do was stay with her and write my paper. I didn't want to go with Alice all the way to the library and leave Savannah sitting alone in our room. I said with a smile, "I'll be back in a few hours. It'll give you time to get a good start on it."

She sighed, "I hate writing papers."

"Hey, be positive," I said before exiting.

On the way to the library, I gave Alice a nice synopsis of the series of events. She had oddly little to say about it. We got our coffee, picked a table, and got to work. Every fifteen minutes or so though, Alice would perk up and ask something like, "So did that really happen?" or "Are you serious that Savannah hasn't mentioned it at all?"

I'd answer her and we'd go back to our respective tasks. I churned out paragraphs on ethics and criminal defense, and Alice worked on flashcards for something or another.

Suddenly, Alice slammed down her empty coffee cup, "That seriously blows my mind."

"What does?" I questioned, looking up from my computer.

"All of what happened. I can't imagine Savannah being vaguely aggressive. Passive-aggressive, yes. Aggressive-aggressive, no. And you haven't mentioned it?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"She'll flip out."

Alice seemed to agree with my thought, but said, "That's so weird. She loves to talk about feelings."

"Maybe she can pretend it didn't happen if she doesn't talk about it?" I mused.

"But it happened twice. It's fascinating."

"Work on your flashcards, so I can finish this paper."

She rapped her fingers on the table, "Speaking of your paper, I'm also fascinated by Mr. Julian Parrish. It'd make a great exposé if you turned him in for sexual harassment. Kelsey would have a field day."

"No."

"What if he fails you?"

"He won't."

"But what if he does, Marti?"

I didn't want to think about that.


	29. Chapter 29

"I ordered some Chinese food if you want some when it gets here," Savannah said as I came in the room. She was in much the same place I'd left her, but she had her laptop on her lap instead of her book. "Lo mein and egg rolls."

"Sure." I tossed my bag to the side. I couldn't shake the thought from my mind that Julian could fail me if he wanted. I had kissed him that night. I came on to him. This whole thing could be twisted around back on me. Everything was messy and complicated.

"Come look at what I have so far," she moved her books and papers toward the foot of her bed and shifted over so I could sit next to her.

I looked at first and then sat next to her. Hesitating too long could imply things I didn't feel appropriate to imply. She tossed her computer onto my lap to look at what she had written.

She plopped her head onto my shoulder, "Be honest."

"Don't use the passive voice. Especially not in your introductory sentences of your paragraphs," I spat out too distracted to find anything else wrong at a glance. I felt her looking at me for more, but I couldn't find anything else feeling her gaze on me. "What exactly is your topic?" I asked.

"Oh...well...I have to compare and contrast two novels."

"What two novels, Sav?" I prompted.

"This book and this book," she pointed sadly at two books in front of her.

"Did you read them?" I asked.

She answered sheepishly, "I read the first one."

"Savannah, how do you-"

She interrupted me, "I sort of read the second one. I read the SparkNotes. I took notes on it, see." She grabbed a spiral notebook and held it up, "Look. Notes."

I laughed at her, "Alright. Alright. At least you took notes. Have you done alright on everything else in this class this semester?"

She shrugged, "I dunno. I've always done ok in my classes. I've never really paid attention to how I did, but..."

"But what?" I urged her on.

"I'm sort of worried about this semester with what happened with the football team and all..."

"I hate everything," I groaned and then forced out an ironic laugh. It was disgusting - the special treatment in the athletic department. Kelsey would have a field day with this if she knew the whole truth - not as much of a field day as she'd have with me and Professor Parrish, but still. Alice tried at least, I give her that. Savannah didn't need to try because she was captain of the infamous Hellcats. Only now we weren't so important without a football team to back. What good were cheerleaders without a team to cheer? Our basketball team was nothing to admire, and now we were a football school without a football team. We needed to win Nationals or quit where we stood. We needed to stand alone or we were nothing. Our funding would be cut. Our scholarships would be cut and I'd be in the same boat I'd been in before I joined. Savannah needed to pass her classes or she was off the team. Help Savannah: help us all.

"Help?" She said, most honestly and most helplessly. She realized her degree stood at stake here too, finally.

I sighed, "When is this due?"

"Monday..."

"Are you serious?" I asked her, startled. "You waited to start a final paper two days before it's due?"

She nodded.

"How many pages does it have to be? Do you have a prompt or something I can look at? Where's the assignment?"

She flipped through her notebook, which was mostly filled with doodles and less with notes. She pointed to a finely scrawled paragraph in the center of the page with a pink box drawn around it in highlighter. She sat quietly with her hands in her lap as I looked it over.

"This isn't too bad. I'm going to go put on some coffee because you're going to need it and I want you to try and knock out a complete first draft tonight, ok?"

She nodded again. I handed her computer back and hopped up. I gave her a pat on the head as she stared at the screen and pouted.

Cheertown was nearly silent as I ventured down the hall. I saw a couple lights on underneath other bedroom doors. It appeared that everyone was cracking down for the end of the semester. I wondered if this was how it was every semester or just the first one without a football team. The common room looked deserted, which was odd for a Saturday night.

I rinsed the coffee pot and started a new pot then rummaged for two mugs from the cabinet. I caught myself being as quiet as I could and then giggled a bit. It was only a little before eight and I was tip-toeing around like a fool. It was just so quiet and I thought it best to maintain the quiet.

That idea soon found itself quashed by my phone vibrating in my pocket as I waited on the coffee to brew. In the silence, it seemed freakishly loud.

"Wanda..." I grumbled, seeing the text from my mom.

I opened it, having nothing else to do while I stood alone in the kitchen.

_Julian has ben sittin at the bar chattn me up about you all afternoon. I think he has a crush. Take a study brake?_

I grimaced first at her horrible texting abilities and then about the message itself. I propped myself on the counter and texted her back:

_Not interested and busy._

Before I could put my phone away, she'd responded again.

_Y not? He makes $$$ plus sexxxy!_

I text her back before putting my phone on silent and shoving it back into my pocket.

_No, Mom. End of discussion. You date him._

I poured two cups of coffee and ventured back to the bedroom. Savannah sat just where I left her, but she chewed on the end of a pen, while pouting and staring at the computer screen. I sat her mug down on the table beside her and took a look at the screen to see if she'd churned out any more words, and it didn't look like she had.

"I'm too hungry to think," she said.

"Drink your coffee and write another paragraph."

"The Chinese should be here soon."

"Try to get something done before it gets here," I told her and sat down on my own bed. I pulled my laptop out of my bag then took a sip of coffee. I need to look over my paper for Julian's class one more time before I printed it. I kept looking at Savannah out of the corner of my eye and fighting too obvious of a smile. She changed position no less than five times - stretching out her legs, putting them under her, stretching them out again, sitting cross-legged. She'd drink some coffee, put her pen behind her ear, turn some pages, put the pen back in her mouth. She couldn't sit still and completely failed at typing even a single word. The whole process seemed to be a painful struggle to her and I, being some sort of sadist, found it completely fucking adorable.


	30. Chapter 30

"I'm done!" Savannah exclaimed, jarring me from the semi-sleep I'd drifted into sitting up in my bed. She realized it immediately and apologized, "I'm so sorry. I didn't realize you fell asleep."

"It's fine," I said and sat up, pulling my headphones out of my ears. I moved my own computer to the side and motioned for her to come over, "Let me see it."

"You can do it tomorrow if you're tired."

"Nope. Doing it tonight. Tomorrow you edit. Go get me a fresh cup of coffee and I'm going to highlight and make comments."

"Ok. If you want."

"We don't have practice tomorrow. I can sleep in for once, it's no big deal."

"Yeah, I also have an exam on Monday morning."

"Savannah! Why didn't you say so? You need to study tomorrow, not work all day on this paper."

"I know," she smirked, "That's why I was working on it tonight."

I shook my head in disbelief and before looking at her paper, I fished my phone out of my pocket, having forgotten about Wanda. She had sent one more text, which read:

_Hes a catch if you ask me_

"But I didn't ask you, Mom," I said to myself with a laugh and tossed my phone onto the bedside table. I could only imagine the things out of her mouth if she knew about Savannah. I could vividly imagine her jaw dropping and her maybe even being speechless for once in her life, at least for a few minutes.

I refocused on Savannah's paper. Admittedly, it wasn't the worst paper I'd ever read, but it certainly wasn't the best. I highlighted a few awkward sentences here and there and typed a few notes. She seemed to have a decent grasp of the concepts and wasn't too unorganized in her presentation.

"It's not that bad," I told her when she came back in. She carried a steaming cup of coffee for me and one for herself and she kicked the door closed behind her.

"Really?" She seemed surprised and handed me my cup.

"Yeah, really."

She squeezed into my bed next to me and looked. "There's an awful lot of highlights," she said, "And comments."

"It's not bad. It's all easy fixes. In fact, you can probably finish it tonight and study all day tomorrow."

"Are you sure?" She clutched her coffee cup and curled up beside me.

"I'm sure."

"I owe you," she said and cuddled closer to me.

How was I supposed to get anything done with her like this? Did she not realize what she was doing? I doubted she was doing it on purpose...or maybe she was. Was she fucking with me? Was this some sort of test?

After too long of a delay, I responded with, "No. It's fine."

"I owe you. Want me to buy you dinner?"

"You just bought me dinner."

"I mean we can go out to dinner."

I snickered and asked, "Like a date?"

She sat up straight and I immediately regretted my pseudo-joke. She asked, "What?"

"Nothing. I was kidding." I spoke hurriedly and tried to recover. "You can buy me dinner in a non-date way."

"When you go on a date, you and your date are supposed to go your separate ways afterward. We share a room. We can't go on a date."

If that was the only reason we couldn't go on a date then I'd go spend the night at Wanda's. I laughed at her, "If the date goes well, then sometimes you invite your date in, right?"

"Yes." She cleared her throat, "Well...we'd both be coming back here anyway. What if it were a bad date?"

"Hypothetically, I could go stay somewhere else, or sleep on the couch."

"I can't ask you to not sleep in your bed because we had a bad date."

"How about you take me on this date when winter break starts so we'll both be staying at home?"

She thought about it for a second and said, "I guess that would work, but how did we end up going on a date?"

"You're taking me to dinner for helping you with this paper," I answered and punched her in the arm, "It's not a date."

"Oh."

I eyed her suspiciously. Was that disappointment on her end or wishful thinking on mine? I took a sip of coffee and stared at her paper for a few seconds. She sat next to me quietly drinking her own coffee. I read the same sentence five or six times without being sure what I'd read and then I said something stupid, "Do you want it to be date? If you do, it can be a date. I won't say no."

She turned and stared at me. I sat as still as I possibly could wishing I could take back each of those small sentences. She took a sip of her coffee, but didn't stop staring at me. I took a sip of my coffee and we had some sort of stand-off. Maybe she hadn't heard me? I certainly wouldn't repeat it. After some time of absolutely nothing happening, I turned back to her computer and began reading again, trying to pretend I hadn't just said what I said. I highlighted a bit of text, and she showed no sign of moving nor of saying anything.

I drank coffee, read a bit, highlighted, and drank more coffee. I created a system. The system didn't include looking at her or speaking to her. I didn't know what she was doing next to me. I knew her leg was touching my leg and I felt her eyes on me. One of us would have to break eventually. Likely, it would be me when I finished going over her paper, so I looked at it as slowly and painstakingly as possible.

Sadly, I finished my coffee before I finished her paper, but I sat there holding the empty cup for fear of moving too much and perhaps jarring Savannah back to reality. I didn't want her to respond. I didn't want her to say anything and I didn't want to talk about anything. I kept habitually lifting the cup to my mouth to find that it was still empty time and time again.

"Your conclusion is a little weak," I said, finally taking the plunge to speak. "But other than that..."

She took my empty coffee mug out of my hand, interrupting my train of thought.

I tried to pick up again as she sat them both on the table. I heard the clink, but I didn't look, "Other than that you just need to make the sentences I highlighted more clear and read my comments. There are some lengthy sentences and a few that should be more active. Your...your..."

"I'll do it in a minute," she said, removing her computer from my lap and sitting it aside on the floor, completely shattering my concentration.

"Your organization is fine. Some of your transitions could use work, but I marked them," I kept talking about her paper because it seemed like the best thing to do. She put her finger to my lips and I finally gave in and looked at her. "Savannah?" I choked out, my voice catching in my throat with an awful squeak. I grabbed her wrist and moved her hand away, but then I didn't let go.

She was nearly on top of me.

"Savannah?" I said again, unsure. I swallowed nervously.

"Do you want to date me, Marti Perkins?" She squinted and raised an eyebrow.

"Uh...no?" I averted my eyes and winced, lying. I wasn't sure what the correct answer was, and I wanted desperately to give her the correct answer.

She pulled her hand away and backed away from me slightly. "You could've fooled me!" She exclaimed. "Between that outburst you had a little while ago and all of that stuff you said last weekend, you had me thinking you had some lesbian leanings or whatever."

I closed my mouth and pursed my lips, completely dumbfounded as to what to say in response. She started to get up when I found my voice again. All I could manage to get out was, "But you..."

"But I what, Marti?"

"You..." I said confusedly.

"Me? I need to finish my paper," she grabbed her computer from the floor and went to her bed.

I sat there for a moment and crossed my arms, "What if I did?"

She didn't look at me, but she said with a shrug, "I'm not into girls."

"But you...what about..." I gave up and let out a loud groan before flopping down onto my pillow and rolling into my side to face away from her.

...

"Hey, Marti. Marti, are you awake?" Savannah pestered, "Marti?"

"I'm awake now," I said as unpleasantly as I could muster. I hadn't been asleep. I'd listened to her peck away at her keyboard for however long it had been.

"Oh...oh, sorry...I didn't know if you'd fallen asleep."

She was right to think I hadn't, but how could she not know when I'd been laying there as still as possible since our awkward exchange. I rolled over, "What do you need?"

"Will you look over my paper one more time? I think I'm done, but I want you to make sure I did everything right."

I sat up and rubbed my eyes. "Yeah. Sure."

She brought her laptop over to me. "Thanks for all of your help. Really."

"It's no problem."

I started looking over her second draft and it was better. She knew how to write a paper properly, but it appeared she had forgotten how or chosen not to at some point in her academic career.

"So when is our date?" she asked.

Freezing in place for a moment, I said nothing. I didn't look at her and instead just kept reading and asked, "What?"

"Oh...oh, no. I was joking. I thought that since you were joking that I could joke about it, and...oh, shucks."

I burst out laughing at her word choice, "Shucks!"

She put her hands on her hips and said haughtily, "Finish looking over my paper so I can go to bed."

"I'm trying," I put my hand over my mouth to stifle my laughter, "You can just get me dinner next week if you want."

"No. When are your finals?"

"I only have two and two papers. I'm done on Wednesday actually, but I have to hang out around here for practice. Then we get to bail on Cheertown for a week, right?"

She nodded, "Then we come back a week earlier than the normal students."

"I'd punch a bitch to be a normal student again. I'd like to spend my break sitting on my ass in front of the TV for two and a half weeks, doing nothing, eating pretzels."

"How about I take you to dinner once you get settled for that week of doing nothing?"

"I'm not really going to settle much I don't think. A lot of my shit is there anyway. I'm taking my guitar and my laundry and myself."

"Fine. Whatever. Once you get your guitar into your mom's, I'll take you to dinner."

I watched her carefully and clarified, "Not a date."

"No. Not a date, a friend-date."

"Friend-date, which means we don't have to kiss at the end."

"Not unless you want to."

And then the awkward silence ensued again, and the same strange stand-off that happened before. We were in the midst of some strange duel of wits. Was she trying to make a joke again? Was I supposed to laugh? I suppose it was a little funny. I smiled just slightly.

She looked away first, "That was a joke."

"I know," I said, "A joke. You only kiss someone at the end of a good date anyway."

"True," she cleared her throat. "My paper," she reminded me.

I read through her paper for the next few minutes and then asked, "Hypothetically," because I had to premise it with that or else terrible things seemed to happen, "If you kiss someone when you haven't been on a date, what is that?"

"What do you mean?" She rummaged through her closet, not seemingly looking for anything in particular.

"What if you just kiss someone without going on a date?"

"Like you do all the time?"

I paused, "Well...yes."

"You're just slutty."

"Thanks. You're sweet." I was trying so hard to talk about what happened the night before without actually talking about it, but it wasn't going very well. "What about that DJ dude who got handsy with you in his truck?"

"I was very drunk and he was a jerk."

"How drunk were you when we...err..."

"Not very." She answered before realizing what she'd answered. I smirked and she immediately became silent.

I went back to looking at her paper.

"Sometimes kissing is just kissing, right? It doesn't have to mean anything, does it?" She asked quietly. It was a legit question, apparently.

I shrugged, "I don't think much of anything means anything, until it does. I'm existential like that." Then I added, "And slutty."

"You're not slutty."

"You just said I was. Another joke?" I smiled at her to let her know I wasn't actually angry.

She shifted around and sat with her legs crossed, "Yeah. I'm bad at jokes." She grabbed her ankles and asked curiously, "How do you know when something means something?"

I laughed. She was good at being unintentionally funny with all of her naivety. "You just know." I knew she was like a child and needed an example to understand, but I struggled to think of one. "Dan was special, right? He was your first real boyfriend. The dude who knocked up your sister didn't count, did he?"

"Yuck. Dan." She stuck out her tongue and grimaced exaggeratedly.

"Your whole V-Card thing...that had some meaning because you gave it meaning, yeah?"

She turned up her nose, "It meant I was stupid to trust that stupid boy."

"If that's all it means then that's all it means," I shrugged again. "Sometimes things are just for fun, and sometimes they're not."

Savannah pondered my sage words and I worked on her paper while she was quiet for a while. Her conclusion was much better and for the most part, the paper was good and probably worth a B at least. I couldn't have her tweak it so much it looked like she didn't actually write it.

"Can I ask you another question?" She piped up right as I finished looking over her last sentence.

"Sure. I'm done with your paper too."

"Is it really bad when something means something to one person and it's just fun for the other person?"

"I suppose so, yes." All of this vague talk was starting to give me a headache.

"What if something means something, but you think it might be bad?"

I looked at her a bit confused then, "Like the something is bad? Or...what do you mean? You've lost me now."

"Like..." She fidgeted nervously, "Like, what if you do something and it seems like a fine idea and it's fun and great - woo hoo." She hesitated for a moment before going on, "What if that's all fine and it might or might not mean something in particular, but it's bad if it does?"

I squinted at her, "What?"

She sighed, becoming distraught, "Ok, so...let me use me and Dan as an example. He wanted to have the sexytimes. I thought about it, we talked about it, everything seemed well and good, but in the back of mind I kept thinking about how sex before marriage is wrong and I didn't want to end up pregnant like my stupid sister. I did it anyway and afterward it still all seemed well and good, but-"

"Oh God, are you pregnant now too?" I butted in.

"No. Let me finish. Gosh." She sighed again, "Afterward, like, now it's sort of obvious that it was a bad idea and maybe I actually shouldn't have."

"Now I think you're talking about time-travel, which I don't know much about, Sav."

"Listen for a minute, Marti," she put her hair behind her ears and tried again, "How do you know if something actually means something and it isn't a bad idea?"

"You don't. It's a risk you take with everything."

She made a displeased face, "Sometime I think maybe the whole thing with Dan was God teaching me a lesson. Char got pregnant and it turned out that Dan was in love with you, you know? It's, like, what I get for-"

"Whoa. Whoa. You know I don't believe in the God stuff in the same way you do. I find it ridiculously hard to believe that Dan being an ass is God punishing you. Dan is just an ass." I told her with a chuckle.

"Well...ok." She didn't seem satisfied at all.

I felt as if she were trying to create some sort of analogy for me and her using her and Dan and her morality. I thought I could easily be wrong though. I didn't want to assume. I took her laptop over to her and said, "Your paper looks good, now I'm going to sleep...unless there's anything else you want to talk about."

She saved her paper and then closed her computer and sat it on the nightstand. "Things are confusing and I don't like risks."

"Ain't that the truth..." I said, giving her shoulder a reassuring squeeze before I started back for my bed. "Positive outcomes only though, right?"

"Right..."

I tried not to look at her again or indicate that I still really did want to talk. God forbid, I confess the truth or reveal anything in any concrete way. At about the moment I pulled back my comforter and crawled into the little twin bed, Savannah hit the light and spoke up yet again.

"Marti," she said, "I think what I miss most about Dan is not sleeping alone."

"He slept on the floor most of the time," I reminded her.

"You know what I mean."

"Hypothetically," I began, "I am available for cuddles."


	31. Chapter 31

Before I could manage to tack on a "just kidding" or "only joking," Savannah had jumped into my bed and curled up next to me with a murmured, "Don't you dare tell anyone."

"My lips are sealed...not that anyone would care, I don't think," I said, putting my arm around her, feeling simultaneously pleased with myself and uncertain. I became instantly aware of every part of my body, every muscle, and every inch of my skin. My left arm turned into some awkward thing and I didn't know where to put it, so I put it under my own head. Her back was pressed closed against my chest and my legs touched hers. My fingers rested lightly on her wrist and I feared that she could feel my heart pounding, which would surely give away my excessive excitement about the situation. I could smell her hair and I suddenly felt like an incredibly creepy bitch for being so consciously aware of the fact that it smelled like coconut.

I didn't know how I'd ever get to sleep as I experienced this bizarre sensory overload. I'd shared a bed with a number of people and it had always just been a thing from slumber parties as a kid to squeezing in bed with Lewis and falling asleep on his shoulder. Sleep was just sleep, cuddling or not. This, this though, I felt like an awkward teenager again, sneaking out to share a bed with and equally awkward boyfriend - neither of us sure what to do and overly concerned with the other being comfortable.

As that through crossed my mind, I felt silly. We were just sleeping, and I was pretty sure Savannah had already passed out.

"Savannah?" I said quietly, just to test my theory.

She didn't answer, but she could have been faking it. I couldn't help but think this was some sort of plot or a test or something. I wasn't sure why or what there was to gain though. What was she up to? I felt silly again for thinking that. Was it even plausible? She was confused and lonely and here I was acting like a fool with a crush on her.

I touched her hand, slowly and carefully lacing our fingers together. When I did, she gave my hand a squeeze and pulled it close to her. I gasped and then clenched my jaw, feeling increasingly ridiculous and embarrassed for myself. I was acting as if I'd never shared a bed with someone before and that it was somehow more than just sleeping. It was seriously like I'd regressed back to high school again and this whole fiasco was new and strange and exciting.

"Savannah?" I tried again, but not loud enough to wake her up if she were actually asleep.

She still didn't respond, and my emotions shifted around until they morphed into sad. Sad because she wasn't actually interested in me or sad because she maybe actually was. I lay there in the dark and I remembered the time I woke up with her practically asleep on top of me on the couch. Was this going to turn into some sort of cuddling roommate thing? What about the kissing? What the hell was that? It was all her, not me, who initiated it.

I sat my head up a little to see if I could tell she if she were awake or not. I couldn't. I assumed she was either actually asleep or faking it and it wasn't worth waking her up if I were wrong about the latter. I didn't even know what I wanted her to be awake. I didn't have anything particular to say. With a sigh, I nuzzled my face into her neck and eventually fell asleep.

Bright sunlight penetrated our closed curtains the next morning. I woke up sprawled on my back with Savannah laying next to me, stretched out on her stomach. Her arm lay draped across me, but we'd kicked the blanket and sheet down to the foot of the bed. I slipped out of the bed and didn't disturb her. I peaked between the curtains and determined the reason for the brightness of the light and then mumbled, "Fucking snow."

"Hm?" She muttered.

I looked over my shoulder and saw her roll onto her stomach and wrap her arms around one of my pillows. I said to her, "Snow."

"Oh, yeah. Forgot it was supposed to do that. Come back to bed. It's too early." Her voice was partially muffled by the pillow.

What strange world had I woken up in? I did as she said without any further hesitation. She smiled at me sleepily as we lay there close together, facing each other, without touching.

"You know," she began, "I didn't think cuddling with you would be all that nice. I sort of thought you'd be more pointy."

"You're pretty pointy," I said to her, "But it was ok."

"You're not as hairy as Dan."

"Thanks, I always did try to be better than him at everything. I guess I beat him at shaving."

She laughed, "You're better than him at a lot of things."

"Good. I need to get out of bed eventually today so I can print my paper and put it under Julian's office door while I'm sure he isn't there, and you need to get up and study."

"I'm hoping the snow will delay my test."

"You can't hope the weather justifies your procrastination."

"Watch me," she reached down and grabbed the covers, pulling them back over us. She put her back to me and said, "It's only like eight in the morning. Hypothetically cuddle me and go back to sleep. Then we can go get lunch and do productive stuff not hypothetically."

"Alright, you've convinced me," I said with what I deemed an appropriate amount of enthusiasm.

"Or am I too pointy?" She asked with a snort.

"No. Your good job shaving makes up for being pointy." Then I said with emphasis, "Hypothetically."

...

"I feel like a spy," Savannah whispered as we rounded a corner in the law building, which was connected to the law library.

"You're ridiculous," I said at a normal volume. She'd insisted upon coming with me to drop off my paper and she wore her darkest colored clothing, including gloves and a hat. The full-body coverage was partially due to the cold and partially because she wanted to pretend to be an undercover agent. "You don't even blend in."

"I blend into the shadows, Marti," she hissed.

I laughed loudly. The place was deserted. It was a Sunday and most students were camped out in the library while the professors were at home. We hadn't passed a single open classroom. "Come on, we have to go to the fifth floor," I said, "That's where all of the professors' offices are."

"Should we take the stairs instead of the elevator?"

With another laugh, I told her, "We're taking the elevator."

We rode the elevator up and made it to Julian's office without a hitch. All of the offices were closed, locked, and dark. I dropped my paper off in the message box next to the door and then we headed back down.

"That was a close one," Savannah gasped exaggeratedly as we got back on the elevator.

"You're more fun when you're trying to avoid studying."

"Am I not fun normally?" She elbowed me as we headed back out into the cold.

"I had been functioning on the belief that you are always avoiding studying."

"Speaking of avoiding studying, let's go to The Rat and get some apple cider. I'm almost certain my final will either be moved to later tomorrow afternoon or to Tuesday." She pointed to the clouds and closed one eye, "Look at that. It's going to snow more."

"If you say so." We trudged through the fresh layer of snow on the sidewalk and I tucked my cold fingers into my pockets. My fingerless gloves may not have been the best choice.

Savannah linked her arm with mine, "I know so."

We walked like that the rest of the way, but we each needed both of our arms to make it down the steps into The Rat. Someone had exerted the effort to shovel the snow off and clear the way in, but they'd left enough to make it slick and treacherous. There was of course no one there when we went in, seeing as it was slightly after noon and it had snowed.

"Miss Marti Perkins, come talk to your mama!" Wanda shouted from behind the bar. She looked bored.

I rolled my eyes and we headed in her direction. I took off my coat and scarf and threw them into a neighboring chair at the bar, "Why isn't this place just closed today?"

Wanda shrugged, "Owner said no, but everyone called out this mornin' anyway. I got Travis to come shovel the steps, but then he went back home."

"I'm glad you're open," Savannah said, taking off her secret agent gear and taking a seat. "I want some hot apple cider."

"Apple cider, child? You couldn't just order a gin and tonic? You had to order something I have to exert effort to make." The woman behind the bar chuckled jovially.

"You just have to heat it up, mom," I said, sitting next to Savannah.

"I suppose you want some apple cider too, honey?"

"I suppose so."

She wiped her hands on a towel behind the bar before saying, "Two apple ciders comin' right up." Then she disappeared into the back, only to poke her head out a moment later, "Marti, do you want a little splash of vodka in yours?"

"No thanks."

Savannah snickered.

"Don't encourage her," I said.

Wanda came out another moment later with two huge mugs of steaming cider with cinnamon sticks. "On the house," she told us, "For being the only people to brave the blizzard." She propped her elbows on the bar in front of us, "How'd your little fundraising party go the other night?"

"Good!" Savannah answered her excitedly. "All we need to when we get back from winter break is practice and more practice."

She nodded, "And you, Marti, when are you going to let Mr. Parrish take you out on a date?"

"Mom!" I exclaimed, "The semester isn't even over. He hasn't graded my paper yet and this whole thing with him is completely inappropriate and I'm not interested."

She sat up straight, "Well...you seem pretty sure about that when you say it to me, but I'm pretty sure he thinks you'll take him up on his offer."

"He's being super sleazy."

"Aww. He seems sweet," she persisted, "Plus he's smart and makes lots of money."

"I'm pretty sure he's married," Savannah interjected.

My mom and I both looked toward her and my mom's mouth fell open. She gasped, "What a sleazy man!"

"Wait, wait," I said, "What makes you even think that?"

"Well, he wears a wedding ring. That's sort of the biggest giveaway."

I smacked myself in the forehead, "Now I hate him even more. God, he seemed so cool at first."

"I cannot believe that," Wanda huffed, preparing for a rant. "He seemed so sweet and so sophisticated last night. I didn't even notice his damn ring. I never noticed his damn ring. You'd think Travis would've mentioned it. Do you think Travis even knows? What a bastard, and to think I encouraged him last night. I thought if he were a married man he'd know better..." Her voice trailed off and she paused. Savannah and I sat waiting for her to pick up again and sure enough she did. She mused, "Maybe he's going through a rough patch, or maybe his wife is some hideous, mean woman. If I were a handsome man like him and I had a terrible wife, I would probably pursue you, Marti."

"Oh, God. No, mom."

"I just think you should find out the whole story before you turn down a man like him. I'm not saying to be his mistress or anything, but-"

"No, no, no." I interrupted her before she could say anything else off-the-wall, "Why are you pressuring me so much to find a man all of a sudden?"

"You're about to be an old maid is why. I don't want a spinster for a daughter."

Savannah laughed, but I shot her a glare and she silenced herself with her apple cider.

"Wanda, did I mention that I found my dad?" I said with an evil grin.

"Rex? You did what?" She was a little slow to understand what I said at first, but then her eyes widened and she began yelling, "What is this? Is this say things to blow Wanda's mind day?"

"He's not dead at all and I have a half-sister."

Savannah was trying her damnedest not to laugh as Wanda grabbed two glasses from under the bar and said, "Do you want a real drink now? You deserve a drink now and I know I sure as hell do. Hot toddies for everyone?"

"Extra cinnamon stick in mine," I told her.

She nodded, and started to make them. They were more effort than the apple cider by far. "So how long ago did you find that deadbeat?"

"A few weeks. Has he been missing? He owns a guitar store downtown."

"Hot damn. That son of a bitch always said he'd open a guitar store."

I shrugged, "I was pretty mad at you, but now I'm not. I am too exhausted by everything to give a shit."

"That's a relief. I hate when you're mad at me. How'd you find him?" She put a drink in front of both me and Savannah and sipped on her own.

"Completely an accident. Sorry I forgot to mention it, but all of the shit with Dan and finals and Nationals and whatever took precedence somehow over finding my dad I thought was dead."

"You were always a weird kid," she took a big gulp of her hot toddy and looked at me, begging for the story I'd neglected to tell her until that moment.


	32. Chapter 32

Wanda made another round of hot toddies when I had nearly finished regaling her with my tale. She furrowed her brow at me when I reached the conclusion, processing what I'd told her. "So...you tried to make out with Rex's other daughter?" She snorted suddenly, trying not to laugh, "You really need to find a man, Marti Perkins."

"Drop it," I said to her.

Savannah listened to my story quietly, but she chuckled now too. I assumed it was at my mother's insistence upon my not being single.

"Well," Wanda sighed, "At least you won't get knocked up if you start runnin' around with girls. Try to avoid Rex's other little offspring though. Since he didn't off himself he's probably got a ton of little Rex kids all over the damn town."

I laughed, "I thought the same thing."

She seemed pleased. She sort of liked it when we had things in common - things that weren't drinking our problems away. "Girls are crazy though, hear you me. I had a little fling with a girl in the seventies and she was completely bananas."

"What?" She had to be shitting me. She was just trying to outdo me in the shock-factor department since she'd been gotten twice today.

Savannah sat wide-eyed, still listening and drinking, contentedly.

"Oh, look at that, Marti is actually interested in somethin' I have to say. Unfortunately, I'll just have to save that story for another time because it looks like The Rat has some more patrons during the blizzard." She nodded toward a group of people who had just came in the door. They went and sat at a table in the main restaurant. "Since I'm the only person workin' I also have to wait the tables." She snatched up some menus and headed in their direction.

"Your mom is so cool," Savannah said as soon as she was out of earshot.

I was mid-drink and nearly spewed it all over her. I coughed, "No, she's not."

"I mean, the whole finding you a man thing is pretty annoying, I guess, but she's so much cooler than my mom."

"If you say so...you were sheltered and homeschooled and all, but Wanda is a total helicopter-mom and she's always up my ass."

"But you can talk to her and she's cool about stuff. I can't talk to my mom, and when I do try to talk to her, she gets all up-tight and freaks out, especially since everything with Charlotte."

I frowned, "Did you tell her you and Dan broke up?"

"Eh," she slumped forward a little, "Not really."

"But you were staying at home for a week, didn't she suspect something was up?"

"If she did, she didn't say anything, and I didn't offer up the information. Charlotte is all hormonal and was accusing me of wanting attention, saying that was why I came home and stupid stuff like that."

"That sucks." I looked around and then said, "So are you ready to go study?"

"I guess I need to," she confessed.

"Me too."

"I mostly don't want to go out in the cold," she said with an exasperated sigh.

"No more procrastinating."

"Fine," she groaned.

We bundled up and made our way the few blocks back to Cheertown. Lewis and a few others were out front romping in the snow. Savannah cowered behind me and grabbed onto my arm when Darwin made out like he was going to hit her with a snowball.

"Don't you dare throw that," I said to him.

He grunted and chucked it at Lewis instead, hitting him in the side of the head. Lewis shook the snow out of his ear and called out to us, "Come play!"

"I can't. Marti says I have to study," Savannah answered and used a whiny voice, pining her lack of fun on me.

"Fine. Fine." Lewis gave up easily.

"I'm glad you two are back together," Darwin said and then began stumbling over his words, "As friends. Back together as friends. Together as friends. In a friendly way."

"Me too," I said and ushered Savannah inside and closed the door. "Do you want coffee or anything?" I asked her as I hung my jacket back in the coat closet.

"I'll make hot chocolate."

I called her out, "You're trying to procrastinate again."

"It'll only take a few minutes." She pulled off her gloves and threw them at me.

I did the same and then unwound my scarf. I went after her with it and before I realized it, we were running around the island in the kitchen like idiots. She hit me in the face with her hat and then grabbed my scarf, yanking it away, but I'd already cornered her.

She dropped her weapon and giggled, "Alright. Alright. I need to study."

"And make hot chocolate," I reminded her. "I need to get these damp shoes off and get back into my pajamas for proper studying."

"Me too. Here's your scarf," she tossed it to me. "I don't know where your gloves went."

"I'll find them in a minute," I said and started toward the bedroom.

"Marti, wait a minute," she called after me.

"Hm?" I stopped and took a step back.

She shook her head, "Oh, nevermind. Go change. I'll pick up the clothes we strung everywhere and make the hot chocolate."

"What'd you want?"

Shaking her head again she said, "I was just going to say something dumb."

"What was it?" I laughed, "I want to know."

"It was just a thought and I realized it was dumb, so nevermind. Go change."

"Fine." She'd peaked my curiosity, but I wasn't going to get anything out of her, so I moved along. I took off all of my layers and pulled on some sweatpants.

"Marti!" Savannah called from the kitchen as I was on my way out with a stack of books.

"Huh?" I yelled back.

"Get my computer!"

"Yes ma'am!" I balanced my books and tucked it under my arm. When I came back out, she was boiling some water on the stove. I deposited everything on the kitchen table and said, "I thought you were just going to microwave the hot chocolate."

"No. It tastes better when you do it correctly."

"It's not incorrect to put microwave hot chocolate in the microwave."

"Maybe I'm not making microwave hot chocolate, Marti," she said snarkily.

"My bad."

"Just kidding," she spun around and smiled, "I just think it tastes better if you boil the water. I like the little fake marshmallows to be super-melted."

"Sometimes you're really fucking cute," I muttered.

"What'd you say?"

"Oh!" Startled I responded, "I just said...err...I brought out your computer."

She looked at me a little suspiciously before turning around to take the kettle off of the stove and pour the boiling water into the mugs. She brought them both over and sat them on the table, "Let me go get in my cozy study clothes and let my fake marshmallows melt." Then she nodded to the island, "Your gloves are right there."

My hot chocolate was definitely too hot to drink, so I napped my gloves and followed her down the hall. I wanted to put them away so not to lose them, although they were useless at keeping my fingers warm - they were vintage. Savannah rummaged in her closet and I threw them on my dresser then headed back out. When I reached the door, she whirled around and intercepted me.

"Hey, are you mad?" She asked.

"Um...no? Should I be?" I was no less than completely confused by the question and it was certainly obvious.

"At me," she said, as if to clarify, but it only served to baffle me even more.

"No. Not at all."

Then she punched me in the shoulder, "Be mad."

"Ow..." I rubbed the vaguely sore place and laughed, "Why? Your tiny fist-"

"No. You should be mad because I am terrible!" She exclaimed and the look on her face told me she was serious. She looked concerned and upset and a little angry with me.

"You just made me hot chocolate, you're not terrible at all."

"Hypothetically!" And she punched me again in the same place.

It hurt a little more that time, "What are you..." Then I realized, or at least I thought I realized what she was talking about, "Oh, oh. That. I'm not mad." I thought she was talking about the kissing. This was her roundabout way of finally addressing it. I said again, "I'm not mad."

"Be mad," she commanded again.

"No. I'm not even sure we're talking about the same thing, but I'm not mad at you for anything and you need to study."

"I'm mad," she said.

"At me?" I asked her. "I'm really confused. Again."

"No. Gosh, not at you." She slouched and then moved back toward her closet so I could pass, "I'm mad at me."

"Don't be," I didn't leave. "I don't think there's anything to be mad about."

She shrugged and kept her back to me, spending way longer in her closet finding lounge clothes than necessary. "Marti, I have a lot of fun with you..."

I felt a "but" coming, and I waited for it.

"But..."

Then I waited for what would follow the "but."

She groaned loudly before saying, "Nevermind. I'm being stupid."

"No," I crossed my arms and remained in place, "There's something going on in your Savannah brain and I'm not entirely sure what, but you obviously want to talk about it and it's obviously bothering you. I think I know what it is, but I could be completely wrong."

"I'm just making a big deal out of something that's nothing is all. I need to study and the hot chocolate is getting cold."

"Let's talk about it later then."

"Fine!" She tossed up her arms and then finally selected the clothes she wanted to put on.

We spent the rest of the afternoon and evening studying at the table. It snowed more than evening and Savannah's test was moved from eight in the morning to two. We drank hot chocolate and Lewis joined us once he came inside and got changed out of his cold, wet clothes. Savannah went back to acting normal again and didn't hint and the weird outburst she'd had in our room. I wasn't sure if I should bring it up or wait for her to, and I spent a good amount of time pondering it and watching her quietly instead of actually studying.


	33. Chapter 33

"Alright ladies. I'm off to bed," Lewis said with a big stretch and a yawn, "I've got a final at eleven and then I need to hit the gym. Either of you wanna come?"

"I might," I said. "My finals are Tuesday and Wednesday and I'll probably need a study break tomorrow."

"I shouldn't go anywhere tomorrow, but I'll go on Tuesday morning if you're up for it," Savannah responded.

Lewis nodded and yawned again, "Playing outside like a kid today drained me."

"Before you go I have a question," I said.

"Yes?" He stood up and closed his notebook.

"Are you and Nasty Cathy officially an item or what?"

He rolled his eyes and Savannah covered a laugh with a cough.

"I'm just wondering. Maybe I had a lady friend who was interested and I need to tell her if you're on the market or off," I said with a mischievous smile.

"We're not. Officially. We decided it wasn't appropriate with Nationals coming up and all." He cleared his throat. "Maybe after. We're taking it slow."

"You're a 'we' though," I pointed out.

He huffed, "You can stop calling her Nasty Cathy."

"She's still sort of nasty," Savannah said.

"Goodnight." He'd had enough and he went to his room, while Savannah and I laughed.

After it faded to quiet again, I said, "So, Sav..."

She looked up.

I asked quietly, "What happened earlier?"

"Do you want some more hot chocolate?"

I squinted at her, "You didn't even try to answer my question."

"And you didn't try to answer mine. Mine was more relevant."

"Yes, I'd like some more hot chocolate and I'm sorry that I'm your friend and I care about you and I want to know when something's wrong." I said between my teeth, frustrated.

"Nothing's wrong. I was just making something out of nothing, like I do. Forget about it." She got up and went back into the kitchen.

I followed her like an idiot. I didn't want to forget about it. Maybe the hot chocolate went to my head or maybe I was incapable of leaving well enough alone. I was tired of making nothing out of something that might actually be something. I asked, "Can you tell me what's up, hypothetically?"

She filled the kettle and raised and eyebrow at me, "Hypothetically, it's still me making something out of nothing. You know I love to put too much meaning and emphasis on everything."

"What did you put meaning on?"

She put the kettle on the stove and turned around, looking at me dead on, "I guess I put too much meaning on our friendship."

I stared at her blankly, at a loss.

She winced, "That came out wrong, didn't it?"

"Yeah, a little."

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that...I dunno...you and me...I need to just relax and have fun because...well...you're really chill and have fun, so I shouldn't go all psychoanalysis on myself or you. Does that make sense?"

"Sort of..."

She ran her hands through her hair and shifted her weight back and forth on her legs, "When I start thinking that things mean things and I get all wrapped up in that then it opens up this whole big...thing, so..." She glanced over her shoulder at the kettle, "So whatever this is...this thing...this nothing, it's fun and we should leave it at that. There's nothing more to talk about."

I felt almost like she was breaking up with me in an odd convoluted way, "Hypothetically, what if-"

"There is no what if, it's nothing." She cut me off more harshly than usually came from her.

"Oh." I padded back to the table and sat back down to stare at a book with my hands in my lap. I did that annoying thing where I read the same sentence over and over and still had no idea what it said.

A few minutes later, Savannah sat a mug down beside me, "Are you mad at me now? You were supposed to be mad at me earlier."

"I'm not mad."

"Did I say something wrong? I thought I was saying things correctly, I thought..." She stopped.

I waited and finally looked up to find her watching me, looking just as puzzled as I felt. I could just tell her. I could tell her that she got everything all wrong. It wasn't what she wanted though. She wouldn't even hear it hypothetically. She didn't want to think about it or deal with it. Now she looked sad, and I knew she looked sad because I was sulking. We were in a dumb sad spiral. I reached up slowly and brushed her hair behind her ear and then left the palm of my hand on her cheek.

She smiled just slightly as I leaned in closer to her. She met me halfway. With my hands on either side of her face, the kiss began gently, but soon escalated. We stood up from our chairs almost at the same time, creating a squeaking ruckus on the floor. She laughed awkwardly until I covered her mouth with my own again. Her hands gripped the back of my t-shirt, but I ended up tearing them away and pushing her down onto the couch. There we were, sober and in the open, and doing this - whatever this was, whatever it meant, if anything.

She moved in to each of my soft touches. She let me feel her body, each of her toned muscles from her legs to her stomach, while I kissed her neck and chest, attempting to memorize everything I could, being jealous of Dan and thinking he was an idiot for throwing her away for me. Her hands were more shy than mine. She played in my hair and touched my back, occasionally bringing my mouth back to hers when I wandered too low.

"I have no idea what I'm doing," she gasped out, her voice a whisper.

"I don't know either," I told her between kisses on her shoulder.

"The hot chocolate is probably cold."

I sat up, straddling her. I looked at her in the light emanating from the kitchen. Her hair was a mess and her shirt all askew. Her pants were hanging low on her hips, and I laughed. Pushing her hair from her sweaty forehead, I said, "You're probably right."

"It tastes like butt when you reheat it," then she laughed too.

I laughed some more and waved my hand around her face, "I'm sorry about giving you sex hair when we didn't even have sex."

She pouted, "I didn't get sex hair the one time I did have sex."

"You starfished, didn't you?"

"I don't know what that means, Marti. I need to study and you're making me procrastinate," she grabbed the front of my shirt and pulled me back down for a final kiss before playfully pushing me off of her. "See, that was just fun," she said, "No harm done, nothing."

My smile was a little half-hearted then, but I hoped she didn't notice in the darkness. I fixed my twisted clothes and put my hair up while she stood up and did the same.

"I'll heat up the hot chocolate," I said, "You study."

"I'm almost done for the night, I think. Hypothetical cuddles?"

"Hypothetically, I am still available for cuddling tonight."

Frankie stumbled out of her room, rubbing her eyes, "What the hell is all of this noise? Don't you know people have exams tomorrow?"

"Sorry," Savannah apologized, mortified.

"What the hell are ya'll doing? Sounded like you were having some sort of party, but it doesn't look like you were doing a damn thing except drinking hot chocolate and studying. Studying shouldn't be that much fun. Have less fun." She grumbled and then retreated.

I laughed and tried to keep it as quiet as possible while I put the cups of lukewarm hot chocolate into the microwave. Savannah busted out laughing as soon as I did and she covered her mouth with both of her hands.

"Maybe we should relocate?" I suggested.

She nodded, "I think so."

When we made it to our room, I got situated in my bed to look over one more chapter and finish my hot chocolate. To my surprise, Savannah crawled in next to me with her laptop and said, "I have one more page for tonight."

"How much for tomorrow?"

"Two more pages and then I want to go over the entire study guide one more time."

"Good job," I told her and we sat on my bed, shoulder to shoulder finishing up our respective tasks. I finished first and drank my hot chocolate while I waited. When she was done, she closed her computer and sat it on the table between the beds and then reached for the light before laying down beside me the same way she had the night before.

When I wrapped my arm around her she said, "Let's play in the snow tomorrow after my final."

"Whatever you want, Sav." I said in her ear.

"You're too nice to me," she whispered.

"Do you want me to be less nice?"

She paused and then said, "No."

"Do you want me to be mean?" I asked her.

"No, just tell me 'no' once in a while."

"No," I said firmly.

"That didn't count."

"Goodnight, Savannah."


	34. Chapter 34

My final exams came and went. I headed into The Rat early Wednesday afternoon for a celebratory drink all by my lonesome. I'd hoped Wanda wouldn't be working, but she was right behind the bar, as always. A couple tables were occupied by people lingering from lunch and Travis was wiping down the others. I sat at the end of the bar.

"Hey, Marti. What can I get for you today?" Wanda asked.

"Whatever the beer special is."

"Awful early for that, doncha think?"

I smiled, "I just took my last final."

"Oh, oh. If that's the case..." She snatched a beer from the chest, popped the top and sat it in front of me. "How'd it go? You haven't been keepin' me informed about your schoolin'."

"Everything was good. I should have my grades by next week at the latest."

She nodded, "When do you get your actual vacation from Cheertown and all that?"

"Vanessa came up with a practice schedule based on our exam schedules, and I have to stick around until the last day of exams. I'm home for the week after, then I come back a week earlier than everyone else."

"Gosh. Not much of a break at all." She wrinkled her nose and polished a few glasses, "So what do you want for Christmas?"

"Nothing, mom. Save your money."

"What're you getting me?"

"Nothing, mom. I'm saving my money."

"Saving it for booze?" She nodded toward my beer.

"Oh my God, what do you want me to get you?"

She shrugged and sighed.

"Hey, Marti. Long time, no see," Travis came up and leaned on the bar beside me. "Finals going alright?"

I nodded, "All good. I just took my last one."

"Great," he turned to Wanda, "I need another whiskey sour for table eleven."

She laughed and started to prepare the drink, "Somebody is gonna have a great Wednesday."

"Thanks, Wanda. I'll be right back," Travis said and went to deliver the drink.

She focused back on me, "You found a boyfriend yet?"

"No."

Her forehead creased a little, "Datin' anyone?"

"No."

Her forehead creased even more, "Sleepin' with anyone?"

"No. How about you?"

She glared, "That's not your business, young lady."

With a laugh I said, "I know you're seeing Travis, just admit it."

"It's not like I was hidin' it from you, now hush." She blushed a little and then changed the subject, "You talked to Dan yet?"

"I'm not going to until he stops being an idiot."

"Who are we talking about? Dan?" Travis asked, rejoining us.

"Yeah," we both answered simultaneously.

He smirked. "He was in here last night and left with a girl."

"Good," I said.

My mom scrunched up her face again and said, "I don't know why you won't just date that boy. You liked him, then he liked you, but you two can't seem to like each other at the same time. I know he just broke up with Savannah, but after that blows over-"

"No. I don't like him like that."

"You could at least talk to him, let him take you out on a date. You might change your mind again."

"No, not while he's some lovesick moron. I'm not going to lead him on."

"You heard Travis. He left with a girl last night. Maybe he's moving on...seeing other people at least."

I thought for a moment, "Not after what he did to Savannah. I know he played girls, but what he did to her was low."

She glared, "Savannah is a nice girl and all, but I coulda told all ya'll it was never gonna work between them. Number one because Dan's had a thing for you forever, and number two because Savannah just isn't his type. She got attached and then he didn't know what to do with her, so he did what he thought was best. The way you and Savannah are on and off, I don't even see why you care."

I glared back at her and began going through my wallet to grab a few bills, so I could pay and get out of there. I felt my temper rising rapidly. "You're the reason Dan even pursued me, aren't you? You did the same thing you're doing with me with him, didn't you? You filled his head with all sorts of misinformation and false hope."

"You liked him!"

"Yes, I did. Past tense! I don't anymore. I haven't in years. He was my best friend and now he isn't because of all this. He could have just not dated Savannah, he could have easily broken it off before he fucked her instead of the day after! The other day you wanted me to date Julian and now you wan't me to date Dan? I don't get it."

"I've always wanted you to date Dan! I always thought you two would end up together. I didn't know-"

I interrupted her, "You thought wrong, Wanda! Stay out of my business!"

"I just want you to be happy, Marti!"

"Then let me find it myself for God's sake!"

"Ladies," Travis said calmly, trying to diffuse the situation. "Ladies." He cleared his throat and we both looked at him.

"What's this about Julian?" Wanda asked, unable to deal with the quiet.

I drank the rest of my drink and threw down my money. I started to storm out.

"Marti, wait!" She called after me, "Wait just a minute. Did Dan really sleep with Savannah and then break up with her?"

Turning around, I answered, "Yes, mom."

She put her hands on her hips, "Well, no one told me that."

I groaned and clinched my fists then walked out. I made up to the top of the icy steps and pulled my hat down further over my ears.

"Wait a second, kid," Travis called up to me, but not too loudly. I suppose he didn't want to draw Wanda's attention.

I kept my hands on the rails and looked at him with raised eyebrows.

"If I can be honest for a minute, I thought you liked Dan too. I can see how your mom thought you did. I know you said you didn't when I picked you up from the wedding and all, but..." He rubbed his hands. He was out in the cold in his work uniform, "She means well is what I'm trying to say and I get where you're coming from with Savannah and all."

I smiled a little, "You're not very good at communicating."

"Give a guy a break. I was in jail for a long time and didn't get the social interaction I would've liked."

"Did you tell her about what happened in the car that night?"

He looked down, "I may have mentioned it. It didn't mean to imply anything by it, but I think I may have reinforced the ideas in her head a little."

I frowned, "It doesn't matter."

He cleared his throat, "We'd had a few drinks and we were watching re-runs of The Newlywed Game and I told her that if it wasn't Dan you were upset about, it was Savannah."

"Do what?" I gripped the cold railing harder. I tried not to let any surprise or any other emotion show on my face so I bit my lip.

"Ah, yeah..." Travis tucked his hands into his apron and still didn't look at me, "I said it mostly to be funny."

"What'd she say?"

"She didn't believe me, actually." He cleared his throat again, "You don't have to tell me anything. It doesn't matter to me. I just thought you should know, and I don't think you should be mad at your mom for too long because I made the same mistake she did. You can be mad at me too, I guess."

Shaking my head, I said, "I'm never mad at her for long."

He nodded once, "Alright, and just so you know she loves you no matter what."

I let out a loud groan again, "Did she tell you to say that?"

"No. Well...yes, but I think it's true. I know she's sort of a screw up and she makes some bad decisions, but I think you do too. I'm just saying...if there's something between you and Savannah..." He stopped talking and just shrugged. "I'm just saying...I don't know. It doesn't make any difference to me."

Raising my hand, I waved to him and then walked up the sidewalk toward the liquor store without saying another word. I would celebrate finishing my finals one way or another.

...

The remaining days of exams were immensely dull. There was practice and then a lot of nothing. I worked out a lot and I went out to The Rat every night with whomever was up for going. When I came back, I'd climb in bed with Savannah like it wasn't even a thing. We didn't even talk about it anymore, but it happened every night. No argument, no discussion.

The night before the final exam day, Alice snagged me on the stairs. She hissed in my ear, "You owe me."

"For what?" I asked her, confused. I'd barely seen her the last few days.

"I took care of your handsy professor for you," she said to me in a hushed tone.

"What are you talking about?" I knew she was talking about Julian, but I had no idea what she meant.

"He was going to fail your stupid ass."

I snapped at her, "How do you even know that?"

"I have sources, dipshit," she aggressively grabbed the collar of my shirt. "All you need to know is that you have an A. I'm sure you deserved an A and I made sure you got it, but you fucking owe me and I will be calling in the debt. Do not take any of his classes next semester, do you understand?"

"I'm not..." I said, looking at her. I hadn't noticed, but she looked like she was about to cry, which wasn't something I'd ever really seen. She let me go and continued up the stairs as I was on my down. "Alice?" I called after her.

She ignored me and I continued downstairs to see if there was anything I could eat for dinner before going to The Rat. I was bent down looking on the bottom shelves of the refrigerator when Savannah came up behind me and pinched either side of my waist then giggled.

"Are you going out tonight?" She asked me.

I turned around and said, "Yeah, I don't have anything else to do. Wanna come?"

"Yeah. We have early practice tomorrow though."

I shrugged.

"Let's go now," she said. "I'll buy your dinner. I see you rummaging. There's no food. Darwin ate it all."

"You don't have to pay for my dinner," I told her. She looked at me sternly and I went ahead and caved, "Fine. I need to put on shoes and get my coat."

...

I liked to think that I'd gotten really good at suppressing my feelings. There had been no more impulsive make out sessions, not even after going out for drinks. She even slept in her own bed the last few nights, and I, of course, didn't protest because I didn't want to seem like it actually mattered to me. After practice I was packing a bag to take home. It was mostly dirty laundry. I didn't need much considering I'd only be gone for a week and I had plenty of my shit at my mom's as it was.

As I was packing up my computer cord, Savannah came in and immediately started talking.

"Hey," she began. "My family is demanding my attention, but do you wanna hang out one day next week? Not, like, Christmas or Christmas Eve, but maybe on Monday? You mentioned getting dinner and it's not, like, a date. I'll need a break from my family and I can pick you up and stuff and we can go wherever you want."

"Uh, sure." I answered. I thought she'd forgotten about our whole date versus not-date conversation. "You can text me or whatever. I'll just be sitting on my ass on my mom's couch. Deirdre wants to hang out at some point, but other than that, I have nothing planned. We don't even really do Christmas."

"Do you need a ride to your mom's?" She asked me.

"I was just going to walk, but if you want to I wouldn't mind not trudging through the snow with my guitar."

"I need a few minutes to pack."

"Ok, I'm going to go talk to Alice about something," I told her, thinking about how weird Alice had been the day before. She'd also been quiet at practice. Maybe it was just because she was going home and that made her feel a little down.

Savannah nodded and I went down the hall to knock on Alice's door. She opened and asked harshly, "What?"

"Can I come in for a minute?"

"Eh," she opened the door and let me inside then closed it behind me. "Do you want something?"

"You're acting weird."

"I'm surprised you noticed. I thought you were more self-absorbed," she crossed her arms and looked me over, suspiciously.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?"

"I told Kelsey about your predicament with Parrish and she said she could find out if he planned on failing you. I didn't want you kicked off of the team before Nationals. We took care of the issue. There won't be an exposé unless he tries something stupid and then...your name will be left out of it."

"What'd you do?"

Her face was expressionless, "Nothing that you need to concern yourself with, just know that you owe me and don't forget that I know your secret. Now don't pretend you give a shit about me, please."

"Maybe I do give a shit, Alice."

She rolled her eyes, "Fuck you, Marti."

"So what? Did you save my ass so I'm around for Nationals, not because you give a shit about me?"

"That might be the case. Now, if you don't mind, I need to pack and then I have a plane to catch."

"I came in to say 'thank you' and tell you 'Merry Christmas'," I said, albeit a bit passive-aggressively at that point in the conversation.

Her expression softened, "You're welcome and Merry Christmas. Don't try to kiss my ass and be my friend so that I keep your secret safe."

"Maybe I thought we were friends."

Alice smirked, "Don't be stupid. I just think you're interesting. How are you and Savannah, by the way? You fucked her yet?"

I scoffed, "No."

"You should. Fucking girls is a lot of fun. I'm sad I missed out on it for so long."

"You know I could tell everyone about you and Kelsey if I wanted, right?"

"I don't give a shit."

"I don't give a shit if the team knows I like Savannah either."

"But Savannah would care," her eyes narrowed and she took a step toward me. "It would ruin Savannah. It would ruin her whole fucking life and I think that would break you."

I took a step back, slightly afraid of her, but only slightly. I was taller than her and could surely take her if it came down to it. I thought the two of us had made peace. I hated to admit it, but she'd grown on me a bit. In that bizarre moment though she seemed to be purely evil. I believed every single one of her seething words.

She smiled and said, "I'll see you in a week, Marti Perkins."

...

"You ready?" I asked Savannah as I opened the door to our room. "Alice is in a foul mood."

"I thought you two were buddies now."

"Yeah, I thought so too..." I scratched my head, confusedly. 

She looked up at me from the suitcase she was stuffing full of things I was sure she didn't actually need. She didn't say anything and then she worried at her bottom lip before crossing the room. She made it to me and shut the door and then pinned me against it. In seconds our hands were all over each other and she was sucking violently where my neck and shoulder connected. Without warning she jerked down the zipper of my hoody and began pulling it down off of my shoulders. I shook it off and it fell to the floor. She shoved me back into the door again and I reached behind me, fumbling for the lock.

Once I was sure the room was secure I managed to get her mouth back to my own. I slipped my hands beneath her shirt and found her breasts beneath her sports bra. I ran my thumbs across both of her hard nipples and she pushed away from me somewhat. She pulled her t-shirt off and threw it aside before backing me up against the door again. I kept banging into it and I wondered for a split-second what anyone in the hall would think if they happened to pass.

She started jerking on my shirt and I broke our kiss for a moment to take it off. She looked at me wide eyed for a few seconds before coming back at me again. I grabbed her hips and edged her back toward my bed. As I pushed her down onto the coverlet she latched onto the elastic waistband of my sweatpants and pulled them halfway down my thighs. She again paused and looked at me, sitting up on her elbows on my bed. She was breathing heavily and she looked a little doe-eyed before reaching out and taking hold of my hips.

I climbed on top of her straddling her and with my knees on either side of her body. I ran my hands down her front and lined her jaw with small kisses. I caught her ear in my teeth and bit down lightly. She gasped and I started moving down her neck, alternating small nibbles and kisses. Everything about her was soft. She smelled like her stupid sweet shampoo and body wash. She tasted like fruity lip gloss and as I carefully cupped her breasts I felt her arch her back under me. She may not be able to wrap her mind about liking girls, but she certainly liked everything I did to her.

My kisses progressed lower and lower and I heard her gasping, trying to subdue slight moans. I slipped my hands under her sports bra and raised it, exposing both of her dark, perky nipples to me. I lowered my mouth to the nearest one. Circling around it with my tongue. When I went to provide the same service to the other I played with the first with my hand. I didn't want to hurt her and I was so scared of hurting her, so I made sure I be careful with each of my pinches and my bites. It didn't take much to make her respond.

Savannah's hands were tangled in my hair and everything I did to her seemed to drive her insane. She reacted so suddenly to every little thing. Her hands dropped down to my back and she deftly unclasped my bra then she brought my face back up to hers. I let the undergarment fall off of me and as we kissed I felt her hands on my underwear. I swallowed forcefully and sat up as she slid out from under me. She took off her sports bra and her chest was rising and falling sharply. Her lips were red and swollen. She didn't say a word as I proceeded to hold my breath and slip off my panties. I sat on my knees, completely naked in front of her.

I was sure she'd seen me naked in the locker room, but she looked me with utter bafflement. It was as if she'd never seen a naked female body before. I knew this was ridiculous because she had her own naked female body she could look at any time and we also got naked glimpses of one another in the showers after practice. She was only topless and by no means was I going to force her into anything.

She finally spoke, her voice was a raspy whisper. She said with complete innocence, "Can I touch you?"

I nodded slightly and moved toward her. I didn't know what to say and didn't know if I could have said anything had I been able to think of words. She didn't need permission, but she asked me as if she actually thought I might say no.


	35. Chapter 35

The next few minutes felt like a strange eternity. I kept finding myself holding my breath while Savannah methodically ran her hands over my body. She started with them on my cheeks. She gave me a soft, closed-lipped kiss and pulled away before touching my shoulders. I sat in front of her and she just touched me with her fingertips and sometimes her palms. She literally just touched me and every touch brought with it a spark. She touched my ribs and my stomach, then she moved back up and put her hands on both of my breasts then dragged her fingers down my front.

I sat crossed-legged and she touched my hips, running her thumbs along my hip bones. She looked up at me, chewing her bottom lip, looking both curious and afraid. She put her hands on the outside of my thighs and moved them to the inside. I was cleanly shaven and wondered if this was for some reason the source of her confusion. I looked away from her face and down at her hands. She took the thumb of her right hand and I watched as she so cautiously moved it toward me.

She touched my clit, very lightly. I was already senselessly wet and I spread my legs farther for her. With the utmost caution, but also immense bravery she easily slipped her middle finger inside of me. I shuttered and watched her, trying to remember to breath. I changed position, putting my legs on either side of her so that she sat between them. I brushed her hair out of her face and kissed her softly. She kissed me back and slowly put a second finger inside of me. She kept looking down at her hand between us like she needed to make sure of what she was doing.

Very carefully, I began to lie down and I guided her down on top of me. I pulled her close and kissed her neck. She curled her fingers and I buckled under her. She kissed me eagerly and aggressively again. I reached down and forced her hand farther inside of me, as far as her fingers would go before her knuckles got in the way.

She took the hint and started moving her hand along with the thrusts from my hips. She began kissing me, almost desperately. She dotted my neck and then began to work the bruise she'd already left there. I wrapped my arms around her and dug my fingers into her back. Soon, everything in my head was spinning. I panted and tried not to scream anything out, especially nothing stupid like I was thinking. I was afraid someone would hear or that the strange truth would come spilling out.

As I was shaking, she kept working her hand inside of me. To muffle my voice as every muscle in me clinched and spasmed, I bit into her neck. I held onto her as tightly as I could. My heart was pounding in my chest and I let out a huge sigh as I came. I placed my hands on either side of her face and she looked at me still curiously. She hovered above me with her lips tightly pressed together. She was breathing heavily and her eyes were wide. Her bottom lip trembled and she suddenly sat up, pulling away. I sat up with her and kissed her shoulder, watching her.

She pulled her knees up to her chest and then rested her chin on her arms. She faced toward her bet, no longer looking at me. I kissed her shoulder again and rubbed her back then I put my arms around her and hugged her. She leaned her head over onto mine and I squeezed her tighter.

I still didn't seem to have anything to say, but she did.

"What just happened?" She asked, faintly.

I wasn't sure how to respond. I didn't know what she wanted me to say. I paused and then I said, "I won't tell anyone."

"Well...I know that, but...I mean, are you ok?"

Laughing I choked out, "Am I ok? I'm great."

"I just thought I...maybe hurt you..."

"What? No. I'm pretty tough, Savannah."

"Oh. I..." She wiggled away from me and I loosened my grip. She looked at me and asked, "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah, I guess. Are you ok?" I asked her unsurely.

She looked at me and then nodded her head and I closed my mouth. I watched her as she got up and first grabbed her bra then collected the rest of her clothes scattered around and got dressed without a word. Her expression changed to one that was somewhat vacant. She was either deep in thought or not thinking at all. I took the cue from her and also got dressed. When I'd finished, I walked across the room and put my arms around her waist.

I put my chin on her shoulder and said, "That was amazing. Thank you."

She twisted around and smiled, "Really? I wasn't sure that-"

"Yeah."

As she turned I kept my hands on her waist and she placed her hands over mine, "Can I ask you something stupid?"

I shrugged.

"Could you do that to me?"

I cocked my head to the side, "Um...now?"

"No, I have to get home," she laughed a little, unsurely. "Just...sometime. We won't tell anyone. I just...it wasn't like that with Dan..."

Suddenly, I knew what she meant and I laughed myself, "I guess Dan's not that great in bed..."

"I feel really stupid," she said, looking away from me.

"Why?"

Then she sounded frustrated and groaned, "I feel like such a child. Like, I know what an orgasm is, but I didn't know what an orgasm was. I have no idea what I'm doing, and you must think I'm a complete idiot. I can't believe I just did that to you and, like, I'm not even drunk. I don't have an excuse."

"No. You're not stupid," I told her quickly. She was just a little sheltered - a lot sheltered, really. I pulled her close and hugged her again. She hugged me back tightly. "You don't need an excuse."

"I don't think friends are supposed to do that..."

I laughed at her again and hoped that it wouldn't hurt her feelings. "It'll be our secret."

"I'm going to try to watch some porn or something over the break...read some dirty books. I don't want to be completely incompetent if I ever get another boyfriend."

Her last word made my heart skip a beat and sink a little. There I'd been thinking I could win her over, but I was just a weird experiment. I maintained my pleasant tone, "You could also ask your parents about the birds and the bees. You should probably have that chat with them since Charlotte got knocked up."

"Oh, my gosh." She finally laughed, but she still held onto me. "I can't believe I just did that to you. I...I..." I thought she was going to say she liked it, but then she said, "Can we not talk about it anymore right now? It's kinda hurting my head."

"Sure." When I let her go I thought about telling her. I thought about telling her that I liked her - really, really liked her. I didn't want her to have another boyfriend. I wanted her. I wanted to touch her and kiss her and fall asleep with her. I wanted to hold her hand and drink hot chocolate. I wanted to get her flowers and do all that stupid cliché shit with her. She was so stupid, such a stupid, stupid girl. I had just told her she wasn't, but part of me hated her and I hated myself for somehow finding her simplicity and naivety attractive. I did think she was an idiot and I would have felt like a complete pervert and like I was taking advantage of her if she weren't so pushy, if she didn't instigate these things. I didn't stop her and I didn't know if I regretted it or not. I maybe should have drawn the line at kissing her for my own sake. I also wanted to stop thinking about it.


	36. Chapter 36

"Marti, honey, who left that big ol' hickey on your neck?" Wanda asked bringing me a beer and handing me a new jar of salsa to open that she obviously couldn't get open herself. "I noticed it the first day you got home and it's been buggin' me since. You know my curiosity gets the best of me."

"You really wanna know, Mom?" I twisted the lid off of the salsa and smiled mischievously. "Curiosity killed the cat."

"Yeah, now tell me before Travis gets home."

"Savannah," I said bluntly and impulsively.

She made a choking noise and dropped the entire bag of corn chips to the floor at her feet. It was a good thing it wasn't opened. I cackled and picked up the bag. Feeling incredibly smug and extremely pleased by her reaction, I carried on like nothing happened while Wanda just stood there gaping. I twisted off my beer cap and threw it at her with another chuckle. It hit her then clinked on the floor a few times before stopping a few feet away.

This snapped her back to reality and she said, "You're pullin' my leg, tryin' to teach me a lesson."

"Nope, we totally hooked up." I popped a chip into my mouth then held the bag out to her and put the salsa on the coffee table.

She sat down in her chair and said, "So are you into girls now?"

I shrugged.

"So you won't date Dan because of Savannah, but your friendship with Dan doesn't matter when it comes to you makin' out with his ex-girlfriend?" She was baffled. "Was she drunk?"

"Sometimes."

"Is this, like, a regular thing with you two? I thought she was real religious, which should sorta make, you know, hookin' up with girls a sin...but so's sex before marriage and she got it on with Dan..."

I shrugged again.

"You were hatin' on Dan for what he did to her and you're gonna do the same thing, but it'll be worse because you've gone and made her think she likes girls and she's going to have a complete crisis of faith and everything. Oh, my God, Marti!"

I laughed, "She still likes boys."

"Are ya'll doin' that thing where you kiss in front of people because boys think it's hot? I know you college girls do that stuff. Happens in the bar all the time...a few drinks and girl are always makin' out with their best friends."

"Mom, stop talking."

Travis came in and saved me from further absurdity. My mother quickly dropped the topic, but she looked like she was brooding for the rest of the evening. Travis even noticed, but he didn't say anything. She eventually skulked off to bed, leaving me up with Travis. He was tuning his guitar and we were watching re-runs of old 70s game shows.

"Another beer?" He asked when he got up and headed for the kitchen.

"Yes, please."

He opened it for me in the kitchen then shuffled back out with it and sat back down on the couch. It was my sixth beer of that particular evening and it happened to be the night before the tentative dinner plans I made with Savannah - the friend-date. I took a sip and then asked, "Hey, can I talk to you about something?"

"Sure, kid," he'd gone back to his guitar.

I picked at the label on the bottle and said, "I do like Savannah."

He grunted and nodded, nonchalantly.

"She...does not like me, but..."

"Where's the question, Marti?"

I leaned forward and put my elbows on my knees, dangling my beer between my legs. I looked at the floor and took a deep breath, "But I think she does. She does or she's really...stupid."

"Still no question, kid." He laughed a bit and strummed lightly on low E.

"Even if she does, I don't think she'd ever admit it, but we're going out to dinner tomorrow. I think maybe it's a stupid idea. I'm stupid for even bothering and stupid for liking her. She's so dumb and-"

"Is she actually dumb or are you just saying she's dumb because you're mad?"

I shrugged.

"I don't think she's dumb," he said. "But she's never really had to try and that's not her fault. I feel bad for her. She seems sweet, but I mean...I wouldn't get involved with that and not just because I'm old. I feel like you're setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment."

Smiling slightly, I said, "I know. I feel like I should just stop fucking around with her and let her find a nice church boy and call it a day."

"Are you two, like..." He made some vague gestures with his hands, "Uh...messing around?"

I took a long drink of my beer, leaned back and said, "Eh."

"You're a smart girl. You got me out of prison and I like your mom. I'm not real well known for making good decisions, so I don't know what to tell you," he said, honestly.

"I don't know why I'm telling you," I sighed. "If something stupid happens because of this...if she freaks out it could ruin us at Nationals and I'll lose my scholarship."

"Marti, why do you like this girl? Do you wanna corrupt her or something?"

Shaking my head, I said, "No. I...I dunno." I rubbed the back of my neck. "Sometimes I try to rationalize it and I think maybe I'm just confused because she pays attention to me and I guess I never really had any friends who were girls. Seeing her and Dan together made me want to die and punch things."

He looked at my still slightly wounded hand. "What do you like about her though? I like Wanda because she's funny. She gave me a job and a place to stay. She's a good cook too and we like the same beer."

"It just sounds like you two are friends."

"Well, you gotta be friends with your girlfriend. Your girlfriend is your best friend whose knockers you like to squeeze, you know? A relationship to me is like a friends with benefits thing, but everyone knows about it and you make plans to go on trips and shit."

I groaned, thinking about Travis and my mother.

"And that's why I left that part out at first and said all the other stuff."

Relationships were weird and trying to define them was weird, "You and my mom planning on going somewhere?"

"Yeah, I've been thinking about taking her to Nashville for a weekend. See? We're friends, I like her tits, and we're going on a trip. This is a relationship. I don't have any kids or anything that I know of. I don't really know how to talk to you about this stuff, so I'm going to talk to you like a friend, ok?"

I laughed and then pursed my lips, "That's all I want Travis." I thought for a moment and he picked the rest of his strings a bit. I said, "To start out completely superficial...I think Savannah's really hot...like, I don't want to go into detail, but I've never really thought about a girl like that. Then more seriously...she cares about me and I don't know why. She, like, genuinely cares. She bugs me until I talk about feelings and she knows all of the stuff I like. She's so different from everyone else in my life. She's weirdly chipper and optimistic. She's, like, the most forgiving person I've ever met and she just wants everyone to be happy..."

"But you don't think you're going to end up happy at the end of this mess?"

I looked over at him and raised my eyebrows, "She deserves better than me. She deserves someone like her."

"You called her dumb just a minute ago and now you're putting yourself down," he pointed out and sat his guitar aside.

"I know," I admitted.

Travis looked into his beer and took a sip, trying to prepare some great ex-con advice. "Listen," he began. "Sometimes you think you know what people deserve or don't deserve, but what people deserve isn't necessarily what they want and it isn't always what's going to make them happy either. I'm sure there are people out there that think I still deserve to be in prison..."

"So...what're you saying I should do?"

He didn't answer and instead retaliated with, "What do you think you deserve, kid?"

I shrugged and took a few sips of my beer. "For a long time I thought I'd find a nice guy in Law School. thought I'd find some hot guy who puts up with my cynicism and pessimism. Someone who would listen to me and-"

"You're describing Savannah again, but she's not a guy. She's a girl and that's thrown a hitch in your little plan, kid. Adjust your fucking schematics or whatever. Maybe she needs to adjust her schematics too." He pointed his beer bottle and me and took a victory drink after.

"She won't pick me. She never would. She's supposed to marry a nice man and go to a nice church and have a bunch of useless kids to further put a drain on our planet's resources because of bullshit about being fruitful in the Bible."

"Have you actually asked her? Have you talked about it? I told you, I don't think she's stupid. I think she's capable of some independent thought."

"No, because I don't want her to lose her shit and us fuck up at Nationals. Priorities, Travis. I have to graduate and get into Law School. Maybe I'll drop the bomb after that."

Shrugging he said, "I'm not telling you what to do. I don't want you to blame me the next time your life spirals out of control. I prefer when you blame Wanda."


	37. Chapter 37

Wanda and Travis were both working at The Rat when Savannah showed up. I'd run out earlier that day and went downtown to one of the kitschy gift shops and picked up a present for Savannah. I also picked up something for my mom and for Travis, but they were easy because I just shopped for them at the liquor store. I found some old wrapping paper in the attic, wrapped all of the gifts and stashed Wanda's and Travis' under the little tree that Travis had put up in the corner. I think he bought the thing at the dollar store. The lights were built in and it was only two parts: the tree and the stand.

Savannah came to the door and knocked. I picked up her present from the kitchen table, cleared my throat and invited her in. She had her hands behind her back and I had a pretty good hunch about why.

"Did you get me something?" She asked as soon as she spotted the metallic gold wrapped gift with the big blue bow. Then she said excitedly, "I got you something too!"

"Yeah, it's just a little thing," I said.

She stood by the door and looked at me, smiling real cheesy. "Do you wanna open your present now or after dinner?"

"Well...I'm pretty sure you brought my present in too, so we may as well open them now."

"What makes you say that?" She asked, teasing and still acting as if she were hiding it from me.

"What's behind your back?" I put down her present and she backed up when I walked toward her, smirking. I backed her into the corner by the coat closet and then tried to fake her out by moving to the left then going right. She held firm and stuck her tongue out. I pretended to be upset and whined, "Come on!"

She tried to duck by me, but I wrapped my arms around her. She was wearing at least five sweaters plus a jacket or else I would have tickled her.

She laughed anyway and then kissed me quickly on the lips. I let her go and she cleared her throat. The kiss surprised her as much as it did me, it seemed.

"Here," I said, going back to get her present and handing it out to her.

She then forked over my present. It was a simple square box, wrapped in striped red, green, and white paper with a matching ribbon and bow. I sat down on the couch and she joined me. She was watching me and waiting for me to open mine while just holding hers in her lap. I pulled off the bow and stuck one of my fingers under the seam so not to rip the paper too much. Beneath the paper was a white gift box. I opened the top and then she said, "I wanted to get you things you could use..."

There were several items stacked neatly in the box. On top were some acoustic guitar strings and a pack of guitar picks. Beneath that there was a pack of highlighters and gel pens. There was also a bottle opener and then a planner for the following year. It had a black leather cover and was really professional looking. I smiled and just looked quietly at all of the things, feeling like a huge sap.

She took my silence as offense and said, "I know it isn't much. I was thinking about what you'd like and I thought you'd like things you needed, and-"

"Savannah," I stopped her. "Thank you," I said and pulled her in for a hug.

"I was going to get you a new bicycle, but I figured you'd be mad if I did that."

"Yeah, I'd have been a little mad." I let her go and said, "Open yours. I know you like useless stuff, so..."

With a wide smile she ripped open the box. She paused once she could see what it was.

"It's super cheesy. I was trying to be funny," I confessed, sheepishly.

"No, I love it, Marti." She reached into the box and pulled out the cheap Lancer souvenir. It was one of the little run-of-the-mill mascot stuffed animals that you could buy pretty much anywhere on Campus and within ten miles of the school. It was in a tiny Hellcats uniform. I thought she'd chuckle, but she seemed to genuinely love it or the gesture or something. She held onto the dumb little thing with both of her hands and looked at it like it was fucking magical.

I didn't know what to do. I thought I'd perhaps broken her somehow, so we just sat on the couch. I reached over and tugged on her scarf, snapping her out of her trance.

"Marti..." She said quietly, "You know I love you, right?"

"Yeah," I said. She didn't mean it like I wanted her to. "I love you too, pal."

"You try to be so tough and whatever, but you're a really good person. You're not a good person by my parents' standards, but I don't think you're a bad person at all...I've been thinking a lot lately about things and...there's more to being a good person than going to church and stuff."

"And you got that out of a stuffed animal?" I elbowed her playfully.

She shook her head, "No...of course not." She brightened up, "You ready to go to dinner?"

"Yeah. How do you feel about just getting Italian?" I gathered up all of my little gifts on the side table then slapped her on the knee.

"Sounds great to me. I'm only allowed to have one glass of wine. Make sure I don't get crazy. I have to drive home."

I went to the coat closet for my jacket and scarf, and Savannah met me at the door. She was holding her silly present under her arm. She was no longer being the strange, pensive Savannah. As I locked the door behind us I asked, "So how's the family been?"

"Ha. Absolutely ridiculous," she answered. "I'll tell you all about it."

...

It snowed more while we were in the restaurant, just a few inches. The weather guy on the radio said it was going to snow another foot or so overnight. My mom's front steps were covered with a fresh layer when we got back. Savannah put her car in park and looked over at me.

"Thank you for dinner," I said to her. "It was a good friend-date."

She responded with, "So am I supposed to walk you to the door or what...if it's a for real date? Hypothetically."

"Did this turn into a date?"

Shrugging, she didn't answer.

"Would it be so bad if this were a date?" I went out on a limb and asked.

"No, I don't suppose so. I don't know if I'm playing a guy or the girl."

I laughed, "You can come in too. If you want."

She chewed on her bottom lip and looked at the stuffed Hellcat I gave her with its little tuffed ears and furry paws. She'd sat it on her dash. She nodded and turned off the engine. We trekked through the fresh snow and cold. I stuck out my hand when I reached the steps and she took it with a faint laugh.

"These things get slippery," I said, grabbing onto the cold, metal rail. "I wish I'd thought to throw some salt down before we left."  
Laughing more cheerfully, she said, "Should you put some down for Wanda?"

"Nah," I said and I unlocked the door at the top of the landing. As I opened it for her, I said, "You can hang your stuff in the closet if you want. Take off your shoes and make yourself at home."

She nodded, politely.

The house was silent and mostly dark. It was also cold. I tried to warm my hands by rubbing them on the sides of my legs and I went into the kitchen. "Do you want anything to drink?"

All of a sudden, everything between us was super awkward. It was at least super awkward on my end. She'd hung up her scarf and her jacket, leaving her with a cardigan and a blouse. She carefully put her gloves into her jacket pocket. She was not actually wearing five sweaters.

"Should I clean up the remnants of our gift unwrapping?" She asked.

"No, I'll get it," I pulled a beer from the refrigerator for myself. I needed something or another to make everything less weird. I was psyching myself out or something. I still had my thick jacket and scarf on and I'd completely lost my train of thought. I sat my beer on the table and grabbed all of the wrapping paper trash. I put it in the trash can and then it finally occurred to me to take off my outerwear and actually turn up the heat.

From the coat closet, I stupidly asked, "Are you cold?"

She stood with her hands in her pockets by the couch and she laughed, "What's wrong, Marti?"

"Nothing. Nothing's wrong."

"You seem really flustered."

I put both of my hands on my face and stretched my cheeks down as far as they would go as I stared at the thermostat in the dark hallway. I just stared at it. I couldn't think. I jumped when she came up behind me and hugged me. Her arms were wrapped tightly around my waist in the same way I'd done to her a few days before. I took a deep breath and turned up the heat a few degrees so that it clicked on.

"I texted my mom and said I might stay here if it's going to keep snowing. Is that ok? Sleepover?"

I found her hands and laced my fingers with hers, "Yeah. Of course."

"I'd love to have a beer then, Marti Perkins." She still hugged me snugly from behind. "A nice beer to conclude our friend-date."

"Well," I said mustering some emotion. "Why don't you go turn on the TV and I'll get you one?"

She released me and I stood in the hall for another second. Wanda and Travis wouldn't be home for a few more hours at least. Even if it were slow they'd stay until eleven. Adding another layer of awkward to the situation was that I had told Travis. I'd also told my mom, but she only halfway believed me. I sucked it up and snatched another beer out of the fridge. I sat next to her on the couch and opened it with the bottle opener she got me. It made her smile.

"Our date has suddenly gotten weird," she looked at me curiously when she took the beer. "Everything was great over dinner. Did you not want it to be a date?" She grinned. "I thought I was going to be the weird one."

"No, I...no."

"Was the date bad? Is this one of those dates where I should have just dropped you off and gone home if I were the guy?" She was still smiling. She had all of these super stereotypical ideas about guys and girls and dates that I wanted to laugh about. She tacked on, "Hypothetically."

With my beer in one hand, I stretched my other arm across her shoulders. I said adamantly, "No, it was a good date."

"Ok, so if a boy took me out to dinner and then asked me to come back to his place, would it be a bad sign if he disappeared into the hallway to stare at the thermostat?"

I forced a laugh and then said, "If he eventually gets his shit together, brings you a beer, sits down next to you and puts his arm around you then it's fine. He's probably just amazed that such a pretty and wonderful girl went out on a date with him."

"Good to know," she lay her head on my shoulder.


	38. Chapter 38

We went over a number of hypothetical situations with Savannah asking about what a girl is supposed to do and a guy. We had some good laughs and I played along with all of Savannah's "what if a guy did this" bullshit. I took our empty bottles to the recycling and asked, "Alright, Sav. What do you do if the guy invites you into his bedroom?"

"Is it a first date?"

"Yes."

"Then I go home because he's a douche," she laughed from the couch.

"Exactly." I laughed too, mostly that she actually said "douche." I sat back down next to her, putting my arm around her again. With my free hand I touched her cheek and turned her face toward mine. Without another word I kissed her and she kissed me back. I broke the kiss for long enough to ask, "What if I asked you?"

"Yes," she answered quickly and kissed me again. Her eagerness gave me a glimmer of hope and I felt myself already getting turned on.

We stayed on the couch for a while just playfully kissing and giggling here and there like idiots. I stood up and again extended my hand to her. She took it and got up. I lead her down the hall and into my bedroom. I didn't hit the overhead light and instead switched on my old bedside reading lamp, casting the room in dim, warm light. I asked, "Is this our first date?"

"Eh, I think we've been on some other dates."

I closed the door and then put my hands on either side of her neck. I rubbed her cheeks with my thumbs and sincerely asked, "Are you sure you wanna do this, Sav?"

She nodded slowly, "I trust you."

"You know I don't know what I'm doing, right?"

"Do you think I knew what I was doing?" She laughed and started to unbutton her cardigan. "I did read a little bit about it."

I couldn't help myself from laughing. I let her go and I pulled off my sweatshirt and then my t-shirt then she let me unbutton her blouse. She dropped it to the floor by her cardigan. I kissed her neck softly, moving slowly to her shoulder. Her hands were in mine one moment and the next she put them on my hips and jerked on my belt loops. I felt her smile against my lips.

"You would be the best boyfriend," she whispered and then ran her nails from the back of my lower back around to my sides.

Sighing a little, I reached down and undid the button of her pants. I wouldn't be that great of a boyfriend, but I could be a damn good girlfriend. We both got out of our jeans and then I stood, looking at her in her lacy white bra and panties. It was nothing I hadn't seen in the locker room, but I sort of knew how she'd felt the other day maybe. She wasn't just undressed, she was undressed for me. When I reached out for her again she dodged me with a smirk and climbed into my bed. I kicked off my pants and unhitched my bra to throw it off to the side.

Savannah had positioned herself in the middle of my bed. She was sitting with her knees pulled up to her chest and head resting contentedly on one knee while grabbing her toes cutely. Her head was slightly tilted and she looked at me with absolute adoration. There was no other way to describe it. I joined her, crawling over to her and kissing her sweetly. I kissed her several times before spreading her legs and positioning myself between them. Her hands began to roam my body as they had before, leaving their hot trails of electricity. Her hands were less unsure than they had been while every voice in my head was screaming for me to stop.

Somewhere in the back of my mind a weird idealist lived and Idealist Marti didn't want Savannah like this. She didn't want her under these pretenses. There Savannah was though, in my bed and almost begging for it. She moved so willingly to each of my touches. I took off her bra and again worked each of her nipples with my tongue. As I did so she would grind into me. I could feel how wet she was through her underwear and after only a few more seconds I grasped them and pulled them down. She lifted her knees so I could get them off and I threw them casually to the side of my bed.

I put my hands on her thighs like she had put hers on mine before. I looked at her lying in front of me on the tangle of my bedspread and pillows. Her eyes were half open and she was smiling faintly. Her small nipples were hard and the shadows contrasted on all of her toned muscles. Nestled between her legs was a finely trimmed patch of dark curls.

"You're beautiful," I said, not even realizing I'd said it aloud until she smiled a bit more and guided me back down to kiss her.

She kept her hands on my cheeks, but pushed me slightly away and said, "You sound like you mean that when you say it."

I scoffed and our tongues met again, I moved my hand down to her folds. She moaned into my mouth the second that I touched her. The absolutely slightest touch made her whole body jerk. I moved my thumb in gentle circles around her swollen clit. She most certainly liked when I touched her there. She arched into me and let out a surprised, "Oh, God!"

I was making her take the Lord's name in vain and about to have lesbian sex with her before marriage. It was like a trifecta of sin and I didn't care. I stopped caring about why were were doing it and put everything aside. I pretended for that moment that she really was mine and all that mattered to me was making her feel good. The momentary pang of guilt subsided when she kissed me again, tasting like beer and minty chapstick. She was an amazing kisser somehow and everything she did was perfect.

I put my first two fingers inside of her with amazing ease and her hands flew into my hair as she cried out. She didn't even try not to. I moved into her as far as I could, slowly and then faster and harder, still stroking her clit with my thumb. She moved under me, matching whatever rhythm I used. With one of my thrusts I added my ring finger. She pulled away from the kiss we were in the middle of and moved her mouth to my neck. She moaned loudly and when I continued thrust my fingers inside of her I began curling them toward me when I was as far in as I could go.

She bit down on my shoulder and began pawing at me. I knew her nails were drawing blood on my back. She drew he knees up and when she started to tremble I pushed as far inside of her as I could and I kissed as passionately as I could manage. I had my other hand on the back of her neck, forcing her to hold the kiss though she was gasping for air. When she came I almost felt the relief and wave of pleasure wash over me as if I'd actually experienced it as well.

I pulled my hand slowly out of her and rested my forehead on her shoulder. I realizing I was panting and I just hunched over her like that for some time, still feeling her legs shaking. Her hands had been on my back, but she let go. I turned my head and nuzzled her neck.

She whispered, "Marti...sometimes I forget, and I...I think I like you..."

I ignored her. I wouldn't let her dumb thoughts ruin my imaginary moment. I kissed her and felt her begin to remove my panties.


	39. Chapter 39

Savannah took no time at all to get down to business. I assumed she had also done a fair amount of reading on a number of intimate activities. She was assertive as she forced me over onto my back and held me down. She purred in my ear, "Can I try something?"

I didn't know what she meant at first. I could barely think and she started out being only concerned with my breasts. She licked my nipples and pinched at them. She pulled and was being much more rough than I'd expected. She bit down hard on one and began to suck ravenously. I gasped involuntarily and then laughed. Once satisfied she kissed me all the way down my stomach and didn't stop. I was already incredibly turned on and when she took my clit in her mouth my hands clinched my bedspread.

She opened my legs farther and then used her thumbs to spread me open. She dipped her tongue inside me and then licked the length of my clit.

"Oh, Jesus..." I said and she laughed, my toes and fingers curling.

All of the amazing things about when she kissed me she also did on my lower lips. She slipped one of her fingers inside of me and used the perfect combination of gentle passion and then surprising ferocity.

"Savannah..." I panted. She was taking me so close to the edge and then pulling back, rather cruelly. I couldn't imagine her doing it on purpose. She couldn't possibly have done so much reading. I put my hands into her hair and forced her face into me, pushing my hips up toward her at the same time. She sucked on my clit and fingered me with perfect timing making me feel out of touch with my own body and yet on fire.

She took her free hand and dragged her nails down my thigh which sent a surge of pain. She wasn't gentle about it at all and dug into my leg as she forced her other finger far inside of me. At the same time she sucked and played with my clit with her tongue. My thighs were on fire. When I came a second later and clinched my teeth, letting out a throaty moan. It felt like it had taken forever, but it couldn't have actually been more than a few minutes. I had already been so close.

She gently kissed me as I finished spasming. My eyes were tightly closed and my head craned back. I let go of her hair and lifted her head. I stroked her cheek with my eyes still closed. She kissed my stomach and then rested her chin there.

I lay quietly, allowing my heart rate and breathing to slow. Savannah lightly tickled my sides and drew formless designs on me with her fingertips. I wanted to tell her I loved her and tell her all of the things she deserved to hear from someone - all of that cheesy stupid shit that people say in movies. When I regained control of my body my hands were still shaking slightly, I urged her back up to kiss me.

She paused and looked a little befuddled, "You want me to kiss you...after?" She cocked her head to the side, "Is that ok? Is that something people do? I didn't read-"

"I don't care, Sav. Fucking kiss me."

Shrugging, she seemed convinced enough. She kissed me sweetly and her lips tasted like beer and mint now with slightly salty tinge. She lay lightly on top of me and kept her hands on my cheeks. I lightly held onto her waist and we were both a little sticky with sweat.

Savannah pulled away and sat up slightly. She licked her lips and sighed then she said, "I wish you were a boy."

I closed my eyes and squeezed her waist. "I don't," I said. "Not after that performance. Lewis should read whatever the fuck you've been reading."

"Did I do ok?"

I looked at her like she was stupid and she smiled, pleased with herself. She actually looked a little smug about it.

She sat up and rolled off of me. I looked up at her and she sat beside me. She touched me as she had the first time, gently with her fingertips and her palms. She stroked the underside of my breast and felt each of my ribs. I heard the keys in the front door and she froze.

"Shh," I lifted my index finger to my lips.

Wanda said loudly, "Look, Travis. Santa put some presents under that little tree and it ain't even Christmas yet!"

He laughed and the refrigerator opened then closed. I heard two beers open and heard someone turn the television up louder then I only heard them speaking to one another in muffled tones. Savannah giggled.

"What's funny?" I whispered.

"Is this what it's supposed to be like in high school when you sneak your boyfriend over to fool around?"

"Yes," I said.

"I'm years behind."

"You're making up for lost time, I guess."

She bent down and kissed me then said, "Is it weird that I like kissing you?"

"No."

"But you're a girl."

"I know."

She pouted, "I don't think it makes me a bad person."

"It doesn't. You're an excellent kisser."

She kissed me again and said, "Could I borrow some pajamas and a toothbrush? I forgot to pack a sleepover bag since I didn't know we'd be having a sleepover."

"Yeah. You want another beer?"

"Sure," she smiled and I sat up.

"You really are beautiful," I said. I grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt then tossed some flannel pants and another tee in her direction. I emerged and padded into the kitchen as if nothing were amiss. "Don't open your presents until Christmas," I told them both.

"Is that Savannah's car parked in my spot?" Wanda asked, not turning around.

"Yep," I grabbed the two beers and then opened them.

"She hidin' in your room?"

"I'm not hiding," Savannah said from the hall. "Hi, Miss Wanda. Hi, Travis. I didn't want to drive all the way home while it was snowing in the dark."

"That's fine, honey. I'll even make some breakfast in the mornin'."


	40. Chapter 40

I nuzzled my face between Savannah's shoulder blades. I'd been woken up by my mother banging around in the kitchen and the smell of bacon and sausage. The snow was causing the morning sunlight to be exceptionally bright and white, even through the drawn curtains. She stretched and I put my arm around her. She pulled her arms back under the covers quickly and found my hand. It was cold in my room, but warm in my bed. Savannah was awake, but she didn't say anything and neither did I. I was continuing the stupid little fantasy in my head, fucking playing house.

I rolled over to look at the clock on the nightstand. Wanda was up awfully early and was making an awful lot of noise. When I rolled back over Savannah was sitting up on the edge of the bed, putting her hair up.

"Come back," I said. "She'll yell when the food's ready."

"What're we doing, Marti?"

"Nothing. Now lay back down." I lifted up the blankets and sheet.

She sighed and smiled slightly then she curled up next to me with her head in the crook of my arm. She sighed and I pulled the blanket up over her shoulder. She draped one of her arm over me and I pulled her close.

"Marti?" She said quietly.

"What?"

"Why are we doing this?"

"Because it's fun. Don't worry about it," I told her. "It is fun, right?"

"Well...yeah, I guess," she said. "But..."

"But what? Quit thinking about it," I said quickly. It was vital that she not panic.

She hugged me and changed the subject accordingly, "Do you think I can shower real fast here before breakfast?"

...

Travis shuffled out into the kitchen with a yawn and we ate breakfast. It was pleasant. Wanda was good for keeping conversation going. She made sausage, bacon, scrambled eggs, and French toast. She also made mimosas. Savannah politely declined and had normal orange juice for fear that she would never be able to leave.

My mother managed to not bring up Dan until toward the end when she said, "Has anyone heard from Dan Patch?"

I responded with a very quick and unpleasant, "No."

Savannah shifted around in her seat and then looked at me for a second before saying, "I was thinking since it was almost Christmas that I might send him a text and see how he's doing...just to be nice."

"Why don't you do that, Marti?" Wanda asked me.

I glared at her and Travis said, "Leave the poor girl alone about Dan Patch."

"Fine. Fine. I just hate seein' these friendships fall apart after all these years." She was convincingly sad about it, but I wouldn't give in.

Maybe if Dan tried again to apologize to me I would grudgingly accept, but only if it were on Christmas Day really. Maybe I was being harsh. I had barely thought about him over the last week or so. I'd gotten over missing my best friend, which made him not so much my best friend anymore. Savannah was my best friend minus that one huge secret. More and more people were becoming aware of that secret.

Savannah offered to help clean up and Wanda shooed her out of the kitchen while Travis and I helped her clean up. She'd gotten dressed in her clothes from the night before and began milling around sending texts on her phone.

"Get outta here, Marti. I'll help your mom. Go have another mimosa," Travis said, urging me away.

I was still slopping around in my sweatpants and had no intention of changing out of them for the next two days at least. I itched at my shoulders where Savannah scratched me the night before as I poured another mimosa from the pitcher still on the table.

"Sav, can I talk to you for a second?" I asked her, not really sure what I had to say.

"Yeah," she responded, not seeming to think anything of it. She followed me back into my bedroom and I closed the door. "I texted Dan," she immediately confessed. "I don't really like holding grudges."

I laughed, "I'm the one that wanted to talk to you and you came in here and started spilling secrets."

"I'm sorry. I don't want to have secrets is all. It wasn't a secret. Your mom got to me. She made me feel bad."

"I'm immune to her, I guess." I shoved my hands into my pockets.

"What'd you want to talk to me about?" She asked.

She acted completely normal and like nothing happened. That was what I wanted though, wasn't it? I slouched my shoulders and said, "I hope you have a good Christmas."

"Is that it?" She smiled. "You wanted to privately wish me a Merry Christmas?"

"No..." I said quietly. I wanted to tell her the truth. That was what I wanted to do, but that was really stupid.

"You're being weird again. You're getting all flustered like last night. What's wrong?" She reached out and grabbed onto my wrists, pulling my hands out of my pockets. She swung my arms lightly and when I still didn't say anything she said, "Is this about the stuff I said earlier this morning? I was just sleepy. I didn't mean to get all broody."

"No...I...just..." I didn't know what I wanted to say to her at all and now everything was awkward. "I just wanted to tell you that you're a great person and you deserve to be happy and, you know...Merry Christmas."

She stopped swinging my arms and suddenly hugged me. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and said, "Merry Christmas."

I hugged her back and tried to smile, "You can text me if your family gets crazy this week."

"Ok. I can't help but think that you brought me in here to say something else."

"No, I just wanted to get away from Wanda and Travis."

"You can tell me..." She said and placed her hands on my cheeks.

Shaking my head I said, "Thank you for my presents again too."

"Thank you for mine," she smiled and brushed my cheek with her thumb.

"Don't get back with Dan again. I don't care if you talk or whatever, but don't get back together...no matter what cheesy, stupid shit he might say."

She laughed and looked at me oddly for a moment, "I won't. Dan was a mistake."

I wanted to ask her if I was a mistake too. I wanted to say so many things and I almost thought that it might be ok if I just told her the truth. Enough of me thought about the potentially awful things that could happen though and it was enough to make me keep my mouth shut. We ended up talking about Nationals for a few minutes and she asked me again to tell her what was bothering me, but she didn't press it excessively. She told me to tell her whenever I was ready. Of course she did because she knew when to bug me and when to stop bugging me.

She headed home a few minutes later and texted me saying she made it there safe and in one piece. I didn't hear from her again until Christmas.


	41. Chapter 41

I trudged out of my bedroom on Christmas morning, not expecting much of anything, but finding a new bicycle propped up on the side of the island in the kitchen.

"Can we open our presents now?" Wanda asked me.

"Yeah...sure," I said and looked over the bike. There was not attempt to wrap it and not even a bow, but I wasn't going to complain.

"Sorry the bike's not vintage," Travis said. "Try to lock this one up accordingly this time, kid."

"Thanks, you guys," I said. I tried to sound enthusiastic, but I was too surprised to muster even a surprised voice. I was glad I'd brought myself to get some presents for Wanda and Travis, though my presents didn't really add up to a new bike.

Travis went and grabbed the two presents I had placed under the tree. He held up the two bottle-shaped, wrapped items and said, "I wonder what these are..."

He handed Wanda hers and they both opened them to find a bottle of whiskey and a bottle of vodka. Not the bottle shelf stuff either. They both thanked me and then Wanda said, "Don't ride your bike in the house."

I plopped down on the couch and asked, "We ordering Chinese?"

"Christmas tradition," Wanda said, heading into the kitchen to make herself a breakfast drink with her gift.

I checked my phone and had a text from Savannah that she went at the crack of dawn. The Monroes were one of those families who woke up early to do legit Christmas family crap. They probably had a huge, live tree, a bunch of lights and decorations and a ton of presents. I used to want Christmases like that, but then I stopped caring and it also seemed stressful for all parties involved. All Savannah did was wish me Merry Christmas yet again. I responded with my own Christmas wishes.

"You want anything to drink, honey?" Wanda called from the kitchen.

"Are you talking to me or to Travis?" I asked.

"You, silly. Travis has a drink."

"Sure," I answered and sent a Merry Christmas text to Alice, though I was sure she'd respond with something bitchy.

"I'll order our Chinese feast in another hour or so."

Travis was pretty intently watching whatever movie he'd found on TV. I elbowed him and said, "How do you like Christmas with the Perkins family?"

He chuckled, "It's alright. I had to get dressed up for Christmas when I was a kid. We took Christmas photos and went to church. It was pretty miserable. I'd much rather sit right here and watch television."

"Me too," I agreed.

Wanda handed me a pint glass of some drink concoction she'd made. It was right red and she garnished it with mint leaves in a valiant attempt to be festive. It tasted good enough. As she sat back down she asked, "Marti, why don't you invite that half-sister of yours over for dinner? Tell her not to bring her daddy."

"Why? You just want to ask her questions about him."

"No, I don't. I want to get to know your friends."

"Shut up, Mom. Drink your drink and Merry Christmas."

I got a text and looked down at it. Alice responded with:

_Dad went to Bora Bora with his new girlfriend. Forgot about me. I'm at Kelsey's. :/_

Then a second text came that said 'Merry Christmas.'

"Who are you textin'?" Wanda was being nosy and herself.

"Alice."

"You know," she said. "Why aren't you foolin' around with her? Why in the world would you pick Savannah?"

"Mom, it's Christmas and I don't want to talk about this."

"Fine, fine." She conceded, which was a bit of a shock. I figured it was actually some faint trace of Christmas spirit that made her drop the subject.

I received yet another text and my phone vibrated on the arm of the couch. I expected Alice or Savannah, but instead I saw a dreaded name: Dan Patch. I grimaced and read it.

_Sav forgives me. Cant u forgive me 2? Its Xmas and im sorry._

"Who's that? You're makin' a face," Wanda observed, still up in my business.

"Dan," I said quietly.

She quieted and sat back in her chair. She looked somewhat smug, but not quite as smug as I expected. More of that Christmas spirit keeping her under control. Savannah had surely put Dan up to this shit. Or, of course, the Fates had heard my very foolish thought that I might forgive Dan if he apologized again on Christmas Day. I needed more than a generic apology. I needed him to say what he did. I got up and retreated from my room, taking my phone and my drink.

As soon as he answered, I was filled with regret. "What are you sorry for?" Then I told him, "I need to hear you say it."

He sighed, "Marti, I'm sorry for what I did to Savannah. I'm sorry that I apparently can't keep my dick in my pants and I never should have dated her in the first place."

"Go on," I coached. "What else?"

With another sigh he went on, "I'm sorry that I apparently don't understand women and that I didn't listen to you and I thought you were just playing hard to get or something. I'm sorry. I'm a fucking idiot."

"You sure are."

"I miss you. I miss talking to you and bullshitting and fucking around working on cars." He was squirming on the other end of the line. His voice breaking in the middle of his sentence.

"You still wanna date me and marry me and be with me forever like a huge douche too?"

"No, Marti, I just..." He sighed again, "I'm done making excuses. I'm sorry for being an asshole. You don't deserve to date an asshole and Savannah doesn't deserve to date an asshole. You can be friends with an asshole though, right?"

"I can maybe be friends with an asshole. I'm friends with Alice, I think."

Dan let out a very deliberate laugh. "Are we cool? I'll stay away from Cheertown and Savannah. She's been texting me a ton the past few days though."

"Oh, has she?"

"Yeah, she's being kinda weird."

"How?"

"I don't know...just weird. Listen, I gotta go. Family and all. I'll talk to you in a few days...maybe. Or maybe not." He cleared his throat and said, "Merry Christmas."

"Bye." I hung up and texted Savannah, casually asking what she'd been talking to Dan about the last few days. She quickly responded with a question mark, and I decided to let it go. It was Christmas. I threw my phone onto my bed and left it there, taking my drink back out to the couch to spent Christmas with my odd family.

Two nights later, Deirdre came over for dinner. It was the strangest dinner I had ever had with Wanda and had some strange dinners with Wanda in the past. Travis was working at the Rat, which left the three of us alone. Wanda cooked, which was good and normal. She ran her mouth the whole time, asking me questions about this girl I barely knew, which was also normal. Then Deirdre actually got there and my mom went silent - deathly silent. Barely a hello and no eye contact. She gave her sideways glances. It was like she thought Deirdre was going things and my mom was keeping and eye on her.

We ate in near silence with Wanda and Deirdre having some sort of passive standoff. The TV buzzed in the living room and forks clinked on plates, ice shifted around in glasses.

"Ok, seriously?" I finally said. "What's going on?"

"Your mom's freaking me out," Deirdre said.

"Wanda, quit being weird. This was your idea," I told her.

She threw her arms in the air and said, "She looks like Rex!"

"I can't help that!" She said, getting defensive.

"Oh, Christ," I covered my face with my hands and shook my head.

"You're a really good cook," Deirdre said. "My dad told me you were a good cook. Way better than him."

"That's for damn sure." She stood abruptly and grabbed three shot glasses and a bottle of whiskey from the cabinet. She poured the three shots and dropped them down in front of us. "I'm sure he also told you I was a drunk, didn't he?" She snapped at her.

"He was a junkie, so he doesn't have much room to talk," she said with a shrug and picked up the shot.

Wanda joined her, lifting her own shot, and I just sat there staring at the table with my hands in my hair. I watched as the two went shot for shot with each other and continued eating my dinner. Five shots later, Deirdre surrendered. I was absolutely baffled. I didn't know how the silent standoff turned into a drinking competition. I downed my own shot and looked from Deirdre to Wanda. Deirdre was looking a little shitty.

"Alright," Wanda said. "You don't fuck around, little girl."

She grunted.

I cleaned up after dinner as the night took a turn for the weirder. Wanda and Deirdre ended up bonding, laughing and drinking, being loud. They forgot I existed and I somehow became a third wheel. I took a beer into my room and neither of them even noticed. I laid in my bed and looked at my phone for a few minutes then called Savannah.

"Hey," Savannah answered. "What's up?

"My sister and my mom are hanging out without me," I said and took a sip of my beer. I could still hear the two of them laughing and having a great time out in the living room. They had even cranked up the TV louder.

"Huh?"

"Exactly. How was your Christmas?"

"It was fine. No one notices me with Charlotte pregnant, so I can fly under the radar."

"When's her baby due?" I asked.

"Uh...some months. How about your Christmas?"

"Good. I talked to Dan."

"Yeah...I told him to apologize to you until you forgave him," she admitted.

"You did what?"

She paused, "I told him something was bothering you and you wouldn't talk to me about it."

"Oh, I guess that's what he was talking about when he said you were being weird."

"Maybe. I wanted to know if he maybe knew what was wrong..."

"Nothing's wrong, Sav..." Then I said, "You didn't tell him about...us, did you?"

"What about us?" I waited for the connection to happen in her brain and didn't say anything else. "Oh," she finally said. "No. Why would I tell him?"

"I don't know," I shrugged even though I was alone in the room and she couldn't see me through the phone. "If you want to stop..." I started to say.

"Do you?" She asked.

I was divided fifty-fifty on the issue and said nothing.

"Is that what's bothering you?"

"Nothing's bothering me."

"I can tell there is though. I'm not going to make you talk about it until you're ready, but-"

"There's nothing, Sav." I laughed. To me it sounded like a pretty convincing laugh.

Savannah didn't believe me and I could tell. She sighed, dropped it and said, "I miss you."

I laughed again, a more legitimate laugh. "You just saw me a few days ago."

"I know, but...I get kinda lonely when I'm at home. I was already sort of black sheep for transferring to Lancer and now all anyone cares about is Charlotte and her baby and her new fiancé and that whole deal."

"You could come over," I said.

There was a pause for several seconds. "How about I come pick you up and we go somewhere?"

"Where?"

"A drive."

"Sure. Wanda and Deirdre probably won't even notice I've left."

"Give me thirty minutes."

Thirty minutes later Deirdre and Wanda were clinking glasses and still having a knee-slapping good time. I grabbed my jacket, gloves, scarf, and a hat from the coat closet and walked outside. Savannah pulled up a minute later and I climbed in. She leaned reached over and grabbed onto my scarf as I was trying to buckle my seatbelt. When I turned she grabbed onto my face and kissed me.

"What're you doing?" I asked.

"Kissing you. Is it not ok?"

I shook my head, "No, it's fine."

"Good. Because I have an idea." She put her car in drive and we started off toward the edge of town.

"Where are we going?"

"We," she began. "We are going to this place Dan took me when he was trying to talk me into having sex with him."

"Oh..." I said knowingly. Then I pointlessly asked, "Why?"

"Because we're going to look at the stars and then I want you to...um..." Her voice trailed off.

"Why are you doing this, Savannah? You don't, you know, like girls."

"I don't know," she said. "Maybe I'm having some sort of quarter-life crisis. I don't know. You don't like girls either, so why are you doing it?"

I sighed and then flat-out lied to her, "I don't know."

The road out to the little deserted glade was a bit icy. It hadn't snowed more that day and it looked to me like it had been driven at some point earlier. It was a dead end road and gravel, so no one salted it. Savannah's little sedan did fine. We didn't talk and she turned off her car then put her hands into her coat pockets and just looked at her steering wheel. I reached over and slipped my own hand into her pocket.

"No stars," she said. "Too cloudy."

"So come on," I whispered in her ear and then climbed into the backseat. "You want to act like a high school girl." I took off my hat and threw it into the front seat, along with my gloves. Then I unzipped my coat as she also climbed back between the seats. She sat on top of me and leaned down and kissed me while I unbuttoned her pants.

We didn't talk anymore. In seconds we were both down to our underwear with the rest of our clothes strewn about the car. In the next few seconds, her underwear were off I had three fingers deep inside of her. She was on top, her arms were around my neck and she thrusted against me, jamming me into the door. She alternated between kissing me and gasping desperately. I had my other arm around her holding her close as she moved on top of me. Her moans grew louder and louder and I kissed her neck, tasting sweat and smelling her sweet scent. She moved harder and faster. My arm was getting tired and it felt like it was about 100 degrees in the car.

When she came, she collapsed on top of me and mumbled, "Oh, my God."

I sat up a little and still hugged her against me. Her face was buried in my neck and her breathing was erratic. When I pulled out of her she shuttered. We were both sticky with sweat and she was dripping wet. The windows of her car were fogged up and she held on to me so tightly I wouldn't have been able to get her off of me had I wanted to.

Running my fingers down her spine, I cleared my throat and asked, "Is there any way you would ever, maybe, consider dating a girl?"

She took so long to respond that I thought she'd fallen asleep when she said, "No."

My heart stopped for a second and I hugged her again, "Why not?"

"It's not part of my plan..." She said and kissed my neck.

"Is this part of your plan?"

With a sigh she kissed my neck again and then my jaw then my lips. "No," she whispered. "But no one will know and we're just having fun, right?"

"So this is just always going to be a secret from everyone else in your life?"

She shrugged and kissed me again before saying, "I guess. My parents would kill me."

I sat up a little more and turned away when she tried to kiss me again, so that her lips landed on my cheek. "What if..." She touched my neck and traced my jaw with her thumbs. I tried again, "What if I...wanted to?"

"You can date girls if you want, sure."

I laughed half-heartedly and let my head fall to her shoulder, "That wasn't what I meant, but nevermind."


	42. Chapter 42

The house was dark when I got home. I snuck in quietly and saw Deirdre asleep on the couch - passed out more likely. Everything was quiet back toward Wanda's room and I took off all of my winter clothes, putting them stealthily into the coat closet. I doubted I'd wake Deirdre up and I heard her snoring. I slipped into the bathroom and stripped off the rest of my clothes. I turned around and looked at the scratches on my back and the little bruises on my neck and chest.

I ran some hot water in the shower and got in. I pressed my forehead against the cold tiles while I stood in the steam and scorching spray. I felt like a cliche. I hated feeling like a cliche. I needed to end things with Savannah because it was torturing me. I was torturing myself. The girl was confused and trying to get out from under her parents and I was being an awful influence. When it was all said and done though, I was the only one who was going to get hurt.

Savannah wouldn't tell. I'd never tell. I'd end it and no one would know about the mar on her perfect little life. Her plan would be maintained and maybe she'd think about it when she was old or maybe she wouldn't. I'd have a good story for my future colleagues about the one time I fell in love with a girl. We all laugh about it. I'd be laughing about it.

Unfortunately, I wasn't laughing about it at the moment in the shower and I became even more cliche, standing there crying. Crying in the fucking shower. I was more than willing to make some modifications to my plan, to work in a nice girlfriend, a nice cheerleader, homeschooled nut girlfriend. Where did that leave me now? Crying in the shower like some fifteen-year-old girl.

At some point I ended up sitting down under the arc of water. I stayed there until it got cold and I pulled myself together. I turned off the water and got out. I looked in the mirror again, but only for a second. My eyes were bloodshot and my cheeks and nose were red. I dried off and wrapped in a towel. I felt dirty and defeated. Being a lesbian wouldn't have even been the end of the world for me. It still wasn't the end of the world. I just wished I had happen to fallen for some other girl.

"But what can you do?" I asked myself as I pulled some clean clothes out of my closet.

Everything else was coming together. I had a new bike and I was done with Julian, Nationals would be a breeze and I was taking awesome classes for the spring semester. I didn't need a boyfriend or a girlfriend for that matter.

...

"Marti Perkins," Alice came plowing through the door to my room in Cheertown. "We were forced to come back on New Year's Eve, so get dressed and let's go out."

"We friends again?" I asked.

"Nah, but if I'm going to be hungover at practice tomorrow, so are you." She smiled, "Get dressed." Then she ducked back out and closed the door.

Savannah hadn't gotten back yet. I assumed doing family stuff and I didn't bother texting her or anything. I dragged myself out of bed and put on some jeans instead of my Hellcats sweatpants. I put on some boots, gloves, a sweatshirt and a jacket and I ventured down the hall to Alice's room.

I knocked and then opened the door. She was buttoning up a low-cut shirt and said, "You're supposed to wait until I tell you to come in."

"You never do. You never even knock."

She shrugged, "Come in. I have to do my makeup because I'm not as confident in myself as you are...apparently." She looked me up and down, disapprovingly. Then she turned back to her mirror and said, "Update me."

I sat on the end of her bed and updated her. My secret and Savannah's secret. I just told her everything after I told Savannah I wouldn't tell anyone. She wanted the power and I gave it to her because I guess I didn't want it. Afterward I asked, "So where are we going?"

"Some new place downtown. Grand opening tonight."  
  
"Cool, I guess. Kelsey coming?"  
  
"No. She got shipped off to cover the grand opening of some other place...to my great disappointment. But..." She put on some lip stain and examined herself, "She has given me permission to kiss whomever I'd like at midnight."

"That's nice of her. I hope you gave her the same courtesy."

"Of course." She crossed the room to one of her bags that she hadn't unpacked and she pulled out a bottle of goldschläger. "I hate this shit, but it's New Year's. Pregame?"

"May as well."

...

Alice so greatly disapproved of my clothes selection for the evening that she dragged me and the bottle of goldschläger back to my room to pick out a better outfit. Everyone else was either downstairs hanging out and waiting or still getting ready. We ended up joining the "still getting ready" group. There was no sign of Savannah, which was for the best. Alice and I passed the bottle back and forth taking sips while she went through my closet.

She said, "You have huge tits, so wear this." She threw a shirt at me. It was a solid green, plain long-sleeved shirt with a large round collar. "Your pants are fine, but..." She looked over her shoulder and said, "Eh. Your shoes are fine too."

I took the bottle from her and took another huge sip of the spicy cinnamon shit. As I did so she grabbed onto my coat and started pulling it off. I almost spilled the bottle and handed it back to take it off myself along with my gloves.

Alice tipped the bottle back then laughed and said, "I'm letting you wear those boots that went out of style two years ago so you can still look like a hipster. I'd hate for you to change who you are completely."

"Give me that." I took off my sweatshirt and reached out for the bottle. We'd already drank about a third of it. I was feeling great. The goldschläger death spiral hadn't begun yet.

She held it out of my reach and said, "Take your shirt off."

I paused.

"I meant to put the other shirt on. Jesus. I've seen your boobs in the locker room. This isn't some predatory lesbo trickery in play."

Laughing, I pulled off the t-shirt and then reached for the bottle. Alice took another sip, but held it out to the side. Instead of going for the bottle, I grabbed on to either side of her face and kissed her.

She made a surprised noise and pulled away, but only far enough to get the bottle to her face. She put it on the table by my bed then grabbed onto my hips and kissed me back. Alice tasted like goldschläger and her lip stain. She also smelled like goldschläger and faintly like whatever expensive perfume she wore, but mostly overwhelming cinnamon flavored booze. I was completely fucking overwhelmed by cinnamon and her tongue in my mouth.

I didn't hear anyone at the door. I don't know if Alice heard or not. I knew it was unlike Louis not to knock. In the next moment though, he was standing in the doorway.

"Are you two ready to go...whoa!" He exclaimed.

I turned away from him, embarrassed while Alice laughed loudly. Once Alice's insane laughter subsided she pick up the bottle again. I put on the shirt she picked out and she offered the bottle out to Louis. He took it and smiled widely, shaking his head.

"Skip the sweatshirt," Alice said to me. "Just put on the jacket. We'll only be outside for like two minutes and I'll keep you warm." She winked.

Louis winced and took several sips, "What in the hell is going on?"

I put on my jacket and I was about to express confusion when I heard Savannah yell from down the hall, "It'll only take me a minute to get ready! Don't leave without me!"

"Well...well..." said Alice and snatched the bottle back then handed it to me. "Let's go share with everyone downstairs."

Louis moved so that Savannah could come into the room and Alice linked her elbow with mine.

"Hey, Savannah," Alice said cheerfully. "I hope you had a good break." Then she dragged me out of the room and toward the stairs.

After taking a drink and handing her the bottle, I asked, "What are you doing?"

"Drinking," she answered with a tone like she thought I was stupid before handing the bottle back.

We made it down to the bottom of the stairs and I went and stood by the kitchen island. I sat the bottle down, feeling grievously tipsy very suddenly. Alice slipped her arm around my waist and said, "Anyone else want any of this shit?"

Frankie got up and took the bottle saying, "Holy fuck, you two are going to be puking flakes of gold before midnight."

"Or shitting gold all day tomorrow," Darwin said with a chuckle as the bottle went around.

Only Louis seemed to notice how much Alice was touching me or at least I only noticed Louis noticing. The death spiral began somewhere around that time. Her hands were everywhere. Over my jacket, under my jacket. I wasn't reciprocating, but I wasn't stopping her either and then again, I was the one who kissed her for absolutely no reason.

We called taxis and piled in - the entire Hellcats team. Alice kept her hand on my thigh. I could barely feel it. I heard whispers and muttering. People wondering what we were doing. I put my arm around her and she bit my ear then said something I didn't understand as she felt me up through my jeans in the back of the taxi. I laughed and kissed her again.

"Ten bucks says Alice blows chunks first," Darwin said. "She never gets this drunk. She can't handle it."

There were some laughs and other people joined in on the betting pool. I laughed too. It was pretty funny. The whole thing was fucking hilarious. I remembered getting to the club and holding Alice's hand, not giving two shits. There was a super crowded downstairs bar and we lost a few Hellcats who wandered toward it. The rest of us went up the stairs to the second floor, lofted bar. Alice squeezed next to me into a booth and someone got me a club soda. Cameras were flashing and Alice and I were all over each other. I couldn't stop.

"Who the fuck keeps bringing us club soda?" Alice asked.

I shrugged. She was sitting on my lap and I wasn't sure at what point that happened. I had my arms draped around her and she put my hair behind my ears as she mused about the club soda. I nodding toward one of the glasses, "Hand me mine."

"But where the fuck are they coming from? They keep appearing!" She handed me a glass and also picked up hers.

"How drunk as we?" I asked.

"Like on what scale?"

"Huh?"

"I'm saying, like, I can't tell you how drunk I am unless you give me a scale to rank myself. I have no idea how drunk you are."

I looked at her confusedly and sipped my mystery club soda. It was definitely the most drunk I had ever seen her, but I was too drunk to appreciate it. I'd also heard about her past, but I was too drunk to consider it. I did wonder if she got this drunk on purpose or got me that drunk on purpose. Mostly I wondered if it was true that the gold flakes cut your intestines so that the alcohol goes into your bloodstream faster.

"You're pretty hot," I said.

She put her arms around my neck and laced her fingers then she leaned as far back as she could go and said, "Louis is upside down."

"Where's Savannah?" I asked.

She pulled herself back up with my help and said, "Don't start having feelings in my direction. Killing the buzz, bitch."

"I think we're more than buzzed."

Alice cocked her head to the side, "Wanna fuck in the bathroom?"

"You have a girlfriend," I said and kissed her again.

At some point after that, someone gave us some shots for making out. I was glad that Vanessa had the sense to make practice in the afternoon. I only recalled a few more points of note that evening in the bar. There were more shots and there was champagne. I made out with Alice. A lot. Also kissed Louis at some point and Darwin. Everyone was egging us both on. There was more materializing club soda and at least one ginger ale. I may or may not have vanished into the bathroom to throw up and come out and drink more. Everything was very fuzzy. I also didn't remember seeing Savannah at all.

Louis may or may not have had to carry Alice down the stairs. I don't remember the journey, but I remember being at the bottom. We'd checked our coats, which I didn't remember doing, but I did remember getting mine back then I also remember whining because I'd lost Alice. Alice was not lost, but she was outside sitting on the sidewalk with Louis and Frankie. She was on the phone with Kelsey.

I stumbled out and sat down next to her or fell down next to her.

"Yeah..." She said into her phone really slowly. "Miss you. Marti is my girlfriend for tonight. Yeah...that one." Then she laughed and said, "Kisses."

Savannah appeared from nowhere and handed us both a bottle of water. Alice groaned and tried to look up at her, but tipped over into Louis. I opened the water and nodded at her as Alice giggled uncontrollably and mumbled things I didn't understand.

It felt like forever before our cabs showed up. I did not sit by Alice in the minivan. I was shoved into the front. Savannah sat behind me and kept asking me if I was ok. I was fine. At least I thought I was fine at the moment.

I lost some time again and the next thing I remembered was being in my bed. I'd gotten it into my head at some point that I was going to sleep with Alice, but I ended up in my pajamas and in my own bed. I vaguely remember not being able to get my shirt off and someone helped me. The lamp was on between the beds and I heard Savannah somewhere, but I couldn't see very well.

"Savannah," I said.

"Yes, Marti? Do you need more water?"

"No. Happy New Year."

"Happy New Year, Marti."

"Are you mad?"

"Why would I be mad?"

I tried to sit up and muttered, "Oh, shit."

"You ok?"

"Come here," I told her and reached for the water that was on the nearby table. I had to squint and close one eye to get ahold of it. I took a few sips and when I put it down, Savannah was sitting on my bed.

"Are you ok?" She asked and put her hand on my shoulder.

I lay down, on my side and tried to look at her out of the corner of my eye. I said, "I love you, Savannah."

"I love you too. Do you need me to get you anything?"

"No. No. No," I said adamantly.

"Why did you call me over? I was unpacking my stuff since I got back so late tonight," she laughed.

"No, I love you."

"I know. We've established this."

"No," I said again. The last thing I remember was saying, "No, Savannah. I'm in love with you, you idiot."


	43. Chapter 43

I felt like a complete sack of shit and had a pounding headache when I woke up. There was a glass of water by the bed and a trashcan, but I hadn't puked in it, so that was good news. I only possessed odd memories here and there from the night before. It was only ten in the morning, but I couldn't sleep anymore because I felt totally gross. Savannah was gone. Her bed was neatly made. Everything was in its place. The stupid stuffed animal I gave her was sitting on her pillow.

I drank the room temperature water and checked the messages on my phone. There was only one from my mom wishing me a misspelled happy new year. I rubbed my head and checked my sent messages. I was relieved to see I hadn't done anything stupid...at least not involving my phone. Alice had clearly provided an adequate distraction. I took a few aspirin and then went to take a shower. I hated showering before practice because I'd have to shower after and it was a waste of water, but this day called for it.

Looking in the mirror I noted a few new hickies and groaned. I remembered making out with Alice, but I was a little bothered that I was covered in hickies like it was freshmen year. I felt like I was going to throw up when I remembered confessing my love to Savannah. I wondered if that was why she was gone. She hadn't taken her shit and fled back home at least. I tried to convince myself that it didn't happen and took a long shower. Maybe she didn't even believe me. I was drunk off of my ass, after all. I could easily use that as an excuse for my feelings.

On my way out, I was wrapped in my towel in the cool hallway and I heard someone behind me.

"Good morning, sunshine," Alice mumbled, her voice sounding dry and rough.

"You look how I feel."

"You probably looked how you felt too before you showered." She tried to roll her eyes, but it didn't happen and she grimaced. After rubbing her forehead she laughed a little then said, "Sorry." She motioned around my chest. "What I remember was fun though, thanks."

"Is Kelsey mad?"

"God, no. I just got off the phone with her. She was endlessly amused by the few things I do remember. We can compare notes later."

I frowned, "I told Savannah I was in love with her last night."

"Well done. She was taking care of you all night. At least that's what Louis told me this morning. I recall telling Louis he was like a father-figure to me and that was awkward and creepy," she chuckled again and then rubbed the back of her neck. She was obviously really sore. She looked toward the shower, "I need to wash this fucking cinnamon off. I think it's coming out of my pores."

"Yeah..."

"Practice is going to suck dicks."

I nodded then said, "Hey...if you weren't dating Kelsey, would you date me?"

She shrugged, "Yeah, why not? You're alright. I don't really like to exclude people from my dating pool unless they have diseases. Diseases aren't even really a deal-breaker either."

"Ok. Just checking."

"Go have your self-esteem crisis in your room," she said before disappearing into the bathroom.

Practice was surprisingly ok. My headache had subsided and my stomach was only mildly churning. Savannah acted completely normal. A few of us were dragging and I was among them. Alice looked pale, but after practice she did manage to smack my ass as she ran past me into the locker room. There were some snickers at us, but nothing was weird.

Vanessa called after Alice, "Can I speak to you for a moment, Miss Verdura?"

She turned and her face sunk for a split-second before she turned around to head back down the hall, "Yeah. What's up, Vanessa?"

I bundled up and made my way back to Cheertown with a couple other Hellcats. Savannah was heading into our room as I went up the stairs. I thought about going back downstairs or something, leaving, anything aside from going in there and being alone with her.

I sucked it up and went in anyway. I'd at least need my computer or a book. When I went in, she immediately asked, "Marti, are you doing ok today?"

"Yeah, I'm alright."

"I didn't know if you'd make it through practice today, but you did fine."

"Thanks?" I started to shove a few things into my satchel.

"What all do you remember from last night?" She sat down at her desk on her computer.

"Not a lot."

"Oh, ok."

"I didn't do anything...mean, did I?" I paused.

"No."

"Thank you for, you know, taking care of me."

"What are friends for?" She said without turning. "You've taken care of me more than once."

"Were you the club soda person?"

"Yeah...didn't want either of you to die before Nationals."

I ended up taking off my coat and sitting down on my bed, "Do you know what Vanessa wanted to talk to Alice about?"

With a shrug, she said, "Probably wanted to talk to her about last night."

"Why?"

"Just checking on her, I assume. They're pretty close, you know."

"I didn't think they were that close. She made you Captain over her and all."

"Vanessa's pretty professional."

I pulled out my computer and opened it on my lap in my bed. Savannah didn't turn around at any point in our chat and she didn't sound mad, per se. She was apathetic at best. I tried not to think too much about it. She was likely just tired. We stayed out until two or so and then she stayed up for a while after.

I dicked around on the internet until someone knocked.

"Come in," Savannah said.

Alice poked her head in and said, "Do one or more of you ladies want to come to dinner?"

"I'll come," I said.

"Kelsey and I are going to The Rat, that ok?"

"Yeah," I got up and started getting ready to brave the cold again.

"Savannah?" Alice prompted.

"No. Thank you though, Alice."

Alice looked at me and I pouted a bit then shrugged my shoulders.

For once, my mother wasn't at work. I would have enjoyed a sandwich on the house. Travis wasn't working either. Alice and I both drank water and Kelsey drank a gin and tonic. It made me kind of nauseated to think about it. Alice paled again and Kelsey only laughed and said, "Hey, I was sober and working last night."

"Fucking bitch. I'll be right back." She got up and started toward the bathroom, not hastily, but not meandering there either.

Kelsey looked at me, "How about you? Should you have perhaps skipped dinner today too, Perkins?"

"I'm alright. I think if I eat I'll actually feel better."

She smiled and flagged down our server while finishing her drink. She asked, "Can I get a soda, please? Sprite. Actually. Sprite and bring this girl," she pointed at Alice's seat. "A ginger ale for her. The fancy kind with actual ginger."

He nodded and took her empty cup. "And your food will be out in just a few minutes too."

After he walked away, Kelsey crossed her arms and said, "So did Alice tell you she blew that teacher of yours and took pictures to blackmail him?"

I looked at the girl, not sure of what she'd said. I heard it well enough, but it didn't seem to have actually come out of her mouth.

She smirked, "I already have an article written up for the newspaper if he pulls anything, so let me know. You got an A, right?"

Nodding, I said nothing.

Kelsey went on, "It was mostly her idea. Brilliant, but a little bit like entrapment. Hopefully we won't need to use it, at least not until after she graduates."

Alice slid back into her chair, looking much better, "What're you two talking about? Marti, you look like you shit yourself. Did you shit yourself? It'll totally be gold."


	44. Chapter 44

After we ate, with Alice barely touching her food, Kelsey dropped me off back at Cheertown and then she and Alice went back to her place. Most everyone was hanging out in the common room when I went in, including Savannah. I gave them all a hello and then went upstairs to screw around on my guitar. I liked having free time. I knew I'd be busy again with classes in a week.

Savannah ended up coming up a few minutes later, right about the time I got situated with my guitar on my bed. She came in quietly, smiled faintly at me and then sat down at her computer.

"Savannah," I said.

"What's up?" She turned and looked at me sort of blankly like she didn't know why I was talking to her.

I draped my arms lazily over my guitar and then asked, "Is something wrong?"

"No. Everything's fine. Why?"

"You're just acting...weird, I guess. I'm getting a weird vibe. You're not all 'positive outcomes only' and you seem really...um, off."

"You've been acting weird too."

"I know, but...nevermind, I guess. Don't be mad."

"I'm not."

"Are you sad?" I asked.

"Why would I be sad?"

"I don't know."

She turned back to her computer and went back to whatever she was doing and then I went back to picking at my guitar. Though pretending to be focused on what I was doing, I kept looking up at Savannah. She was typing a lot. It looked like she was IMing someone. I wasn't such a nosy bitch that I looked into it further. I left it at that. She was probably talking to Charlotte.

"How's Alice?" Savannah asked out of nowhere.

I laid my guitar across my lap again and said, "Fine. She went to Kelsey's."

"Oh, ok. She wasn't 100 percent at practice."

"Not many of us were."

"How was dinner?" She then asked.

I felt like she was desperately trying to make conversation with me out of nowhere and I didn't know why. She wasn't interested enough in what she was saying to turn around. "Dinner was fine," I answered. "She was still feeling rough."

She paused and I watched her. She was sitting with her hands in her lap, looking at her computer screen, but talking to me. "So are you excited for your classes this semester?"

"I guess so. You?"

"Yeah."

She said nothing else and I went back to my guitar. What the hell was she doing? I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to be nice, but she was talking to me like it was torture, but she wouldn't admit that it was torture and she still kept trying to talk. I didn't get it. I didn't get why she just wouldn't be out with whatever it was. Whether it was me making out with Alice all night or if it was that I told her I was in love with her. Maybe it was something else. Fuck if I knew.

But I didn't really have room to be pissed about something like that, did I? No. I had been not telling her what was wrong for months now. Literally, months. Nothing was wrong. It was my problem. I made up excuse after excuse. The truth was out after the night before, but neither of us were acknowledging it, and we were both trying way to hard to act like everything was the same.

I could grow a pair and say something. I could confront this head on. I could easily not beat around the bush. Not ask if she's mad or sad. I could be out with it for real. Sober and sitting here I could fucking say it. I stopped playing with my guitar and I sat it on the floor, propping it on the bed. I asked, "Are you upset about Alice?"

"What about Alice?" She asked. Again, without turning and sounding completely apathetic.

She knew what I was fucking talking about. "Me and Alice."

"What's going on with you and Alice?"

"Savannah. Come on." She said nothing and then I asked, "Is this about what I said last night?"

"You said a lot of things last night. You were really chatty."

"Look, I..." Did I want to deny, apologize, make even excuses?

"It's ok, Marti. I'm not mad. I'm not upset." She turned and smiled, but it wasn't a real Savannah smile at all. It was a smile to make me shut up. She just wanted me to shut up, but didn't want to be mean about it. She wanted to pretend nothing happened, so I'd go with it.

...

I went downstairs to make coffee on the first day of classes and found Alice had already made a pot. She looked over at me and said, "Do you actually like to take 8am classes?"

"How do you know I have an 8am class?" I asked as I pulled my travel cup from the dishwasher then made sure it was actually clean.

"Why else would you be up right now?"

"Touche."

"You're always so unpleasant before you have your coffee," she was leaning back on the counter, drinking casually out of a mug.

"Sorry..." I mumbled and poured some coffee for myself. "What are you doing up?"

"Making coffee, obviously."

I shook my head and attached the lid on my cup and said, "Savannah's still being weird...super-forced conversations, that whole deal."

"She's jealous, that's all. I knew she would be."

Scoffing I said, "Are you trying to tell me that you were all over me to make Savannah jealous...for me?"

Alice laughed quietly, so not to wake anyone up in the nearby rooms, "If you recall, you kissed me first."

"True, but I told her-"

"Marti, Marti, Marti. You were going to end things with her," she shrugged. "Things have ended. Now you're all bothered about it. Why?"

I groaned, "I don't know. I miss her being my friend."

"At least she's not being a crazy bitch. She's being civil at practice and she hasn't packed a bag and fled Cheertown. You really like that weird girl, don't you? It's kinda cute in a completely pathetic way. Let it go, find someone else. If you hadn't so firmly put your lesbian sights on Savannah we could be having a great time."

"Gosh, Alice. It sounds like you like me," I said sarcastically.

With a smirk she said, "In your dreams, Perkins."

"But you just said-"

"Get rebounding. Mopey Marti bores me."

"You can't rebound when you weren't actually with someone."

"Sure you can."

"If she's actually jealous then-"

"Then it means nothing. God, Marti. She likes attention and then you stop giving her the attention. It doesn't mean she wants to slap her family in the face and get gay married and shit. Quit being a romantic sap. I didn't peg you for one."

"Why are you telling me to get over it now? I thought you wanted to ruin us both."

She refilled her coffee and said, "I do. Maybe I'm just changing the angle due to a change of circumstances."

"I don't think you'll really do anything," I said to her accusingly.

"Don't test me, Marti," she said and then walked passed me, shoving her shoulder into mine as she headed back for the stairs.

I watched her leave and then zipped up my coat and headed out. Alice was nearly as confusing as Savannah.


	45. Chapter 45

Savannah had talked with Vanessa for a while after practice. I took a long shower and didn't expect her to still be in the locker room when I got out. She was rummaging in her locker as I went to mine to shove my shower stuff back in and get my coat.

"Everything ok?" I asked, so to seem pleasant and maintain our pointless, forced friendship.

She looked over at me and said, "Yeah. Everything's fine. I just needed to talk to Vanessa about renting the bus and making our hotel reservations for Nationals."

"Oh. Logistical stuff."

"Yeah, we're going to leave on Thursday and come back on Monday. She's going to send out an email about it."

"Cool." I pulled on my coat and gloves then put my damp hair up into a hat. Savannah was still standing at her locker like she was looking for something. "Did you decide on the room list at the hotel?"

"No. We're going to do four people per room. Do you want to share a room with Alice or..."

"Savannah," I sighed and sat down on the nearest bench to put on my shoes.

"What?"

When I finishing tying my second shoe, I got up and shut my locker. I walked toward Savannah not having anything particular in mind. Maybe I'd grab her shoulders and shake her and tell her to stop acting weird. It seemed like as good a plan as any, but when I put my hand on her shoulder to turn her around by force, she went ahead and turned. She grabbed onto the hood of my coat and pulled me close. I thought she was going to kiss me, but instead she just hugged me tightly. I paused for a moment and then put my hands on her back.

"Hey," I whispered.

"I don't know what's wrong with me, Marti," she muttered into my neck.

"What're you talking about?"

She shook her head, "I don't know."

I moved her over to the bench and sat her down then sat down next to her. I rubbed her back and said, "You can talk to me."

"I can't when it's about you," she said quietly and turning away from me. "I've been talking to Dan."

"Why have you been talking to Dan?" I questioned.

"Because I don't know what to do," Savannah said and covered her face with her hands.

"To do about what?"

"You."

"You don't need to do anything-"

"But I do because...because he said that this is what you do. You're doing the same thing to me that you did to him. You like people until they like you back and then you freak out."

I let my hand drop from her back and down onto the bench, "What?"

"He said this is what you do and I don't want to. I want to be your friend, but I...I'm confused and I don't want to play this game."

"What game?"

"Your game. You...I'm not like this. I'm not. I don't want to just mess around and I...don't want to feel like this."

"Like what? I don't understand, Savannah." I put my hand on her shoulder and she jerked away.

"You're messing with me. Why me? Couldn't you..." She groaned and got up. She snatched her backpack from her locker then started out.

"Savannah!" I slumped forward and put my head between my knees. I heard someone clapping slowly. It echoed off of the tiles and was coming from the showers. I looked up

"Oh, well done," Alice said. "I'm glad she stormed out. I didn't want to interrupt and I'd really like to get my clothes out of my locker." As she crossed the room she said, "From the look on your face I can tell you didn't know I was still in the shower."

I wanted to be mad at her, but I couldn't. I just looked at her as she opened her locker. She held her towel around her and looked at me over her shoulder. I snatched up my gym bag and left without saying anything to her.

An hour later I was sitting at the bar in The Rat with Dan, acting as if nothing happened. I buttered him up with a few beers and then said, "I heard, you've been talking to Savannah a lot."

"Oh. It's more like she's been talking to me a lot. Kate is getting really annoyed actually..." Kate being Dan's new girl, but not girlfriend. Dan was back to not having girlfriends.

"For some reason she's under the impression that I intentionally play games with people, making them like me and then moving on to someone else," I said casually and took a drink without looking at him. "Why would she think that?"

"It's kinda what you did to me..." He answered in a quiet tone.

I said, "Kinda, but not really."

"Admit that it's a little fucked up what you did to her." Dan's voice was accusatory then, but not particularly loud. He then cleared his throat and said, "I can't believe you were pissed at me."

"You coerced her into having sex with you then broke up with her," I reminded him, still speaking calmly. I took another drink and only looked at my glass, not at him.

"Coerced is a strong word, Marti. She wanted to have sex. She wanted to fit in with all of you stupid Hellcats. What you did-"

"I didn't do anything."

"You made her think she was gay and you're not even gay."

We were both talking quietly. I didn't want to make a scene. I took another drink then asked him, "Did you ever stop to consider that maybe I do like her?"

"I figure you liked her like you liked me."

"You figure, huh?"

"Yeah, but you've made her question her entire worldview."

"That's a bit melodramatic."

Wanda chose that moment to interrupt and said, "You two look real serious. You need more drinks?"

I pushed my glass of ice forward and nodded. She refilled it with whiskey. I glanced at Dan. He shook his head and continued hovering over what remained of his beer. Neither of us spoke until Wanda ventured down to the other end of the bar.

I started by saying very slowly, "So let me see if I understand you, Dan. You screwing her when you didn't like her is not as bad as me liking her because sex before marriage is a more minor concession?"

"I don't understand what you just said, but I knew her parents will disown her if they know she's been messing around with a girl. She told me. You could have pretty much any guy you want, probably any girl too. Why Savannah? Was she more of a challenge?"

Looking at the golden liquid in my cup I said, "You have a fundamental misunderstanding of my thought process."

"Do I though? We've been best friends for years. The only difference between us is that you bailed on guys. So what if I slept with some girls and never called them back? You did the same thing. Dudes just don't react the same way after realizing they had a one night stand."

"And this makes me what? Incapable of any sort of meaningful feelings?"

"I mean, look at what you did to me and to Louis."

"Are you comparing my not liking you back and my dating Louis to me and Savannah?"

"Well, isn't it the same?"

"Again," I began and took a large sip of my drink. "There's a fundamental misunderstanding happening right now."

"Please correct me then."

I took a deep breath. "I liked you when I was sixteen. I got over it years ago. You liked me a few months ago. I didn't stop liking you because you liked me. I dated Louis because he was ok. He's a cute, very nice guy. I wasn't in love with him-"

"Oh, are you going to say some bullshit about liking and loving and being in love and how they're all different?" His voice raised slightly and then he finished his beer and sat the pint glass down forcefully.

"Are you still pissed that I don't like you?" I asked him directly. "Is that what this is fucking about? Are you getting back at me?"

"I'm pissed that you're a hypocrite."

"How so?" I turned and looked at him.

Dan also looked over at me, "You used Savannah as a reason to be pissed at me and then did the same thing to her."

"No," I said and shook my head, but didn't take my eyes off of him. "I never meant to hurt her. I didn't hurt her, but not she thinks I have. Because of you."

"Do you think I did? I wanted to like her. I swear to God I did. I wasn't in love with her. I guess it was like you and Louis," he tacked on the last bit in a mocking way that I didn't appreciate.

"Did you think fucking her would make you like her more?"

He shrugged his shoulders, "Maybe I did, but she wanted to too. She talked to me about it. Are you pissed because you wanted to fuck the virgin?"

In the next second I got up from the stool and threw my nearly full drink into his face. I was standing a few feet away and the tumbler clunked against his head. Whiskey went everywhere. He stumbled up out of his seat, knocking over his own glass. My glass shattered on the floor and his glass clunked on the bar top.

"Whoa! Whoa!" Wanda started yelling and threw her hands in the air.

Dan was drenched and clutching his head. I thought he was going to throw a punch at me, but instead he just clenched his fist and looked at me out of one squinting eye. I grabbed my coat from the back of the chair and went for the door. The other patrons had all stopped what they were doing to watch me go and my mom looked completely baffled.

"Marti!" She yelled as I went out the door. The last thing I heard was a muffled, "What the hell?!"


	46. Chapter 46

"Marti Perkins, don't you dare punch anything this close to Nationals!" Alice came running up the stairs after me and a few other people followed her.

I maybe would have had Alice not caught up to me and practically tackled me to the floor in the hall. She held my arms to my side and struggled with me. She had me from behind and fought me down. She locked her hands in front of me and I couldn't even get an arm free enough to elbow her.

"Calm the fuck down," she whispered.

I gave up relatively quickly, feeling exhausted. Everyone was murmuring and I felt them crowding around. Alice released her intense grip on me, but then grabbed onto the back of my coat and pulled me up.

"What's going on?" Savannah asked, emerging from our room.

Alice opened her room door. She'd left it unlocked. She forced me inside and said, "Nothing." Before slamming the door and locking it. I glared at her from her floor and she crossed her arms, "What the fuck is wrong now?"

I just shook my head and pursed my lips.

"You looked like you were going to punch another door or punch Savannah because you like her. That's pretty third-grade of you, Marti." She stood there in the same position and kept looking down at me sternly.

I looked away from her and tried to relax. Tried to. I heard Alice sigh and then she nudged my knee with her foot a few times. I didn't respond and she sat down beside me on the floor. In an unexpectedly kind gesture she put her arm around me.

"You're a nut," she said. "A fucking nut."

"Will you hide me if the cops show up?" I asked.

"What the fuck did you do? Did you kill someone?"

"No, but I may have assaulted Dan."

"Dan Patch?"

"Yeah. I hit him in the head with a glass of whiskey."

"You wasted a glass of whiskey on Dan Patch's head?" She laughed.

"We were in The Rat, so maybe my mom will stop him from pressing charges."

"Do you think he will?"

I shrugged.

"Your violent tendencies are escalating. Maybe you should consider some anger management." Someone knocked on the door and Alice yelled in her normal bitchy tone, "Go the fuck away!"

The knocking stopped and I laughed. Almost as soon as I started laughing I started crying and ended up doing both and not being able to stop.

"Jesus Christ," Alice said. "Chill out. Tell me what happened and I'll pretend to care."

So then I told her the most incoherent tale I had ever told anyone. I managed to get things in between sobs and bouts of nonsensical laughter. She was really very nice the entire time and I did wish that I'd just become smitten with Alice instead. I wouldn't even have been in this situation. I laughed when I thought about it.

"Go talk to Savannah," she said when I seemed to have finished and I just sat on her floor all red-eyed and puffy, still laughing.

Someone knocked again and then I heard Savannah from the other side, "Is everything ok?"

"Alright, get up," Alice stood and grabbed onto my coat again, pulling me to my feet. "Go."

I shook my head.

"How much worse can this get? I'm sure it can get a lot worse and I'm sure you've thought about it, but fuck it. Really, how much worse can it get?"

Savannah knocked again, "Alice? Marti?"

"Just tell her the truth. If she freaks out then she freaks out. She won't sabotage Nationals at this point. She'll probably just keep doing the forced-friendly routine she's been doing for the past few weeks." She grabbed me by my shoulders and shook me. "Go, you idiot."

She unlocked the door and opened it. Savannah was standing stupidly on the other side about to knock again. Alice pointed to the hall and said to me, "Out."

Savannah asked, "What happened?"

"Marti's going to tell you all about it," Alice shoved me from behind and then slammed the door, leaving me in the hall with Savannah.

She looked sad and I wanted to get out of all of my layers of clothes. She followed me into our room, but she didn't say anything. I stood facing my closet even after I hung up my coat and everything else. I could feel Savannah looking at me, waiting patiently.

"Savannah," I said, putting my hands in my pockets and not moving from my spot. "Dan Patch is an idiot and I hit him in the head with a glass." I pulled my phone out of my pocket, "My mom has called me seventeen times. Dan called me, so I guess that means I didn't accidentally kill him with blunt-force trauma." My phone lit up in my hand, "Now my mom's calling me again." I hit ignore.

"You don't have to tell me what happened..."

"I do," I said. "I really do." I tossed my phone on my bed and then turned around. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. I put my hands behind my head and turned, "At some point a few months ago I accidentally fell in love with you."

There was a very long pause. Savannah stood across the room with her arms hanging limply at her sides. I stood where I was, in front of my closet with my hands on my head. She finally said, "Accidentally?"

"Well, it certainly wasn't on purpose."

She smiled slightly, "Are you sure?"

"Am I sure? What?" I let my arms fall, "Yes, I'm sure. I've been sure."

"You wanna talk about it?" She asked, still half-smiling. "I'd like to know how you got from point A to point hitting Dan in the head with a glass."

"Are you mad?"

"No, I..." She started and then stopped. "I..." She stopped again and then said, "I want you to talk to me."

"I thought you'd hate me."

She sat down on the edge of her bed and patted the space next to it, "No. I never would have hated you. I...maybe would have freaked out a little. I maybe would have...gosh, I don't know, gone home and milled it over for a few days, but I never would have hated you, and just...not anymore."

I didn't go and sit down right away, "I'm sorry if I've, like, confused you. I didn't mean to and I've been..." I groaned and sat down on my bed across from her instead of next to her. "I've been confused as shit. I haven't known what to do and I never, ever wanted to hurt you."

"You haven't hurt me, Marti."

"Dan made it seem like I ruined your life."

"Oh, my goodness, my life isn't ruined. No one has ruined my life." She frowned a bit, "I guess Dan wasn't the best person for to talk to, huh?"

I shook my head very seriously

"I feel more like I've ruined your life," she said sadly.

"A little bit," I said and her jaw dropped. I quickly added, "Just kidding. I guess it's not the end of the world."

Due to my refusal to sit by her she got up after a brief moment and sat next to me instead. She put her arms around me and leaned her head over onto my shoulder.


	47. Chapter 47

Savannah kept her arms around me and I babbled in her direction for a while, spewing everything out in an endless and often incoherent stream. She listened quietly. A few times I didn't even actually think she was listening while I told her about all of my flip-flopping and everything else stupid I did because I liked her. I told her about everything I thought was of note and the constant mix-ups with Dan and everything else. I kept my shit together, but I felt like I was sighing over and over, and that I said "like" and "you know" about 900 times each. I felt pathetic, stupid, and above all repetitive. The tale ended with my hitting Dan in the head with the glass and then a pause.

"Long story short, I like you. A lot." I said after a while and looked at my knees. She was sitting close to me, right next to me. "Like, a lot. Like, I'm completely fucking in love with you."

When I finally seemed to be finished talking I felt her chin on my shoulder and she ran her hand from my back up my neck and into my hair. I wanted to pull away, but I was too tired and maybe too embarrassed at that point.

"Marti, I'm not sure what to say," she whispered.

I'd said everything I thought there was to say, plus some extra, so I just didn't respond at all. I knew I'd just be redundant. She traced my jaw with her thumb and kept her hand on my neck. My hands remained in my lap.

"You look so sad..." she said, sounding sad herself.

I still said nothing and I didn't turn. What I wanted her to say was, "Ok, Marti. I like you too. Let's do this." She wouldn't say that though. I wasn't a part of her plan. I wouldn't ask her to change her plan for me. There was no need for her to cause unnecessary conflict with her parents and with Charlotte pregnant. God. I may not have ruined her life yet, but that certainly would.

I could hear all of the religious nuts in her family saying she was dating a girl for attention since Charlotte was having a baby and getting married. Her parents didn't like Dan. They sure as hell wouldn't enjoy her dating me by any means. At least a million awful scenarios played out in my head in the next few minutes of quiet.

"You shouldn't be sad because you like me. I mean, I'm pretty awesome," she laughed at herself as she was trying to cheer me up. She was sitting so close to me that it was unbearable and she just kept touching me. It was like she was maliciously teasing me, but I knew better. I wanted it to be malicious. I wanted a reason to shove her away.

I still couldn't seem to say anything. I had talked too much and I regretted it. I would have preferred her freaking out, I thought. I didn't like what was happening.

"I think I like you too..." she said finally, as if reading my mind.

I still waited for her to follow it up with a "but." There were so many different things she could say, but she never said any of them. Instead her other hand appeared on the opposite side of my face and she turned my head and kissed me. I wanted to pull away. I really did, but instead I kissed her back. I couldn't stop. I was too weak to stop. All that mattered were her soft, full lips and the taste of her lip gloss. She pulled my face closer deepening the kiss.

After a minute or so I did manage to pull away and say, "Savannah, stop. Don't do this."

"I'm kissing you because I like kissing you," she said softly with her forehead against mine. "I'm kissing you because I like you. I really do."

"No, you don't. You can't..."

"Don't tell me how I feel. I'm so tired of being told how I feel and how I should feel and whatever."

"Your parents. Your-"

"What they don't know won't hurt them, will it?"

"You have a plan..."

"I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Stop making excuses for me." She kissed me again, a quick closed-mouth kiss and then she said, "Let me make my own excuses if I want to. Right now I just want you, ok? As massively cheesy as that sounds."

"It sounds really cheesy," I said and the moment I finished the sentence my mouth had covered hers. We kissed slowly and passionately. Her hands weren't groping or needy nor were they timid. For the first time it was as if we were both just comfortable with the truth out in the open. There was no more pretending that everything was meaningless fun and it all became suddenly terrifying. Every muscle in my body wanted to run away from it and from her, but I didn't. I wanted to run not only because I was going to get hurt, but also because I was afraid of hurting her.

...

The morning sunlight reflected brightly off of the snow. I nuzzled my face between Savannah's shoulder blades and kissed her there. One of my arms was wrapped tightly around her, holding her hand and the other was stretched out beneath her neck. She had pulled my arm close to her. I could feel her steady pulse along with her warm skin. I kissed her again. She made a humming noise and extended legs. She had been curled up, her naked body fitting in the crooks and bends of mine.

I felt like I was playing house again and the bright morning light created an entire dream-like feel that only emphasized how unreal it all felt. I wanted to get out of the tiny bed and move away from her. I still wanted to run. It would have been so much easier if she'd lost her shit, if she'd told me to get out, if she'd done anything other than what she had actually done. I'd prepared myself for everything except that one response and all I wanted to do was run, as contradictory as it was.

It wasn't like Dan Patch said. It wasn't at all. I didn't lose interest in people once they liked me back and they certainly weren't conquests or notches in my belt. I wanted to run away from Savannah because I was unprepared and utterly horrified. I liked her so much that the prospect of having and losing her seemed like the worst possible thing that could happen and as a result I'd rather not have her at all. Not having her at all was what I prepared for. It was ripping me apart and making me into a raving nutcase, but the prospect of the perfect morning coming to an end was so much worse somehow.

I'd already completely marred the perfect morning with all of my paranoid thoughts and plotting to flee Cheertown like the cowardly asshole that I apparently was inside.

"After all this...after everything...I'm so fucking scared that I want to run away," I whispered. I couldn't stop myself.

"Hmm?" She hummed faintly then responded with, "Don't go. It's cold outside and you don't have any clothes on."

"Savannah, I'm serious. Everything in my head is telling me to do exactly what Dan said I would...fucking make you think you're a lesbian then bail on you."

"At least you're telling me first," she mumbled. "So I'm prepared."

"You're not taking me seriously."

"I'm too tired, plus I don't think you'll actually go anywhere."

"I'm freaking out," I persisted.

"Me too, but I decided to sleep it off. Please shut up and go back to sleep, Marti." She curled up again and kissed each of my fingers before feeling around for my other hand and forcing me to embrace her. "We'll keep all of this a secret if it makes you feel better and because I'm not looking to be disowned and ostracized, ok?"

"Ok." I reluctantly agreed. I never expected me to be the one to panic and for her to be so rational and sane about it, but we had entered Bizarro World. I had never had high hopes for this foray ending well for me, and I still didn't. I wanted to just go with it though and enjoy it for what it was - whatever that may be. In the end, she'd never pick me, and the knowledge that this wouldn't last was gnawing at me and ruining everything. I lay there for several minutes and tried to turn off my dumb brain. I tried some positive affirmations and nuzzled my face into her neck then finally drifted back to sleep.

...

 "Alright, Hellcats!" Vanessa announced as we huddled around in the gym. "We're only a few hundred dollars under budget for Nationals, and a few weeks to raise it. I'm thinking we do something interesting to kick off spring semester during the first week of classes."

There was a mumble of agreement, and Savannah asked, "Any ideas?"

"Bake sale," Alice said flatly.

Lewis said, "Nah."

Some discussion ensued. I didn't really care. I'd do whatever. I didn't have any ideas. My brain remained concerned with other things like Savannah, my classes, and Savannah. While everyone brainstormed, I just hovered with my arms crosses. Savannah was talking to Vanessa. They seemed to be having a pleasant enough chat. I couldn't hear them, but I was hoping Savannah had stepped back up and Vanessa had entirely forgotten about making me Captain in her place before Nationals. That was something I certainly did not want. I really needed to focus on my classes. I heard "date auction" get tossed around a few times in the group and felt my stomach turn. I groaned rather involuntarily.

"Something to say?" Frankie asked me with a laugh.

"Date auction again, really? I'd rather do a bake sale."

Alice backed me up, "I'm sort of bored with being objectified."

"Can we combine a bake sale and a date auction?" suggested Lewis.

"Excuse me?" Darwin laughed.

"Sort of like a, uh, I dunno...picnic basket auction. You know what I'm talking about?" Lewis tried to explain. "My church did them back in my hometown. They're sort of old school. We all get picnic baskets and fill them with snacks and decorate them then people bid on the baskets."

"And they also get a date with one of us to have a picnic with whomever's basket they won?" I questioned.

"Yeah, exactly."

"Could be fun," Alice conceded.

"Ooh! A picnic basket auction!" Vanessa materialized among us and was instantly on board with this idea.

"Wasn't that on an episode of  _Gilmore Girls_?" Savannah asked.

I groaned again and Savannah smirked at me. We trickled into the locker room, and I said, "Hey, you wanna go buy books after we shower?"

"Sure," she smiled again.

"You're really smiley today," I observed.

She shrugged and then motioned me over to her locker. As she took off her shirt, she whispered, "Shower with me."

"What?" I whispered back with a laugh. "Everyone's in here."

"It'll save water." She paused and I said nothing, so she added, "You don't have to if you don't want to."

"It's not that I don't want to..."

As she peeled off her track pants and threw them into the bottom of her locker, she persisted, "No one's paying attention and we'll just take our time then come out separately in case anyone is still around."

"Hey, you're the one that wants this to be a secret," I reminded her.

"And it will be, so come on. Get your clothes off and get your towel."

"Fine," I acted annoyed when I was actually only amused. She grinned and I turned to go to my locker as she took off the rest of her clothes. I watched her pass by me out of the corner of my eye a moment later, wrapped in her towel and with her shower caddy. I waited a minute then followed. Most everyone else had already vanished behind the curtains of their own shower stalls. Hanging my towel on the hook next to Savannah's, I quickly moved the white curtain aside just enough to slink in behind her.

"That wasn't so hard was it?" She asked over her shoulder. She was washing her hair.

"I thought you were asking me to shower with you to have hot shower sex, but you seem to be actually showering," I said quietly.

She laughed, "Who says it can't be both?"

Savannah was absolutely ridiculous. She'd clearly not been this fun with Dan, and it was quite possible that the good ol' stereotype about repressed religious girls was true. I stood close behind her in order to get under the water stream. I laughed a little and poked her in her lower back and said, "This is what it's like to shower with dudes. They get real close and poke you in the back with their dick."

She laughed and covered her mouth, "Stop it."

"Fine." I grabbed her hips and moved her so I could get farther under the warm water. "It's true though."

"It's weird when you talk about boys when you're with me." She ran her fingers down my shoulder blades and to my back.

"I'll stop if you want." She responded by squeezing my hips and sliding one of her hands around to my front. As she ran her finger teasingly over my clit, I said, "Hey, I need to actually shower in the shower too."

"Mmhmm." She kissed my neck. I leaned into her and pushed her hand more forcefully into me. She laughed softly and I felt her smile against my skin.

"You're ridiculous." I widened my stance a bit and guided one of her fingers inside of me. She clawed into my thigh with her other hand. I bit my lip to keep quiet and let the hot water rain down on my chest as I grasped my own breast with my free hand. The steam made it hard to breathe. She bit me and added a second finger to her thrusting. A few seconds later, I came and braced myself on the side of the shower stall so not to lose my footing. After a moment of resting against the cool tile, I caught my breath, and turned to pin Savannah against the opposite wall.

I kissed her forcefully and hooked my hand under her thigh to spread her legs more. I entered her immediately with two fingers, and she broke our kiss to bite my arm in order to stifle a moan. Our wet bodies were pressed against one another in the small space. She moved against my hand, digging her nails into my back. I sucked on her earlobe and she gasped, being careful to remain as quiet as possible since we were surrounded by the rest of the squad. She kissed me almost violently when she finished. We remained close together, her breathing heavy and my fingers still inside of her tight, wet pussy. I moved them in and out a few more times suddenly and she let out a rasping, brief laugh. Thrusting into her hard and quickly, I made her come a second time.

"You owe me," I whispered in her ear, and she just laughed again.


	48. Chapter 48

"Damn, Marti. Your picnic basket is boring as hell," Lewis observed as I plopped it down onto the long table where they would be displayed before the ridiculous auction.

"It's utilitarian. Picnic baskets are supposed to hold food, and it does." I had, in fact, not bothered decorating the basket at all and picked the plainest possible one. I didn't have time for much else between classes.

"What's in it? Did you at least cook?"

"Wanda cooked."

"You're the laziest not lazy person I've ever met."

"I prioritize, sir," I said with a chuckle.

Alice barked orders behind me, trying to get some of our other teammates to hang a banner better. Savannah and Vanessa were dealing with refreshments at the other side of the student center. I looked at everyone else's flashy baskets. Several were in Lancer colors, decorated with Lancer junk from the student store, and then others catered more toward just being aesthetically pleasing. I asked, "Where's yours, Lewis?"

He pointed to a rather classy looking dark basket with a black bowtie on it.

"I hate to break it to you, but yours is pretty boring too." He shrugged and then I asked him, "Is Nasty Cathy...err - Cathy coming to bid on your basket?"

"Yeah."

"I thought you guys were toning it down until after Nationals?"

"We are."

"Uh huh." I continued walking the length of the table, looking for Savannah's basket. I'd bid on it, but I didn't have much money and doubted I'd win. "Lewis, do you know which one is Savannah's?"

"She's your roommate. You don't know?"

"I've been busy with class and she's been busy with cheerleader stuff."

With a chortle, he said, "It's the one with all of the tulle on it." Of course it was. It was a frilly, sparkly explosion of happiness. "You gonna bid on her?"

"Maybe. Like I said, we've been busy. I haven't really spent much time with her."

"I guess this is as good a way as any." He looked at me a little suspiciously, but I think I may have just been paranoid.

I was trying to get ahead on my classwork before Nationals and we had also cranked up practices, so I was spending most of my free time in the library. Savannah and I had taken a few more sneaky showers together after practice here and there, but she was usually asleep when I came back from the library and I got up and left before she woke up. We texted during the day, but I really hadn't felt like I'd seen her much. She said it was ok and she was dealing with things for Nationals anyway. I had joking asked her to send nudes one day when I was in class, and to my surprise she actually did causing me to drop my phone and then knock my own notebook off of my desk when I went to pick it up.

I'd pushed aside most of my angst about her and whatever it was we were doing. I was going with it and it was fun and nice. Everything was really pretty peachy, except all of the sneaking. Alice hadn't outed us, and other people seemed to have some suspicions, but no one said anything. It may have just been that no one cared. I was pretty sure no one did care, except Savannah, and she really only seemed to care because of her trash family. I tried not think about how end the end she'd choose some nice, Christian fellow and I'd be kicked to the curb. Sometimes I even caught myself being optimistic about the whole thing - maybe she would pick me. She seemed to like me a lot. We didn't talk about it. I was afraid to talk about it because it would probably ruin everything. I was trying my best not to ruin anything.

"Seriously, you put beer in your picnic basket?" Lewis piped up again. He was taking inventory of the baskets.

"I did?" I laughed, "Wanda packed it and I didn't even look. What'd you do? Champagne?"

"Duh."

"Quit standing around, Marti!" Alice yelled and interrupted our banter. "Do something useful."

"It looks like everything's almost done," I protested.

"Make sure all of the sound crap is set up right on the stage," she commanded. 

I meandered over. The mic and the rest of the equipment all seemed to be hooked up correctly. I then went over to Savannah and asked, "Do I need to be in my uniform or can I just wear civilian clothes for this?"

"Civilian clothes are fine, and can I talk to you for a second?" she answered very seriously.

"Sure, what's up?" I questioned apprehensively and followed her into the hall.

When the door closed and latched, she kissed me.

"That it?" I put my hands on her cheeks.

"Yep," she said with a laugh, and pulled away to go back into the student center. I shook my head in amusement and followed her again.

...

Vanessa and Savannah hosted the whole picnic basket date auction adventure, so I hung out with Alice. We all stood toward the front, so we could identify ourselves on stage once our basket had been auctioned. The room was pretty packed. People seemed to think this old timey thing was quite novel.

"I think I saw Dan the Bland," Alice leaned over and said to me. "You think he's going to try to bid on you or Savannah...or maybe both of you? Do you think he's trying to orchestrate a threesome?"

"Oh, hush. He's not here. He's not that stupid."

"I dunno, Marti," she replied in a sing-song voice.

"Kelsey here to get your basket?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Nah. Working. I need to shake things up anyway."

I looked around and then wondered aloud, "Do all these dudes know they might bid on a dude's basket?"

Alice laughed, "I think they're going to include that when they describe the contents in each basket to prevent sexual identity confusion."

"Maybe some are just here to legit bid on the baskets and not so much on the company?" I suggested sarcastically.

 She rolled her eyes. "I hear you're going to bid on Savannah's basket. Are you just bidding on her basket?"

"If basket is a euphemism-"

Alice laughed and elbowed me. "So what's going on with you two? We've barely talked."

"I don't know. We haven't discussed specifics or anything. We're having fun, and whatever."

"Secretly. Gotcha."

"She doesn't want shit getting back to her parents."

"Of course not." Alice nodded toward the stage and crossed her arms, "I think this shindig is about to get underway."

Vanessa and Savannah stood front and center then introduced themselves as coach and captain of the Hellcats and said some motivational school spirit nonsense. They were dressed in their Hellcats attire like the cheer-nerds that they were. Savannah played Vanna White and got the first basket from the table as Vanessa read from a notecard, "Alright, gentlemen. Basket #1 is a refreshing, tropical-themed picnic created by one of our lovely ladies."

As she rattled off the contents, I asked Alice, "When they get to you is she going to be like, "ladies and gentlemen, this lady's basket" or what?"

"I dunno. I could ask you the same thing."

"Don't get catty. I was just wondering about logistics."

"Lewis wrote Vanessa's notecards. I really don't know. I kind of in the mood for some dick though."

I thought about her and Julian and shuttered. Then I said, "It just sort of presumptive. Lewis should have asked, don't you think? Like see who we're open to picnicking with. I don't know."

"Stop overthinking and have fun. This is just to raise money for Nationals, not to find your soulmate or, like, make a political statement about inequality or whatever you're getting at."

"I was just making an observation. I'm down with picnicking with whoever. It can be a friend-picnic. I just feel like I should have been consulted."

"Dan's totally here. Look," she pointed. "Told you so."

I groaned as soon as I saw his stupid hair. "He's such an idiot."

Basket #1 went for one-hundred-something, which was pretty good. I wondered what Dan's dumbass was up to and who he planned to bid on. Surely he was here to do something immensely foolish. I needed a drink. I was glad my mom put some beer in my basket.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Vanessa announced as Savannah held up a fancy, modern basket with red and white bows on the handle.

"Well, I hope that answers your question. It's my basket," Alice informed me. She made a face, "It does feel sort of presumptive now that it happened. I totally wanted a dude."

"You'll probably still get a guy. It's mostly guys here."

"How optimistic of you. You're not really officially bi or heteroflexible or whatever, are you? I bet you're going to be only for dudes." She sighed dramatically.

"This really limits the money we can make, in my opinion. If we were all down for picnics with anyone it would really open up the market."

Alice laughed loudly and looked around at the people bidding on her basket. After a few minutes up bidding she said to me, "Bid on my basket. These people are gross."

"I only have $40 and your basket is up to $150."

"Useless," she grumbled and crossed her arms again. She made a pouty face at me.

"I would if I could. I'd love to have a fancy indoor, winter picnic with you."

She winked and started for the stage after the bidding stopped. "I'll take you up on that when things fall apart with Savannah."

I laughed and looked at the guy that won her basket. He wasn't awful. He looked sort of dorky, but in the hot dorky sort of way. Like he worked out, but also read books. Probably read books while on the elliptical and shit. Alice came back and stood next to me as Savannah brought her own basket to the stage.

Vanessa looked at the notecard in her hand and said, "This basket from a very talented young lady will go one lucky gentleman."

"Ouch," I said.

"It's not like you would have won with $40 anyway."

I shrugged, "It's the thought that counts."

She scoffed and I realized I was a little hurt. I knew it wasn't rational to be hurt, but it still hurt. I wanted to do this cute and nice, albeit pointless, gesture and then I couldn't. The guy that won was standing near us with a couple of his friends. They'd apparently pooled their money for the event. They high-fived and it took all of my will power not to grimace or snarl. I couldn't believe I was jealous over a fake date for a stupid fundraiser. I balled my hands into tight fists and hid them in my crossed arms.

When my basket came up, Vanessa said, "Don't let the drab appearance of this picnic basket fool you. It belongs to a very beautiful Hellcat and also has some of the most delicious American cuisine inside. Get ready to start bidding, everyone!"

"You can an 'everyone.' That's exciting," said Alice.

"Probably because Lewis thinks I'm slutty."

She smiled, "Shut up." Then Dan bid on me and her smile faded, "Uh oh."

"He won't win," I insisted.

Then he won.


	49. Chapter 49

"At least he didn't win Savannah's basked, am I right?" Alice said, trying to lighten the mood after I returned from the stage.

"I'm going to kill Wanda. This was her doing, I'm sure of it."

"I like Wanda. She gives me free drinks. Please, don't."

I wanted to laugh. Alice meant well, but I was too busy being mad. I became increasingly mad as Dan began making his way over toward us. His hands were in his pockets and his face was bruised from the incident with the glass.

"Why the hell didn't you bid on my basket, Alice?" I growled between my teeth as he approached.

She shrugged, "You didn't tell me to. I totally would have. I love your mom's cooking."

"Marti," Dan said sheepishly, looking down at his feet. His hands were still in his pockets and he shuffled nervously.

"Dan Patch," I said.

He looked up slowly and said, "This isn't what you think."

"Winners aren't supposed to meet up with their prizes until after, Dan," Alice snapped at him.

"I know, but this isn't what you th-"

"Go away, Dan." she said angrily, cutting him off.

"But I-"

I interrupted him, "Just go away."

He sighed and mumbled, "I knew this was a bad idea."

"Maybe you should have heard him out," Alice suggested after he disappeared back into the crowd.

"I'm sure Wanda put him up to this and probably gave him the money too."

"Well, yeah, but still. It would have been amusing to me."

I eyed her, "You're who told him to go away first."

"True."

Not only could I not even place a pointless bid on Savannah, but I had to have a picnic with Dan. My life had been looking up and now it was taking a turn in a southernly direction once more. Or I was being melodramatic. It was likely the latter and I knew it, but still. I would need more to drink than just a beer if I had to spend the next hour with Dan. I hadn't spoken to him since hitting him in the face with the glass and storming out of The Rat. My mom hadn't even mentioned him or the incident, which was surprising. Wanda had actually not been nosy and had not been annoying at all. She was really excited to help with my picnic basket though. I should have known something was up. I let my guard down. Shame on me.

After Vanessa and Savannah wrapped up the auction and bade farewell, we all went over to the table to stand with our baskets and meet our picnic companions.

"I need to talk to you," Savannah said to me as I passed and gave her a nod. She smiled at me then turned to smile at her date.

The event wrapped up around dinner time and we were to take our dates and baskets to some place or another to eat and talk and whatever else for an hour. I couldn't believe people so eagerly paid for this, but then I sort of could because I would have done it for Savannah had I not been broke.

Dan skulked over to me with his head hanging again. I snatched up my basket and said, "Let's just fucking go."

"Marti, wait," he insisted. "I didn't want to do this, but-"

I turned around and glared him, "But Wanda made you do it?"

"Yes and no?" he answered unsurely.

I looked at him, annoyed, and waited for him to go on and tell me whatever it was he had to say. I was sure he was going to hit me with some elaborate excuse about how Wanda bullied him. "Out with it."

"I'm sorry about what happened," he began. He pointed to his head and said, "I deserved this, but Savannah-"

"Don't start with me, Dan."

"Dammit, Marti. Shut up a minute." He took a deep breath, "I came to apologize to you and say that I hope we can be friends again soon, but I don't want to do this picnic thing with you."

"You spent $200 to say that? Holy shit, that's dramatic," I said and forced a bitter laugh.

"It wasn't my money. It was from Wanda."

"I knew it!" I said triumphantly.

He smiled a little, but then dropped his eyes again and put his hands in his pockets, "Yeah, but it was for Savannah."

"What now?"

"Savannah wanted us to talk and then she wanted to do this picnic thing with you and Wanda, of course, got all up in everything since she was packing your basket. She told me which basket was yours and then I was supposed to say my piece and then you go hang out with Savannah after she's done with her whatever. I think Savannah thought we might hang out while you wait or something?" He rattled all of this off awkwardly.

"Oh." I felt a little bad. I shoved my basket into his chest, forcing him to pull his hands out of his pockets and grab it, "Hold this a sec."

I walked over to Savannah and she said to her date, "Hang on." Then she looked at me, "You look confused."

Laughing a little and rubbing the back of my head, I said, "Yeah. This whole little roundabout plan of yours."

"Two birds with one stone," she grinned. "Meet me back here in two-ish hours?"

"Yeah," I said. "I guess I'll go hang out with Dan."

She looked pleased and maybe a little smug. "See you in a bit."

"I'm going to have to drink my picnic beers in order to tolerate being around him," I told her as I started to walk away.

"Well, you're grinning a lot," Dan said to me and handed back my basket.

I hadn't realized I was until he said something. I couldn't seem to stop though. I said, "Shut your mouth and let's go hang out downstairs until Savannah is done."

"You don't have to. I understand if you don't want to."

"Savannah wants me to. Come on." I started off without him.

He caught up and walked next to me a moment later, "You really like that girl, don't you?" I shushed him, and he reacted by saying, "Oh, man. You're so into her. I don't think I've ever seen you so giddy about someone before."

"I'm going to hit you in the face with his picnic basket if you don't shut up," I threatened.

He began to sing quietly, "Marti and Savannah sitting in a tree-"

"I swear to God, Dan. I will mutilate your face so severely that you'll have to rely solely on your shitty personality to bang women."

"Point taken," he said and made a motion zipping his lips.

I laughed. I actually laughed with Dan. It had been ages. It felt like an eternity. I was still pretty mad at him in a general sense, but I remembered some of the fun we had. We used to talk about everything. He had been my best friend for so long. He was still definitely an idiot.

...

Wanda had packed two bottles of beer in the picnic basket and I ended up giving one to Dan. We drank them at room temperature and he kept asking if he could have just half of one of the burgers. This, I did not allow. We hung out in one of the cushioned booths downstairs in the student center with the basket between us and we talked mostly about some of the film things he was working on. I talked a little about my classes, and he was careful not to bring up Savannah, but I could tell he was thinking about it. I was definitely thinking about it. She made me obscenely happy.

"I think our time's up," Dan said and slapped his knees then stood. "It was good to see you, and again, I'm really sorry that I'm pretty much a sack of shit."

"I guess I'm sort of sorry I hit you in the face with that glass of whiskey."

"It was definitely a perfectly good glass of whiskey that you wasted." We laughed and then he asked, "So I know Alice is dating that Kelsey girl, but don't they-"

"Oh, my God. Shut up, Dan. She hates you."

He shrugged, "Don't attack a man for trying."

"Idiot," I said, getting up and grabbing my plain, boring picnic basket.

"Wanda gave me a real firm talking to, you know."

"About?"

"About being a dick." He put his hands in his pockets again and did his awkward, nervous shuffle. "I miss you as my friend. I value your friendship."

"Savannah tell you to say that?"

"Yeah. Actually, yeah. She really wants everyone to be friends with everyone else."

"She does that," I smiled, thinking about her.

"Have fun," he said with a slight wave. "See you around."

"Bye, Dan."

I headed back up the stairs and down the hall to the room where we held the auction. Some of the squad was already back and starting to clean up. Alice came up behind me and slapped my ass saying, "Whatcha still doing with your basket? You were supposed to give it to your picnic date." I explained to her the convoluted little plan, and she looked incredibly amused. "That's cute and sweet, and sort of weird."

"Yeah. So how was your picnic?"

"Good. The guy was alright. I think his name was Brad or Chad or something. We ate my fancy, store-bought good, I gave him a handjob, he went on his way."

"Jesus, Alice."

She clapped me on the back, "I'm joking." As I laughed, she added, "About the store-bought food."

"Alice."

She stuck out her tongue and walked away back to putting up chairs. I sat my basket down and started gathering up the table cloths while I waited for Savannah. Taking everything down didn't take nearly as long as setting up. I checked my phone and it was twenty after. I asked, "Anyone know where Savannah went for her picnic?"

"Dunno, but she totally hit if off with her guy," said Lewis, nonchalantly.

I felt my stomach knot and I looked for Alice. She was looking at me and shrugged from across the room. I texted Savannah:

_Where are you? Everything ok?_

"Looks like we're all done here, and we raised more than enough money tonight!" Vanessa exclaimed, being much more cheery than I could handle at the moment. "Everyone head out. You're free for the rest of the night, and I'll see you all at practice in the morning."

My phone buzzed and I looked down.

_Sorry! U still at the student center? Meet back at cheertown?_

I responded:

_Yeah. That's cool. See you there._

Alice intercepted me as I started to sulk out the door with my sad picnic basket. I showed her the texts and frowned. She opened the door for me and said nothing. As we started down the stairs, I said to her, "You know, I think we're friends."

"Nah. I think you're awful," she said quickly, but with very little conviction.

"Hush. Kelsey told me what you did with Julian."

She scoffed, "I like giving head. I also like blackmailing sleazy men."

"So it was win-win?" I tried to joke a little as we stepped outside into the cold.

"Totally."

"And we're not friends?"

She shook her head, "Nope. I don't like you at all."

"You're such a bitch," I said, laughing at her.

"So are you. Ugh." She tried to sound exasperated and ended up laughing at herself.

When we got to Cheertown, laughing and insulting each other stupidly, Kelsey was sitting on the front steps, holding a small potted plant. 

"Hey, you," Alice said and kissed her on the cheek, taking the plant. She looked at the label still in the pot, "Mini-orchid, huh? Fancy."

"You got Alice a plant?" I questioned.

"Yeah, I don't do dead flowers. If she wants this one dead, she can kill it herself."

Alice punched me in the arm softly, "Have you not seen the plants in my room, you dipshit?"

I confessed, "No."

Kelsey then asked, "Where the hell is everyone? I've been sitting out here for like ten minutes and no one let me in."

"They probably all went to The Rat or something." Alice shrugged then poked at Kelsey, "Are you not going to ask me how my picnic date went?"

"Why?" she laughed. "So you can say that same dumb joke you always say about giving a handjob?"

I laughed, in spite of myself. My heart was rapidly sinking, afraid that Savannah was having a really great time with that lame guy. I got out my keys and opened the door then the three of us went inside. My stupid brain started wandering and thinking that something horrible may have happened to Savannah, which was much worse than her having a good time for sure. I pulled a beer from the refrigerator and grabbed two more for Alice and Kelsey. I sort of wanted to cry. I felt stupid for feeling like this, which made me feel more stupid.

When in doubt and feeling shitty, make a joke about it. I said to them, "Hey, if Savannah stands me up, do you two want to eat my picnic crap?"


	50. Chapter 50

Darwin wandered in with the guy who won his basket and looked startled to see the three of us sitting on the couch. "I thought everyone would be out tonight," he said. "I suppose you also thought this..."

"Great minds," said Alice. "We can go to my room if you want. No biggie."

"No, it's ok. We're just going to have a few drinks then go to the club. Wanna come?" She shook her head and he looked at me, "Marti?"

"Nah."

"Alright, well...this is Drew," he pointed to the buff, tan guy. Drew nodded. "Alice, Alice's girlthing Kelsey, and Marti. Now we're all friends." They wandered down the hall toward his room after grabbing a bottle of vodka.

I checked my phone. It hadn't vibrated, but I checked it anyway in case I missed it. There was nothing. A big, blank screen. No alerts. No notifications. I texted Savannah again:

_You ok? I'm kinda worried._

It was true. A few seconds later, she responded:

_Sorry again! Lost track of time! Coming back now_

"So...not be insensitive or anything, but are we going to eat your picnic?" Kelsey asked, smiling awkwardly. Clearly trying to lighten the mood. "I came here straight after work and didn't stop for anything, so I'm getting a little hangry."

I tossed my phone onto the table as I got up and said, "Yeah, fuck it. I'm starving." I got myself another beer as well as the basket. "Apparently Wanda made all of this stuff keeping in mind that it would be room temperature, but I can heat it up if you want."

The three of us demolished the food, which consisted of two pretty delicious burgers, bacon-wrapped potato bites, baked feta, some sort of macaroni salad, and cookies.

"Holy shit, I love your mom's food," Alice said, popping the last piece of cookie into her mouth.

"I know," I mumbled, having eaten my feelings. "I'll see if she wants to come over here and cook again one night before Nationals. I'm sure she will. She loves to embarrass me."

"Am I invited?" Kelsey asked.

"Of course," Alice answered.

As the two of them got increasingly cuddly I went ahead and started cleaning up. I fluctuated between concern and jealousy as I milled around the kitchen. We ate my picnic out of spite. Well, I ate out of spite. Kelsey was eating because she was hungry, and Alice was eating because she liked Wanda's food. I hoped Savannah wouldn't be mad, but in the next second I told myself she had no right to be mad. Assuming she was having a really great time and not that she had been kidnapped or murdered.

"You ok?"

I jumped. Alice startled me because I'd gotten all lost of my contradictory thoughts while standing with the refrigerator open. I said, "Totally fine."

"Alright," she pretended to accept my response at face value, but I knew she didn't. She was my friend. Maybe this was some sort of insanely long con and she wasn't. I doubted that though.

"What're you up to tonight?" I said with a sigh, not wanting to think about Savannah anymore.

"Hanging out here. I'm trying to tone down my extracurricular activities until after Nationals."

"That's smart."

She nodded, "Hey, you look like you might punch something. Punch something soft, will you?"

"Yeah. Yeah." I sighed again.

"You're welcome to hang out with us, you know..." Alice said softly, apprehensively. "We'll probably smash vaginas later. You can join for that too if you want."

I laughed. She made me laugh. She was actually pretty good at making me laugh. "A three-girl threesome, huh?"

"Kelsey's great at eating pussy. I'll share her." She said this with a completely straight face.

"You are so vulgar."

Cracking a smile, she said, "Offer stands. Now grab me another beer, Perkins."

As I handed it to her, the front door opened, and Savannah laughed loudly. I mumbled, "At least she's not kidnapped, right?"

"Listen," Alice spoke quickly, "You know me and Kelsey see other people, right? It's not that we don't like each other. It's, like..." Her voice trailed off as Savannah came into the kitchen.

"Hey!" she said excitedly.

Alice said, "I'll talk to you later, k?"

I nodded and then said, "Hey!" to Savannah as cheerfully as possible. "How'd it go? Looks like you had fun."

"Ok, so his name is Thomas, and he had a class with me last semester. He apparently had a crush on me the entire time, and he asked around to find out which basket was mine at this auction and his friends all got together and loaned him money for it, so he would get to talk to me." She was downright giddy. She was gushing. I struggled to keep a straight face, to remain calm. She went on, "We went all the way across campus to eat in the chemistry building because they have really nice couches upstairs there. Who knew?" I knew. "And we had a really good time. He's really shy, but he opened up after a while, and he's really funny and nice. I totally lost track of time, and then we took the long way back, and he showed me all of these neat little places on campus where he says he likes to read when it's not cold, and he talked about all of these places near campus that he'd like to go with me...and...oh, no. Am I making you upset?"

I shook my head adamantly and tried not to cry as she kept going on and on about how awesome this guy was. He seemed nice. He really did. But he wasn't me. I couldn't do these things with her. I couldn't take her places the way I wanted to because we had to be a secret. It occurred to me then though that there was no "we." She knew I liked her, but here she was being completely inconsiderate. I said plainly, "Kelsey and I were hungry, so we ate my picnic."

"Oh, that's ok. I didn't even think about you waiting on me to eat..." Her smile had faded a little. She seemed to be thinking, trying to figure something out.

In spite of myself, I said, "So tell me more about this Thomas fellow. Did you get his number and do you want a drink?"

"Will you mix me something? Surprise me? I'm going to go change out of this stupid uniform and I'll be back down."

When she started up the stairs I quickly wiped my eyes and pulled down the tequila and margarita mix. I yelled into the living room, "Alice, Kelsey! Do either of you want margaritas?"

...

Savannah droned on and on about Thomas, and I largely tuned her out. I listened just enough to know what happened and get a feel for this guy, but I remained detached. I kept drinking and nodding. Alice kept looking at me, but Savannah didn't notice. Savannah was off in Savannah Land.

"I told him not to kiss me and then he kissed me anyway when we got back here. It was really sweet-"

"It's not sweet to be disrespectful," I snapped suddenly.

"But how he did it was sweet," she insisted.

Alice cleared her throat, "Do I need to cut you off, Marti? You're getting sort of bitey."

"No. No. I'm fine. I just get all riled up about men disrespecting women."

"So did you give him your number?" Kelsey asked casually. "Or get his number? Were numbers exchanged?"

"Yeah, we-"

Alice grunted then got up and said, "Marti, come help me mix more drinks."

"Am I being boring?" Savannah asked, sounding worried. "I can shut up."

"You're fine," Kelsey told her as we left the room.

"Oh, he just texted me!" she exclaimed.

Alice cocked her head to the side and looked at me as she filled some glasses with ice, "Does she know you like her?"

"I told her. I told her I was completely fucking in love with her. I think those were my exact words."

"Did she forget or something?"

I shrugged, confused as hell.

Kelsey walked by, going toward the bathroom, and she mouthed, "What the fuck?"

"Maybe you should...clarify or something?" Alice suggested.

"It'll fuck everything up. I should just go with it."

"You looked like you wanted to die in there." She began making four tequila sunrises.

"Yeah, that's accurate."

"Maybe she thinks you're cool with it?"

"I don't want to tell her not to talk to me about being happy."

"She should at least be considerate though. Grab two of these," she nodded toward the drinks.

I picked up two of the glasses and said, "Don't worry about it. I'm fine."

"Alright," she said again. Feigning acceptance.

We found Savannah rapidly typing on her phone. I dropped a drink in front of her then sat back down. Alice attempted a subject-change and said, "Savannah, did you know that Marti was going to bid on you today too?"

"Awww, no. Why didn't you?" She looked up from her phone briefly.

"Because your basket was for gentlemen," I forced a laugh. "I'm not a gentleman."

"You still could have bid on me. You're nice."

"Marti's also super hot," Kelsey said upon returning.

Alice agreed, "She is pretty hot, and she's nicer than most dudes."

"Thomas is really nice," she said jovially and completely fucking oblivious. "He's sending me cute animal videos."

"I send you cute animal videos," I said. Only a small amount of bitterness seeped out in my voice. She didn't seem to notice.

We all hung out awkward for a bit longer. Kelsey and Alice went up to her room and Savannah moved to sit next to me on the couch. She finally put her phone down and brushed my hair delicately out of my face. "How did things with Dan go?"

"Fine," I said. I didn't really want to talk about it. I didn't really want to talk to her is actually what it was. I had been so excited to tell her about it before.

She looked puzzled for a moment then she said, "I'm sorry. I really did lose track of the time."

"I know you did. It's cool, I promise." I lied. It should have been cool. I wanted it to be cool, but at the moment it didn't feel cool at all. In fact, it made me feel sort of nauseated.

"Wanna head upstairs?" she asked and kissed my neck.

"Mmhmm," I muttered.

She extended her hand to help me up from the couch and said, "I really wanted you and Dan to be friends again. You were such good friends."

As her fingers traced my hip bones, I let my arms hang limply at my sides. In one hand was a beer, and it occurred to me that her roundabout bidding on my basket had not actually been to picnic with me. Her main goal had been me and Dan and the repairing of our stupid friendship. Maybe I was wrong, but maybe I wasn't. Maybe I was overthinking. I kissed her and repeated, "Mmhmm."


	51. Chapter 51

As we got closer to Nationals, Savannah became gradually more distant. We were both really busy. I chalked it up mainly to that. We still texted all day, sometimes showered together, sometimes cuddled. But these events became less and less frequent. I started getting her little gifts. I'd leave them on her bed or on her desk for her to find. She was always really appreciative and they seemed to make her happy, which made me happy. As long as she didn't mention Thomas, I could pretend he didn't exist, which was nice. Unfortunately, she often mentioned him and all of the sweet things he did for her. I couldn't compete on account of whatever we were doing needing to be a secret. He also had more money than I did. I was at a disadvantage.

Alice had given me a long, boring talk how it wasn't a competition. She insisted that Savannah probably does like me, but not quite enough - this didn't make me feel any better. Alice also kept reminding me that she had that lingering religion bullshit to contend with. She attempted to compare me and Savannah to her and Kelsey, but she realized that the situations were not at all the same. I had never had high hopes for anything with us, but I wished I had never let any, even slight, optimism creep in. 

"Maybe you should talk to her about it? Seriously," Alice urged. "You seem to really need to know what's going on. It's making you crazy."

"Nationals this weekend. I'll broach the subject after that. I don't want to rock the boat before then." My nose remained buried in my textbook as we sat in the library.

"She's doing a number on you though. You get visible upset when she babbles about that bro, and she's not even being a good enough friend to tone it down for you...like, as a friend."

"It's fine. Really. It's going to make her feel terrible to know she's hurting me."

"But she's hurting you." It was gross and weird that Alice cared.

"I'm ok. I can handle it."

"Fine. Fine." She stretched and asked, "Want coffee? On me."

"Yeah. Thank you."

She came back a few minutes later and said, "Stop overthinking everything. She's probably just stressed about Nationals is why she seems out of it."

I took a sip of the very hot coffee and winced, "I don't want to talk about it anymore. I'm fine."

"Alright. You're fine."

I wasn't fine. I was confused and becoming increasingly sad about the whole thing. "I am, now let me read. I want to have exactly no work to do this weekend."

...

Alice and I came back to Cheertown late that night and to my surprise, Savannah was still awake. She was sitting at her desk with her back to me, typing away on her computer.

"Hey, you," I said and started to get ready for bed.

"Hey," she replied, sounding uninterested.

"Everything ok?"

"Just stressing."

I pulled off my jeans and asked, "Can I help? Back massage or anything?"

"Thank you, but I'm fine." She didn't sound fine.

"Wanna talk? Is it just Nationals?"

"Nah. I'm fine."

"Oh, ok..." I was not convinced. I went quietly out and down the hall to brush my teeth. When I came back she was still sitting in the exact same position, still typing. "Snuggles when you're done with whatever you're doing?"

"I don't really feel like snuggling."

"Oh..."

"I'm not mad at you or anything, just stressed," she reassured me without prompting, but didn't turn.

I got into bed and lay quietly for a moment. I rolled over and looked at her then the words spilled out of my mouth before I could stop them. "Maybe we should, like, just be friends for a bit...until you're less stressed. I feel like I'm causing you more str-"

She turned and I stopped talking abruptly, "Huh? What're you talking about?"

"I dunno," I said very quietly. "I just think I'm adding to your stress."

"You're not. Don't worry about it, ok?" I looked at her and said nothing. She said again, "Ok?"

"Yeah. Sorry." I rolled over, feeling ashamed and sad.

"You're fine." Then she went back to typing.

...

I had Wanda pack a bunch of snacks in Tupperware for me to take on the ten-hour bus ride. I also brought a blanket and pillow. I checked and double-checked my bag the night before. I was way more nervous about it than I had been anticipating. I barely slept the night before and we all met to get on the bus at 5am. It was a nice bus. Savannah and I headed for the back. I put both of our duffle bags in the compartment above our seats then sat next to the window. Vanessa said some things I didn't listen to as I got ready for some bus-napping. We'd be stopping in about three hours for food and I wanted to nap that entire time, preferably.

"Share your blanket?" Savannah asked sleepily.

"Of course." I flopped half of my blanket over onto her and situated my pillow.

She pulled the blanket up to both of our shoulders and linked our arms underneath it and held my hand then she curled up against me. "I miss hanging out," she said. "We never see each other anymore. I've had so much going on."

"After Nationals."

"Yeah," she agreed. "That'll be one less huge thing I have going on."

"You know I'm here if you want to talk, right?"

"I know."

I felt her free hand on my knee. It moved slowly up my leg and her fingers drew circled on my inner thigh through my sweatpants. I closed my eyes, but spread my legs a little. She made her way farther up and toyed with the elastic band a bit before sliding her hand beneath. She found me not wearing underwear and made a faint startled noise, barely audible. I spread my legs a little wider, but remained slouched with my pillow against the window. I as already wet. I laughed and imagined Vanessa doing a hand check and us being caught like this - her hand down my pants, stroking my crotch. 

Part of me wanted to tell her she should stop, but I didn't. I couldn't. It was dark, and I liked it. Everything was fine. I pushed myself into her hand slightly, urging her inside me. I was careful to be quiet. The bus was silent, everyone trying to get more sleep. She worked quickly, curling her fingers and pressing against my clit with the pad of her hand. I squeezed her hand tightly with mine and gripped my pillow my other, clenching my jaw. I let out only the faintest moan as I finished. She let out a breathy laugh and kept her hand down my pants, resting comfortably between my legs.

"I like you," I mumbled.

"I like you too," I thought I heard her whisper in my ear before drifting to sleep.

...

Check-in at the hotel and registration for the competition went smoothly. The weather was nice in Gainesville. Even the awful humidity of Florida was a relief from the cold. Vanessa gave us a momly lecture about not getting too drunk and being hungover the next day then she set us free to do as we pleased around town. Savannah seemed notably less stressed once we were settled into our room. Alice tossed her bag onto the floor and lay down face-first across the bed.

"I just want to sleep," she said into the mattress. "I hate riding busses."

"Let's find a place to eat," Savannah suggested, sounding extremely chipper and very awake.

"Yeah, let's eat," I agreed. "Then I'm all for going to bed. We're the second team up tomorrow or something, right?"

Savannah nodded.

Alice begrudgingly got up. She yawned and said, "Also, why'd you have to have us room with Vanessa? It really foiled my plans to bring a boy back."

"You would have brought a boy back if it were someone else in here and not the coach?" I asked.

"Totally."

Rolling her eyes, Savannah looked at her phone and said, "Let me see if anyone else wants to come with us or if they're doing their own thing." She then smiled, "Let me text Thomas back first."

I then rolled my eyes, but I had the fortitude to turn my back to her. Alice grabbed my wrist and said, "C'mon, Marti. Meet you in the lobby, Sav." When the door closed behind us, she reminded me only half-jokingly, "Don't punch anything this God damn close to Nationals."

I sighed, "She totally fingered me on the bus."

With a gasp, Alice said, "My, my. Ms. Monroe has come a long way these last few months."

Another sigh, "Yeah, but she doesn't want to actually date me."

We moved into the elevator, "It's gross how much you like her and it sucks that you can't just have fun then carry on."

"I know," I sighed again and hit the button to go down to the lobby.

"Stop sighing," she said. "You're so annoying."

The elevator stopped on several floors in the way down and some cheerleaders from other schools joined us. Alice scowled at all of them, but I tried to be pleasant. Everyone seemed really snooty. Alice seemed snooty. I figured it was some sort of stupid unspoken rule.

"I'm going to grab a coffee," Alice said and then offered, "Want anything?"

"Yeah, get me some sort of latte." I sat down on one of the not-very-soft couches and watched her go stand in line at the lobby coffee shop. I looked toward the elevators every time one of them dinged. Alice came back and handed me a coffee before Savannah came down. She sat next to me and said nothing. She was very kind underneath everything else. I'd gotten a little of her backstory here and there. She didn't talk about it. She crossed her legs at the knee and looked at all of the people walking past us.

After a moment, she pulled her phone out of her bag, and said, "What're you in the mood for?"

"I feel like I might throw up," I said monotonously.

"Oh, come on. Forget that dude. We're in Florida, the weather's nice, we're going to kick ass tomorrow, let's eat some food. Don't say some bullshit chain we can eat anywhere or I'll punch you in the mouth."

"No punching, especially not me in the face, this close to Nationals."

"Well played. Food?"

"We should wait for Savannah," I reminded her.

"She's taking to long. That means we get to pick." She scrolled her phone, "There's sushi pretty close. Looks like some Mexican, Indian, Thai...Italian, and some sort of diner."

"We should wait-"

Alice took a deep breath and put her phone down. "You're putting her ahead of yourself too often. You put her ahead of your education. You put her happiness ahead of yours. You worry about her comfort, and she doesn't give you the same courtesy."

I groaned and crossed my arms. Everything was true. I said, "I know. I know. I'll talk to her after Nationals."

"And right now, you need to cheer the fuck up because you're bringing me down, Perkins."

"It just sucks."

"Everything sucks. Life sucks. America is collapsing. Now tell me what you want to eat, woman."

With a groan, I conceded, "We probably shouldn't eat anything that might rip our guts apart before a cheer competition, right?"

"I like to live in the edge," she smirked, pleased, and picked her phone back up. "Personally, I don't want Italian."

"Me neither."

We talked about food for a bit, sipped our coffee, and waited for Savannah. Lewis walked by with Cathy and we called them over. They said they'd come with us. Alice mumbled about consorting with the enemy and Cathy told her we weren't in  _Bring It On_ and to shut up. Savannah came down a few minutes later, apologizing, and with a few other members of the squad.

"We have a pretty big group. Should we call ahead?" she asked.

"It's early. We should be fine. We're going to get Thai." I told her.

She smiled, "Oh, ok."

"Should we invite Vanessa?" Lewis asked as we started out onto the sidewalk.

"She's meeting up with some friends of hers," said Alice. "Plus she's rooming with us and I don't want to spend every moment with our coach. Gosh."


	52. Chapter 52

Our first performance went off without a hitch on Friday morning. We got a near perfect score from the judges and then Savannah did a brief interview with ESPN about our rivalry with Memphis Christian. I was confident we secured a spot in the semi-finals. I lingered around to watch some of the other squads until lunch when I went back to the hotel to shower. The hotel had nice complimentary bathrobes. I had the room to myself for a while and I watched television. I avoided thinking much. After I finally got dressed I decided to go look around and see if I could find a little congratulatory gift for Savannah. I knew it was probably a stupid idea, but what the hell? It would just be some little souvenir thing. No big deal, right?

I snagged a little plush University of Florida alligator to commemorate the event then I went back to the hotel room and left it on her side of the bed before venturing back down to the lobby. I picked up a cup of coffee and then went back toward the arena to watch the rest of the squads and see if anyone wanted dinner and a drink or two.

"How'd Memchris do?" I asked Lewis.

"9.7," he answered. "You seen Sav? She got a call from her sister and went to take it outside."

I shook my head. "Where's Alice?"

"You and Alice are like BFFs now for real."

I shook my head again, "No way. She sucks. She'll say the same about me."

He laughed and clapped me on the back, "I know." Then he pointed behind us, "Last time I saw her she was talking to Vanessa and some of the other coaches. You know her dad was supposed to be here, right?"

"No?" I said unsurely. "Is he here?"

"Dunno. You know about him though, yeah?"

"Only what I've heard from other people. Alice doesn't talk about much for someone that's incredibly self-obsessed."

Lewis looked like he was about to say something else then his eyes caught someone behind me. He waved and yelled, "Cathy, over here!"

As he walked passed me and totally lost his train of thought I went to find someone to go get food with. I was pretty hungry. I didn't even get a chance to ask Lewis. I thought I saw Alice and Vanessa as I weaved through throngs of people, but before I reached them, Darwin snagged me by the arm.

"My room. Tonight. Beer. We're not getting too crazy, just a very, very small celebration and relaxing thing," he said.

"Alright. Sounds good." When I turned back in the direction I'd been going the people I thought were Alice and Vanessa were gone. 

"Spread the word," he told me.

"I would if I could find anyone." I got out my phone and started to text Alice and Savannah when I was interrupted again, this time by Savannah.

She looked a little upset, but all she said was, "Hey, there you are."

"Drinks in Darwin's room tonight. Food now?"

"Want to just get room service? I'll pay. I'm beat."

I shrugged, "Sure. Have you seen Alice?"

She shook her head, "Her dad was supposed to be here."

"I heard. Drinks in Darwin's room tonight, by the way."

"I heard," she said and giggled a little. "Let's go relax in the room for a bit. It's so loud in here."

I agreed. She grabbed me by the wrist and we weaved between the people and back out. When we were outside I asked, "You ok? You seem a little down. We did really well."

"Just tired," she smiled a little and linked our arms as we made our way back to the hotel. I could tell she was lying. She wasn't lying maliciously by any means. She didn't do anything maliciously. I decided to just let it be for now. She seemed to be dealing with whatever it was that was bugging her. I assumed it had to do with Charlotte.

When we got back to our room, we found it quiet and empty with Alice and Vanessa still gone. She immediately picked up the alligator plush, and said, "Aww! Is this from you?"

"Of course," I said, trying to stand cutely with my hands clasped behind my back.

"You're so sweet," she said before closing the distance between us and hugging me tightly. "I wish I did more nice things for you."

"You do plenty," I insisted and hugged her back tightly.

"You can have anything you want from room service. My parents gave me some extra money for the weekend."

"That was nice of them."

She walked over to the nightstand to get the menu and said, "My mom's softening up a little bit dealing with pregnant Charlotte, I think."

"Did you let her know how Memchris did today?"

"Yeah. She said she's been watching on TV and she's really bummed about not being able to be here," she said sadly with empathy.

"I left at around lunchtime. What's the rest of our competition look like?" I took the menu when she handed it to me, sat on the edge of the bed and began to look it over. I hadn't even bothered to look at it the night before. After we got back from dinner we seriously did go straight to bed.

"Intense. We definitely made the semi-finals, but I feel like we might need to make a few tweaks to tomorrow's routine. We don't go on until the afternoon, so we'll have some time." She sat down next to me with her hands in her lap. "A few teams totally ate it today. I think one girl sprained her ankle and there may have been a broken arm, but I didn't get that confirmed."

"Do you know if Alice's dad showed?"

"Dunno. You're awfully concerned with Alice." Did I hear some hint of jealousy in her voice? I may have been making it up.

I kept looking over the menu and said as casually as possible, "I'm just wondering. Being nosy, I guess."

...

When we walked two doors down to Darwin's room, we found almost everyone crammed in there. It wasn't any sort of riotous gathering. It was surprisingly low-key, and everyone sat around talking amongst themselves. I took a beer from the cooler and offered one to Savannah. She declined. She looked worried, but she didn't say anything, and grabbed a soda. She was probably thinking deeply about lecturing everyone about the importance of being 100% the next day. We needed to step up our game, after all.

"I'm going to call it a night after I finish this, I think," I said to her and indicated toward my beer.

"Cool. I might hang out for a bit."

She wanted to keep an eye on everyone is why. I was willing to bet on it. She was really serious about this. Hell, I was really serious about this. I think everyone was. Only a few of the Hellcats were even drinking. I had just wanted to take a little of the edge off so I could hopefully get some decent, restful sleep. The bed in our room was incredibly comfortable, but I had a hard time sleeping in places that weren't the door or Wanda's it seemed. I finished my beer and said a few farewells and see you tomorrows then went back down the hall.

Alice lay in her bed in the dark with the television on. I greeted her and told her there were drinks elsewhere then I started getting ready for bed.

"Is Savannah being a helicopter captain and making sure no one's getting trashed?" she said with a laugh, predicting it perfectly. She crossed her arms and sighed.

With a nod, I said, "I heard your dad was supposed to-"

"Nope. He didn't show. He called and said he'll be flying in tomorrow though. Something came up. Whatever," she said very angrily.

"Oh." I changed the subject, "Where's Vanessa?"

"She knows a couple of the other coaches here, and she also doesn't want to crowd us. No one wants to hang out with their coach, you know?" Alice looked absently at the TV. "You and Savannah ok?"

"Yeah. She seems a little off, but fine. I think she's just worried about all this."

"You seem pretty chill about it," she grinned.

"Nah. I'm losing my shit on the inside, like I do, about every damn thing." I got into the other queen bed in the room. Alice laughed half-heartedly, but seemed to have no more to say. After a moment, I quickly offered, "You can talk to me if you want. About your dad. And stuff."

"Nothing to say," she started flipping through the channels on the flat-screen.

"Not like we're friends or anything," I added.

"True."

I attempted to joke, "You still plan to destroy me?"

"Of course."

...

I woke up the next morning to Vanessa making a cup of coffee. Alice was up and doing crunches on the floor between the beds. Savannah was snoring lightly still with her eye mask on, oblivious to the world. I wanted to roll over and kiss her, but of course couldn't with there being other people in the room with us and all.

"Coffee, Marti?" Vanessa questioned, seeing that I was awake. "This room coffee isn't horrible."

"It's really not," Alice backed her up.

"Yes, please." I sat up and nodded toward Savannah, "Should we wake her up? She said she wanted to make some changes to our routine for today."

"We went over her ideas last night. It shouldn't be too major," Vanessa said and began making another cup of coffee with the little single-cup coffee maker. "Let her sleep. It's early. I'm just up to take care of some networking things."

"I'm up because I don't sleep," Alice interjected from the floor.

We talked for a while about Savannah's proposed changes. She wanted to add a little more to our floor stuff. The higher scoring teams from the day before seemed to be heavy on gymnastics skills. I was all for this. We were going to go over it a few times after breakfast then be good to go for the afternoon. I looked forward to having all of this behind me. I honestly couldn't wait to just start focusing on my classes again. I would focus on my classes again in theory - Savannah had become a pretty prominent part of my life. Maybe too prominent. I immediately stopped thinking about this and attempted to enjoy the incredibly mediocre hotel room coffee.

I looked over at her again. Still sleeping, and clutching the alligator I'd given her in the crook of her arm. I didn't know how this had happened, any of it. I wished I'd run or sabotaged, but I didn't. For once, I didn't. I no longer wanted to be in this situation though, but then again, I did. I wanted to talk to her about it, but I couldn't yet. Nationals and my scholarship trumped everything - it had to. I couldn't put this hopeless non-relationship ahead of my career. I kept reminding myself of this as I drank my coffee. I could not lose perspective.

Alice groaned as she got up from the floor and began to do some stretches. Vanessa left and said she'd see us at breakfast.

"You look really out of it," Alice said then popped her neck.

"Thinking," I yawned. "I need to stop."

"That's always a good rule of thumb."


	53. Chapter 53

"That was ridiculously close. Literally, two-tenths of a point from first place," I said with a huge smile, trying to remain optimistic. "So what if we didn't win? Third place, and this close of a third place, should be good enough, right?" I was also trying to convince myself, "There's no way they'll cut the program after this. There's no way in hell they'll take our scholarships."

Savannah shrugged and responded to me dejectedly after the final scores and ranks were announced, "I don't know."

I reached out to hug her and she backed away. "Sav, third place is-"

"It's third place is what it is."

She walked away before Vanessa made it over to say, "Great job, Hellcats! I just got off the phone with the Dean and it's looking like the program won't be cut!" A triumphant cheer and high-fives followed. Vanessa quieted us and said, "It's not a sure thing yet, but I'm confident and expecting a call from the Chancellor in the next few minutes."

Everyone else seemed relatively pleased. Of course we all wished we'd come in first, but third place was really good for underdogs from Tennessee. Plus, we beat Memphis Christian. They came in fifth. It would be incredibly stupid to take away our scholarships, especially after we did all of the fundraising to get here too. After the football scandal, Lancer needed this win - even if it was technically third place. We would all be fine. Positive outcomes only and all that jazz. Savannah was the only one that seemed downright devastated. We'd been on ESPN, for fuck's sake. I was feeling pretty pumped and I was ready to celebrate. I needed to get good and drunk to deal with the weird confusion with Savannah.

Vanessa began hugging us all individually and congratulating us. She asked, "Where did Savannah go?"

"She's looked really upset and just walked away," Lewis told her.

She frowned and looked among the people to find her, but she was nowhere in sight. She tried to maintain her own positivity and spoke to the group again, "Everyone go get changed, shower, and remember that we're meeting in the hotel lobby for dinner at 6. We have reservations and everything's paid for thanks to our awesome picnic basket auction success."

We all scattered after that. I felt like I should try to find Savannah, but I didn't. She clearly didn't want to talk to me or see me at the second. I'd give her space. I lingered around and talked to some of the Memchris squad, and commended some members of the first and second-place teams. I headed back to the hotel with Darwin and few others. Our victory laughter was interrupted. A man's booming, deep voice carried over to us in the lobby near the elevators. Darwin immediately halted and began pressing the up button for the elevator, but I carried on to investigate the yelling. Other people were walking awkwardly passed whatever conflict was occurring, some snickered and gave side-eyed glances.

"Cheerleading is not more or less important to me than football!" the man shouted. "this has to do with your brother being a winner! You're not a winner!"

Alice cowered before the man, looking very small. Neither of them noticed me, Frankie, or the other stragglers eavesdropping. We hung back around the corner, ready to look like we were merely waiting for the elevator. I wanted to retreat, just dash into the first elevator to open, but I was frozen there, trapped, and watching this train wreck. A second later, Alice straightened up and said lividly, "You know what? Never-fucking-mind!"

"You watch your tone, young lady!" he bellowed and before she could say more, he continued to berate her. "Do you think I haven't also heard about your most recent ploy for attention? You think it hasn't gotten back to me that you're dating some girl - a girl! What sort of pathetic cry for attention is that?! Tell me!"

"She has literally nothing to do with anything, Dad!" she screamed and stepped toward him, challengingly.

He raised his hand as if to slap her, but then it seemed to dawn on him that they were in public. There were people all around. The elevator dinged and Frankie scrambled back toward it. She mouthed, "Holy shit, awkward."

I ducked around the corner and heard Mr. Verdura in an enraged whisper, "You will never get another dime from me."

"Fine," Alice snarled and came storming around the corner, nearly crashing into me.

I cleared my throat and tried to act normal, to pretend I'd heard nothing, and that I'd just been waiting for an elevator while casually resting my shoulder on the wall. She looked me over, expressionlessly then straightened her uniform and began making sure her hair was all in place. Some other people looked at her and whispered. She ignored them and waited for an elevator. One arrived a moment later and we got on and said nothing. She remained expressionless and somehow with an air of confidence that I didn't think could be real at the moment. I wanted to say something, but what does one say after something like that? Especially when one, like me, was so obviously spying. I wasn't very good at playing it cool.

Alice remained tight-lipped and awkwardly silent. Savannah and Vanessa were still gone, so it was just us and the elephant in the room. I sort of wanted to leave, but I also wanted to change out of my uniform. I did everything very deliberately and quietly. Alice did as well. We didn't make eye contact and then we put our backs to each other.

I finally bit the bullet and said, "Alice?"

"Marti," she said. There was no hint of anything abnormal in her voice.

I looked over my shoulder and saw her getting ready to head into the bathroom to shower, and I said, "Wanna shower together and save water?"

She let out a loud, genuine laugh, then responded, "I wasn't expecting that. No, thank you though."

"Good. I didn't really want to anyway."

"Ouch," she said sarcastically. "I intend to do some stealth crying and I'd rather not be disturbed, you see."

"I know all about stealth crying."

"I bet you do." She shut the bathroom door and I heard the water start to run. She didn't remain in the shower long, coming out just a few minutes later with a bathrobe on. She said nothing to me and turned on the television. 

"Alice," I said again before I closed myself in the bathroom. She glanced in my direction. "If you need to talk-"

Before I could even finish my spiel, she cut me off with, "I'm good."

...

At dinner, Alice kept a bit more quiet than usual. She smiled and laughed at appropriate times, and she ignored the hushed whispers that were happening behind her back. I shot more than one hateful glare at Frankie while we ate. Savannah sat next to me. She didn't seem as despondent, but she wasn't at all her normal self. At one point while we all laughed, I slipped my hand under the table in an attempt to take her hand, but she pulled away. I hadn't done anything wrong, so I didn't think she could possibly be upset with me. It had to just be other stuff all building up. I tried not to take it personally, but her lack of interest in me was a stark change, and it still hurt. Nationals were now behind us, so it was safe to talk to her, but I felt like I still couldn't. She clearly had some other shit going on, and I didn't want to keep adding to her stress. I'd just tone things down a bit and let her come to me. It would all be fine.

After dinner, Savannah turned to me and said, "I don't really feel like going out. Do you want to just grab stuff and hang out in the room with me?"

"Yeah, sure," I told her, maybe a little more excitedly than I should have. "Of course."

It was sort of a relief that she wanted to spend time with me. Just me. When we got back to our room, it turned out to be a disappointment though. She kept checking her phone for messages from Thomas, and complaining about how she wished she has a single room in Cheertown like Alice. She seemed to forget that I was her roommate and she was talking about me like she was rather displeased with my existence. I held my tongue. I let her talk. Something was clearly bothering her, but I didn't know how to ask. I didn't know why she wasn't just telling me. I felt like she was certainly taking it out on me though. I tried to cuddle up next to her on the bed and she shied away again, so I stopped.

I wished that I'd gone out with everyone else, but I thought she wanted me there. I felt very unwanted though.

"I'm glad you met a nice guy," I told her, mustering up all of my kindness so now to sound bitter about it.

"Yeah, he's really great."

We sat in silence again for some time. I finished my drink and then said, "Hey, I'm pretty tired. I think I'm going to go to sleep."

"Oh, ok." She sounded disappointed.

...

The next morning on the bus back, I plopped down in the same seat as on the way and got situated by the window. This time I had a cup of coffee and figured I'd take in some of the sights before conking out with my pillow and blanket.

"What'd you do to Captain Biblethumper?" Alice asked, sitting down next to me.

"Huh?" I had been expecting Savannah to sit with me. Also, I hadn't done anything to her.

"She's sitting with Vanessa," she told me and looked up toward the front.

"I didn't do anything," I said, baffled. "She's been...weird," I told her, "But I didn't do anything. At least not that I know of."

"Oh, well," Alice got up and tossed her bag onto the overhead rack. "I guess I'll sit with you." She lowered her voice, "But don't expect a finger bang from me."


	54. Chapter 54

Official word that our scholarships remained intact came shortly after we got back to campus. I was particularly jazzed about this, and I thought Savannah would be more excited than she was, but she remained turned down several notches still. Tired? Problems with her parents? Charlotte? Whatever it was, it made me feel bad for wanting to talk to her about my stupid feelings? My stupid, unimportant feelings that were driving me insane, but that I put on the back-burner because I had somehow begun putting her ahead of myself. I knew this. I acknowledged it. I knew it wasn't correct, but it had happened, regardless.

Several bottles of champagne were produced for us to properly celebrate in Cheertown. Everyone was yammering about how we'd for sure win Nationals next year. I sat on the arm of the couch by Alice, not really listening to anyone. They were just droning on and on, being bobbleheads. Everything was good. Everything except whatever was happening with me and Savannah. My mind always crept back to her when I was thinking about anything else. She was being friendly enough with everyone else. No one else seemed to notice she was acting off. Maybe I was overthinking again?

I watched her as she messed around on her phone between smiling and chatting and drinking her champagne. I'd been replaced by Thomas, but I was never really anyone to start with so I wasn't really being replaced, was I? I kept telling myself I never thought there was much hope for us, that we'd been - that I'd been, rather - playing house at best. It didn't stop this from being confusing and hurting me.

Alice snapped her fingers in front of my face and whistled then said, "Stop staring."

"Is Savannah being weird or am I just losing my mind?" I leaned down and whispered.

"A little of both, I'm sure." Alice seemed totally fine. She hadn't mentioned her dad. Some whispers still circulated, but no one said anything to her, and she said nothing to anyone. "You talk to her yet?" she asked.

I shook my head. Negative. "She hasn't really seemed like she wants to talk to me. All she wants to do is text that guy."

"As someone with daddy issues," she began. "She seems to require validation from people of the male persuasion."

"My validation isn't good enough?"

"Sadly, it apparently is not." I looked down into my champagne glass and she added, "That's on her, not you."

"I know. I know."

"Stop being sulky."

"Get me some more champagne."

"Get it your damn self," she snapped, but then got up and took my glass. When she came back with it full again, she said, "I'm going to Kelsey's, wanna come with?"

"For an all-girl threesome?"

"No, just to get out of here and away from all of these people we've been stuck with all weekend, you pervert," she said with a laugh.

"Nah. I'm going to talk to Savannah. I just want to see what's up, if there's anything wrong, and get some clarification."

"Alright. Well, if you change your mind, that's too bad. I won't come back for you once I leave."

"Thank you," I said and raised my glass in a toast.

"What are you thanking me for and what are we toasting to?" she asked, but raised her glass anyway. "You know I'm still planning to totally destroy you, right?"

"Yep." We clinked our glasses together and laughed a little then downed them.

"More liquid courage?" she questioned and pointed to my glass. "I'm done or else I won't be able to drive and I really wanna get out of here."

Declining, I said, "I'm going to talk to her with my wits about me, I think."

"Good luck," she said with eerie sincerity, and the same hopelessness that I felt. She didn't say more than that. She didn't tell me anything would be ok or anything of that sort. She left about half an hour later. Then I was alone with my thoughts again.

"Hey, Sav," I said to her, touching her elbow lightly. "Can we talk for a minute?"

She looked at me a bit confusedly at first then it was as if a lightbulb went off, and she said, "No. Not right now."

"It's kind of important..." I insisted, but not too forcefully.

"Look, I can't deal with you right now," she said more harshly than I'd expected. Her tone was cold and unfriendly.

I swallowed my shock and managed to say, "I'll be upstairs."

I made my way to our room as quickly as I could, feeling tears welling. How embarrassing. I was so confused. Above all, I was confused. The progression of events made no sense at all to me. No matter how many times I went over it again and again, as I had a tendency to do, nothing made any sense. I didn't like when things didn't make sense. I liked to understand everything. I liked logic, and there was no logic here. I never should have liked her in the first place - that was where logic took its leave. I should have put an end to it. I never should have let things escalate the way they did. Afterthought. Everything is so damn clear after it's done.

Savannah came in a while later. I was still awake, laying in bed, overthinking.

"Marti," she said and sat on her bed. "We're friends right?"

I rolled over and looked at her from my bed, "Of course."

She looked down and then said, "You're amazing. You really are. You're so nice, and polite, and respectful, and...I just..." She began nervously playing with her hair. "You're so nice that it, well, it makes me not...attracted to you."

"Excuse me?" She said nothing, and I attempted to repeat back what she said, "You're ending things with me because I'm too...nice?"

She cleared her throat and wouldn't look at me any longer, "There's nothing really to end. We were just having fun. It's not like we were actually dating."

I sat up, angry, but still mostly just confused, "But I liked you. I like you. I care about you, I-"

"You're just infatuated with me."

I glowered, "Don't tell me how I feel."

"I can't do this right now, Marti," she spoke without any consideration, out-of-character. "I want to be friends."

"You do remember that I tried to just be friends with you last week, right? Do you remember that?" I gripped my comforter in my fists and tried not to yell.

She repeated, "I can't have this conversation."

"Why not? What's going on?" I demanded.

"Nothing. Just stop. We're friends."

She still wouldn't look at me. Without thinking I spat out, "I don't know if I be friends with you anymore."

"Ok," she said, not even seeming to care, which made me even more angry and even more confused. I'd run out of words though. I'd finally just run out of words. No words would work. None would properly convey what I was feeling. I could talk until I was blue in the face. I could scream and cry. None of this would make her understand. She had no interest in understanding. I don't know what changed, but something did. Something had to have changed. I tried to make sense of it in my head, but there was nothing to make sense of. I turned out the light next to my bed, lay back down, and started to cry. There was nothing else to do and I couldn't make it stop.

I watched her get ready for bed, dispassionately. She didn't even seem to care in the slightest that I was upset. She didn't even seem to be the same person anymore.

"What happened?" I asked her, desperately. "What did I do wrong?"

She didn't answer. She didn't seem phased.

"Savannah, I want to fix it," I pleaded, sitting up again, and desperately wiping my eyes. "I don't understand what you're doing. I do still want to be friends, but I don't feel like you're being my friends right now."

She said nothing.

"Talk to me."

She sat down at her desk and opened her laptop. She didn't flinch.

"So that's it? We're done? Just like that?" I don't know what I wanted to talk about. I still didn't have words. "I want to be your friend, I do. I'm sorry I said that. I'm just confused. I don't understand." I started spitting things out. I couldn't make them stop. I didn't care if they didn't make sense. "Savannah, if you want to be friends then you have to cut me some slack. You have to understand  that you just...that this is confusing and hard, and I..." My voice trailed off as I watched her pack her bag and walk out of the room. She shut the door and I sat in my bed in complete shock and bewilderment. I didn't even follow her.

This didn't go like it was supposed to. I wasn't sure how it was supposed to go, but it wasn't supposed to go like this. I felt stupid and ashamed, and a million other things all at once. I didn't even text Alice. I didn't know what to say to her either. I didn't know what to say to anyone, if there even was anything to say. I thought everything had been ok and then suddenly it wasn't ok, and she no longer wanted to even try to fix it. I didn't understand why she didn't want to fix it. I didn't understand how this escalated. I wasn't sure what had even happened. I didn't understand anything. Nothing that just happened made any sense.

How would I tell Wanda? She was invested. People were invested and it was done. In seconds, everything was just done. Maybe I was overreacting? Maybe it would blow over? Maybe she just needed more space? I'd give her space. I convinced myself of this and finally fell asleep, certain we'd talk it out the next day and be friends, and she'd understand that I was hurt and confused by all of it.

Her bed was empty and still made when I got up and left for class the next day. I didn't text her. I left her alone, gave her space. When I came back that afternoon to grab some different books to take to the library I found all of her things gone, except a box with everything in it that I had ever given her.

I threw my bag across the room then picked up the box and slung it against the wall.. I heard a faint knock on the door. I didn't realize I'd left it open and I didn't realize I was crying either until I turned around. Alice stood solemnly in the doorway.

"It doesn't make any sense," I sobbed.

She looked around the room, assessing the situation, then she looked back at me, "Things don't always make sense."

"Why is she doing this?" I asked her, as if she knew. I knew she didn't know. "I'm so stupid..." I picked up the box and started to pick up the things that had ended up all over the room. I couldn't though. I ended up just throwing the box down again.

Alice closed the door quietly, took a few steps in and stopped. She kept some space between us and didn't touch me. "Hey, leave the stuff. It's not going anywhere."

I turned and looked at her again, my arms hanging limply at my sides. I tried to tell her that I needed to pick it all up, but that I couldn't. All that came out was, "I can't..."

"It's ok. Don't." She came a little closer, and picked up the plush Lancer mascot I'd gotten Savannah before our Christmas date - which apparently wasn't really a date - and she placed it gently the box that she slid away from me. "I got it,"  she spoke softly and moved cautiously around picking up everything. When she finished, she placed the box in Savannah's empty closet and shut the door. 

"I'm so stupid..." I said through tears and collapsed onto my bed. I mashed the heels of my hands into my eyes, and Alice came over and grabbed my wrists, pulling my arms away from my face and bending down to my level to look at me. "She doesn't even want to..." I gasped and cried, "Want to be my friend. I don't understand why she's doing this to me."

"We can speculate all day about what she's doing and why, and we can do that if you want, ok?" She didn't let go of my wrists. "Or you can talk in circles to me about whatever happened last night, and that's ok too. I can also make stupid jokes to try to make you laugh, or-"

"Why?" I cut her off, more sharply than I intended.

She scoffed a little, "Because we're friends, you idiot." She released her grip on me and I let my hands fall helplessly into my lap. As she stood up, she said, "I've found that a really good way to stop thinking about my problems for a while is to distract myself with someone else's, so...if you'd like..." She took a deep breath and her voice trembled, "I'll talk to you about my dad."

I looked up at her for a moment, sniffling and still very confused. "If we're friends..." I started then faltered with an involuntary whimper. I felt gross, foolish, and still a million things, but Alice looked at me kindly and patiently, waiting. I wiped my eyes and tried again, "If we're friends, we should do all of those things."

She nodded and I kicked off my shoes. I peeled off my jacket and all of the winter crap I was wearing and threw it toward my closet with the last bit of anger I could muster. I felt exhausted suddenly. Exhaustion was replacing anger. I moved to the head of my bed and wrapped my arms around my knees. She sat at the foot of my bed, crossed her legs and then said with a very fake, exasperated sigh, "I guess this means I'm tabling my whole elaborate plot to destroy you now, by the way."

 

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was ridiculously long. This was like the War and Peace of fanfiction. I'm sorry that after all of these words it didn't exactly have a happy ending.


End file.
